Men...

[Luke Skywalker]

I I'm not ashamed to admit I'm still a virgin and one of my greatest regrets is that she was not the first person I made love to. Just because we didn't get married doesn't mean our love wasn't as strong at one point as any married couple's.

 

Why did you break-up with her?

 

After this turning point in my life, I've decided to do away with this "rule", regardless of my religious beliefs. If a girl is willing and we love each other, I am open to having sex regardless of our marital status. I think that's still a lot more selective than most men, who will have sex with a willing female, regardless of whether they have feelings for them.

 

Sometimes things happen to us which you say, why did God allow this to happen to me, I'm going to now give up and be open to losing my virginity. I think people adopt that attitude when they lose faith that there is a God that cares and is watching over them. The hope that makes you want to maintain your virginity is that God has a plan for your life, and part of that plan involves a future wife to save it for. Without that, there is not much to hold on to in terms of remaining a virgin when things happen that undermine that faith.

[SayWhen]

I personally think sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. Without it, I know that I would have a lot of sexual frustration building up and would probably be pretty irritable. I would not wait until marriage because I would want to be sure that I had a "vibe" with my partner, sexually speaking. Without that, a lot would be missing...and it would be devastating to me to find out post-marriage that my partner was terrible in bed. However, I realize that sexual activity isn't as important to everyone, and that they would be more patient with a bad sex partner, and that is definitely something to respect...it just isn't who I am. I would not date someone who wanted to wait until marriage (I'm a chick, BTW).

[Honey Pumpkin]

What do you think of women that are saving themselves for marriage? Do you get turned off by it or do you believe that it is a romantic thing to do? I know that not many girls in our society choose to do this, but I believe that it is a great thing to do.

 

So, would you want to be in a long term relationship with a girl who did save herself or would you rather not?

 

What are your thoughts on it?

 

I think it's foolish. It's about saying that the marriage is more important that the man. I think it runs the risk of finding out that there is no sexual chemistry between you on your wedding night - unless someone is a virgin who does pretty much everything except have a penis in their vagina. I knew someone who thought that having anal sex only protected their virginity.....wowser.

[MD Geist]

I would prefer a woman that is saving herself for marriage and a long term relationship who wants a family rather than a girl who has high mileage if you know what I'm saying. Only an ignorant fool would think so negative about your choice and want to leave you and if thats the case thats not a boy who's worth your time and your virginity. There's men out there who do wait like myself however they are gonna be very difficult to find these days. Especially when our socity today says "Go have sex when ever you want" most people already have had sex in high school so most likely they will not be virgins when they do get married. I would highly recomend you find a place like a church small group and hang around as long as possible and perhaps you'll find the right match for you. But expect it to be awhile. Thats what my friend said and she was very attractive and waited till marriage and didn't date till she was almost 25.

 

For Woman you shouldn't worry if your a virgin and your partner is not.

 

Men are the one's who have much more pressure ridding on them if they are still a virgin and their partner is not.

[Clarity]

Why did you break-up with her?

 

It was mostly mutual, we just grew apart.

 

 

Sometimes things happen to us which you say, why did God allow this to happen to me, I'm going to now give up and be open to losing my virginity. I think people adopt that attitude when they lose faith that there is a God that cares and is watching over them. The hope that makes you want to maintain your virginity is that God has a plan for your life, and part of that plan involves a future wife to save it for. Without that, there is not much to hold on to in terms of remaining a virgin when things happen that undermine that faith.

 

Trust me, my faith in God is as strong as it's ever been. I've just never been one to blindly follow every written rule without critically thinking about it. This rule, I tried, and I've regretted adhering to it. It doesn't make sense to me anymore, having tried it and seeing its shortcomings.

[D_Lish]

I would prefer a woman that is saving herself for marriage and a long term relationship who wants a family rather than a girl who has high mileage if you know what I'm saying...

 

Just because there are those who wouldn't wait for marriage, doesn't mean they have constantly been around the block and have high mileage...

 

Not everyone who has sex before marriage, is a slapper.

[Jadewhisper]

As of right now, I'm not completely trusting of men since my past relationship. I'm cordial,but that's about it.

 

I've only dated one guy. He made me feel like I was in the wrong because I wasn't ready. From time to time, he pressured me. He wasn't mean about it. But I didn't like being made to feel guilty. After he broke up with me, he told me he still would have made love to me even though he was going to break with me a month later.

 

So I'm glad I didn't. I felt hurt enough without the betrayal of someone taking advantage of my love.

 

I wouldn't mind dating again. It'd be nice to meet some guys who might like me. This experience has taught me that actions are more important than words when it comes to the truth.

[speak]

I don't want a woman who has already had kids because she should be having my kids and no one else's but sex is different. Having sex is just borrowing her for a while but if she has already had someone else's kids it is no good. Just thought I;d clarify. That's how I honestly feel. In relationships with a woman there is an element of ownership and possession of her that make it worthwhile.

 

 

Shallow, shallow.

 

"Borrowing her for a while." ???

 

Sick.

