Getting back together really does happen!

[heartbroken9]

My cousin broke up with her bf for about 4 months..got back together and have been for over a year now and they live together now too!

[jmd12]

It really pleased me reading this! I get really negative about how things are going from time to time but you have shown that through and keeping your positivity up (maybe even due to creating this thread and reading success stories), the best results can happen!

 

Long story short(ish) me and my ex girlfriend lived together for 2 years, then I had to leave the country for a while, first 2 and a half months we were still madly in love, then she started to drift and eventually broke up with me 5 weeks ago saying she didnt feel the same any more. I am going to visit her (with a friend, so at the very least I can have a fun holiday) in 5 weeks, and am hopeful that when we actually see each other face to face, she will feel things for me again. we were amazing together in person, she always talked about how she loved me more than anyone she has ever been with, and we discussed marriage a lot and were happy to spend forever together, which obviously makes the break up so hard! I have been going NC (well, I have not initiated contact wit her, but she tends to send me friendly or funny little comments on facebook etc every couple of days, which i only rarely reply to, and she text me saying 'i miss you' last week, so i am still hopeful she has some feelings for me). I just feel the distance made her drift away more than anything, so can you explain how it felt/what happened when you met up, and as you say, 'as soon as we saw each other, that was it' please? Because since our physical, in person relationship was so amazing and we were so in love last time we physically saw each other, I am hoping this all comes flooding back to her when we next meet face to face in 5 weeks, on some level at least, then we can spend some nice time together and she can see what she really wants. It will have been 6 months since we last physically saw each other, but around 2 months since the break up when I arrive. She seems to be excited that I'm coming and said she will get some time off work to hang out with me and my friend. Surely she can't have lost all her feelings for me already? She must still feel something after spending 2 years so in love, ready to commit to one another for life right? Even if she does go out of her way to make it seem like everything she does in her life right now is great!(based on her facebook status's anyway! do people do this to try and mask the pain or convince themselves that they are having a great time?? it just seems pretty over the top sometimes!)

 

thanks! and congratulations!!!

x

[TheButterfly]

It's occurred to me that we often discuss "getting back together" stories as if this is the way it's meant to be. I suppose this might be obvious, but the stories here get a bit skewed b/c most people seem to be here because they were dumped. So naturally, we gravitate towards stories about getting back together. For every one of these stories however, there are probably just as many stories of people who met the love of their life after they had dumped someone else. We talk about rebounds as if they're not supposed to be together. But I suppose that all depends on the point of view, eh?

 

If you leave a relationship because it isn't right for you and then meet someone else, then yes, I agree, the new relationship might be the right one. In these situations the person has freed themselves to go and find someone more compatible. If the right person happens into their lives at that point then fair enough, the dumpee will still hurt, but their ex tried to do the right thing by all and you can respect them for that and maybe eventually be happy for them. But many here (like myself) are dealing with being left for another and that is entirely different.

 

I got the 'you're not the one' speech, but the girl he left me for is 'the one'. I find it ironic that he believes in the concept of 'the one' but has never questioned why fate thought to deliver 'the one' to him on the arm of another. Both were in relationships when they met (she was with his friend) and are now running around claiming fate brought them together and they are soulmates. Myself and his former friend are simply viewed as collateral damage. It makes me sick and I obviously feel quite strongly that these relationships should be doomed.

 

Two people's ability to trust has been permanently damaged, two people have ended up in therapy to deal with the betrayal, friendships have been lost and self-confidence destroyed and all so that the universe could unite two soulmates, I just can't believe in that. Other people have suffered intensely so they can be happy, that can't be 'right'.

 

Had he left me first, or at least given me some indication that we were on the rocks I would now feel differently about them. But as I am still dealing with the aftermath of their betrayal and it will sadly affect every relationship I have from now on, I can't see their union as fated or true love.

[coolchick64]

There's no such thing as "the one." People always feel that way when they're falling in love---look, I found the perfect person, we're so compatible, blahblahblah---it's always rosy at first. It's sickening that your ex and new gf are justifying the way they hurt you and other ex by saying all that BS, but it's truly total BS. Wait and see what happens when the drama ends and reality sets in.

 

(Not to sound bitter . . . I'm really not---I just hate that whole "he's the one" thing. Relationships are so much more complicated than that)

[el9989]

this post deserves a bump for giving hope

 

i think what we have to remember is that during the break-up it is crucial to focus on ourselves, on getting better, on pursuing dreams and getting past.

 

If you can handle a little contact .. i guess I think it is okay.. but obviously not if its going to make things worse or harder.

 

After a time period of focusing on yourself, you will either BE OVER your ex.. ( which is success too ) but you will have also hopefully grown, changed for the better, and if they have too and you can work on being together again if both parties agree.

 

Either way.. i guess it will all work out in the end. But I think growth and change needs to come from within before getting back together.

have a great day.

 

i am a hopeful too.. but working on moving on

[learner75]

I heard from an advanced poster on another forum that 99% of the time

reconciling is NOT AT ALL possible if the dumper is the girlfriend/female,

because girls always let their guys be the last to know (i.e. they told them

only when they have actually moved on - or have someone under their wings).

Where does the stats come from? Is that true???

 

Also, I want to know where can I find definitive step-by-step how to guide

to making up/getting back together in this forum? Maybe NC guide or something?

 

Thanks.

[doiiiieeezie]

I heard from an advanced poster on another forum that 99% of the time

reconciling is NOT AT ALL possible if the dumper is the girlfriend/female,

because girls always let their guys be the last to know (i.e. they told them

only when they have actually moved on - or have someone under their wings).

Where does the stats come from? Is that true???

 

Also, I want to know where can I find definitive step-by-step how to guide

to making up/getting back together in this forum? Maybe NC guide or something?

