How do i know if i am attractive?

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks . That picture is about 5 years old and now I have squarish gold colored glasses. Originally I was going to try an upload a pic of me in my Ren Faire costume but the file was too big.

[arthurcostigan]

It's simple: just pick up an age-appropriate popular magazine or clothing catalog. For example, if you are a 34 year-old man, try GQ, Esquire, or the the Macy's Fall Sale Catalog. Look at the advertisements. Or, watch TV. If you look like any of the men there, you are attractive. If you don't , you're not. That's it! Like it or not, fair or not, that's the world. Advertisers have spent a lot of money, time, and effort to figure all this out. Don't try to redo their research. If you are overweight, it's even easier Sorry, them's the facts! This doesn't mean you won't find a woman who likes you; it just means it will be harder for you than for other guys. When a woman thinks a guy is hot, about half will admit it. The other half will say: "He's so sensitive - really understands me, ..." Don't believe it, she just likes his 6-pack! Women don't fall in love with cash or personality. Like us guys, it's 90% looks. They'll make up the rest to sound politically correct.

[wester]

It is hard to feel attractive when no one tells you. Of course they say it's about how you feel about yourself, but that's only true if you want to ask yourself out on a date. I have never felt attractive because I suffer from the double whammy: I have never been told I was attractive, but my friends have right in front of my face. Ever stand next to your friend and a girl comes along and says to your friend, "Wow, you look really handsome today." You hear that a lot about your friends but not you and you're just standing there looking away, feeling uncomfortable and like the third wheel.

 

That's when you know you are unattractive. And it doesn't feel good one bit.

 

Story of my life.

[Altruist]

Dont you think you're a little young to be thinking that you're gay? Give yourself a chance to discover your sexuality.

[My Advice]

''Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Information compiled by Maurice Sterndale D Hyp. PDCHyp.

Body dysmorphic disorder is an under-recognised chronic problem that is defined as an excessive preoccupation with an imagined or a minor defect of a localised facial feature or body part, resulting in decreased social, academic and occupational functioning. Patients who have body dysmorphic disorder are preoccupied with an ideal body image and view themselves as ugly or misshapen. Comorbid psychiatric disorders may also be present in these patients. Body dysmorphic disorder is distinguished from eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa that encompass a preoccupation with overall body shape and weight. Psychosocial and neurochemical factors, specifically serotonin dysfunction, are postulated etiologies. Treatment approaches include cognitive-behavioural hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and psychotropic medication. To relieve the symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, in higher dosages than those typically recommended for other psychiatric disorders, may be necessary.

BDD is a chronic disorder that is equally common in men and women, and usually presents during adolescence and young adulthood. The average age of onset is 17 years.''.........one of many definitions of the disorder, although i think every person has a different degree of suffering of BDD and thereforee suffer in slightly different ways.

[bostonbruins24]

I'm not sure I agree with your theory.All things being equal[good social network,good environment for meeting women ,good social skills] then yes the kind of things you mention will happen to one.However,I know many attractive people of both sexes who have difficulties meeting someone for a variety of reasons[some work nights,some don't have many friends to help them meet people ,some are shy.I don't think it is as simplistic as you make it.

[May_It_Be]

It's even the same with Hollywood celebrities. Like Jennifer Aniston, for example. I've heard some men say that they thought she was God's gift to the human race, but I've also heard men say she was absolutely hideous. It's all subjective.

[May_It_Be]

Kudos on posting this. I was going to suggest the exact same thing, for this poor poster. Sounds like there's a psychological issue that needs to be addressed. Makes me sad.

[bijoux27]

How do you know if you are attractive?

 

You ask your friend to go to a stranger and ask them what they think of you.

 

Just a suggestion

[bostonbruins24]

How do you know if you are attractive?

 

You ask your friend to go to a stranger and ask them what they think of you.

 

Just a suggestion As others have mentioned,looks are highly subjective.Because that one stranger doesn't think you are attractive ,would that make you unattractive?Of course not!

