So my ex is taking me back to court

[TexasDad]

To try and modify what she agreed to only 6 months ago. When do you reach a breaking point and do something really wrong? I haven't ate or slept in days I was so angry after talking to my attorney last night that I put my fist through a door, I knew I shouldn't do it but I had no way to stop it (it felt good but now I have to buy a new door).

 

On top of wanting to modify she took out a temporary restraining order, restraining me from drinking 24 hours before I take possession of the kids or anytime while I have possession. Now I don’t drink hardly at all, but now I can’t have a beer with my dad when he visits, I can’t partake in communion if I go to mass, I can't have a glass of wine with holiday dinners nothing nada. I have never had a DWI or a public intox, I have never had the police called on me, nothing, she is doing this out of spite. She has also filed contempt charges against me saying I transferred our daughter to another school without her knowledge, but get this SHE is the one who filled out the enrollment package at the new school and my daughter had to go there because they built a new school and re-drew the boundaries.

 

I have now paid 11 thousand dollars I don't have to lawyers this year and this seems as though it will never stop. I am losing my F-ing mind! I cannot keep this up...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I'm sorry.... this is typical though in bitter divorces. some people will use their own kids as leverage to 'win' and torment a spouse.

 

Ask the school for a copy of the enrollment package she filled out. Is it in her handwriting with her signature? If you can get a copy of that and prove that she is lying to the court in order to try to steamroll you, this might really work in your favor.

 

Most judges get extremely angry when people make false or exaggerated claims in order to try to work things to their advantage in a custody battle. In fact, lying to the court about these kinds of things can frequently be grounds for losing custody.

 

So if you can prove she is lying to try to work things to her advantage, that actually might be a gift for you. Try to get that enrollment package, and go to your lawyer with that.

[lostandhurt]

Man this has to be tough on you. I know it is easy to say but you need to stay calm and look right through what she is doing. She is trying to get you upset and hurt you and you are allowing it to happen. Don't let her words, actions and lies control you. It is obvious her life sucks and she is trying to make sure yours does as well. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much this is bothering you or it will never end. Once she figures out what she can do to push your buttons she will not stop. Oh yeah and everything BSB said above. Rise above all this and continue on the high road, I know it isn't easy but you can do it. I have tried very hard to stay on the high road but the damn thing is all up hill! keep posting and fix that door right away before she finds out about it and tries to use that against you.

 

lost

[scornandtorn]

I know exactly what you are going through, as my ex has done the same thing to me. She drug me back to court several times on contempt charges, however she and her lawyer could never prove the allegations they were throwing at me.

 

I represented myself (without an attorney) each time because, just as you stated, the attorney fees during the actual divorce proceedings tapped me out.

 

I think my ex did it just to continue demonizing me for the poor choices she has made in her life. Don't let her illogical behavior get the best of you. The burden of proof will be on her. You, however, will have to be able to defend yourself. Do your homework get the evidence you need, research the law on contempt in your state, look at the history of contempt charges that have gone before the judge that will be deciding your case.

 

Good luck. I won each of the cases she brought against me. It wasn't easy but I did the research and saved myself thousands of more dollars in attorney's fees. She, on the other hand, had to pay allot of money just to lose those battles.

[d24]

that's awful... but you know what would be even more frustrating for her.... let her think you don't care about the drinking thing. In fact if she asks, thank her saying it was a nice way to stick to your latest diet (which obviously doesnt allow alcohol) ;-)

To be honest she probably just wants a reaction to let her know that she can still hurt you - and the only reason she wants to hurt you is because she's hurting, and probably has some feelings towards you. Love or hate, it's a thin line. So you know, just ignore her and deal with it.

Re: the school thing if you can get the paperwork she really hasn't got a leg to stand on - and many judges will see her as wasting the court's time which could be a great advantage for you if you ever went for full custody.

Let her waste her money man

I had a friend once who was taken to court for his ex's share of $6000 ($3000). The legal fees she spent to get the money were above her share so it was obvious she did it through spite. Breakups can be tough but you'll be ok, she'll get bored of harassing you soon enough

 

Good luck, keep us informed!

[ImThatGirl]

Since her reasoning for taking you back to court is unsound, your attorney should have no problem requesting that she pay for your atty fee's.

 

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am wondering though - did you ever have a talk with her about the party they had. Is this her way of lashing back at you?