 

Thanks.

 

 

Not true. And there is no magic formula, no guide. Heck if there was one, I would have used it. I have been a female dumper and really the guy would have had another chance if the issues addressed by me were actually approached in a targeted calm manner, and not through begging and such. Now that I am the dumpee.. well... I'm trying to follow my own advice

[Brownstone322]

I heard from an advanced poster on another forum that 99% of the time reconciling is NOT AT ALL possible if the dumper is the girlfriend/female, because girls always let their guys be the last to know (i.e. they told them only when they have actually moved on - or have someone under their wings). Where does the stats come from? Is that true???

 

Also, I want to know where can I find definitive step-by-step how to guide to making up/getting back together in this forum? Maybe NC guide or something?

Every situation is different, so there's no definitive guide. "NC" is a good start in the early days, but you have to read the situation on its own merits. (There are some good advice threads on what not to do, though, and maybe someone will post a few links.)

 

Meanwhile, forget about the idea that "women don't reconsider 99 percent of the time." I know personally that that's nonsense.

[mellow]

hah that was your 666th post brownstone.

 

in my case, I heard male dumpers are harder to get back, especially if they have other prospects already on the side. heh.

[mellow]

There's no such thing as "the one." People always feel that way when they're falling in love---look, I found the perfect person, we're so compatible, blahblahblah---it's always rosy at first. It's sickening that your ex and new gf are justifying the way they hurt you and other ex by saying all that BS, but it's truly total BS. Wait and see what happens when the drama ends and reality sets in.

)

 

This hurts so bad because it is true... "not the one" excuse hurts.. so much.

[Brownstone322]

I posted the whole story on another thread but deleted it because I felt I was going into too much detail ...

Still, it woulda been cool if you'd told us again about how you trashed his apartment.

[stabilo]

"Still, it woulda been cool if you'd told us again about how you trashed his apartment".

 

Maybe this is the key to reconciliation!!!

[doiiiieeezie]

Still, it woulda been cool if you'd told us again about how you trashed his apartment.

 

LOL... my thoughts exactly... just shows that anything can happen.

[leq]

"Still, it woulda been cool if you'd told us again about how you trashed his apartment".

 

Maybe this is the key to reconciliation!!!

 

 

Haha, that's it, where did I leave that cricket bat?!

[BOXINGKANGAROO]

I recommend everyone read this thread,you must be positive if you want to get on with life....you may not get back with your ex.and then again you might but most of all there is always hope and life goes on and on.what will be will be... I enjoyed reading this alot and i miss my ex heaps but who knows the future all i know is tomorrow is a new day and i will wake and enjoy it. Good luck to everyone and remember someone love ya all..

[peanutbutterandjelly]

thanks for the bump. this thread really gave me encouragement tonight.

[Missfloss]

Just wanted to *bump* this thread!

[Lace-Rose]

found some really nice stories, here

 

lets give this a good old BUMP

[Lucy1982]

I think had searched for positive stories but never found this one. Although I'm now at the letting go stage and in NC I am still hoping that he will come back so some of these stories do give me a little hope.

[Kittyxx]

Me and my boyfriend broke up on New Years night due to constant fighting and his lack of commitment, I finished it deciding it would be permanent thing. Three nights later and we're now moving in together!!

[Lucy1982]

Congratulations! I wish it had been that easy for me. I do hope I'll be able to post about my second chance.

[Lace-Rose]

Hi lucy,

 

i went on a search to look for positive stories and was happy to find this. there is a lot of negativity here. this is the getting back together section and some of us our here to support and each other.

 

keep strong lucy1982

[kvb10]

I hope I have one of these success stories... If it ever happens I promise to come back and post it.

[DazB]

I hope I have one of these success stories... If it ever happens I promise to come back and post it.

 

Hehe me too.

 

I would love to get back with my ex (obv) but I know for sure that I need to let go first. She has started dating another man which probably means the chances are bleak but I can send my prayers to the universe and if they get answered great. However; my first priority must be me and moving on in my life.

 

The break up was messy and there needed to be some contact and unfortunately I kept trying to talk about us and I am hoping this has not made her think of me as a weak person. I think I handled it well but who knows. I told her I loved her and that she was lovely and wished her happiness. She just did some shopping and felt like she wanted to leave. I don't understand her but I have my hope and my love which she does not own and I shall keep that at the back of my mind. I also still have love to share with a new partner should there be one and the hope of finding someone new. Sometimes I feel broken by the break up and sometimes I feel reborn.

 

what will be will be. Let the good times roll

[Tired Tiger]

Gotta love this thread (most of it, anyway).

 

A drop of positivity in a sea of bitterness.

 

In the course of my own journey, I sought out as many real world stories as possible (friends, family, etc). The common factor, other than the debatable NC concept, seems to be a positive mental attitude. Those who reunited and went on to an even better relationship than they had originally, let go of the resentments in order to work things out and practice true forgiveness. Never have I heard of a successful story being the result of cutting someone off and demanding that they only return if they're prepared to beg and crawl. Where do people get this stuff?

 

The other important thing to note is that these things take time. Lots of time. Patience is key. The stories that I looked into ranged from 3 months to 25 years, with the average being 6 months to 2 years. These aren't scientific numbers, by any means, but I think it's safe to say that it ain't gonna happen in a month. You really wouldn't want it to, as that's simply not enough time for meaningful change. Gather up your patience and use your time wisely by focusing on your own self improvement.

 

I joined ENA last March in the aftermath of what seemed a sudden and shocking break up. At six months and a day, after various incarnations of 'LC', we turned the corner toward working things out. In hindsight, I'm actually pleasantly surprised that it happened that quickly. Today, we're still sorting out a few logistical things, but we're happier and more in sync than we've ever been.