[schaser]

I don't think i'm a perfect 10. But I don't really let it bother me as such. I know who I am and generally am at ease with myself, so that's all that really counts.

 

I think in life, we should never let anyone else bring us down or make us unhappy. Life is short, and we should live for now and make the most of our lives. Any moment spent in unhappiness is one less moment to be happy.

[REDIRECT43]

Hahahaha, I'm sorry but that is too funny.

[Scorpion Fury]

give it up. this thread is hella old.

[bostonbruins24]

Sorry but I don't agree with this.Your attitiude and demeanor as just as important as your physical package.No one is going to want to talk to you if you look like you are ready to kill someone.Many good looking guys feel that they are unattractive because they don't do well with women but in most cases it is usually a psychological issue not a physical one that keeps them from success.

[bostonbruins24]

You are not being honest,you are venting.People can pick up on a person's demeanor a mile away,along with there physical package.If what you say is true how do you explain unattractive men hooking up with good looking women all of the time?Good looks help but they are not the deciding factor.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I think there are two dimensions to attractiveness. There’s how other people view us and there’s how we view ourselves. These two are not independent of each other. People who generally have good self esteem and believe themselves to be attractive are usually people who have been made to feel attractive by others.

 

For instance, the girl that every guy flirts with and hits on. She’s the girl that guys always ask out. She probably has no issues with how she sees herself because her attractiveness is evident in the way guys so obviously pursue her.

 

I think it’s the same for guys too. Guys that girls throw themselves at and are all over all the time, guys that get asked out or approached or have tons of success with women have higher self esteem and feel they are attractive. Again it’s validated by the fact that women are actually interested and demonstrate that interest by pursuing a romantic relationship of some sort.

 

If you are someone that no one has ever shown the least amount of interest in it’s very hard to consider yourself attractive. There’s no evidence that you are because no one ever wants you in a way that validates your attractiveness. This leads you to automatically assume you are not attractive.

 

This in turn affects how you interact with people that you are attracted to. If you spend years as a dateless wonder or someone that never gets attention you become desensitized to the subtle signs that usually indicate interest. This means you can’t tell when he/she is flirting and showing interest.

 

It’s even worse if you’ve ever gotten all the right signals but then been rejected. You become conditioned to ignore those signals because you associate them with pain and rejection rather than acceptance and genuine desire.

 

This is also why someone who is not used to getting attention will usually cling so tightly if and when they find someone that actually is interested and pursues a genuine relationship with them. It’s as if they found that one true gold nugget in a landfill of dirt and fool’s gold.

 

I guess the answer to your question is ultimately you know you are attractive because someone takes enough of an interest in you to want a romantic relationship with you and actually makes this known to you. Until then, you will probably never feel like you are really attractive because we all need our attractiveness to be validated by someone else.

[GentleStep]

You are not being honest,you are venting.People can pick up on a person's demeanor a mile away,along with there physical package.If what you say is true how do you explain unattractive men hooking up with good looking women all of the time?Good looks help but they are not the deciding factor.

 

i didnt say good looks are the deciding factor. in fact somewhere in that heaping bulk of a quote you gave i said explicitly "personality is the make or break'er" i ment that looks get you started, and your personality is the deal maker. to answer you about teh ugly guys with hot girls? im sure everyone of those ugly guys was with that hot girl in some sort of way way before they were in a relationship.i.e. best friends, brother/sister of best friend, even something simple as they helped them when they were in need. those are different situations completely. god its like people post reply's without even thinking about them. loves doesnt just happen. you have to MAKE it happen. and those "ugly guys who are with the hot women" MADE it happen. stop making excuses, and go get it done.