[TexasDad]

Since her reasoning for taking you back to court is unsound, your attorney should have no problem requesting that she pay for your atty fee's.

 

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am wondering though - did you ever have a talk with her about the party they had. Is this her way of lashing back at you?

 

 

 

I did address that to her and also the washing my son's mouth out with soap thing she told me she would not respond to my delusions.

 

I am sending my daughter to counseling next week to try and build a case against the ex to have her time with the kids reduced and or supervised.

 

Also I just got off the phone with my attorney, they are dropping the no drinking thing from the TRO and it will just read "restrained from making disparaging remarks in front of the kids" and "threatening her friends and some other crap" which I never did anyway I mean believe it or not I always speak in a positive light to the kids about their mother like just the other day I was explaining to my 7 year old that there are reasons momma doesn't let her do things and she isn't just doing it to be mean beacause my daughter is always telling me how mean mom is, so we had a long talk and I told her some white lies to paint the ex in a better light.

 

They also agreed to mediation which was what they were supposed to do anyway before filing suit, my attorney is trying to push the mediation out as far as she can so that we can have a case built against her by then and file for our own modification.

 

It appears that my ex bit off more than she could chew and after filing all of this has back tracked because she doesn't have the money to fight any of it, I guess and I don't know why, she thought I was going to just roll over for her...

 

Anyway we are going to have the counselor address several issues I have about my ex with my daughter because apparently if my daughter tells me something it is hearsay but if she tells the exact same thing to a professional then it is evidence.

[just M.E.]

I have been there, and my ex and I didn't have kids! A bitter divorce is a horrible waste of money and emotional damage.

 

I would keep a very good log on her actions, the example of the washing the mouth out with soap. If you can, see if you can get these documented through a visit with a child psychologist or something similar.

 

This is the word of experience in this - KEEP TO THE HIGH ROAD .... make her be the one who is playing all the dirty tricks. Make all your responses be clear and of high quality, do not sink into her traps. That is what those things are, traps to have you react emotionally as you did when you put your fist through the door. See this for what it is, a very destructive game. Play the good guy, the one who is above all her petty BS. In doing so, if this ends up in mediation or in front of a judge, you have been the calm, rational, caring parent.

 

By the way, my legal fees .... and there was a post nuptial, so there was really no property to dispute .... in the vicinity of $55,000.00 ....

 

It was a total nightmare and it took over one year and there was absolutely nothing to argue about. One spouse with a bitter agenda can do real harm to the others life.

 

Are you in counseling yourself? If not, go ... if it is brought up by the stbx as an indication of you being mentally unstable, respond to her attack by stating that it is necessary to maintain a balance in your life when you are being unreasonably attacked by her and you are taking every measure to insure your stress caused by her, is not transfered unnecessarily to the children.

 

See this for what it is, a surrealistic trip into the high drama of divorce world. Your life will return to normal eventually and yes, you are justified to hate it as it exists now, but hang in there.

 

It does come to an end ....

[ImThatGirl]

Glad to hear she backed off a bit already!

 

It seems like your ex won't work with you and if you say anything, she blows it out of proportion.

 

I have been following your threads and understand that you question her parenting and time with the kids. You said before that you weren't ready to go back to court and the fact that you didn't go file tells me that you didn't feel there'd be a strong enough case. I just bring the question to the table - do you really want this case to be long and drawn out? Are the benefits/advantages going to be worth it? It sounds like she's going to cower under the table and her complaints can be handled through mediation. But, with the route you are going, there will definitely be months of court and litigations.

 

 

I'm no expert by any means but I've been co-parenting with my kids' dad's for awhile (5 years my daughter, 8 my son) and fortunately haven't had to go back to the courtroom a bit. We definitely had our share of fussing and really can't say that all are happy with the arrangements but we work through problems.

 

I have experience assisting friends and family through custody hearings and such. For the most part, it seems to me that many things that are brought into the courts don't need to be (as in your ex's complaints.) That time usually mends issues well. That when people dive into getting atty's and several court hearings, it's a lot of fuss, effort, negative energy, pressure, and many times not much changes once it's all final.

 

My point is. Protecting your children is number one priority and I agree that if their wellbeing is at risk and changes can be made, they should be. Sometimes though, when the other parent swings at us no matter how small, we want to start swinging even harder... but sitting back and evaluating and letting things simmer down sometimes saves us and our children from much heartache and negativity.

