How do i know if i am attractive?

[ShySoul]

Beauty is only in the eyes of the beholder

 

External beauty, yes. True beauty lies inside and is constant. It's in a good heart and a caring soul.

[jurupa]

Lily04 - You brought up an interesting point with the attractiveness study. The thing you have to remember with any study of any type is that they can not cover every single type/category out there when they do the study.

 

For the most part I will say that the study is right, but then there are guys like me who fall out side of the study. I consider my self average looking and very few girls (mostly moms, I know sad lol, there is a reason behind it tho) said that I was good looking. I have have see all types of girls attracted to me, for what I can not tell you as I can not read minds, but I am also attracted to all types of girls as well so that may be part of the reason, who knows. Going back to the study, when we see two people that both match on looks we see the pysical connection, but when the looks do not match we wonder why the better looking one (it being the guy or girl) pick the "ugly" one as a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are loads of reasons why, but it makes us wonder anyway becuase it looks unatural, unblance, and odd to us.

[ShySoul]

It's all subjective. Standards of physcial beauty change from culture to culture so you can't come up with some definition of "hot." I for one don't understand how tiny feet (or feet in general), are attractive. But for some people, thats what they like. Standards of beauty have changed throughout the years. Today larger breasts may be preferred. At one point, smaller breasts were more popular. And it changes from person to person, what they are attracted. I've yet to find one person whom everyone can is "hot" or a "10."

 

So if it can vary so much, why worry about? Some people will think you are physically attractive, others won't. What counts is the person you are.

[Lily04]

It's all subjective. Standards of physcial beauty change from culture to culture so you can't come up with some definition of "hot." I for one don't understand how tiny feet (or feet in general), are attractive. But for some people, thats what they like. Standards of beauty have changed throughout the years. Today larger breasts may be preferred. At one point, smaller breasts were more popular. And it changes from person to person, what they are attracted. I've yet to find one person whom everyone can is "hot" or a "10."

 

So if it can vary so much, why worry about? Some people will think you are physically attractive, others won't. What counts is the person you are.

 

This is true as well. And if you already have low self-esteem for whatever reason, there's no need to be comparing yourself constantly to others to know if you're "above average" or "below" because confidence usually means much more to a girl anyway, than looks. And personality. I mean, when I dated my first boyfriend he wasn't very good-looking at all to most people (as I said he was rated a 5-6/10 on hotornot so he's not like a 10) but at the time I thought he was a really caring and nice guy, and our personality and interests were compatible so I went out with him. That's what it usually comes down to anyway... as long as I'm somewhat physically attracted to him it's OK.

 

And also, as I said, what's attractive some won't be attractive to others. I'll go out to bars and some guys there won't give me a passing glance. But today I went to my department at school, and practically every guy was locking eyes with me... older guys (like those in their late 20s) usually tend to be into me. And hey, I'm usually only attracted to guys in their mid-late 20s anyway, so I'm actually sorta glad about that. =)

[Markers]

hotornot = junk because they only see your photo, they see features only. Well, I have noticed while drawing portraits that really what makes a person look good is the personality together with the looks. A person with bad looking facial features might look good if the personality is good, and vice versa. Never trust on photos, they're usually snapshots and don't reveal the true essense of a person making it impossible to judge the real attractiveness of the person. Hope that made sense.

[ShySoul]

I'll agree with markers on the hotornot site, and those like it. Can't trust the scores as some people will treat it as a joke and lower everyone's score. Others will be at their most superficial when it comes to looks. And for some, it's a bad picture that lowers the score. Why should someone be ranked as not hot for a bad picture or not the most photogenic face?

[Lily04]

I'll agree with markers on the hotornot site, and those like it. Can't trust the scores as some people will treat it as a joke and lower everyone's score. Others will be at their most superficial when it comes to looks. And for some, it's a bad picture that lowers the score. Why should someone be ranked as not hot for a bad picture or not the most photogenic face?

 

I agree. I actually posted 2 pics of myself out of curiosity. One was a bad pic of me (I'm actually not that photogenic either) and was rated a high 6. The other was better (i.e. lighting was good, it wasn't taken with a crappy webcam) and got around an 8. I also think pictures aren't very representative of how a person always looks...I've seen pics of people who look MUCH better in real life, so don't take it too seriously...

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Lily04]

My point was that the pic I posted up there that got a low score wasn't a decent pic (low lighting, you could hardly see my face, etc.) In the one that was properly lighted and that was taken not with a webcam but with a regular camera, my score was much higher... and I think there's many situations where people just don't appear as how they do in real life as they do in pics... in some cases they look worse, in some cases much better, because the pic emphasizes certain facial features, as it's taken from an angle or cropped somehow, etc... sometimes it's not the greatest approximation. Also Hotornot is highly biased against blondes showing cleavage. If you're ugly but still a blonde, the camera is aimed straight down at your cleavaeg, you'll get a 10/10. Some scores are just off as well... so I can see how some may not think it's that reliable. But if it's a decent pic that looks relatively like you in real life, then it should be a reliable indicator of your general attractiveness to people.

 

Also note, however, that on Hotornot, most people rated me a 7-9, but some people rated me a 9/10, and some even 3-5. Why the range in scores? Because attractiveness isn't a standard scale... to some people you may be really hot, to some not... thereforeeee there is no one answer to 'hot or not.'

 

Also, I meant that when I go in clubs/walk in the dept. a lot of guys in their late 20s will stare at me/hit on me. I'm not saying in classes/church where you know people. These are people I have NEVER talked with EVER. But other people will not stare at me and find me attractive. So it VARIES according to the person. Even in a random environment, there will be some people who find you hot, some not. I believe attractiveness is standard to some extent, but whether you're a 7/8, 8/9 will vary. Whether you're "below average" or "above average" in looks is usually a range, and I believe that is an objective measure for the most part (usually people with a more symmetrical face are considered more attractive, and there have been studies on this as well. Even babies will stare longer at more attractive people.)

