14 and Pregnant Again!- Help

[sweetmiss]

okay i am fourteen and pregnant, again. My son is 11 months old and i just found out that i am about 9 weeks pregnant again, with the same father as my son! i am scared to tell my mom and my religion doesn't let me have an abortion so i am really scared! i told my boyfriend and he is scared too because he doesn't want to be a father again (he's 15). to make things worse my mom and dad don't like my boyfriend, but they accepted him because he is my sons father. i don't know what to do- i don't think i would be able to put the baby up for adoption- carry the baby for 9 months and than hand him/her over to someone else!?

 

i know my parents are going to freak- i have four siblings and with me and my son already sharing a room and my parents pay for alot of his stuff as it is- there is no room in my parents house! my boyfriend lives with his dad who isn't very nice so i don't want to live with him....

 

i really don't know what to do! please help.....

 

meera

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I am going to try my hardest to be careful here about this because I want to tell you that you should have been using protection, but you already know that. If you can't afford this baby, then there are so many wonderful Women and Husbands out there who can't have children but would take yours gladly. you can also still be involved somewhat in the childs life. I would go that route before considering the abortion way. After this baby, either abstain, or use protection.

[Osiris]

Greetings sweetmiss,

 

Tell your parents that you are pregnant again. Hope they understand. And do use protection next time

 

Just my opinion,

 

Osiris

[Beec]

You know your are in a bind, you knew the consequences of what you were doing, and you somehow did not face the responsibly the actions you were undertaking. Do you think you can handle, responsibly, raising both of your children???? So far you are not showing much in the way of responsibility. Your parents are the ones bearing the responsibility for supporting your son, you are not. If you really love your children, your son and the new baby, you would do that hard thing and allow someone who was responsible to raise them. Maybe that option is gone for your son, but it should not be for the new baby. It's time to be an adult, and both make and live with the tough but right choice.

[sweetmiss]

okay- so i don't know what time i posted the first message today but my mom found out about my pregnancy.... i guess she had suspicions by the way i was acting and she came home from work and asked me and i couldn't lie.... i started crying and she was upset, but she didn't go nuts like i thought she was going to.... she said she didn't know what to say and that she was so disappointed she couldn't even look at me. she also told me she told my dad and he cried on the phone with her because they think they did something wrong to make me act this way is what she said.... so she went to go pick my sisters up from school and my son from day care....

 

so we will see what happens tonight when we "talk" as my mom put it... she did say that i was not going to have an abortion and that once this baby is born she is making me get the depo shot... i told her it wouldn't happen again and she said she can't trust me and she didn't care what i say that every month she is taking me to get the shot and she is going to buy the condoms for me too.... just in case.... which i personally don't think is fair, i have learned a BIG lesson from this- i never want anymore children after this one is born.... but she doesn't believe me and i told her that it wasn't fair for her to MAKE me get the shot every month and she didn't want to hear it.... she doesn't understand that we (me and my boyfriend) can just be more careful.......

 

i feel so aweful... i have really bad morning sickness, i am so tired and i am emotionally drained from all this.... i hate the fact that i did this to my parents again but i really think it's unfair of her to treat me this way.... they love my son and now that he's here they are cool with everything.... i love my son too so much it hurts sometimes, but i am scared to have another baby- he alone is so much work....

 

- meera

[Shifty101]

I think it's ok for ur mom to make u get the shot. You are still a minor and your parents have the right to do this. You are 14 years old with one baby and another on the way. Your parents trusted you after your first baby and you betrayed that trust and got pregnant again. What reason do your parents have for trusting you right now? This isn't ment to be an attack on you but to help you see your parents situation.

[avman]

Well, try and look at it from your mothers point of view for a second.

 

You already have one baby. And yet, you got pregnant again. Did you tell her after the first baby that you've learned your lesson and it would never happen again? I am guessing you probably said that. And yet it happened again. So your mother is understandably upset and is really doubting your word right now. Its going to take her awhile to calm down about the situation and adjust.

 

I do not think she can actually MAKE you get the shot. If you tell the doctor no, they most generally will not do it. This is different than medical treatment for an illness - in that case if your mother wanted you to get treatment then you couldn't refuse it. But in your situation, maybe the depo shot isn't such a bad idea. I mean, you do not have to remember to take birth control and your chances of pregnancy are very, very low.

 

I don't mean to make you feel worse than you already do. You are in for a long, rough period for the next several years. I just want you to understand where your mom is coming from with all this. She still loves you, and she does not want to see you making your life so difficult with these pregnancies and having to raise children at your age.

