penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I have heard many things and learned there are many types of relationships, but the following situation is something I haven't encountered before and would like everyone's idea: a friend (F) used to date a guy who had separated from his wife a year before my friend met him. For reasons not entirely clear to me, this guy and his (ex)wife although having ended the relationship moved to another place together as room mates (with the excuse of finances + visa procedures). For a number of reasons my friend broke up with him after dating him for a few months (one of the reasons of course being that she was getting tired of hearing excuses why he didn't file for divorce yet, or why he hasn't moved out there). Since they have been broken up, this guy has bombarded my friend with emails, phone calls, voice mails, leaving flowers in front of windows - the whole nine yards, all to no prevail. The newest development (that's the bizar part): last night my friend got an email from the (ex)wife with the following content: "Hi, I am writing to you to confirm that although I am not legally divorced yet, we are indeed broken up and we only live together because we are good friends. I really want to ask you to reconsider and maybe talk to him again/ date him again, he really loves you. This is my phone number if you want to talk to me about this" WTH???!! Why would the (ex)wife write an email like that????? Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Either she really loves him and just wants him to be happy or she really despises him and just wants him off her back or both. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 I am wondering if maybe he has her email password and used it to write this email? Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I am wondering if maybe he has her email password and used it to write this email? I thought about that, but a simple phone call should confirm. If you want to authenticate the person who answers that number, ask what his favorite food is or something. Link to comment
Breaking Away Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I thought about that, but a simple phone call should confirm. If you want to authenticate the person who answers that number, ask what his favorite food is or something. it doesn't have to be the wife that she would be calling...... anyone could pose as the wife. Link to comment
waveseer Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 it doesn't have to be the wife that she would be calling...... anyone could pose as the wife. Exactly why she should authenticate whoever answers. Link to comment
Seymore Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Either she really loves him and just wants him to be happy or she really despises him and just wants him off her back or both. I was going to say this. As far as the password thing, it's a stretch, but I've seen stranger things happen... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 My friend decided that she would just ignore the email, which I think is the wisest thing to do. But I am still trying to understand if the wife really did send the message, and why; or if he is gone really far and beyond desperate measures to get my friend back. Either way it doesn't sound like a healthy thing to do, yet I would like to understand (from the POV of trying to understand human behavior), what the motivations are to doing something like this Link to comment
EQD Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 could be the real deal. only one way to find out... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Yeah, I'll guess I call the number myself to find out who will pick up, at least then we will know a bit better what we are dealing with. I just want to make sure that this guy is not going to extreme measures to stalk my friend Link to comment
karvala Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 It's actually not the first time I've heard of this, so although there is certainly a good chance that it is the husband masquerading as the wife, it is also entirely possible that it's genuine. If a couple slowly fall out of love with each other, but remain respectful and on good terms as the best of friends, then they may continue to live together while being perfectly happy to see their partner date other people, and even help them with it. It's very rare, though, because the timing of the loss of feelings on both sides has to exactly coincide, along with both being of a certain personality type, and that doesn't happen very often. I think the authenticated phone call idea is a good one; go for it. It certainly needs to be verified one way or the other, and if it's genuinely the wife, then there shouldn't be a problem not only with a phone call, but actually meeting her at his house as well. If he opposes that for any reason, then I'd be very suspicious. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 I find it admirably if you can stay friends/ friendly with an exspouse, after all they played an important role in your life, however moving in together into a new place, that is a loft and doesn't have separate/ closed bedroom doors, I don't know.... Link to comment
karvala Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I find it admirably if you can stay friends/ friendly with an exspouse, after all they played an important role in your life, however moving in together into a new place, that is a loft and doesn't have separate/ closed bedroom doors, I don't know.... Yes, it does sound a bit too cosy. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable dating someone in that situation to be honest. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 ^^that's why I can't understand why she would be writing an email on his behalf? Link to comment
karvala Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 ^^that's why I can't understand why she would be writing an email on his behalf? I mean I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone if I were in your friend's position, and the person I was dating was sharing an open-plan living space with their former partner. I can understand why the wife would be writing an e-mail, if she genuinely had no romantic feelings for him any more, and perhaps even if she felt guilty about the breakup and simply wanted him to be happy with someone else. Link to comment
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