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i thank everyone for posting the threads of encouragement. it really does help. my ex and i have been broken up since nov. i have done nc till the second week of march. i texted her out of the blue, we started texting, nothing too big, but it was positive communication. i asked her if she wanted to watch a movie one night and she said yes, but she was sure to throw in the "just as friends". i said no problem i'm not looking for a relationship. we watched the movie, i did not try anything and we had an absolute blast.

 

last week we talked on the phone one night and she mentioned she was going to ask me out to see a movie that night but she had taken a nap and slept too late.

 

this weekend she is going out of town to visit some college friends. i am a little nervous she could find someone else or even hook up with one of these friends. my mind is playing out the worst scenarious so i am trying not to think too much of it. i am just trying to get through it

 

if anyone has any advice or any positive words of encouragement i would greatly appreciate it.

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I'm a cynic at the best of times, and I'm no longer pining for my ex and I'm ready for the chance to explore something new.   However I'm always miffed by posters who seemingly rain on the parade of

This forum helped me through my break-up, so I am here giving back.   I got sorta back with my ex, we are dating but not in a relationship. We are taking things slow right now and going to see how th

I came to this forum because of my ex contacting me after 10 months NC. All throughout those months, I still loved him, never stopped loving him. Though he claimed he just wanted to be friends aga

1. A friend (guy) broke up with his girlfriend in sophomore year in college. The went out since freshman year. They were apart for two year with little to no communication. The guy had a short relationship (2 months) and the girl had a year-long relationship (So they did move on). They met up again in senior year as friends then got back together right after college graduation. They broke up due to communication/commitment issue and the guy did deliver the line "I don't love you any more". Both people changed a lot during their years apart. The guy became less scared of commitment and more open to communication, and the girl became more outspoken and communicate a lot more openly about issues they have in the relationship.

 

2. My friend (a girl) also broke up with her bf after one year together in college (They were both sophomores and broke up at the end of junior year). Not sure about the reason...I think my friend just wasn't sure about things any more. Both people became really bitter towards each other and they don't talk...I mean they DON'T talk at all for two years. Got back together after a reunion party--where they started out just hanging as friends and poking fun around each other then slowly--like after 3 months of relaxing and hanging around each other they got back together. They are currently living together....

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My fiance dumped me a few months ago. We stopped talking for a month, had some level of interaction for another month, and after some high emotions we're back together and re-engaged.

 

We have some trust issues, but as far as our relationship it's better than it ever was

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A friend of mine was with her BF for 2 years. Then he went abroad to study, and they broke up because they couldn't deal with the LDR. A few months later, she meets a guy who she then moves in with and has a relationship with for over a year. The relationship turns abusive. Guy no.1 returns from his studies. They get back in touch casually. Guy no.2 threatens to kill himself if she sees Guy no.1 even just casually as friends. He abuses her. She manages to get out of it, but doesn't want to see Guy no.1 in case she rushes back into a relationship with him due to feeling vulnerable. Eventually they start seeing each other again. A year passes and he proposes. To be married later this year. Happily ever after? maybe... *sigh*

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I knew of a girl who was with her boyfriend nearly 4 years. He dumped her a disappeared for about 2 years. She was distraught. By the time he came she was planning her wedding to someone else. He begged and pleaded, but she refused to go back.

 

Er....I just realised that this isn't a reconciliation story - but at least the dumpee had the opportunity for reconciliation if she wanted it!

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relationship ended , we worked it out... ended again five months later.. would I go back and wipe out them five months just to feel a bit better.. no way. Almost all good times.

 

My cousin messed up a 5 year relationship with his gf, they split for a year and got back together. I was the best man at the wedding last year.

 

My ex, ex's mum left her dad for another woman after 20 years of marriage. looked like a total no going back scenario.. 3 years on and they are back together.

 

My best friend leaves, or is left by his gf on an almost regular basis.. still together. I ask him ' Why on earth do you keep hooking back up' and he says 'Cause we love each other idiot'

 

Live for what you have and try to learn from what you've lost.

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I think people do get back together. People just need to realise that many SUCCESFULL reconcilliations come a long time down the road. 1 year later, 2 years, etc...