 

I do not agree with Beec that you should definitely put the baby up for adoption. That is a choice you will have to make together with your parents. And its a decision that should not be taken lightly so please discuss it fully and think really hard about it.

 

Good luck, and hang in there.

[Babygirlbrit]

First, i have to applaud you for being mature enough to think that there will be more complications with a second child. at 14, your still so young. and since abortion is out of the way, give her up for adoption. Just think of the baby's well being, Many people can't have children, and you'd be a blessing to them. Find a decent agency, make sure you shop around though, because as a birth mother you don't want your rights to be muddled. But the joy of it is, YOU get to pick the Adoptive parents, so you don't have to worry that they wont be right, they wont be you, but you can check their financial stability, the jobs they have, and their backrounds. All potential adoptive parents go through backround checks.

 

In some instances the adoptive parents will pay for your medical expenses while you carry the babe. I think Opera's website, as well as TLC's website may have more information with adoption. LOOK into it, and you can always back out if you needed too.

 

As for telling your parents, yes, they will be disappointed with you, but if you come to them with a plan, they may take it easier, and relize that your not some foolish girl, but your mature enough to make life choices.

 

Good luck honey.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

YOur mother has every right to be upset and she has even more of a right to demand you get on that shot. You can't be responsible enough to learn from your mistakes the second time, so she's not taking any chances for a third or fourth time. I also don't understand how you are having sex at such a young age with this other young man and the parents not be in on it. Something doesnt seem right about that. Your boyfriend also needs to be talked to and needs to except the fact of his actions. You and him are headed down the path of poverty. He too is not a responsible individual and you dont seem to understand that. If I was your mother I would get him on a shot too, if they made it.

[sweetmiss]

well, last night was "fun", to say the least. my mom and dad sat down with me and we talked it out... i will keep the baby but my mom made me realize that i needed to get the depo shot and there was no if and or's about it. she said her and my daddy would help me (again) and do whatever they can, but if i didn't get the shot or if i wound up pregnant again after this pregnancy i would have to leave the house because they can't afford this anyway, they are struggling. i promised them it wouldn't happen again because i need them to help me-

 

it was sooo embarrassing my mother called my b/f's mom and told her!!!!!!!!!! i begged her not too and she did anyway so we argued about that because i didn't think that was fair either! anyway-my b/f, his mother and his father are coming over tonight to "talk" jeez i have had enough of these talks! my b/f came over earlier and picked up our son to take him to day care and he said his mom cried all night and his dad yelled- wasn't pretty, so i guess i shoulda been more worried about his parents reaction than my own parents (j/k) anyway, me and him talked a little bit and i told him what my mom and dad said and he agreed. he doesn't like using condoms and he said the shot was a good idea and we should have done that after our son was born!

 

so i will keep everyone updated if i can and thanks for all your help and responses.

[EmptySoul]

I know it would be hard, but i've heard of this happening to someone. she kept her first baby and put the 2nd one up for adoption, because she knew it would be way too hard to care for it.

EmptySoul

p.s. i'm 14 too pm if u want

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Hey, Why don't you get an abortion? You don't have to get attached if you don';t want to. nothings worst then a child having a child. I think you need to really think things threw, having a baby will cause you alot of pain, grief, and alot of other things, it will make u a high school laugh out, are you sure you want to proceed with this baby? Why not just give the one you have now for adoption and having an abortion with the one in ur stomach, Your still a little kid, Ur still in your childhood, Wait until your at least in your twenties and married, then start a new life and family, because children werent ment to have children.

And I hope that bf of yours is also taking 50% responsibility, because you know its the law, it has to be 50/50

(just reminding you)

And a question if I may add in.. Does it hurt to have a baby? If so, how much?

[sweetmiss]

hi everyone, again thanks for your responses! well, my b/f and his parents came over the other night and we all sat around the table and "discussed" what happened- again! his dad was looking at me like he hated me, but than my b/f said my mom was looking at him the same way.

 

anyway, we (they-parents) agreed that i have to get the depo shot because being as we have "two" kids now trying to keep us apart or from being alone together was useless and to time consuming. so, my boyfriend's parents told him he would have to quit the soccer team and get a job after school and help MY parents support both children, his parents agreed they would help financially any way they could.

 

so i guess i am keeping this baby too.... my son has a cold right now and my mom took him to the doctor along with my sister... poor little guy was up all night. my mom let me sleep and took care of him because i was throwing up all day! mom took him shopping on saturday and bought him cute little winter outfits!so i think my parents aren't "okay" with this but they realize they have to accept it. so once this baby is born i get the depo shot every month.

