Your views on photo's of ex-boyfriend who is deceased...

[mca1975]

Hello there, I dont want to go into too much detail, but my boyfriend passed away in tragic circumstances over 5 years ago. It was an awful time. I loved him a lot and he loved me, but we had issues and he had issues too which led to his death. We had relationship problems at the time of his death, so it was hard to deal with the death and the fact of there being no closure.

 

However, I now lead a very happy life, have a good social life and great friends and family!

 

Now, I have a boyfriend, and its serious. We are in love. He is just amazing, so patient and understanding. We have been together for only 3 weeks, but have been friends for over a year, but we are already a well-established couple and I'm enjoying every second of it.

 

Anwyay, my question is that I have a couple of photos of my ex who passed away in my flat up on the wall, they're not large or anything and they are of him on his own (not us as a couple) but they have always been there. Now he has not said anything at all, but what do you all think about them being left there? or is it time to take them down? I dont know. I'm not sure if I want to take them down or not, but a small part of me must want to I guess if I'm wondering? My new boyfriend would never ask me to do such a thing, he is very understanding and supportive of me and knows all about my history.

 

Thanks all

 

x

[Iceman26]

How do you feel about them? Have you talked to your boyfriend about how he feels about them?

 

I think once you know that you will know what to do with them.

[mca1975]

Yeh I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable, tho he has not stated as such. I think I feel a bit of guilt in putting them away... like its forgetting.

[Kalika]

Your boyfriend sounds wonderful and I'm glad you've moved on and are now happy.

 

Why not take them off the wall and make an album? You can put pics of your ex along with other pics of family and friends.. like an "Old Times" album..

 

I would say, take them down only if they make you sad when you see them. (Or if you just plain want to). Obviously he will always be in your memories so taking down the picture isn't an insult or anything.

[Iceman26]

Why not put them in a nice photo album or scrapbook? Perhaps that way you won't feel like you are throwing them away.

[avman]

I think you should talk directly to your boyfriend and get his opinion on it. Come to an agreement between the two of you rather than assuming how he might feel about it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I would take them down and put them into a nice photo album.

 

It can be very intimidating to have photos of an ex plastered all over their partner's walls. I think it is very appropriate to keep such pictures, but not in a prominent place where your current partner has to stare at them all the time.

 

I also think that there comes a point in grieving where it is good to let the past go, and remove that person from such prominence in your life. Keep the mementos of course so that you can remember the person with fondness and view the photos occasionally, but not have that in the forefront of our life.

 

I have a friend who lost a goddaughter and has large photos of the girl all over her house. It is awkward because the family went on to have another child soon after the girl died, and the new child must walk into the house and see the shrine to his dead sister, but very few photos of himself. It has caused friction with the family because she is hanging onto the memory of the dead girl in an unhealthy way, at the expense of the living. So you have to put it into perspective and recognize that life does go on, and the living need your love and attention in ways the dead no longer do.

[abitbroken]

Keep them, don't throw them away. But put them somewhere else. If you can't, make sure there is a photo of your new boyfriend and you in there too.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would definitely take them off the wall and put them away in an album. If you talk to him about it then that is basically asking him if you could still keep them on the wall. Out of respect for him it should be you making the decision to take it off the wall, not putting him on the spot by asking him how he feels.

[ghost69]

does he know you dated a bf that passed away? i think a talk is in order if not. explain the pictures, but i'd take them off the wall as you have moved on with your life. definitely keep them though as they are a piece of your heart.

[amtjrtcet]

I think it would be appropriate out of respect for him and for your own closure to put them away and store them somewhere. Don't have to toss them in trash or anything.

 

I agree...you can keep them somewhere private, but for you and your new bf I'd take them down.

[hiphop3]

i would say put the pictures in a private place. by doing so it will help with your grieving process. it is not betraying the memory of your ex, he will always be with you, and i am sure he is happy to see you continuing on with your life with some one who cares for you.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I agree with the person who mentioned a scrapbook. Maybe make up a scrapbook in his memory and put the pictures in that and lock that away.

[blue69]

I say put the picture away when your ready. You are just now contemplating, no need to rush into this. When you feel you are ready to take it down, then do so. No need to do this for anyone else tho. I wouldn't bother me at all if a new girlfriend had those out.

[mca1975]

Hello, thanks everyone. Some good friendly advice there. I am, at this stage, just contemplating as it has not become a problem, if it does at all. I think the idea of an album is a good idea.

 

I think in a way, I kinda felt a little like I wouldnt like it if it was the other way around. However, I feel slightly protective of the pictures, like I would get very defensive if I was asked to take them down and also, like I said, a small amount of guilt if I decided off my own back to take them down. I am kind of comparing the situation to my last ex, which was a couple of years ago, who really kicked up a fuss about them being there, but to be honest he wasn't a very nice person and was very possessive.

 

By the way, there are only two and they are not ever so prominent and there are none of us as a couple as that would just be a bit too weird.

 

I think the best option is to just talk with my b/f which I am more than happy to do, as we are totally honest with each other in every way, having been such close friends for so long and, yes, he does know everything about me and my history. We will come to a decision on this together.

 

Thanks all. Have a lovely xmas!

[Kimber038]

In my opinion, I believe your boyfriend is choosing to let you decide when you should take it down. he is great to support you but in the same time, he is hoping that you can get closure within yourself to take it down and I am sure he will wait for you to be able to do that. In time, I think you will know what is best for you and him. I am sorry about your loss.