[thejigsup]

Either party can take the other back to court every six months for modifications of exisiting orders until the child is eighteen. I have seen this kind of thing happen quite often in my bf's practice. Ten, twelve year clients are common for him when people are involved in a contentuous divorce or custody case. He has had more than one person go bk over this kind of thing. You can give her what she wants, and save yourself some money, or drag this out for years. The choice is yours. As long as you and she are both working, the judge is not about to order either one of you to pay the other's legal fees. Only happens when a woman has been a stay at home mom and has no job or skills. Then, maybe, he will have to pay. Women never have to pay the man's legal fees, ever.

Wait, this happened once, and the judge reversed herself two months later when the woman gave ex parte notice and took him back to court over it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The amount of time between hearings vary... In my state they can only go back for certain (money) issues every three years or whenever there is a change in circumstances (someone laid off).

 

But for custody issues related to abuse allegations, any time.

 

And i do know a case where the woman was asked to pay legal fees. She took him back to court to try to get more money but was discovered to have more assets than she claimed to have. The judge actually lowered the man's payments and made the woman pay court costs.

[thejigsup]

good for that judge! Never happens in L.A. Then again, most women here make as much as their spouses or close to it so it's generally not a big issue. Custody battles, on the other hand, go on for years and years.

[confusedmama]

I am sooo sorry you are going through this. I have been dealing with this type of situation going on 4 years now. Every little thing he can think of pulls me back into court. I wish I had advise-good or bad-but I don't. I have finally gotten fed up with his stuff and the judge in J&D and have appealed the rulings back to circuit court. I am hoping to get a better ruling and more important the peace of mind knowing he can't take me back simply because he isn't happy with the arrangements. I will refuse to have it referred back to the J&D system.

 

I'm glad that your ex is pulling back on some things and you can see a mediator. These are hopefully good signs.

 

It is tiring and frustrating and no-one understands that unless they have gone through it. I think for me it is the point that someone else is making the decisions regarding my children all because my ex wants to control my every action.

[kuhl282000]

she is doing this out of spite

 

Well man ......I understand ......nothing like a woman scorned .......and now you are paying the price .......you need to ACCEPT what has already happened .......and have very limited contact with this person ........

 

Your new thing should be very simple .......I'm be picking up the kids at 6 PM Friday night ......that's it .....no conversation/nothing ..... LIKE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME .........that crap only fuels the fire .......the less you say the better ........don't trash her in front of the kids no matter what she does ........when they get older they will make up their own mind .........I would suggest you be cool ......or forget the door....you'll be behind an iron door with bars on it ....the orders are already in place ......court orders are serious ......pay your child support ........get your kids .....and put her in your past .....as best you can ........this is the kind of crap where people snap and someone gets hurt ......and the judge knows all of this stuff .....you start letting peole know you are busting doors and you'll be in a whole different catagory .......and she'll take the kids permanent .........

 

Choose wisely my Enotalone friend .........let it go .....you won't win.

 

Be smart ........very limited contact ......kids only pick up drop off ....don't get into it with her ......you will lose everytime ........believe it or not .....it takes about 5 years and it gets better .......she'll get another guy and that will be the best thing that ever happened to you .........don't do anything stupid .....and what ever oyu do don't drink and call her and go over there ..........if you do ...get a good bondsman and a criminal attorney lined up....cause you'll need one .....

 

I'll put you in my prayers brother ......seen all this crap before ....nasty dirty stuff.

 

Be Cool!!!!!!!

Really Cool ......don't show her your sweating or upset .....love your kids they will be part of your life for a long time.

[kuhl282000]

You should leave the kids out of the legal part at all costs .......

 

You build whatever case you like without the kids .........

 

Unless abuse is involved .........not just bitterness and anger ........that goes away in time.................kids remember

[TexasDad]

kuhl282000 I already have limited contact with her, the only time we talk is when it is about the kids. I don't pay child support as I was awarded "primary custody" of the kids, as a matter of fact she pays me a measley amount of "medical support" every month for keeping the kids on my insurance.