[speak]

Unless being said by a person who is still young I find it unwise.

I don't think having sex is something very special, a gift or anything like that.

It's a great activity which you shouldn't practice with every single person you meet in the time frame of 24 hours but saving yourself for "the one" seems like a ludicrous idea to me.

 

I'm 19 and very wise at my age on many subjects, thank you.

 

 

[speak]

It depends on your culture ..upbringing and self control.Ludacriss is the wrong word . A womans virtue is a very nice thing to keep

 

Exactly!!!

[shikashika]

I'm 19 and very wise at my age on many subjects, thank you.

 

And having sex with everyone you meet in a time frame of 24 hours = promiscuous and that means STD's!

 

 

 

this is one things I've got from your posts... just because you don't wait for marriage does not mean you are a promiscuous STD laden sex fiend.

 

It seems to me like you see it as if you are not waiting for marriage then you're out having one night stands and getting diseased every night of the wee.

 

You are 19 and have your opinion, but are no wiser than anyone your age or older.

[midnightrambler]

I'm 19 and very wise at my age on many subjects, thank you.

 

And having sex with everyone you meet in a time frame of 24 hours = promiscuous and that means STD's!

 

 

 

i can tell that

[speak]

this is one things I've got from your posts... just because you don't wait for marriage does not mean you are a promiscuous STD laden sex fiend.

 

It seems to me like you see it as if you are not waiting for marriage then you're out having one night stands and getting diseased every night of the wee.

 

You are 19 and have your opinion, but are no wiser than anyone your age or older.

 

No. I don't think that, but I have my reasons not to have sex before marriage.

 

And saying that I am not wise because I have a belief is ignorant for you to say. I am wise and it's a smart thing to wait. How many partners have you had?

 

whatever floats your boat. : )

[SayWhen]

No. I don't think that, but I have my reasons not to have sex before marriage.

 

And saying that I am not wise because I have a belief is ignorant for you to say. I am wise and it's a smart thing to wait. How many partners have you had?

 

whatever floats your boat. : )

 

It is wise to do whatever makes you happy so long as you are not careless. I understand that you may view having sex before marriage as such (careless), and that's fine, but it is not your responsibility to judge others. Make your own choices and try to rest satisfied with them. Others will hopefully do the same. Intolerance is not wise.

 

Why do you view it as a smart choice to wait? And, in answering that, why do you think that other people who choose to do the opposite are "ignorant" or "morally corrupt" (which seems to be the tone of your opinion)?

 

Just curious. Also, not everyone who sleeps together before marriage has been promiscuous. Some people keep one partner and marry them. I myself have had two partners (one of which who I plan to marry) and had non-consensual sex once (not exactly rape, but I did not consent...I was quite drunk at the time, admittedly). How do you view rape in terms of saving yourself, BTW?

[pianoguy]

What do you think of women that are saving themselves for marriage? Do you get turned off by it or do you believe that it is a romantic thing to do? I know that not many girls in our society choose to do this, but I believe that it is a great thing to do.

 

Looks like you already know what you think, but I'll bite anyways.

 

As a rule, these types of girls tend to be judgmental, boring, and narrow-minded, qualities that I generally find very unattractive. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. I do know several girls that "saved themselves" that were very sweet, non-judgmental, people that were just doing it for reasons of their own personal morality; I look more kindly on these types.

 

As far as I can tell, the different attitudes come about basically from different views of sex. The traditional (saving-yourself) view sees sex as being essentially gross, a necessary evil for the production of children. Marriage is essentially a license to have sex with somebody (of course there's other components, but that's the big one). The marriage license sanctifies the act of sex and allows it to be okay under certain conditions.

 

The modern view sees sex as entertaining and fun. Sex can take place as long as both parties are okay with it and take precaution against disease. It may or may not be a sign of greater commitment.

 

One of my criticisms of the traditional view is that it tends to promote a lot of fear of sex, especially in women. Many of the girls I know that "saved themselves" have extremely awkward and unhappy sex lives. When we are taught for so long to repress natural desires, when it finally is okay to act on them, we may not know what to think.

 

Of course, one could argue that the modern view promotes promiscuity, and there's probably some truth to that. One thing that annoys me about the more traditional types is that they tend to be rather judgmental of people who have more sex, for reasons I don't understand.

[grymoire]

In my culture it is "very wrong" to have sex before marriage. So it is kinda forced upon.. I felt repressed, to be honest, and do not support that system. Two of my cousins are now in their late 40s.. never got married and hence never had sex.

[speak]

I believe in waiting because it is a romantic, virtuous thing to do. Having a man wait can prove how committed and passionate he truly is about you. It's the best birth control and the best way to prevent std's. Sex is emotional - I am only giving it to the man that I marry and spend forever with.

 

I never called anyone ignorant. Waiting is beautiful and sex is an act of love and bonding.

 

How do I view rape? I think it's a terrible thing and it's evil.

[shikashika]

No. I don't think that, but I have my reasons not to have sex before marriage.