[bostonbruins24]

i didnt say good looks are the deciding factor. in fact somewhere in that heaping bulk of a quote you gave i said explicitly "personality is the make or break'er" i ment that looks get you started, and your personality is the deal maker. to answer you about teh ugly guys with hot girls? im sure everyone of those ugly guys was with that hot girl in some sort of way way before they were in a relationship.i.e. best friends, brother/sister of best friend, even something simple as they helped them when they were in need. those are different situations completely. god its like people post reply's without even thinking about them. loves doesnt just happen. you have to MAKE it happen. and those "ugly guys who are with the hot women" MADE it happen. stop making excuses, and go get it done.

Is that what you were doing with your post[rant] thinking? ''Go get it done'' wow that's an insightful response,care to elaborate on how someone does that? I also thought in your original post you said that if someone is ugly then they are destined to be with an unattractive partner,yet now you claim they can go get it done.Quite a contradiction .

[GentleStep]

its because when someone reads what i say, i actually expect them to think about it instead of just watching how the words intricatly sway from side to side. but seeing as how im a wonderfull person, i'll explain it in more depth then i previously thought possible.

 

if people are ugly, they will be with ugly people.

(space for thinking about it)

however, if they stop crying about it, and CHANGE it, then they can be with whoever they feel they are ment to be with.

(more space for-you guessed it-thinking about it)

im trying not to be rude, but the simple fact remains the same. if you are ugly then you will be with ugly people.

(this is where you think about everything that was said in the above post)

 

im extremely sorry that some of you are so sensitive that you cant handle the truth and would rather have a website made for people to spoonfeed you selfish lies, that make you feel better.

[snapok]

wow, i just googled my username and found this thread. After so many years i found it, its weird to read about my past issues. It was a horrible time but now i am completely cured and i tell you, its true when people say nobody will love you unless you love yourself. Confidence is the key, it makes you attractive, to yourself and others. I didnt believe it back then, but after learning it from my own experience i am convinced it is a fact.I also realized that one of the reasons i never attracted women was because i am gay so t was like going against my nature. Very unnatural for me.

[Newyorkguy18]

i know how you feel man. I always get comments from my parents and a lot of my parents friends saying that im very handsome. But when i asked out a girl in my school she said NOOOOOOO! like she was in shock i even asked her. Another time my friends descided to ask out random girls at my lunch table for me as a joke. One of the girls replied is that a sick joke and another one started laughing histarically. that really sent my self esteem down the * * * * ter and every time i try to talk to a girl i can't help but to think they are appauled by me inside. just wanted to let you know your not the only one.

[tiemyhands]

If I were around a guy like you I would feel extremely uncomfortable.

I can sense the low confidence off of you from a mile.

 

Maybe see a dermatologist..

Try eating healthy and getting a lot of sleep, drinking water 8 cups a day.

It'll clear up your skin. That should help.. And you will also feel better about yourself.

Looks aren't everything..

I'd choose a guy with confidence, a guy that can make me laugh all night and day that isn't attractive, then a guy that's attractive with no personality and bores me to death.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

wow, i just googled my username and found this thread. After so many years i found it, its weird to read about my past issues. It was a horrible time but now i am completely cured and i tell you, its true when people say nobody will love you unless you love yourself. Confidence is the key, it makes you attractive, to yourself and others. I didnt believe it back then, but after learning it from my own experience i am convinced it is a fact.I also realized that one of the reasons i never attracted women was because i am gay so t was like going against my nature. Very unnatural for me.

I am so happy for you, but that last sentence was laugh out loud funny. I hope your love life and life in general is well.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I don’t know. There’s a saying “nothing succeeds like success”. So I would say that a person “knows” they are attractive because they have had success in relationships with people they find attractive. Failure to attract someone leads to doubts about one’s own attractiveness.

 

Family and friends don’t count because you assume they are feeling obliged to say you are attractive but there is no possibility for a relationship there. What you want is for someone you find attractive and with whom you could have a relationship to “validate” your attractiveness by admitting that they think you are attractive.

 

I’m not sure if that helps you but honestly I understand how you're feeling.

[sidehop]

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