 

I never trash her in front of the kids, quite the opposite actually I tell lies to the kids about her in a good way, like the other night at school during the parent orientation they had 3 of them and of course we end up at the same one, but when I came home I told the kids "I saw mommy at the school she said to tell ya'll that she loves you and misses you" and stuff like that(of course that was not the case hell she doesn't even call them during the times she doesn't have them). I am a great dad to my kids, nothing she does will ever change that. I am 44 years old and smart enough not to let her get me in trouble, I got married at 35 and believe me I know "women come and women go" and any type of revenge if I were to take any would not be traceable back to me, I do time to time think of how good it would feel to exact some sort of revenge but I "doubt" I'd ever act on it, but if I did I ain't no fool, I'd have a alibi.

 

My only concerns are for my kids I put them first always...

[ImThatGirl]

^^^ That post is highly concerning to me, TexasDad...

[TexasDad]

^^^ That post is highly concerning to me' date=' TexasDad...[/quote']

 

Is it?

 

You mean you don't know how to dispose of a body where it can't be found?

 

Maybe I should write a book...

 

 

 

How to dispose of a body where it won't be found

By Texas Dad

 

Chapter one:

Finding a suitable body to dispose of

 

Chapter Two:

If no one sees it happen did it really happen?

 

Chapter Three:

Location, Location, Location

 

****************************************************

 

Actually I am referring to the less lethal revenge tactics in my post above, like submitting a change of address for your ex’s mail, or requesting your ex’s utilities be shut off, or maybe signing your ex up by email for “the porn site of the day”, Perhaps some sort of rude bumper sticker placed on the back of your ex’s car.

 

Anyway it is only human to think of revenge when you have been wronged and believe me I have been wronged and I have thought lots of thoughts…

[BeStrongBeHappy]

^^^

Careful. Everyone jokes about wanting revenge on their ex, but don't go too far down that line of reasoning. If you genuinely are thinking about any form of anything other than *symbolic* revenge (i.e., if you are thinking seriously of any genuine physical acts of revenge), you need counseling immediately.

[ImThatGirl]

Agree with BeStrongBeHappy.

 

Another note: I think Scott Peterson and maybe even Drew Peterson already wrote those books... Not to mention many other men and women.

 

Gotta put in some more thoughts here though.

 

At some point, there has to be a sense of acceptance that she is who she is, TXDad. I know that you feel as though she destroyed you and your childrens lives. I know that adjusting is painful, that recreating your plans for a future is something that you never expected. But pent up anger isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

I try to live by optimism. Positive thoughts. Count my blessings.

 

To be angry with someone else is to give them your life, your soul, your energy, and heart.

 

We could all live in negativity and let anger and hate control our lives.. I could too. But... To get to a happy, content point in your life, you've got to eliminate the negative energy. Since you must co-parent with her, I suggest you work through the anger, accept, and re-train your mind to "not" be overtaken by thoughts of her.

 

See my sig line below - Eleanor R.

[ImThatGirl]

When did you two separate, when did she move out, and when was the divorce final?

[TexasDad]

^^^

Careful. Everyone jokes about wanting revenge on their ex, but don't go too far down that line of reasoning. If you genuinely are thinking about any form of anything other than *symbolic* revenge (i.e., if you are thinking seriously of any genuine physical acts of revenge), you need counseling immediately.

 

Reminds me of that Guns and Roses song...

 

 

But really I understand you people don't know me...

 

Do I want to punch my ex wife right in her empty head? YES

 

Will I punch my ex wife in her empty head? NO

 

Did I want to shoot the idiot behind me riding my bumper this morning? YES

 

Did I shoot the idiot behind me riding my bumper this morning? Hmm I guess we will need to watch the news and see...

 

LOL

 

Do I need counseling? Doesn't everyone...

[TexasDad]

When did you two separate' date=' when did she move out, and when was the divorce final?[/quote']

 

She told me she wanted out in Oct 07, we occupied the house together until Christmas 07 because our work schedules alllowed us not to have to deal with each other for more than an hour, divorce was final in March 08.

[ImThatGirl]

Joking is one thing.

 

But your post about revenge and alibi's and that you "doubt..." Not good. Ya know?

[ImThatGirl]

She told me she wanted out in Oct 07, we occupied the house together until Christmas 07 because our work schedules alllowed us not to have to deal with each other for more than an hour, divorce was final in March 08.

 

So coming up on a year.

 

What ended up happening with possible court and counseling and all?

 

Did ya read my other long post? lol