Men...

[speak]

What do you think of women that are saving themselves for marriage? Do you get turned off by it or do you believe that it is a romantic thing to do? I know that not many girls in our society choose to do this, but I believe that it is a great thing to do.

 

So, would you want to be in a long term relationship with a girl who did save herself or would you rather not?

 

What are your thoughts on it?

[shikashika]

Can only men answer this?

 

I wouldn't think it's a great or sensible thing for a man or a woman to do.

[speak]

sure.

 

And why would it not be sensible?

 

I think that it happens to be an amazing thing to do...and it's way romantic. People say that the first time is not the best when it comes to the feeling but, I would rather experience that pain with someone that I know is truly comitted to me than someone who is not. PLUS: having a man wait will show that he is there genuinely for you and all you are as a person, not just the physical side of you.

 

YEAH-

I think it's great to wait! ; )

[Raistlin]

This has been a topic of discussion among my friends, as one of my best friends recently started dating a girl who is saving herself for marriage.

 

I, for one, couldn't date someone like this. I HAVE to have sex with her before committing my life to her so that I know we're fully compatible. I couldn't spend X amount of time with her, get married, and find out there is no sexual chemistry at all.

 

I actually heard from my ex that after we split last year, she got with a guy who was smaller than my pinky (about 2 inches; yes, this came from my ex). We spoke after she decided to remain celibate until marriage, and I asked her what would have happened if she dated and married this guy, THEN found out he had 2 inches.

 

I never got a straight answer out of her. Hmm... wonder why.

[shikashika]

sure.

 

why not though?

 

For me, I wouldn't want to marry someone I hadn't had sex with. I need to have sex with the person to see if i'm truly compatible as i feel sexual chemistry is very important.

 

If you get to your wedding night, and neither of you has had sex, I think you are putting sex up on this pedestal. Sex is great, but by holding out forever, I think you are making sex to be sooo important... when the reason many people save themselves is that they claim sex is not the most important thing in the relationship.

 

Why wait? because there are other things that are more important in a relationship than sex? If so, then why wait...(if you know what I mean)

[ragdoll18]

I'm not male but I don't agree with waiting for marriage and would not be able to be with a guy who was waiting for marriage. I agree that I would have to know what sex would be like with this person before I agree to spend the rest of my life with them. Except for religious reasons, I don't understand why people have to wait to get a piece of paper before they will have sex with someone. If you love someone what's wrong with expressing that love physically without being married? I just don't see the point.

[speak]

For me, I wouldn't want to marry someone I hadn't had sex with. I need to have sex with the person to see if i'm truly compatible as i feel sexual chemistry is very important.

 

If you get to your wedding night, and neither of you has had sex, I think you are putting sex up on this pedestal. Sex is great, but by holding out forever, I think you are making sex to be sooo important... when the reason many people save themselves is that they claim sex is not the most important thing in the relationship.

 

 

I think that's a shallow thing to believe. You can meet someone that is totally respectful and genuine and love them dearly. SEX IS IMPORTANT and it should be put on a pedestal. It needs to be shared with someone that you plan on spending forever with. I feel if I were to give myself away to anyone BUT the man I marry, I would be selling myself out and letting that person take a piece of my soul away.

 

Why wait? because there are other things that are more important in a relationship than sex? If so, then why wait...(if you know what I mean)

 

There are things that are important: respect, commitment and someone that loves you for YOU. Not what happens between the sheets!!

[speak]

This has been a topic of discussion among my friends, as one of my best friends recently started dating a girl who is saving herself for marriage.

 

I, for one, couldn't date someone like this. I HAVE to have sex with her before committing my life to her so that I know we're fully compatible. I couldn't spend X amount of time with her, get married, and find out there is no sexual chemistry at all.

 

I actually heard from my ex that after we split last year, she got with a guy who was smaller than my pinky (about 2 inches; yes, this came from my ex). We spoke after she decided to remain celibate until marriage, and I asked her what would have happened if she dated and married this guy, THEN found out he had 2 inches.

 

I never got a straight answer out of her. Hmm... wonder why.

 

 

I'm about people and who they are as a person, how they treat others, and how they carry and respect themselves -- NOT what size they are.

[Raistlin]

I'm about people and who they are as a person, how they treat others, and how they carry and respect themselves -- NOT what size they are.

 

I understand where you're coming from with that, and I respect it. The point I was trying to make was that they were highly incompatible. On one hand, I feel that he may have a hard time being sexually compatible with most women, and as a fellow man, it hurts the ego.

 

On the other hand, personality just can't please a woman in every way.

[Nutz]

I see them as a huge waste of time, and for 2 reasons:

 

1) You'll never know if you're actually compatible until it's too late

2) Most never actually wait, so why you'll be with them starving your sex life you end up breaking up and they hook up with the next guy 2 weeks later (seen this a bazillion times)

[shikashika]

I think that's a shallow thing to believe. You can meet someone that is totally respectful and genuine and love them dearly. SEX IS IMPORTANT and it should be put on a pedestal. It needs to be shared with someone that you plan on spending forever with. I feel if I were to give myself away to anyone BUT the man I marry, I would be selling myself out and letting that person take a piece of my soul away.

