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I'm a cynic at the best of times, and I'm no longer pining for my ex and I'm ready for the chance to explore something new.   However I'm always miffed by posters who seemingly rain on the parade of

This forum helped me through my break-up, so I am here giving back.   I got sorta back with my ex, we are dating but not in a relationship. We are taking things slow right now and going to see how th

I came to this forum because of my ex contacting me after 10 months NC. All throughout those months, I still loved him, never stopped loving him. Though he claimed he just wanted to be friends aga

Wishingonastar, I am sorry if you think I have taken this thread on a different track. I was actually looking for success stories in cases that were similar to mine. The discussion just progressed and Rob is aware of my case, which is in fact posted on a different thread. So I just took it ahead right here. I apologize if that didn't go down well with you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My Dad proposed to my Mom, she said no and moved to another state. 6 months later she came back - he ignored but eventually they worked it out and still together 25 years later.

 

My ex roomate dumped his girlfriend and chased another girl for a month or two. Realized his mistake - she ignored him. Now married with a baby and all of this happened within 2 years time.

 

A bartender I know broke up with a girl I think for about a year or more - they are back together but I don't know any details.

 

Pop singer Pink & supercross rider Carey Hart married in 2006, divorced in 2008 and are now back together.

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I don't consider this a reconilation story, but I think it was gonna happen or something.. anyways, here goes;

 

My dad had this old girlfriend before meeting my mom. They were together for 3.5 years. They lost their virginities to each other, and he had planned to marry her. One day, she became more and more distant, and my father one day followed her outside. He waited in the car while she stood outside of some building. A guy came up to the girl, hugged her, kissed her, and off they walked hand in hand. Infidelity, pretty much. My dad tracked them down, and confronted them right there and then. The girl started crying, and "didn't know what she wants" but implies that she stills loves my dad. In the end, she got with the guy officially and tried to make my dad jealous by making out in front of him and such. My dad still doesn't get why she did that even today.

 

So, he was extremely heartbroken... until the day he met my mom. They went from friends, best friends, to being a couple. By then, his ex called him and pride into his life by asking who my mom was, if he loves my mom, cares about my mom, etc. My dad replied to all of the questions with a strong "YES", and the ex left him alone. If he was ever unsure, she would of probably try and get back with him.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Saffron, well thats comforting to know. I don't whether a reconciliation will happen for me or not. Probably wont, by the look of things. But in a years time, even if I am in a position where I don't give a frick about my ex, I will be glad. Reconciliation will be a bonus. I think I will have done well, if somehow I manage to get to get her out of my mind completely. Currently I am on 1+ month NC. But I don't think NC is completely effective, if you still 'contact' them in your mind, several times a day.

 

Sorry to hijack the thread...Just random thoughts that occurred to me.

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Not my story but someone I know.

 

My manager right before her wedding day the guy left and some time passed, NC from her and one day she heard from him. Since then they got married and just had their first child. But she said that what she learned from all this is she can live without him no problem and from time to time still does bring up what he did.

 

A coworker of mine has been with her boyfriend for 12 yrs but they broke up several times with him cheating on her several times, then going after a coworker of hers. They were apart for several months, reunited, she left her boyfriend to go back to him. Even though this couple got back together I don't think it's a success story because she said herself that she's only back with him because she can't financially support herself. This guy has no intention of marrying her from what I can tell, they both cheated on each other back and forth.

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Another...

 

I broke up with my high school sweetheart back in February 2007, got back with him on April 2008. By then the same things were happening, I was unhappy and this time it was my turn to dump his ass.

 

My sister dated her boyfriend for a month and they broke up, over the summer they started communicating again and 3 years later they're still together.

 

Current boyfriend and I took a break for 2 weeks with LC, got back together but now currently am broken up due to outside circumstances. I don't know if I'll reconcile with him, it's a timing issue.

