Men...

[top bloke]

What do you think of women that are saving themselves for marriage? Do you get turned off by it or do you believe that it is a romantic thing to do? I know that not many girls in our society choose to do this, but I believe that it is a great thing to do.

 

So, would you want to be in a long term relationship with a girl who did save herself or would you rather not?

 

What are your thoughts on it?

 

I think its a very special thing that would be very nice to save for a husband.It would allow the man to feel that his woman is untouched and held herself for the special day

[speak]

Regarding the wedding night, I think that two sexually inexperienced people on a wedding night may not be all the bells and whistles you dreamed of!

 

you may think, "what.... this is what I waited for??"

 

I remember the first time I had sex, it wasn't the best.

 

 

Well, definitely, I am sure it won't be the best sex...but it will be something I will remember forever, because the first time is something that every girl remembers and I will be able to have very sweet memories and it will be romantic.

 

So, you are telling me that, never in your life you have seen sex as something that needs to be waited on? Ever?

[speak]

Here's a question-if you were alone with a man you found extremely sexually attractive one night, and he made advances towards you, would you honestly turn him down? Oaths and promises are good, but 8 times out of 10, emotion and passion will trump them, IMO.

 

I would say no. Because a promise to myself means more than that. I would look at the big picture and know that there is a man I am going to be with forever and he deserves all of me.

 

Thanks for all of the nice words.

[grymoire]

I'm about people and who they are as a person, how they treat others, and how they carry and respect themselves -- NOT what size they are.

 

All of that will not matter if you are not romantically/sexually attracted to the guy.

[huskiesfan]

I would say no. Because a promise to myself means more than that. I would look at the big picture and know that there is a man I am going to be with forever and he deserves all of me.

 

Thanks for all of the nice words.

 

Thank you for answering the question. It's good to know that there is someone who takes that promise seriously, because I've known girls who said that who would lose their virginity at the drop of a hat if the right guy came around.

[Stick]

I believe that our bodies are a sacred gift we give to our lovers. So with every new lover you take you give away a part of yourself to that person... diminishing the specialness of your gift of self to your eventual wife/husband. I have had one lover, and I regret it, for it gave me very little in the way of experience (I learned nothing from the experience that I could not have learned in a short time with a future wife) while it made me feel like there is now less of me reserved for the one I marry. So saving yourself for your life mate is the best gift you can give to that person.

[speak]

I believe that our bodies are a sacred gift we give to our lovers. So with every new lover you take you give away a part of yourself to that person... diminishing the specialness of your gift of self to your eventual wife/husband. I have had one lover, and I regret it, for it gave me very little in the way of experience (I learned nothing from the experience that I could not have learned in a short time with a future wife) while it made me feel like there is now less of me reserved for the one I marry. So saving yourself for your life mate is the best gift you can give to that person.

 

I believe it is a gift as well, I find it so sad that other's don't however!

Thanks for responding to the thread!!

[speak]

All of that will not matter if you are not romantically/sexually attracted to the guy.

 

I'm about a person and thier beliefs...you can be attracted to another but save yourself.

 

[huskiesfan]

I'm about a person and thier beliefs...you can be attracted to another but save yourself.

 

 

But saving yourself is also about suppressing your emotions and your capacity for passion, two things that can be extremely difficult to keep under lock and key. I do believe that if a person saves themselves for their future spouse, that they are giving them a gift, but I also believe that it is not the end of the world if they don't.

[speak]

But saving yourself is also about suppressing your emotions and your capacity for passion, two things that can be extremely difficult to keep under lock and key. I do believe that if a person saves themselves for their future spouse, that they are giving them a gift, but I also believe that it is not the end of the world if they don't.

 

No, it's not, but it's something that I plan on doing and I WILL live up to. You can show your emotions and passions in many other ways. Not just sex!!!

[huskiesfan]

No, it's not, but it's something that I plan on doing and I WILL live up to. You can show your emotions and passions in many other ways. Not just sex!!!