 

And saying that I am not wise because I have a belief is ignorant for you to say. I am wise and it's a smart thing to wait. How many partners have you had?

 

whatever floats your boat. : )

 

If you want to wait for marriage that is fine, but don't say that those that don't are promiscuous or have STDs

 

No, I'm not ignorant... You can't say that you are wise and I'm not just because we have made different decisions.

 

It might be your decision, smart for you, but other people think otherwise.

 

Does it really matter how many partners i've had?

[speak]

I'm not narrow minded nor judgmental. I believe in the beauty of waiting. That's my plan - I'm sticking to it.

[speak]

If you want to wait for marriage that is fine, but don't say that those that don't are promiscuous or have STDs

 

No, I'm not ignorant... You can't say that you are wise and I'm not just because we have made different decisions.

 

It might be your decision, smart for you, but other people think otherwise.

 

Does it really matter how many partners i've had?

 

Okay, well you are like, the main person responding so - it seems that you have a true problem with anyone waiting plus maybe some animosity towards people that do wait.

[shikashika]

Okay, well you are like, the main person responding so - it seems that you have a true problem with anyone waiting plus maybe some animosity towards people that do wait.

 

I do not think it is a good thing to wait for marriage... as said in previous posts, I do not think it creates a very healthy sex life... if you want until you get married.

[SayWhen]

I believe in waiting because it is a romantic, virtuous thing to do. Having a man wait can prove how committed and passionate he truly is about you. It's the best birth control and the best way to prevent std's. Sex is emotional - I am only giving it to the man that I marry and spend forever with.

 

I never called anyone ignorant. Waiting is beautiful and sex is an act of love and bonding.

 

How do I view rape? I think it's a terrible thing and it's evil.

 

I am not going to try to change your views, but I would like to respond to this. I do agree with you that abstinence is the best birth control and the best way to prevent STD's...if in fact one is willing to stay abstinent. However, because sexuality is so ingrained within us, abstinence is often less effective than many other forms of protection. To add insult to injury, many individuals who have been raised to believe in abstinence and end up having sex anyway do NOT use protection. Teen pregnancy is actually more common in young women of faiths who preach abstinence. More often, these young ladies keep the children, which only confuses and complicates their lives and often causes a drain on society (I am pro-choice). Obviously, you could call these individuals "weak"...but I actually think it is socially irresponsible to preach abstinence when it so often turns out to be ineffective.

 

Also, sex is not always emotional. Some people do enjoy recreational sex and live happy (and healthy) lives (protection, anyone?) I personally would not participate in recreational sex, but see nothing wrong with it. Also, just because I did not save myself for the man who I will marry does not mean that I feel I am giving less of myself to him. I am glad that we have both experienced being with different people, as it leaves less doubt in our mind as to whether or not we want to stay together. We know that we mesh completely, and enjoy a healthy sex life. We have given each other that...and it doesn't mean less just because we didn't lose our virginity to one another. Sex IS an act of love and bonding within committed relationships...and it doesn't make it any less powerful just because you have had more than one partner. In fact, it can make it better.

 

Also, I find that a lot of men who expect their women to wait have old-school, misogynist views. Of course, my interaction with these guys has been limited. I live in one of the most liberal places on earth (Philadelphia)...so I just haven't met many "normal" seeming conservatives. They have all been pretty radical. Not saying that's how you view things...but just my $0.02.

[speak]

Well, I wasn't raised firmly in a Christian household. I did go to church when my sister would take me, but even though my mom did believe in God, my mom also had liberal views on the Bible. My dad doesn't believe in God at all. My faith is for me and it makes me who I am. I am choosing the way that I want to live my life - not because I was taught to, but because I know it's the right thing to do.

 

I believe in God's view on sex, because he is love and he knows what is best. I am going to wait.

[SayWhen]

Well, I wasn't raised firmly in a Christian household. I did go to church when my sister would take me, but even though my mom did believe in God, my mom also had liberal views on the Bible. My dad doesn't believe in God at all. My faith is for me and it makes me who I am. I am choosing the way that I want to live my life - not because I was taught to, but because I know it's the right thing to do.

 

I believe in God's view on sex, because he is love and he knows what is best. I am going to wait.

 

Fair enough. As long as you feel justified in what you are doing, then I see nothing wrong with it...just try not to pass judgment down upon others. You might think you know "best"...but that sure as heck doesn't mean that you (or anyone else) does. Maybe you do know what's best for you...but that's where it ends.

[thejigsup]

If waiting works for you, great! Do know that you will most likely be really lousy in bed the first few times you do it and that you may never really be pleased. I had a friend who waited for marriage and she realized she hated sex after they were married. Her husband sure wished he had known that! He's a long haul trucker and he gets what he needs on the road, so it works for them. Sexual pleasure is very important to a relationship. I can see your reasons for waiting, but you can be sexually responsible and sexually active. As far as having more than one lover in my lifetime, so what? It's made me great in bed and my bf is very pleased with the result! To each their own and if this works for you, then this is what you have to do. I respect your opinion. but you should respect the views of others, also.