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Just wanted to bump this thread

It seems that most of the successfull reconciliations took a significant amount of time to happen. Usually a minimum of 6 months but in most stories at least a year or more. That's probably why there aren't more success stories on these sorts of forums because after a year or 2 has passed, most dumpees have given up hope, long since forgotten about this site and not updated us. That or they couldn't give a s*** about their ex anymore and their life is going great without them. Either way's good!

Here's how I think it might go. Reconciliation does take a long time, and as time goes by, dumpees feel a lot better about themselves and, commensurately, post a lot less. Plus, this place gets boring after a while, because it's post after post after post saying, "NC! Move on!" Not particularly deep stuff.

 

People might not necessarily give up on their exes, but I can see why they might give up on this forum before too long. People reconcile, sure, but by then they're not likely to be in a mindset where they feel compelled to share it here.

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I think one of the reasons a lot of people have to say that people rarely get back together, etc. is that they are hurting and need to feel in control once more. when someone leaves us, we are completelly out of control. we have no control and we were rejected. two very distressing and overwhelming, scary experiences.

 

the truth is we have to surrender and accept whatever comes. we cannot do that if we choose to be under the illusion of complete control.

 

sometimes people get back together, sometimes they don't. I find it absurd to try to convince people that it just won,t happen and that thye need to close all doors. when going through a process of breaking up, it can be very healing to take time to talk with one's ex.

 

just because there is some pain, doesn't mean it is bad. The goal is not to excluse all pain. the goal is to grow and heal.

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People mention this kind of thing alot. That when the dumper finally comes back, which is what the dumpee always wanted, the dumpee had finally moved on and was over the dumper, and therefore it was too late.

 

I've seen this stuff crop up here time and time again!

 

Can anyone explain why this happens??

 

It's because what I said in the reconciliation thread. STRICT NO CONTACT DOES NOT WORK!!!!

 

You have to engage the other person after 4-8 weeks of No Contact otherwise the other person will move on without you. They might come back but I think your odds decline a lot after that. Remember, the phrase outta sight outta mind. When you do engage after 4-8 weeks remember to keep it fun and light. Guard your heart. Go back in expecting the worst but with the attitutude, nothing ventured nothing gained.

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I am not sure if a blanket advice like 'engage the other person after 4-8 weeks of No Contact otherwise the other person will move on without you' is valid. There is no such timeline according to me. Honestly, 4-8 weeks of NC is not much. Definitely not enough to put you out of your ex's mind. If your ex is going to forget about you after 4-8 weeks, I don't know how strong the bond was anyway.

 

But more than that, I think it is completely case-specific. It depends totally on the kind of relationship that existed prior to the breakup, reason for the breakup, and the dumpers position post breakup. For example, if the dumper has begun dating someone seriously after a long drawn painful breakup, he/she is going to enjoy the honeymoon phase of the new relationship. There is little chance of that getting over in 4-8 weeks. In such cases, the dumpee will only set him/herself back by breaking NC in such a short span. Their only chance lies in waiting out the initial period of the new relationship, in complete NC, however long that might take.

 

when the dumper finally comes back, which is what the dumpee always wanted, the dumpee had finally moved on and was over the dumper, and therefore it was too late.

 

I think this is true for everything in life. There is nothing to explain this phenomenon. When you want something real bad, destiny has a way of keeping you from getting it, unless you are really lucky. And when you are no longer as crazy about having it, it will suddenly fall in your lap without you even asking for it. Its true for money, jobs, lovers, everything. Which is probably why people say you should be humble and thankful when you do get something you really really want. If you are arrogant about it, you will regret it later when you happen to lose it. I know its happened to me.

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I am not sure if a blanket advice like 'engage the other person after 4-8 weeks of No Contact otherwise the other person will move on without you' is valid. There is no such timeline according to me. Honestly, 4-8 weeks of NC is not much. Definitely not enough to put you out of your ex's mind. If your ex is going to forget about you after 4-8 weeks, I don't know how strong the bond was anyway.

