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Hi All,


I've only put a couple posts ever here. But have read so many for the past year. Basic info: broke up with my exgf a year ago. Pretty much go into NC immediately. Its clear she wasn't over me as she would run "into" me at places she knew I was going to be, call and or text me random stuff, and we even got back together for about a month at some point. But, as I'm 32 and pretty much done with the wild partying, and she was 25, I knew I had to keep my distance. So last November, I told her I'm moving on and maybe we'd be together when she was ready and done "experiencing" things. She still would text but I ignored as I knew she wasn't ready for a committed relationship.


About three months ago, she called me at work and I picked up. She wanted to see me for lunch and I figured it had been about 5 months so why not. We met and the whole time she kept telling me how much she missed me, wanted to see me more, etc. But, something didnt feel right. So I asked if she was dating someone and she reluctantly said "yes" for the last couple of weeks they were dating. I was very calm then and told her I wasn't going to entertain anything with her as long as someone else was in the picture and that I just wanted to be left alone. We havent spoke since then until yesterday.


A mutual friend called me and told me that she just found out that she's three months pregnant with this other guy's child. Which means it was soon after i last saw her and told her to leave me alone. He's 45 recently divorced with two teenage kids or something. I dont know why but I texted her letting her know I found out, supported her, and wished her the best. She called me and was so damn sad on the phone.

All, I feel horrible. I know this guy was a rebound. I know she doesnt love him. I also am sure we have feelings for each other still. It was a timing thing. This call we had was so sad. I cannot explain how bad I feel. I guess there was a part of me that hoped we'd find our way back together in the future, but this just ruins it? I dont know what to do as I was healing very nicely. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

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meh, personally, i don't feel all that bad for her. i mean, if she didn't want to get pregnant, they could have used birth control, and she could have had an abortion. instead, she's choosing to have the baby, have this guy in her life. it's all her choice, so i wouldn't feel all that badly for her. sounds like it is what she wants.


i'd just keep healing and move on.

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Well, it all comes down to that expression "she made her bed, now she has to lie in it". She chose the party life got involved with a man old enough to be her father...a man who was fresh out of a marriage and what better way to prove his manhood than to hook up with someone twenty years his junior. There is nothing you can do...these are the destructive choices she made and I think you were right when you broke off with her...you saw the path she was going down and you wanted no part of it. Rightfully so...the end result of her chosen lifestyle is not surprising. I know it is disappointing...you had hoped things would change over time...you weren't figuring that she would end up getting pregnant. In the end it is her life and her mistakes and at least you don't have to live with the consequences of her actions.

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Well, you'd been broken up for 5 months so there must have been a reason for it.


And what has changed, other than the recognition that if you get back together, you'll have to be stepparent to someone else's child.


But if you loved her enough, you'd still be with her, or you'd be willing to take her and the child on. So I just don't think you do love her enough, and you just had a nostalgic moment when you recognized, really understood, that life goes on and some doors open as others close. Her life is taking a different direction now.


btw, I hope she has quit the wild partying or this child might have some serious birth defects from drugs/alcohol, and a mother who is not ready for a child. I am more worried about that child than you. You'll be fine once you get over the shock.


Perhaps you really dodged a bullet here.

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Thank you all. Everyone is correct. She had so much growing up to do was the reason why I couldn't get myself to "chase" after again. And yes you all are correct that she chose this path of self destruction. It was ironic when we broke up, I knew I was the best thing she ever experienced but she even said she didn't feel worthy of it. I know i dodged a train, but I guess there were moments there where I saw what a person she could have been. Also, I really dont have any sympathy for the 45 year old man. You got to be kidding right?he should have known better. You all are correct, I know. Just disappointing to watch someone you cared about self destruct within one year.

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I'm not sure if this is a matter of "loving her enough" as much as it is even if you did there are serious incompatibilities and no one should feel they have to take on someone else's child. If in this situation even if I loved my So with all my heart I'd be real relucatant to take him back if a child were in the picture knowing he was being careless with protection. NOt to mention I don't want to be a parent, not even a step parent, to a baby.


As for this 45 year old man knowing better, yes he sure did, but your g/f was 25 - not exactly a child herself. She has made some choices that have altered the path in her life she might have chosen and she has to live with that. You on the other hand do not.

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...Just disappointing to watch someone you cared about self destruct within one year.

I know how you feel. It is a scenario that happens a great deal, and of course, there are things about the ex's new relationship we don't even know about. It's best that we don't.



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