 

People who seek reconcilliation when only a few months have past will largely be disappointed. I know i was 'cos it never happened.

 

I've been apart from my ex for 1 year, and yes i still hold hope we will get back together one day. Largely because i know my ex still has feelings for me. (From her telling me) But i'm also open to meeting others and new relationships if they occur.

 

In short, if it's meant to be, it will be.

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A friend of mine was with her BF for 2 years. Then he went abroad to study, and they broke up because they couldn't deal with the LDR. A few months later, she meets a guy who she then moves in with and has a relationship with for over a year. The relationship turns abusive. Guy no.1 returns from his studies. They get back in touch casually. Guy no.2 threatens to kill himself if she sees Guy no.1 even just casually as friends. He abuses her. She manages to get out of it, but doesn't want to see Guy no.1 in case she rushes back into a relationship with him due to feeling vulnerable. Eventually they start seeing each other again. A year passes and he proposes. To be married later this year. Happily ever after? maybe... *sigh*

 

thats another thing that i am hearing lately. the girl after the breakup gets with a guy who is abusive and then reverts back to her ex.

i'm not sure what the psychology is on something like that.

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thats another thing that i am hearing lately. the girl after the breakup gets with a guy who is abusive and then reverts back to her ex.

i'm not sure what the psychology is on something like that.

 

Well the case cited sounds like a kind of 'grass is greener' scenario...

 

Seems like the only thing wrong with the first relationship was the distance, but the second one was abusive. She went back to the more pleasant pastures

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relationship ended , we worked it out... ended again five months later.. would I go back and wipe out them five months just to feel a bit better.. no way. Almost all good times.

 

My cousin messed up a 5 year relationship with his gf, they split for a year and got back together. I was the best man at the wedding last year.

 

My ex, ex's mum left her dad for another woman after 20 years of marriage. looked like a total no going back scenario.. 3 years on and they are back together.

 

My best friend leaves, or is left by his gf on an almost regular basis.. still together. I ask him ' Why on earth do you keep hooking back up' and he says 'Cause we love each other idiot'

 

Live for what you have and try to learn from what you've lost.

 

Now that is what this thread is all about, optimism.

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And here's another, which is so moving.

 

 

 

Basically the guy's on the 'breaking up' thread wringing his hands and describing his pain. His ex recognises his description of the relationship and also posts. The date of the posts is June 2002.

 

Five years later he posts on how they "let each other go for a while" became reconciled and now have a beautiful baby daughther. Ahhhhhh.....

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And here's another, which is so moving.

 

 

 

Basically the guy's on the 'breaking up' thread wringing his hands and describing his pain. His ex recognises his description of the relationship and also posts. The date of the posts is June 2002.

 

Five years later he posts on how they "let each other go for a while" became reconciled and now have a beautiful baby daughther. Ahhhhhh.....

 

 

 

That was an incredible read. Some things really are meant to be.

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Oh I remembered one more.........my friend's sister dated a guy for about 6 months that she was totally hung up on, but he was always hung up on his ex. He ended up dumping her for his ex and now him and the ex are married with a kid. Not a happy ending for my friend's sister, but still shows the power of the ex!

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I was with my ex for a year and we broke up for 2 months and got back together for another 2 years. We just recently broke up again, but I feel that if you are meant to be with someone you will come back into each other's life one way or another. I've only had one ex in my life who didn't come back after some period of time, but even in that case we did talk a few years later and if I really wanted to push for a relationship with him again I'm sure it would have happened. The important thing is just to remember that you can't live your life just hoping they will come back, as it really does hinder the process of getting over them. The breakup happened for a reason, and in order to reconcile with someone successfully I almost feel like you have to completely get over them and start over again. It does happen though!

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Funnily enough, all my exs (apart from this last one) have come back to me. But by then, it was too late. I had moved on.

 

 

People mention this kind of thing alot. That when the dumper finally comes back, which is what the dumpee always wanted, the dumpee had finally moved on and was over the dumper, and therefore it was too late.

 

I've seen this stuff crop up here time and time again!

 

Can anyone explain why this happens??

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People mention this kind of thing alot. That when the dumper finally comes back, which is what the dumpee always wanted, the dumpee had finally moved on and was over the dumper, and therefore it was too late.

