scornandtorn

Hey Bcuz, The one thing I can say about her message that I did listen to, as well as all the contact we had before I went NC, is that she is very angry that I do not take her bait and fall into the trap anymore. Id like comment on your list of reasons though, 1. Yes, I think choosing infidelity, lying, anger, and destroying friendships over love, security, and the conventus of marriage is definetly a bad decision. 2.Obviously with her anger she is trying to get me to snap, so all her actions will be justified. Then I would be responsible for her decisions. 3. She can't even control herself, let alone me. Him maybe, but not me. 4. Although she has caused me great pain, she will not ever control the healing I am dealing with. I control that and blocking her out of my life is key. 5. I question if she even really knows what love is. Out of all the relationships in my life, ever, she was the one I had the most trust with. I thought she was the most grounded of all of them and that was the biggest mistake of my life. On a happier note, the relationship between my first wife and I is flurioushing and i enjoy that for now. I know that you are on the same page as me concerning our ex's and I hope that restrainting orders are not necessary. I wish you luck in dealing with your xgf and her issues.

Trust me he will ask, tell him the truth! It will hurt him far worse to find out the truth now. At least give him the truth. I've been in his shoes and had to put precious time into discovering the truth on my own. It was far more painful to learn there was also another reason, and all the time you had to waste finding all the answers could have been used far more constructively, HEALING.

Hey Rose The thing is, I dont want her to change, I love her for who she is now and who she was then. Sure I hope it will grow into something more, but I am aware that it may not. Which will be ok, because at the minimum I have reunited with my best friend. I am just thankful she is there for me at what ever level she decides and I will not push it any farther. She really is a great person and right now she is my angel.

Don't have an affair. It is the most devastating thing that could ever happen to someone. Trust me I know. If it really grosses you out then take a break from intamacy until you both have a grip on the relationship. But dont cheat. My ex wife cried the last time we made love, and it really gave me a wakeup call. I thought I could fix it and would have done anything to make it right, but the damage was done, she cried from the guilt of having an affair

Thank you for your insight, it is very inspirational. I read the article and it was inline with my situation. I am taking it slowly (17 months) and just enjoying her friendship. Dont have any expectations just happiness that she is back in my life.

She moved out 19 mo ago and our divorce was final on 11/16/05. She put me through hell and left me with the lies. She moved in with him (my friend) the day we separated. They had been having an affair for two years, best I can tell, when I was out of town for work. She immediately filed for divorce and put me through a expensive battle, even though we didnt have any children and she didn't want the house. I dont get it, I gave her everything she wanted but she chose to ruin us both financially. When the divorce was final she was constantly contacting me about stupid things. Enough was enough and I told her I did not want her to contact me anymore,that what she did was wrong and just let me heal and rebuild my life. Since then I change my cell number and home number, but she got my new home number and calls constantly. I dont answer and she leaves messages that I just delete because she is so angry. It is almost a year since the divorce and this weekend she has called here 6 times and sent me a letter I didnt read. Whats it going to take to get her out of my life?

bcuzitwasfun, I appreciate your comments. I am glad neither of my marriages produced any children. Thats a whole different story. I think its great for you to maintain some type of relationship with your ex wife, at least for your daughters sake. If it grows to more than that in the future good on ya. Everything happens for a reason. For me, I am truly content having her back in my life as a close friend. I have always loved her and always will, but I am thankful she is close to me at whatever level we are both comfortable with. If that is all we are I am happy, if it evolves into more great, but I am glad to have my best friend back. scornandtorn

I wish I would of found this website a long time ago (19 mo. separated, 10 mo. divorced). I know, the math does not = the thread title. You will see why at the end of this post. My story in short. I spent all of 2005 going through a bitter divorce from my second wife of 8 yrs. We had what I thought was a great marriage, but she really started disconnecting from me the last year we were together. I fell into the trap and tried to be understanding and supportive of her needs. She was on a emotional roller coaster, you know what I mean, the more you try to meet her needs and repair the marriage the worst it gets? Nothing made sense, everything was my fault, she didnt feel we were in love anymore, she was not good enough for me, (insert other excuses here...) blah, blah, blah. We separated and she went to stay with a couple who were our good friends. I attempted to save the marriage, went to counceling on my own, read self help books, and prayed to God. Nothing helped and after one month separated, she filed for divorce. You see, I travel frequently for my job and she always supported me 100% because it is my dream job that I seeked my entire life. Our outlook on it was this_ our time together is precious and we use it wisely. We werent in that everyday rut and every minute spent together was romantic, tender, and perfect. Never angry, just enjoying our love for each other. When I was gone she would spend her time with another couple who were our best friends. I was so glad she wasnt always at home alone and really enjoyed there friendship. We were equal partners in our marrige and I had total trust in her. Yeah, you guessed it, she was having an affair with the other husband, my friend! After the divorce was final last Nov. I immediately declared N.C., changed my cell number, blocked her email, etc. She was very angry but I dont care. I lost my wife, my friends, and have been financially devistated. But I dont have to hear the lies anymore. Here is where the thread title comes in to play. After our initial seperation I picked up one those self help books. It suggested I contact an old friend from the past, they would be glad to hear from me and will try to comfort me. The person I contacted I havent spoke to in 12 yrs. She was my first wife. Sure I used to be in love with her, but she was also my best friend. I found out her number and called. Me "Do you know who this is?" Her " oh my god I cant believe this is happening. Ive missed you so much." You see she was very receptive when I reached out to her. We already know each other on that level and she knows I am a good husband. We are now best friends after reconnecting a year and half ago. Sure I was needy, but am conscious that I could easily fall in love with her all over again, but am happy also just having her in my life again as a friend. Dont know what I would of done without her during those rough times. Need your feed back, Thanks.