Aries73 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 This is how I would have made myself if I could have controlled things: *Born to a mother & father who cared for each other and a family that wasn't self-destructive *Physically attractive *Socially adept from the start *Capable of interacting with girls easily *Athletically gifted *Able to impress at job interviews *In prime position to marry by age 30 I guess I can only hope this is the case in the next life...if I'm forgiven for messing up this one. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I guess I can only hope this is the case in the next life...if I'm forgiven for messing up this one. That is so very sad. Don't say that. You are only 35- you're a spring chicken! You still have plenty of time to enjoy your life and make some changes if you don't like the way things are going. There are some things that you can't change about the past- but you do have control over the future. If you were 95 I might agree (reluctantly) but you're 35- you have a lot ahead of you. Link to comment
ResonanceTheory Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I think that the percentage of people who achieve all that is very small. Even the people who appear perfect are far from it. Life is a growing experience, if we were all born with the looks and the life handed to us on a silver platter, none of us would have character or personality. Everyone has baggage--it's what makes you--You. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 At your age I actually think you have an advantage with dating- because in the dating scene, a lot of men have been married and divorced or have kids in their mid thirties .....but in that regard, you do not have "baggage". You have a clean slate to work with. Some women will see that as a benefit. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 It's never too late, man. I'm 38 and STILL working on this stuff. *Born to a mother & father who cared for each other and a family that wasn't self-destructive My parents argued CONSTANTLY when I was a child, they separated, and my dad committed suicide when I was 14. *Physically attractive I grew up skinny, pale, my face & back covered with acne, with unruly curly hair, thick glasses, and dark circles around my bloodshot eyes. *Socially adept from the start I always felt like an outcast and never fit in. *Capable of interacting with girls easily I hardly dated and was virgin until I was 20. *Athletically gifted I'm a weakling and bad at any sport. *Able to impress at job interviews In my last round of job interviews I didn't get a single callback. *In prime position to marry by age 30 I married at 25, got into heavy credit card debt, divorced at 36, and am still working out of that hole at 38. But am I bitter, hopeless or depressed? Hell no! I try to look my best, make an effort to be social with girls and people in general, I'm professional with work & interviews, exercise occasionally, have hobbies, and work on paying off my debt. And you know what? Every day isn't a picnic but I'm ok with myself. I have a good job, girls are attracted to me, I'm confident, my relationship with mom is ok, and I really value what I *do* have in my life. Just work a little bit on yourself every day, and you'll be surprised where you are when you look back on things. Keep your head up man. Link to comment
hamsalad Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 This is how I would have made myself if I could have controlled things: *Born to a mother & father who cared for each other and a family that wasn't self-destructive *Physically attractive *Socially adept from the start *Capable of interacting with girls easily *Athletically gifted *Able to impress at job interviews *In prime position to marry by age 30 I guess I can only hope this is the case in the next life...if I'm forgiven for messing up this one. I have all of those things and I can tell you this. They guarantee NOTHING. I even married at 30. It was dead in 3 years. Tried again, but didn't get married, dead in 4 years. I'll get up and go again someday. Most of those things can be overcome if you have the support to travel through them. I find myself wondering what is wrong with me even with all of my successes in life. So, don't go after all of the things you listed just because others have them or you think society expects you to conform to them. Be yourself. If you want to improve yourself, do it, but just be yourself and surround yourself with those who accept that. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Aries, We all have things we wished we could have had in life and we have all made mistakes. I have never met a person who is 100 % completely satisfied with their life in every way. But if you are only 35- Why can't you strive to make your life better ? You are still very young. There are lots of people that can and have taken the worst situations you can posibly imagine and turned then into something positive or productive. So why can't you ? Don't give up on yourself. If you really wish to have a better life, than do something about it. We cannot help what we were born into. But we can change our lives for the better. But it requires action. Nobody ever became successful or got what they wanted out of life by sitting idly by and saying "why me ?" over and over. I don't know what you've done in your life or why you feel you can't be forgiven. But you can forgive yourself and move on. We've all done things we are not proud of or things we wish we could go back and do diffrently. But what is important is taking those mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward. That's all anyone can do. But you have the power to make your life better. Please know that there is always hope. But no one will improve your life for you. You have to believe in yourself if you expect others to. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 "It's never too late to be who you were meant to be." - George Sands. The only problem is that to be the person you were meant to be you have to a) leave the past there and b) take responsibility for your own life. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Just because things have not always been so good for you, doesn't mean you can't still have a good life. You're 35, not 95... you've still got your life ahead of you. *hugs* Link to comment