 

I never said that sex was the only way to show passion and love. Of course not. There are countless other ways to do so. To me, I'd much rather cuddle with my girlfriend and spend the day next to the river, under a tree, rather than getting it on in the sack, but I am saying that we are human, and we do give into temptations from time to time, whether we intend to or not.

[speak]

I never said that sex was the only way to show passion and love. Of course not. There are countless other ways to do so. To me, I'd much rather cuddle with my girlfriend and spend the day next to the river, under a tree, rather than getting it on in the sack, but I am saying that we are human, and we do give into temptations from time to time, whether we intend to or not.

 

True.

 

But I will never let it get to that point!

 

Was not trying to be rude!

[huskiesfan]

True.

 

But I will never let it get to that point!

 

Was not trying to be rude!

 

Well, then you are a very strong willed person. Oh no, I didn't think you were being rude at all. A discussion is a discussion, and disagreeing is a part of it.

[Creative]

I think it's great.

 

In subjects like these, often what we see are 2 debate amongst those who are virgin and those who are not. Both have their reasons. Once a virgin becomes non virgin, they have a different view and become more skeptical of those whom they believe will eventually turn non-virgin before marriage anyways.

 

Kind of like smokers and how they can overnight change their opinion from an idealistic view of the situation and then to protect their self-image.

 

And then we mix into the equation of values we learned as a kid and whether we should or shouldn't follow it.... etc.

[tiredofvampires]

I believe that our bodies are a sacred gift we give to our lovers. So with every new lover you take you give away a part of yourself to that person... diminishing the specialness of your gift of self to your eventual wife/husband. I have had one lover, and I regret it, for it gave me very little in the way of experience (I learned nothing from the experience that I could not have learned in a short time with a future wife) while it made me feel like there is now less of me reserved for the one I marry. So saving yourself for your life mate is the best gift you can give to that person.

 

I am in agreement with this post -- that is, the part in bold. After that, I part ways with you.

 

I don't believe that your love or your soul is some finite substance like a bank account that you just keep drawing from with every love relationship or sexual encounter. Experience actually often builds and expands on your ideas about love. Life is not a fairytale, and even if you believe you will spend "forever" with someone, even if you think this will be your one and only, divorces happen, deaths happen, people separate for reasons they can't foresee...and so life is about living and loving along the way as deeply as you can. The truth is that love and life are a learning curve, and sex as an expression of that that occurs along the way. It would be nice to have life and love all laid out neatly so you know you've got a target person, a future spouse that will never leave you or vice versa, and that your "soul" is safely encrypted in the vault. This is a rather utopian view of life. What actually happens is that the soul is strengthened by one's lessons, the soul grows each time one loves with a passionate heart. So you can't "lose" your soul in bits and pieces if you are giving yourself with love each time.

 

Souls start to shrivel when life is lived numbly, without care; or when one uses sex self-destructively, or to express anger towards anyone. When people just go through motions in living or loving or intimate contact, that's when people run the risk of hurting their souls.

 

But you cannot really "lose" your soul in this life. You can lose your vision of it. You can lose your connection to it. But you cannot lose IT. Certainly not by losing your viriginity. Soul is way too deep to be touched by who deflowered you when, and even how.

 

Loving someone intimately and passionately is never a waste of anything. You open your heart to being broken, and you open your soul to being touched. None of these things require a marriage certificate nor a lifelong relationship to be magical and valuable.

 

This is not to say that I am not a romantic who dreams of my "one." Because I do. And I cannot have sex when I'm not in love. And I have loved and fallen in love very deeply with people who I never had sex with. Sex certainly is no prerequisite for love, for me! And I have saved myself for ones I loved (not in a virginal way, because I'm not one, but in waiting indefinitely to consummate my love). But I don't equate virginity with any of this, nor do I think that marriage guarantees you'll never have sex with another person again the rest of your life, nor do I believe the word "forever" is a helpful concept in life.