 

i will try to keep you all updated.

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Hey sweet miss, I'd be interested in talking to you on msn, or yahoo if possible, I have a few questions to ask you, and I think it would be interesting to have you as a new friend.

chibi_usagi_noodles is my yahoo add.

email removed is my hot mail, also you can add me on msn with that,

You still haven't answered my question

Does it hurt to have a baby?

Please add me if possible, I'd be flattered.

I'm a 16 year old, Tell me a bit about yourself, I know I was always scared of being pregnant, I couldn't ever imagine having a baby, perhaps talking to you would help me feel different about this type of stuff,

I appreciate your time

~becky

[sweetmiss]

hi chibi

 

YES it hurt like hell, but than I had my epidoral (i think thats how they spell it) and all i had was urges to push.... although my doctor said that because i was so young that i could have had more complications that i did because my pelvis isn't really "formed" yet, or something like that... but my son did get his shoulders stuck and i had to push REALLY hard... but he came out and it burned kinda when his head came out but than it was all good when they finally got him all the way out.... my mom told me that once the baby was born i would forget the pain, and when i was going through it i told her she was crazy- no way would i forget this! but seriously she was right! as soon as they put my son in my arms i was sore, but forgot the pain!

 

yeah, i will look you up when and if i am online, my mom took my son to day care, but he got sick (he's had a cold) so they called me to pick him up and i called my mom and she left work to go get him, so my little man will be home soon.

 

-

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Are you really mature for your age I assume? Tell me a bit about yourself, are you feminem, a tomboy, or a study person, does having a baby change you after? How about your boyfriend, is he changed as well after you two shared a life. Is he taking 50% responsibility like he should?

I remember how you said being a mom sucks because you can't hang out with ur friends as much anymore, or go out and have fun, is your boyfriend doing the same? or is he actually being just as responsible as you and pay the consiquences as well. You both created this life, I don't like it when people just think its the women's problem because its not, its both, Well anyway, add me a.s.a.p

I'd be happy to talk to you at anytime.

~becky

[kamboo]

First of all sweetie, religion has nothing to do with relaity! Your religion may have given you the impression that abortion is wrong but God has an ultimate plan for all of us.God knew when you were born that you woud be faced with this challenge at such a young age.Whatever you feel in your heart is the right thing to do! I can tell you that it takes more courage to admit "you can't do it" than it does to have another baby and not be able to provide for it. Understand that your God's child and he loves you and no matter how many wrongs you have done or will do through out your lifetime. He will always forgive and will always love you. Focus on what is important! Your son that you have with you now!He's number one! It's OK not the end of the world! Consider all options but always know you too are God's child and he loves you!remember the song Jesus loves me whenever you start to doubt! Keep your head up!It will work out!Follow your heart and listen spirtually not religiously!

 

 

 

 

 

[jafreak]

ok. i am 14 and i have a 3 week old son. I am also just a little over a week pregnant again. my parents know, and they were a little upset but they were also happy. when i had aiden, my boyfriend proposed to me. me and my fiance completely support him, except for food, which my mom insists she buys. i love aiden to death, adn we already love this baby. just dont do the wrong thing and get an abortion, I did, and i suffered for weeks until i found out that aiden was a twin, and he was not killed in the abortion. good luck hun.

[IAMQUEEN06]

Hi Sweetie! I am first going to be careful in how I say this but: You should have been using protection. Although I look down upon intercourse before marriage especially in young people, we all make mistakes. But a thing to think about...if you are pregnant that means you are having unprotected sex...this means that you are opening yourself up to many other things.... you know...the gifts that keep on giving. My advice to you is to not have an abortion but instead give the child up for adoption yes it may be a hard thing to do..but you have to look out for the child's well being. Sweetie please stop having sex!! Unprotected sex anyway....If you would like to hold a private convo with me please please please please IM me at Sheonie06 (AOL) or you can e-mail me! Keep ya head up girl!!

[SB4]

ok. i am 14 and i have a 3 week old son. I am also just a little over a week pregnant again. my parents know, and they were a little upset but they were also happy. when i had aiden, my boyfriend proposed to me. me and my fiance completely support him, except for food, which my mom insists she buys. i love aiden to death, adn we already love this baby. just dont do the wrong thing and get an abortion, I did, and i suffered for weeks until i found out that aiden was a twin, and he was not killed in the abortion. good luck hun.