Aries73 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 Looking back, I'd have traded every good grade I got in school just to have been more socially accepted and to have been able to join in school functions and interact with classmates. Why couldn't I have been born with better DNA to make me more desirable? That alone would have given me something resembling confidence. What I was born with could easily prove there is no God. Why could I not have been born to a financially and emotionally stable family? One that could have at least given me a reason to reach for what I wanted and think the best of myself and others. Why did I have to be born into a fragmented, self-destructive family in a Chicago neighborhood that offered no such inspiration? What did I do to deserve my life? I only wish I could be scientifically altered so I could enjoy the remainder of my life. Link to comment
EQD Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 stop asking why and start building a ladder. if i kept wondering why my mom was a basketcase who popped pills and abandoned us when i was 8, or why my dad never shows his true feelings and did everything he could to keep me from going to college, then i would have never made my first tuition payment 2 days ago. I'd be sitting here wondering 'why why why' it couldnt be easier instead. Life is never going to be easy, just like the rubix cube. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Because. Look, you keep thinking these things you won't enjoy the remainder of your life. I can guarantee it. You want to be a victim, and that's all you'll ever be. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Link to comment
hamsalad Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Don't think that way. It reminds me of the book: Brave New World which, to me, is scary to no end. A genetically manipulated society? No thanks. It's easy for someone who has had more opportunities in life to offer suggestions to "do this" or "do that". There is nothing that can change the past. I guess all I can say is learn from the past and don't do as we like to do which is failing to learn from it. Change your life. Change your thinking. Changing one will invariably change the other. Neither will be easy, but have huge potential to be very rewarding. These are just words, I know. Text on the screen. Can you take any of it to heart? Link to comment
Aries73 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 I really think it's too late to restart life now. I don't have any characteristics or interests that would attract anyone. I don't have the body that any woman would gravitate towards, nor do I have the ability to talk to anyone I'm attracted to without fear of rejection. I have a college degree, but what good is it to me now. I wish I had the confidence to believe in myself, but nothing has happened to me that would inspire such confidence. Link to comment
hamsalad Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Well, you're here talking about it so, to me, that means you are doing something to figure it out, fix it, or change it. It's a small step, but it's better than not talking about it. I'm not saying restart life. That's impossible now. You have to change the course you are currently on. Well, you're ahead of me. I have no college degrees. I went to trade schools and got certifications instead. I'm 38 and still trying to find the right job for me. I've had some that were close, but they didn't work out in the end. There are too many chances in life that are available. What's wrong with your body? Fat? Skinny? Both can be changed over time. As far as rejection, all of us have had it happen. I have been on the receiving end of rejection far more than giving it. Each one that blew me up, well, I just figured I'll get something better. List your hobbies or hobbies you want to have. List your skills, too, no matter how trivial you think they are. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Well I had alot of medical problems growing up a ton of them and I suffered from weight problems even to this day. I hated school because I struggled quite a bit growing up I got into a lot of fights and conflicts. My mother suffers from Cancer while working two jobs while my bastard father is living a great life not caring any bit about us, took everything from us and gave it to his new wife. We have been struggling finanically for the last 14 years and finally things are starting to workout. I grew up with hardly any friends. I was hated for no apparent reason by many. I tryed everything to hang with the wrong crowd. About a year ago I decided to restart my life over and so far its been the best dission Iv'e made. Now I feel like iam in control of my life. Link to comment
EQD Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 you can't wait around for something to happen. you have to make it happen. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 you can't wait around for something to happen. you have to make it happen. when it comes to luck, i make my own!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.