So my ex is taking me back to court

[TexasDad]

Oh I was perfectly happy until I had to drop another 3k in attorneys fees for something stupid and will ultimately go my way, she is just being spiteful and trying to make me lose the house IMO. You are right she is what she is, which is a pain in my butt. She will soon realize she can't win against me and hopefully go away...

[TexasDad]

So coming up on a year.

 

What ended up happening with possible court and counseling and all?

 

Did ya read my other long post? lol

 

It got tossed because of several things. The attorneys are hashing out a date for mediation, she is *digging her hole* deeper and deeper each week.

 

 

*not a reference to a grave, just an old saying*

[ImThatGirl]

Oh I was perfectly happy until I had to drop another 3k in attorneys fees for something stupid and will ultimately go my way, she is just being spiteful and trying to make me lose the house IMO. You are right she is what she is, which is a pain in my butt. She will soon realize she can't win against me and hopefully go away.. .

 

This is why you spent $3k in my opinion.

 

You waited for her to push an issue. Which she ended up relaxing on and it will be dealt with through mediation, right?

 

In turn, you decide to show her who she is messing with, no? And that she can't win. And make this a huge case. The mediation would have only cost low hundreds I'm guessing.

 

Mind if I ask what $3k covers?

 

And I'm not trying to offend here but just making some objective points. Sometimes it's difficult to "not react..." But reactions can cost us our mind, our childrens emotionally, and our pocketbooks..

[TexasDad]

Oh and my daughter (7 years old) starts counseling next Tuesday

[ImThatGirl]

Oh and my daughter (7 years old) starts counseling next Tuesday

 

I'd love to see specifics on what counseling will cover and what you hope to accomplish by this.

 

One other point - Don't you think that once you guys head back into the courtroom, her atty will point out "This man... had all these worries supposedly... but didn't seek counseling. UNTIIIIIIL my client contacted the courts about him. And THEN he started his revenge. THIS is nothing more than revenge Your Honor?"

 

Again... just making some points. The timing doesn't look good, TX..

[TexasDad]

This is why you spent $3k in my opinion.

 

You waited for her to push an issue. Which she ended up relaxing on and it will be dealt with through mediation, right?

 

In turn, you decide to show her who she is messing with, no? And that she can't win. And make this a huge case. The mediation would have only cost low hundreds I'm guessing.

 

Mind if I ask what $3k covers?

 

And I'm not trying to offend here but just making some objective points. Sometimes it's difficult to "not react..." But reactions can cost us our mind, our childrens emotionally, and our pocketbooks..

 

No you got that all wrong she can't win because what she is asking for makes no sense and her actions prove it.

 

3k is the retainer.

 

As far as my possible case against her that hinges on what the counselor determines, if the counselor says my kids are not in any mental or physical danger from their mothers actions I am good with that, but if there is a concern for the kids then I will go to court and try and get her time with the kids reduced by 2 days.

 

Mediation varies, just like attorneys, you get what you pay for. The problem with mediation is you spend money on a mediator and if you still can't come to terms then off to court. Now two sane people may be able to come to terms but...well she is far from sane at this point.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ How much would it have cost for only mediation?

 

I never said she was going to win.

 

"Reduced by 2 days." A week, a month?

[TexasDad]

^^ How much would it have cost for only mediation?

 

I never said she was going to win.

 

"Reduced by 2 days." A week, a month?

 

Mediator was atleast the one I looked at was $450 a person for the first 4 hours and $100 per person per hour after that up to 8 hours then it started all over again the next session

 

Currently she sees the kids on the 1st 3rd and 5th weekends with her possession period starting on Wednesday at 4:15pm, I would like it to start on Friday instead if the couselor thinks the kids are in danger due to her anger issues and over the top punishments and her supervised neglect (the party issue).

 

She is trying to have her time to pick them changed to 3:15 because that would not allow me to pick up the kids as I get off at 3, so she is trying to change it to spite me BECAUSE she can't even pick them up until around 5:15 and doesn't. She would rather the kids sit in daycare 2 blocks from my house then for me to pick them up, change my daughter from her school uniform and let them play a little.