 

 

I'm sorry.. I am in no way trying to be mean about this but didn't you guys learn the first time? I'm 17 and Just had a miscarriage , This was my first pregnancy but I also know now not to go back out and do what I did to get pregnant again and knowing i'm not ready?! .. But for you in general, why did you even do anything to get pregnant while your son is only what a week, two weeks old? is that even possible? (im sorry i may be stupid but that just sounds alittle.. Weird to me~!)

I wouldn't know what to do if I got pregnant at 13/14, it was hard enough when I found out I was pregnant when I was 17, done with school , having a job and living on my own. If you guys are mature enough to have sex you should be mature enough to realize you need to use protection ESPECIALLY after you get pregnant for the SECOND or THIRD TIME... I mean seriously at 14 I dont even think you are old enough to get a job? So why should you be out getting pregnant? Maybe you will think about it next time! I just hope your kids dont suffer from your guys mistakes.

Once again I apologize for soundin like such a B----.

[Nity]

 

 

Perhaps it is time to look into a new religion? Or to start following all the rules of the one you claim to follow?

 

I mean.. seriously. What religion would condone you having sex out of wedlock at the age of 14 and not allow you to get an abortion.

[WomackC706]

You know your are in a bind, you knew the consequences of what you were doing, and you somehow did not face the responsibly the actions you were undertaking. Do you think you can handle, responsibly, raising both of your children???? So far you are not showing much in the way of responsibility. Your parents are the ones bearing the responsibility for supporting your son, you are not. If you really love your children, your son and the new baby, you would do that hard thing and allow someone who was responsible to raise them. Maybe that option is gone for your son, but it should not be for the new baby. It's time to be an adult, and both make and live with the tough but right choice.

 

I agree with this.

 

My younger sister is 14. If she told me she was pregnant, I would beat her (lol---jk). I would be disappointed because there are sooo many ways to take precautions to ensure you don't get pregnant (aka--knocked up) or get a disease. I think that at 14 years old you are not equiped to be able to handle being sexually active. You should abstain...

 

Tell your parents and deal with your consequences. YOU ARE 14! If you can support your children that you made, then you should give them away--give them to someone who can. But, if I were you and being sexually active, I would take precautions and think about you or your boyfriend getting 'fixed' because apparently (even though you have had children already) you are not going to stop.

 

Good Luck!

[jafreak]

Most doctors wont sterilize before you are 25 years old. I already asked my doctor about after I have the twins, if I could get it done, and he said he will NOT sterilize anybody unless they are 25, or for medical reasons.

Good luck. PM me if you want to.

[Dark]

OMG! What were you thinking? How could you even have UNPROTECTED sex when you knew what can happen? You will have second baby and you're just 14 years old! I'm 17 and when I look back to what I was like at 14, I wanna scream, I hope that no one remembers what I was like. and that will happen to you sweetie. You think that u're mature enough to have sex? No kid, you can't have sex at 14! But you have a baby! You're thinking like a kid now! do you think you can give him everything he deserves? Just think of yourself for awhile, what do you need? How many toys you had? How much clothes you need? How much your parents spend on you so you can be happy? Well now think about your babies, you can't give them everything that your parents gave you! You are not going to go to college, there is going to be no time for that. You should gove them both for adoption! If you don't, it will destroy your life, your boyfriend's, and your kids' lives too!

 

 

Try not to think only about yourself!

[Jamiegirl]

Reading all these post make me want to cry , hearing about 14 year old girls getting pregnant and then having that baby and getting pregnant agian. All I can say is I feel your pain, I had my first child at 18 years old and I was in my last year of highschool. I can tell you how hard it was and how hard graduating was for me trying to brest feed and want to have fun and want to participate in all these school events. Now I am living with my babys daddy and his parents and my 10 month old baby going to college which is extreamly hard and with no money, My boyfriend has a job and is trying to start a business, his parents or my parents rarley help us buy food for my child.

 

In a way I am trying to say you are lucky to have your parents there to help you out while you are so young, your not old enough to get a job and not old enough to drive, so those are some problems you dont have to worry about. Money seems not to be much of an issue because your parents help you, but when you guys are old enough you will see how hard it is to worry about income and then it will be all up to you the parent with two kids.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is hopefully this will teach you a lesson not to have anymore kids, I know I learned my lesson.

Oh yeah by the way the ortho evra patch works great , for me it was alot better than the shot because I gained unwanted wait and I became depressed and facts show that there are less hormones in the patch so that might be something to think about.

 

If there is anything you need or anybody else needs that is young and having kids and wants to someone to talk to please dont hesetate to PM me

Good Luck