Nonchalance is Your Friend

[CrapAtNC]

If she tries to drop a dramatic bombshell, just reply with a "Yeah, I knew that. Is that why you wanted to meet me?!" ;-)

[RandomNobody]

Well, first we'll have to see if she calls again, I have... "Crap" to do in the meantime

[perio]

If I weren't so nonschalant now days, I would think this is exciting and can't wait to hear what she has to say

[RandomNobody]

She called again, and yeah, I'm curious, but I'll just drop curiosity for now. I didn't pick up my cell, so she called my home phone. Didn't pick it up either, and she started asking my friends about me. They're saying they haven't seen me since the exam this morning.

 

I'll pick it up if she calls me in the night and just say I was busy I really don't feel like listening to anyone's drama right now.

 

I'll update you whenever anything happens, guys Thanks for all your help!

[Halflife]

There's being nonchalant and then there's taking the risk of pissing her off. I think sometimes people go a little too far in this thread. They go so far that they achieve the opposite of what they want, their actions are so overly nonchalant they look suspicious. Remember not to go too far outside of what she knows is your character.

 

I really want to find out what this bombshell is so hurry up already!

[MakeItCount]

I agree with Halflife, I would call her back if she's called twice and asking your friends about you. Don't wait for her to call you a third time.

[RandomNobody]

I called her when I got back.

 

I'll make a very long story short: She says she wants to fix things. She says she just can't forget about me, and that she still loves me. She asked me to see each other tomorrow, alone, and discuss things in person and in depth.

 

So I say ok, as the plans I had for later that day bombed. I was going to date this one girl, but she needs to study for an exam. Bollocks! And that we'll see what happens. She knows I'm flirting with this other girl. She asked me if I love her, because she doesn't want to be a nuisance. So I said the truth: "Right NOW, I love you. BUT, that doesn't change the fact that I like this girl, and am trying to give it a shot. That RIGHT NOW, I am happy, and would be happier with her, but that I don't know what the future may bring".

 

All of this is simply... The truth. I didn't feel the need to say anything but the truth. She says she understands this, and that although she doesn't want to be a nuisance, she wants to discuss fixing things with me because she simply can't forget about me, she loves me and hasn't been happy for a minute ever since we split (she was crying at this time).

 

And I know It's true. She's been crying every single day. Every single day. And having nightmares, and all that crap. We'll discuss things tomorrow. I want to take this very slowly. There is trust to rebuild, and despite me wanting to be around her, rebuilding trust doesn't happen overnight.

 

As that irish song Crap shared with us said, "Don't give all the heart".

 

In any case, I won't deny that I'm happier things are going this way! Even if I DO get her back (Which I think is definitely happening at this point) I'll still be around here.

 

This was not a journey to recover lost love. This was a journey to attain Nonchalance, and it has made me much, much happier all the time, in every situation. It is truly a wonderful attitude that I am still determined to pursue.

 

So, I'll see you guys soon, and hopefully with fantastic news! But even if they aren't... Who really cares? I'll be fine either way

[Halflife]

I knew it! Well done Ruku!

 

Can you tell me how long ago you broke up and has she dated anyone in that period?

[RandomNobody]

A month ago. She has dated someone else for three weeks, hence my desire to go sloooooooowly. IF and only IF she is serious about it, it won't matter. And if she's not, then what good would it have been in the first place?

[Halflife]

Sounds like she's serious to me, she would have had to really put her pride aside to do what she did.

 

Good luck.

[MakeItCount]

You son of a * * * * * Ruku. Hahhah Good luck my friend!

 

So, what was that about people not getting their ex back through this?...

[The_Seeker]

You son of a * * * * * Ruku. Hahhah Good luck my friend!

 

So, what was that about people not getting their ex back through this?...

 

;P Hubby!

 

Have you gotten back with your ex yet?

[MakeItCount]

;P Hubby!

 

Have you gotten back with your ex yet?

 

Baha, I wish. I think we're supposed to get together after exams. I'm not holding my breath. It's not good for you. I think I'm deleting facebook soon, my pics from the trip are up, she's seen them, now it's time to disappear!

[The_Seeker]

Baha, I wish. I think we're supposed to get together after exams. I'm not holding my breath. It's not good for you. I think I'm deleting facebook soon, my pics from the trip are up, she's seen them, now it's time to disappear!

 

LOL i thought you did that after the breakup?

 

I guess I'm a strong person for NC. I went Strict NC right after the breakup.

 

Hopefully you have a better holidays!

 

;] it's ok you can play my fake fiance in a mean while!

[MakeItCount]

LOL i thought you did that after the breakup?

 

I guess I'm a strong person for NC. I went Strict NC right after the breakup.

 

Hopefully you have a better holidays!

 

;] it's ok you can play my fake fiance in a mean while!

 

Nah, I didn't want her to think that I'm doing it because it's affecting me. I've kept it up. I read one of the get back together bull * * * * books saying to leave facebook up so she can see how much fun I'm having. Ahhhh what the mind will believe when it's in distress.