 

I agree. And if someone can you forget you soooo easily.....well they were not worth your time.

 

incidentally, mine came back after 10 weeks.

 

Anyone who has feelings for you/loves you, does not forget you like yesterdays trash...

 

Someone who doesnt care, does....

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True, strict NC is not the best option. But the idea is to get to point where the dumper initiates contact. If the dumper doesn't have find the propensity to contact then even if the dumpee was to begin LC, it wouldn't help.

 

So by implication, from the dumpee's point of view, complete NC IS a better solution in my view.

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i think LC can only work, if the dumper starts LC and keeps on contacting you from time to time.. because if you do it yourself all the time and nothing comes back you might get on his nerves and push him away from you again.

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I didn't say go in full in with guns blazing...I said to reestablish some contact after 4-8 weeks. Now that doesn't mean you're going to get back with them but you can live your life without them and go about yours. You are going to have to show them that you are a vibrant person with a life. Going strictly no contact would be difficult to establish that.

 

Now I suppose if you were in a long relationship and going through a divorce, you might need a bit more time to heal than the 4-8 weeks. However, only you will know when the time is right to break NC.

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I didn't say go in full in with guns blazing...I said to reestablish some contact after 4-8 weeks. Now that doesn't mean you're going to get back with them but you can live your life without them and go about yours. You are going to have to show them that you are a vibrant person with a life. Going strictly no contact would be difficult to establish that.

 

Now I suppose if you were in a long relationship and going through a divorce, you might need a bit more time to heal than the 4-8 weeks. However, only you will know when the time is right to break NC.

 

yes.. i agree with that..

 

you have to break NC sometime.. but WHEN the time's right.. you have to find out on your own..

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I didn't say go in full in with guns blazing...I said to reestablish some contact after 4-8 weeks. Now that doesn't mean you're going to get back with them but you can live your life without them and go about yours. You are going to have to show them that you are a vibrant person with a life. Going strictly no contact would be difficult to establish that.

 

Now I suppose if you were in a long relationship and going through a divorce, you might need a bit more time to heal than the 4-8 weeks. However, only you will know when the time is right to break NC.

 

It seems to take at least 4-6 weeks for the dumper to get past all the negative thoughts of the relationship (when they first leave, all they think about is the bad times) so contact before that would not go over well in most cases.

 

I found the magic number to be around 3 months. Then LC but in a cold manner (not mean, just disinterested). Worked for me.

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True, strict NC is not the best option. But the idea is to get to point where the dumper initiates contact. If the dumper doesn't have find the propensity to contact then even if the dumpee was to begin LC, it wouldn't help.

 

So by implication, from the dumpee's point of view, complete NC IS a better solution in my view.

 

I completely agree with this analysis. Coming from my situation (which is a bit complicated due to us being in an LDR during the breakup but now in the same city), I would not have felt comfortable coming out of NC and starting any sort of LC until he did. He was the one who walked out with little explanation, and he has my number, IM, e-mail, etc. If he wanted to talk to me, he would. Then after two months, I got a random e-mail from him. We've been in light contact ever since. However, I've since learned NC is the easy part. I don't think randomly e-mailing after 4-8 weeks or establishing some form of contact will do much good, but that's just my two cents. Especially in a break-up where the dumper says they need space, need to be single, are having doubts, etc, or there is another party involved (mine was the former).

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When I wrote this posting originally, I did it with the utmost of hope. Well everything has come true for me. Me and my boyfriend are back together! As soon as we saw each other, that was it. We have been back together ever since and I think this is it, I think we will get married. We were broken up for over a year, and we didn't talk for a long time. We started talking again, and we had a few fights about everything that happened, but I just tried to live in the present and think of the future and stop focusing on the past. It was hard, but it's the only way to start fresh. If it's meant to be you'll find each other again I promise! Just stay positive and think about why you want to be together and it really can work out! Best of luck to all of you!!!!

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