[ShySoul]

. If you're ugly but still a blonde, the camera is aimed straight down at your cleavaeg, you'll get a 10/10.

 

A lot of lonely guys doing the rating then.......

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It is hard to feel attractive when no one tells you. Of course they say it's about how you feel about yourself, but that's only true if you want to ask yourself out on a date. I have never felt attractive because I suffer from the double whammy: I have never been told I was attractive, but my friends have right in front of my face. Ever stand next to your friend and a girl comes along and says to your friend, "Wow, you look really handsome today." You hear that a lot about your friends but not you and you're just standing there looking away, feeling uncomfortable and like the third wheel.

 

That's when you know you are unattractive. And it doesn't feel good one bit.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[danielj]

I feel ya KYO 110%!!!!

 

Ditto for me as well

[barenmind]

...on Hotornot, most people rated me a 7-9, but some people rated me a 9/10, and some even 3-5. Why the range in scores? Because attractiveness isn't a standard scale... to some people you may be really hot, to some not... thereforeeee there is no one answer to 'hot or not.'

 

So true, I think anyone who questions whether they are attractive or not, should post a photo on Hot or Not, just to see this phenomenon. There ARE people out there that have rated me a '10' on there, albeit not as many as the ones who gave me lower scores, but it does show that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.

[ShySoul]

Why let others be the beholder? Why not see you are beautiful yourself? Even if everyone gives you low marks, you are still beautiful if you believe you are beautiful. It's when you think you are ugly that you project that negativity and others will pick it up, thus causing them to not react well to you. You essentially confirm and make true what you are saying.

 

Kyo and wlfpack, I was thinking last night and linked you to together. You both put yourself down because of your looks. And yet, you never post what you look like. I'm willing to bet that if you posted your pic on here, you would get a fair share of compliments. You'd get positive compliments, thus showing that you are not ugly, that people do find you attractive. Kyo, I know you've been complimented lots of times on the person you are. And wlfpack, I haven't read many posts from you lately, but I'm sure people compliment you as well. So why not take a challenge? Post a pic. If you get compliments, you can see you aren't ugly. If you don't, then I'll leave you alone and won't try to motivate you guys anymore. Deal?

[barenmind]

Why let others be the beholder? Why not see you are beautiful yourself? ... I'm willing to bet that if you posted your pic on here, you would get a fair share of compliments.

 

No one is trying to attract themselves. I'm already stuck with me. I agree that you should be able to see yourself as a beautiful person, but if no one else ever reinforces this, what's the use? Of course, once you see yourself as a beautiful person, other people will begin to see it too. It's kind of a catch 22. You just have to ask yourself, "Do I want to make the change now, or just sit around waiting for it to happen?" I do think posting a photo online for the purpose of receiving comments or ratings might surprise those who think they're "ugly". You may get bad ratings too, but you can't please everyone, but if you get one '10', it means someone thinks you are a '10'! That's a pretty good feeling, even if it is only one person.

[ShySoul]

I see what you mean barenmind, and agree to a certain extent. Having others compliment you can boost the way you look at themselves. Problem is, a lot of people who have low self esteem on their looks are likely to ignore the good marks they get and focus on the bad ones. They are so convinced they are ugly that those comments and marks will be what they focus on. Instead of, "this girl gave me a 10" they will think "these girls gave me a 3."

 

While it can help, ultimately the person has to appreciate their own beauty, inside and out, first. Even if someone finds the person attractive, if they don't see it themselves they will not show it and the negativity may just frighten the one who likes them away. No one wants to be with someone who puts themselves down all the time. So I guess its a balance. You have to be happy with yourself, but hearing it from someone else can help.

[Kevin T]

Wow, I agree with everything you've been saying the past few posts, ShySoul. Excellent advice. You're very wise for your age.

[barenmind]

Once the snowball starts rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger. Just make sure you don't use yellow snow to make your snowball.

[ShySoul]

Thanks kevin.

 

barenmind - I'll keep that in mind. Though it never snows where I live, so I'm going to have to use my imagination for the analogy.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think whether people perceive you as being beautiful or not depends on how you portray yourself. I have been told that self confidence and self love plays a part of how people percieve you as being cute or not. Why? Because if you are self-confident and you love who you are, it will show in your face and your demeanor, and that all plays a big role in whether you are seen as cute or not.

 

I don't feel attractive myself although I have been told that I am decent looking for an Asian girl. My biggest roadblock to why I dont see myself as being attractive is because I am kinda tiny. I am only 4'5" tall and I have had people mistake me for being a kid. I have noticed that on the days I feel good about myself and am in a good mood, I tend to dress better and give off good vibes and I notice guys take notice of that.

[ShySoul]

renaissancewoman - I was recently talking to a guy who said he found shorter girls more attractive. The girl he liked was only 5'0'' I believe. I know a girl only 5'4'' who I think is incredible attractive. And I know another girl who is 4'9'' but has the biggest personality I've seen. Having gotten to know her, I'd say her height only makes her cuter. So height doesn't have to be something that holds you back. There are guys who will actually find that attractive. And if they appreciate and care about you, height won't matter to them.

[renaissancewoman101]

ShySoul, thanks for the vote of confidence.

[renaissancewoman101]

ShySoul, since you gave me a vote of confidence, I decided to put up a pic of myself. What you think?

[ShySoul]

Can't see close up, but I don't see any reason to doubt yourself. I'm sure guys find you very attractive. And this may be my own personal bias, but the glasses are a very attractive touch.