 

I've seen this stuff crop up here time and time again!

 

Can anyone explain why this happens??

 

I personally think they see that you truly have moved on. You're out in the world getting on with your life and they become jealous that you're not there for them anymore.

 

There is also the connection that they had with you. You were friends once, very close. They miss that. They may want to reestablish that friendship.

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While I heard about reconciliation story, I would also hear stories where people don't get back together. The ratio is around 1:4 (reconciliation

 

 

Not trying to be a wet blanket here....But I am not really sure if I should have any hope....yet again who knows...relationships are different and some people who broke up might not have strong connection to begin with.

 

 

I am also at the point where I question how strong the connection I had in my relationship was....I am not sure any more......Maybe my relationship was just another weak one where I thought there was true, deep love but in truth there never was....and it was anything but special...just one relationship where two people do boring, humdrum things together and never made an effort to grow together at all..we just drifted along...

 

Sigh. I want to start over again..don't want to go back to the relationship...want to ditch the relationship but not my ex SO. I feel that we have potential...but I don't think he thinks the same.

 

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I'm so happy someone started this threat because I 'come here' to get positive thoughts and very often I'm really disappointed. In most of the posts I read, 'move on and at some point you'll be over him.' And yes, it might happen. However, I didn't find this forum to hear that, every day I try to find someone here who could support my hope. That's what I'm looking for and positive stories will help me because the fact that people say to me 'open your eyes' doesn't kill my hope at all!!! It only makes me feel worse.

 

And the forum is called 'geting back together.' There is another one that gives advice how to get over your boyfriend or girlfriend. But this one has a different purpose, I suppose

 

My sister's story:

 

She was with her boyfriend for a year. With a lot of tears she had to break up with him because he was going to Australia for 2 years! He started a new relationship there. My sister moved on as well. But after 2 years they saw each other for a day. He had to leave for Australia again. He came back after a month for 3 months and my sister now is in Australia and they live together and I think one day I'll be a witness of their wedding

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Op ...why don't you define "success"? Ie is it being back for 1 year 2 years 5 years 15 years? ...heck even after a couple gets back after so many breakups to later get married but then say eventually get divorced, THEN what do you call it?

 

The "happily after ending" didn't succeed In the final analysis did it?

 

You're focusing IMO on the QUANITITY of time together instead of the QUALITY of time together and the growth acquired by both partners .

IMO you're being unnecessarily judgemental (and I don't think you mean to be so please don't misinterpret me) with the idea underlying your post which is fundamentally about getting back together to stay together "happily ever after".... And if we don't achieve such then we have ''failed'' in some manner ....and this storybook goal is just that IMO: a strongly yearned for myth that while we all want for emotional and social stability, is nonetheless seldom achieved with just one person...furthermore, and for those very rare cases that do "last forever", its not without it blood sweat and tears....but nonetheless its a rarity.

 

... just because you breakup then get back together and repeat this dance again however many times until your relationship is broken for good should show most clearly that the vast majority of relationships don't last forever and to accept that fact... People change...sometimes couples are able to work through things together and yet sometimes they are not and consequently have to move on, despite repeated attempts of say counselling ...or after detachment and independence gained from prolonged NC ...or after year long breaks and/or reconciliation ....whatever.

 

Saying goodbye doesn't necessarily mean that we are a failure or that life isn't still wonderful or that we can't grow into better people who later may find better fitting love if we have processed what worked and what didn't ... I know people HATE to accept that reality as it means more painful endings still to come and they look at themselves as failures (and most of us are in pain and denial on this forum) ...but accepting a breakup can also mean more good times ahead once healed and in a more mature inner space.

 

The flow of life is one of constant change .... many friendships come and go as do changes in our jobs and careers right? Saying goodbye and moving on doesn't necessarily mean its a bad thing from a relationship that is no longer working despite our repeated attempts or wishes either ..''its just life''...simple .

 

....this post has been VERY therapeutic in helping me realize just how much we cling instead of going with the flow... and also how we can so frequently overinvest in ONE Person for our happiness instead of realizing that love can--and should--come from a multitude of sources.

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