 

 

 

There are things that are important: respect, commitment and someone that loves you for YOU. Not what happens between the sheets!!

 

Well you asked for opinons, andnow you are calling me shallow because i think sexual chemistry is important??

 

If sex is so important to you, then why would you wait? That's the way you see it, obviously, but i don't see sleeping with more than one person as giving away my soul.

 

So I'm a bit confused.. in the first part you say SEX IS IMPORTANT and should be put on a pedestal... but then in the second part you say that what happens between the sheets is not important?

This is the point i was trying to make.. you say it's important... then say it isn't.

 

I really feel sorry for a partner if that's the way you feel. Of course the other things you mentioned, respect commitment is important... but to say sex is not important is very naive and ignorant.

 

 

i could never never never never be with someone who said , as you did, that what happens between the sheets is not important. That is why i would never be with someone who wanted to wait for sex.

[ragdoll18]

I think that's a shallow thing to believe. You can meet someone that is totally respectful and genuine and love them dearly. SEX IS IMPORTANT and it should be put on a pedestal. It needs to be shared with someone that you plan on spending forever with. I feel if I were to give myself away to anyone BUT the man I marry, I would be selling myself out and letting that person take a piece of my soul away.

 

 

 

There are things that are important: respect, commitment and someone that loves you for YOU. Not what happens between the sheets!!

 

That's all fine, but my question is why do you have to wait till marriage to sleep with the person you love? If you're in love with them, and believe you're going to spend the rest of your life with them, then why wait till marriage?

 

If someone has never had sex before (and I"m not saying you haven't but just in general) they can't understand how horrible sexual chemistry can destroy a relationship. If you've never had sex before, then it's easy to say that what happens between the sheets wouldn't matter, but you can never truly know that till you actually experience this.

[speak]

DIDN'T call YOU shallow - I said that belief was shallow.

 

So, let me clarify this: SEX needs to be put on a pedestal due to the consequences it can cause. There are people who may not be getting what they need emotionally in a relationship, but stay in it because they have become comfortable withint the sex. Because sex is suppose to bond two people together...in fact, oxytocin is released in women while having sex and it makes you feel bonded, after a while, having sex with numerous partners...that hormone becomes impaired.

 

And don't feel sorry for any of my future partners. I'm a compassionate person with a big heart. I'm doing fine.

[shikashika]

DIDN'T call YOU shallow - I said that belief was shallow.

 

So, let me clarify this: SEX needs to be put on a pedestal due to the consequences it can cause. There are people who may not be getting what they need emotionally in a relationship, but stay in it because they have become comfortable withint the sex. Because sex is suppose to bond two people together...in fact, oxytocin is released in women while having sex and it makes you feel bonded, after a while, having sex with numerous partners...that hormone becomes impaired.

 

And don't feel sorry for any of my future partners. I'm a compassionate person with a big heart. I'm doing fine.

 

well whatever, its my beleift and I don't think it's shallow.

 

For me , sex does not need to be put on a pedestal, because then I think you run into all sorts of problems. I do however think it is a very important aspect of a relationship.

 

In my opinion, you are still contradicting yourself because you say that sex NEEDS to be put on a pedestal... whatever is on a pedestal is higher, more important than anything else. So you are saying that sex is more important than honestly, shared sense of humour,commitment, respect??

 

Yes, sex can bond two people together, so if you like, love the person, then why would you not want to bond with them.

 

Like another person said, if you have not had sex yet, it is difficult to understand how bad sexual chemsitry can ruin a relationship or thinking it is no big deal.

 

Whatever floats your boat....

[speak]

That's all fine, but my question is why do you have to wait till marriage to sleep with the person you love? If you're in love with them, and believe you're going to spend the rest of your life with them, then why wait till marriage?

 

This has been said by many people that I know and do not know. These same people have eaten their words; those relationships failed.

 

If someone has never had sex before (and I"m not saying you haven't but just in general) they can't understand how horrible sexual chemistry can destroy a relationship. If you've never had sex before, then it's easy to say that what happens between the sheets wouldn't matter, but you can never truly know that till you actually experience this.

 

Yes, I am a virgin. I think it's sad to say that sexual chemistry can destroy a relationship. I mean, if YOU TRULY love someone, you wouldn't leave them for that reason. Basically saying that sexual chemistry can ruin a relationship is like saying, "Well, I guess we really aren't in love." To me.

[shikashika]

This has been said by many people that I know and do not know. These same people have eaten their words; those relationships failed.

 

 

 

Yes, I am a virgin. I think it's sad to say that sexual chemistry can destroy a relationship. I mean, if YOU TRULY love someone, you wouldn't leave them for that reason. Basically saying that sexual chemistry can ruin a relationship is like saying, "Well, I guess we really aren't in love." To me.

 

I would say that 98% of people do not wait until marriage.. 98% of relationships do not fail.