 

I just kinda wanna get the f off facebook for a while anyways. Nothing very productive comes from it anyways.

[The_Seeker]

Nah, I didn't want her to think that I'm doing it because it's affecting me. I've kept it up. I read one of the get back together bull * * * * books saying to leave facebook up so she can see how much fun I'm having. Ahhhh what the mind will believe when it's in distress.

 

I just kinda wanna get the f off facebook for a while anyways. Nothing very productive comes from it anyways.

 

The only thing I miss about facebook is the Texas Hold Em game. Haha!

 

I rebel against relationship rules at times. It's a good thing I didn't listen. LOL

[MakeItCount]

The only thing I miss about facebook is the Texas Hold Em game. Haha!

 

I rebel against relationship rules at times. It's a good thing I didn't listen. LOL

 

I wish I had found this site before reading all that mind numbing crap. Ahh well. Live and Learn.

 

It's funny, all of our friends that saw us together last think we'll be back together. Her best friends want us together. Last time we were out, some people said they were keeping an eye on us just in case something happened lol. Oh well, I know I've accepted it now. Time to truly move the hell on.

[The_Seeker]

I wish I had found this site before reading all that mind numbing crap. Ahh well. Live and Learn.

 

It's funny, all of our friends that saw us together last think we'll be back together. Her best friends want us together. Last time we were out, some people said they were keeping an eye on us just in case something happened lol. Oh well, I know I've accepted it now. Time to truly move the hell on.

 

It's tough to move on. Especially in my case.

[RandomNobody]

Hey, MakeItCount: I left facebook up and she got massively jealous at all the fun I was having, it gave her an indirect way to check out how fit i've been getting lately (and how awesome I look in my Karategi) and the little things me and this girl I'm flirting with are saying back and forth.

 

It was NOT a "ploy" to get her back, though. We were supposedly friends again. So friends on Facebook again, and if I am truly nonchalant... Why would I stop using Facebook the way I usually do?

 

I think it provided her with an indirect way to see that my life is as complete without her as it is with her. And the jealousy, as long as it's not over the top (That girl and I only said little things to each other over Facebook) probably helped a little bit too.

 

All in all: Why stop using Facebook the way you usually do? Just stay off her profile.

 

And I'd say NC is a must, for at least a couple of weeks. It's not for the breakup, or for getting together. It's for getting back yourself. Makes you so much more calm, so much more in control of yourself. After that, just tell her that after some thought, being friends is OK by you and then go NIC (Meaning, after you get YOURSELF back, re-open the lines of communication and then begin to be nonchalant).

 

In any case, before she went to sleep, I teased her for a little while. But just teasing, nothing more. She LOVED it, and then I teased about how she was definitely beet-red. I was right. I bet my ass she's not having nightmares today.

 

We aren't meeting up tomorrow, after all. I just finished my exams today, so I want to have some massive fun tomorrow. Probably going for a jog and then meet up with the boys.

 

She'll probably bring it up again tomorrow, so perhaps we can meet saturday morning or sunday, as I have plans for both friday and saturday afternoon-night.

 

I'll let you guys know how it all goes.

[The_Seeker]

;] My future employers. LOL That's why.

[MakeItCount]

I have to get off facebook because I cant keep myself off of her profile. I am weak in that sense lol.

[RandomNobody]

Block her profile's address then?

[askltk]

This nonchalance is tricky to keep up - but worth it in the end. I've made some real progress over the last few days: - what do you guys think?

 

Personally, the whole facebook issue is about self control. I openly admit to viewing my ex's profile, but Im learning not to over analyse the finite details of wall posts / comments and status! Theres no point. Maybe its because me and the ex still get on, and are comfortable communicating in that way. If anything, FB has highlighted the fact that your getting on, keeping busy and meeting people (through friend requests etc). Just my take.

[perio]

I "defriended" my ex the same day she broke up with me. It just seemed to be the thing to do. When she sent me a explanatory email the next day she mentioned that she "came home (after breaking up with me over the phone when I was between surgeries) and it was like a kick in the gut to see that". I had to cancel peoples' surgeries in the afternoon because my head was spinning, and she thought me defriending her was a "kick in the gut". Perspectives are sure funny. Well, about two weeks later, a woman wanted to see my Facebook page so I opened it for anyone to see. Some time later I realized I had left it visible but decided to leave it that way so the ex could stalk if she wanted. I closed it after about 6 wks. I thought maybe keeping me in her thoughts might be good. Never put anything odd up just normal things.

It's funny how that is an issue now days. I do have several woman "friends" that I have dated. I just didnt want my ex to me on there. She was different some how.

[RandomNobody]

OK, back to nothing.

 

She pulled back, yet * * * * ing AGAIN. I told her I'm sick of her * * * * and I'm very disappointed in her attitude. Then I told her to call me whenever she's got her head straight and dropped off the face of earth. Defriended on facebook, deleted on MSN... All that * * * * .