 

Now I COULD be an a-hole and my attorney told me that if she doesn't pick the kids up until 5:15 and she is supposed to get them at 4:15 that I don't have to give them to her on account of how late she is, as an hour late is considered unreasonably late. But I am not an a-hole as I understand she doesn't get off of work early enough to get them by 4:15.

[ImThatGirl]

If I remember correctly, the mediation issue probably could have been completed in a couple hours.

 

So right now, you have them a little more than 50% of the time?

 

Maybe she has made arrangements to be able to pick them up at 3:15. My daughter used to do better when picked up directly from daycare for weekend visits. When I'd pick her up and then meet her dad, it was confusing and upsetting for her as she was set to come home with me soon as she seen me. Since you two have difficulty communicating and such, I think her picking them up from daycare is a good idea.

 

If you truly believe the kids are in danger and she's so terrible to them, why wouldn't you go for complete elimination of visitation or supervised visitation only? Why haven't you got an emergency custodial arrangement?

 

Honestly, if you are only going to gain 2 nights every two weeks, I think it's a waste of your money. A BIG waste of your money. And really, when you think about it, if you work full time, you are gaining a few hours on Wed and a few hours on Thurs on her weeks.

[TexasDad]

I think it would be better for the kids, as it stands now they don't like to go over there, becase basicaly they are ignored. I work 7am to 3 pm the kids go to bed at 8pm so worse case I am gaining 8 hours with my kids which is a lot in my eyes.

 

We are talking about supervised visitation depending on what the counselor thinks. But I don't want to keep my kids from their mom, what I would like to do is have them spend quality time with her and by reducing her time with them it will reduce her stress because she can't handle being around kids by her own admissions.

 

If she has made arrangements to pick them up then I guess that will come out in mediation but I highly doubt that will be the case.

 

 

My kids do not want to be at daycare, I have asked their opinion, and I believe it to be true. Just because their mother doesn't want to have to see me doesn't mean they should stay an extra 2.5 hours in daycare when according to the agreement entered into the court system I have every right to possess them during that time. Do you want to stay at your work any longer during the day then you have to? Daycare is a germ factory, my kids were never sick before they started going to daycare now one of them's nose is running or one of them is coughing it never fails.

[TexasDad]

If you truly believe the kids are in danger and she's so terrible to them, why wouldn't you go for complete elimination of visitation or supervised visitation only? Why haven't you got an emergency custodial arrangement?

 

.

 

And to address this concern, until my daughter tells it to a counselor it is considered hearsay coming from me.

[bih2003]

gosh -what have u done to her? She obviously wont give it peace! She could have settled things without involving the state and courts. I hate when people do that!

[ImThatGirl]

In TX is it court ordered to take a parenting children of Divorced Parents type of class?

 

Surely she has made arrangements or she wouldn't have requested that. Do you pick them up at 4:15 everyday? That means that on the Wed's, you pick them up and have one hour of time before she picks them up. That's barely enough time to do anything. That would put her at picking them up from daycare only 1 hour later than you pick them up.....

 

You're kids aren't going to tell you no, they don't want you to pick them up. As an adult and parent that cares for his kids, I think it'd make sense for you to reconsider. Afterall, it's only every other Wednesday. Obvioulsy the kids are already there during the day anyway so they aren't going to get any further germs by being there on those Wed's a little later.

 

To put it simply. In my opinion, you are making things more difficult than they have to be.

[TexasDad]

You are entitled to your opinion you don't know me or my kids you don't know my ex or her motivations.

 

You tell me this:

 

Why should I have to give up even 5 minutes of time that I spend with my children?

[ImThatGirl]

You are entitled to your opinion you don't know me or my kids you don't know my ex or her motivations.

 

You tell me this:

 

Why should I have to give up even 5 minutes of time that I spend with my children?

 

I know I don't know you, your kids, or your ex. But I've seen this before. And I've also seen how things go with 2 parents that are compromising and willing to work together that never have to go back to court. Not once.

 

Why? To be more easy going. For better balance for them rather than them being shuffled around from 3:30 to 5:15 on those Wed nights. Why should you not agree to her picking them up at 3:15?

[TexasDad]

I know I don't know you, your kids, or your ex. But I've seen this before. And I've also seen how things go with 2 parents that are compromising and willing to work together that never have to go back to court. Not once.