 

Well no... I think you can definitely WORK on improving sex life... but I think its' more the attitude of the two people. I have been with people who didn't quite do it for me sexually to begin with, but we commmunicated what we both wanted and it got better... and better!

 

 

I couldn't fall in love with a person if I had never had sex with him.

 

The problem is when one, or both partners dismiss sex or sexual chemistry as 'not being that important'...how can two people who have never had sex before improve if they have attitudes like that?

[speak]

I'm not contradicting myself. Like I previously said: SEX is important because of the consequences it can bring. It doesn't have to be the most important part of a relationship though.

 

You may be in a relationship with someone that you have sex with now, but what if that person leaves you tomorrow. What if you wake up one day and realize that this person isn't all you want and this relationship is not who you are? You want to be bonded to the person you marry and are going to spend forever with. Like I said, that hormone becomes impaired after so many partners.

 

And saying that sexual chemistry can ruin a relationship is kind of contradicting on YOUR part. Saying you are in love with someone, then saying sexual chemistry will destroy a relationship is basically like saying, "Oh, guess we really don't love eachother that much afterall."

 

But, whatever butters your muffin.

[shikashika]

well, yes, I have had sex with people who have broken up with me and that I have broken up with... but I don't see why it matters that this isn't the person i'm going to marry.

 

Every time I sleep with someone I do no think about marrying them. In fact, I don't think I have EVER thought about marrying someone the first time i sleep with them.

 

I don't really see how i'm contradicting myself... I don't need to love someone to sleep with them.

 

Also, I don't know where you are getting your info from about hormones becoming impaired.

[speak]

well, yes, I have had sex with people who have broken up with me and that I have broken up with... but I don't see why it matters that this isn't the person i'm going to marry.

 

Every time I sleep with someone I do no think about marrying them. In fact, I don't think I have EVER thought about marrying someone the first time i sleep with them.

 

I don't really see how i'm contradicting myself... I don't need to love someone to sleep with them.

 

Also, I don't know where you are getting your info from about hormones becoming impaired.

 

Well, then there is your problem. You don't see sex as an act of love. I believe that sex is something everyone truly wants to share with someone they love, but along the way - they may have given it to someone insignificant and they know that they will never have it back, so they just keep having sex with insignificant people.

 

I choose to save myself, make sure that the person I am with loves me deeply and passionately. I see sex as something that needs to be shared between two people that love eachother dearly and deep inside, I think everyone wants that.

 

All I know is that my wedding night will be a wonderful experience, because I am going to be with the one I love so much and the one that loves me so much and I am going to experience something so beautiful with only him.

 

I am just going to stay with whatever sweetens my tea!

[shikashika]

But I don't see it as a problem! Only you do!

 

On the other hand I see it is a bit strange to wait.

 

Personally, I think it would be a nightmare to wait for a wedding night.

[speak]

But I don't see it as a problem! Only you do!

 

On the other hand I see it is a bit strange to wait.

 

Personally, I think it would be a nightmare to wait for a wedding night.

 

Why is it strange to you? I explained my beliefs. I think promiscuity is horrible.

[shikashika]

Why is it strange to you? I explained my beliefs. I think promiscuity is horrible.

 

Well, you told me I had a problem(which I don't believe I have), because I've slept with more than one person

 

I'm not talking about promiscuity... I don't think anyone has on this thread. I'm just talking about not waiting fo the wedding night?

 

Do you think that anyone who has sex outside of marriage is promiscuous?

[speak]

Well, you told me I had a problem(which I don't believe I have), because I've slept with more than one person

 

I'm not talking about promiscuity... I don't think anyone has on this thread. I'm just talking about not waiting fo the wedding night?

 

Do you think that anyone who has sex outside of marriage is promiscuous?

 

Not exactly, I was just generally saying - I think it's horrible, but definitely not with you in mind.

 

I didn't say you had a problem. I said it as to say, "There's your problem in being unable to see eye to eye with my beliefs." Guess I shoulda wrote that!\

 

Now, what about the wedding night?

[shikashika]

Not exactly, I was just generally saying - I think it's horrible, but definitely not with you in mind.

 

I didn't say you had a problem. I said it as to say, "There's your problem in being unable to see eye to eye with my beliefs." Guess I shoulda wrote that!\

 

Now, what about the wedding night?

 

Regarding the wedding night, I think that two sexually inexperienced people on a wedding night may not be all the bells and whistles you dreamed of!

 

you may think, "what.... this is what I waited for??"

 

I remember the first time I had sex, it wasn't the best.

[huskiesfan]

I actually don't see a problem with a woman saving themselves for their future husband. It shows that they are very strong and faithful to be able to stay a virgin for x amount of years. Personally, I wouldn't care if my future wife was a virgin or not, but I wouldn't exactly want someone who constantly slept around, either.

 

However, I think that girls/women have a funny way of forgetting about this in the heat of the moment. Here's a question-if you were alone with a man you found extremely sexually attractive one night, and he made advances towards you, would you honestly turn him down? Oaths and promises are good, but 8 times out of 10, emotion and passion will trump them, IMO.