 

Because life happens, and life is a four-letter word.

 

But so is love. So you take your chances.

[top bloke]

I believe it is a gift as well, I find it so sad that other's don't however!

Thanks for responding to the thread!!

 

It is a great gift!!! Those who dont basically could not keep their legs crossed long enough and must complain.Well it is a gift for sure.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think it is a very silly thing to do and I would have zero interest in a woman with that attitude.

[CaptainPlanet]

I don't want a woman who has already had kids because she should be having my kids and no one else's but sex is different. Having sex is just borrowing her for a while but if she has already had someone else's kids it is no good. Just thought I;d clarify. That's how I honestly feel. In relationships with a woman there is an element of ownership and possession of her that make it worthwhile.

[Siriana]

Unless being said by a person who is still young I find it unwise.

I don't think having sex is something very special, a gift or anything like that.

It's a great activity which you shouldn't practice with every single person you meet in the time frame of 24 hours but saving yourself for "the one" seems like a ludicrous idea to me.

[top bloke]

It depends on your culture ..upbringing and self control.Ludacriss is the wrong word . A womans virtue is a very nice thing to keep

[Luke Skywalker]

If a woman is saving herself until marriage, then I'd view that as an admirable quality because that shows she has self-discipline and takes her convictions to her faith very seriously, and you know she has not been around the bush. She would likely be a godly influence. It doesn't matter what age she is.

[midnightrambler]

What do you think of women that are saving themselves for marriage? Do you get turned off by it or do you believe that it is a romantic thing to do? I know that not many girls in our society choose to do this, but I believe that it is a great thing to do.

 

So, would you want to be in a long term relationship with a girl who did save herself or would you rather not?

 

What are your thoughts on it?

 

i find that very noble

[Luke Skywalker]

I would say no. Because a promise to myself means more than that. I would look at the big picture and know that there is a man I am going to be with forever and he deserves all of me.

 

Thanks for all of the nice words.

 

 

It appears that speak has strong convictions about waiting until marriage.

It's easy to say that now.

 

However, to be the devil's advocate, I'm going to bring up a thread on another board, with a similar woman who maintained the same convictions and how she buckled under. This is a true story:

 

link removed

 

Also judging by personal experience, I've seen this sort of buckled over by other women. What people say, and what they ultimately do can be two different things.

[Clarity]

I think it's a well-intentioned, but naive rule to keep.

 

This is coming from a guy who was saving himself for his fiance/gf of 7 years. Both of us were saving ourselves, but we broke up months before the wedding. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm still a virgin and one of my greatest regrets is that she was not the first person I made love to. Just because we didn't get married doesn't mean our love wasn't as strong at one point as any married couple's.

 

After this turning point in my life, I've decided to do away with this "rule", regardless of my religious beliefs. If a girl is willing and we love each other, I am open to having sex regardless of our marital status. I think that's still a lot more selective than most men, who will have sex with a willing female, regardless of whether they have feelings for them.

[servedcold]

If the position is motivated by sincere religious beliefs and is a holistic approach to physical contact with the opposite sex, no problem at all, think there should be more of it based on what people claim to believe. Many religions hold sex as an act only for marriage.

 

Problems could, and have arisen, for me if the woman has beliefs and is not open-minded and flexible enough to give credence to the beliefs of others.

 

What I don't like is women who will do anything but traditional sex and think they are somehow holding fast to their beliefs. Oral, anal, mutual masturbation, should all be off-limits IMO, if someone is trying to stick to a belief system that preserves sex for marriage, and I'd think a woman was a hypocrite if she would give or receive oral, anal, etc., yet not engage in vaginal sex. Same for guys.

 

Another problem is that many people use religious sexual beliefs as a crutch or a power mechanism to set up boundaries on a relationship that protect their feelings while simultaneously controlling their SO. As long as it's a true and comprehensive religious belief, fine, but if it's a crutch to set up arbitrary boundaries, no thanks.