 

Why? To be more easy going. For better balance for them rather than them being shuffled around from 3:30 to 5:15 on those Wed nights. Why should you not agree to her picking them up at 3:15?

 

 

Because it is taking away my quality time with my kids, and yes it is quality time. Because like I said do you want to stay at work for an additional 2 hours instead of going home just because your boss wants you to?

 

Maybe I should just let her have the kids whenever she wants? gee that'd be real easy for her now wouldn't it? Yeah it'd be nice if we got along wouldn't it but then it'd be nice if she didn't wash a 2 year old's mouth out with soap, or spank his bare ass, or take the kids to an adult party and sequester them in a bedroom and let unrelated people have unsupervised access to them.

 

No I am going to stand up for what I believe is best for my children which is, among other things, not spending anymore time in daycare than they have to.

[TexasDad]

. Why should you not agree to her picking them up at 3:15?

 

 

She cannot pick them up at 3:30 that is why

 

OK here is the deal this was all a non issue before my hours got cut in May, I used to not get off until 4pm I had my hours cut back to 3pm, so before I couldn't pick the kids up at daycare even though she never got there until after 5 anyway. Now she just doesn't want me to have them so she wants it changed it is spite driven and nothing else.

 

 

And if I am wrong then it will come out in mediation, but believe me I am not wrong.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

My advice is to try to de-escalate rather than escalate, as that benefits both children and your wallet.

 

I've seen parents take endless things back to court to squabble over an hour here or there, and the judge ends up giving them exactly what he would have given them before the squabble.

 

You might find she softens up if you soften up a little. Remember, you can always take her back to court later if the arrangement isn't convenient to you. I think there is lots of fighting over these kinds of things in the beginning right after the divorce because it is more about winning or sticking it to the other person than to do with the kid's welfare.

 

Just pick your battles carefully, and wisely, or you'll blow all your money and escalate things. You should always think de-escalation. Your lawyer is giving you good advice in that if she asks for more than doesn't abide by the rules, she looks bad and you win. But if you argue over an hour or two in front of the judge it makes you both look petty and he will be less inclined to accommodate either of you.

[ImThatGirl]

That's being extreme.. BeStrongBeHappy said it all perfectly.

 

I rest my case.

[TexasDad]

I hate the court, I went round and round in the 90's with the family court system in Colorado with a daughter born out of wedlock. I never got anywhere except in debt. I would just as soon abide by the agreement that we both agreed to a mere 6 months ago it was not my idea to go back to court. She is a fruit cake a spite driven fruit cake

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Then don't play into her 'crazy'... let her be the crazy one. Be the voice or reason, calm, and de-escalation. the judge will notice that.

[TexasDad]

That's being extreme.. BeStrongBeHappy said it all perfectly.

 

I rest my case.

 

And your case was what? That I should just allow her to operate outside of a legal and binding agreement? That my time with my children is less important some how? I know all about picking your battles, I did that for 10 years with her, now it's all about me and the kids, that is my battle. Not everyone gets along after a divorce that is why you get the agreement in writing. She wanted to be friends after the divorce which really meant "I want to get to be single but still act like we are a family and you still need to spoon feed me everything" I politely declined.

 

She filed a lawsuit against me when it states in the decree that she must mediate first (and it was her original lawyer who put that in there) She tried to drag me into court but her attorney was practicing law without a license. She lied and said I change my daughters school withoout her knowledge but yet she filled out the enrollment packet. Now She is in the wrong and I will not just say "Oh OK hunny whatever you want" like I did for 10 years. I did not take her to court although I was considering it for the sake of the children.

[TexasDad]

Then don't play into her 'crazy'... let her be the crazy one. Be the voice or reason, calm, and de-escalation. the judge will notice that.

 

That is what I pay my attorney for. My ex didn't ask me for anything she had me served with papers that were nothing but lies, no surprise though as she has been steadily telling them for sometime now.

[ImThatGirl]

No comment. Good luck to you and your children.

[thejigsup]

You two don't need to do this stuff to your kids, they are the major victims. I know women like your wife and I don't envy you. But please try to decrease this tension if you can. In the future, your kids will thank you for it. If you cant, the courts are not your babysitters, are they? Do you really want the court to decide every little thing you do with your kids? They will, you know, if you guys don't stop this.