How much of yourself (and your sexual deviancy) should your work buddies know about?

[Lucy__lou]

Anyone who's read my other posts will know that I have some unconventional views about sex. So how much (if any) should I allow my work colleagues know?

 

I work in a professional environment, and there are a lot of people (esp the older men) that I wouldn't talk about anything to do with my persuasions with. But the younger ones at least the ones who I consider pretty liberal and stuff, I find myself starting and then stopping myself from showing my true colours, just to be on the safe side cause we're work buddies. I'm talking about after work drinks etc, where you talk openly about anything, and sex is often part of the mix of subjects.

 

As for me, I'm of the sex positive persuasion, that promiscuity is A OK, open relationships are fine, and anyone who read my most recent post will also see that I'm open to polyamory, kink, and more. I don't want the info to get in the hands of someone who will use it to disrespect me for it.

 

Should I just keep stopping myself and not talk about sex at all? Should I express my views about what I think is ok, and just not say anything about my own experience? what experiences have people had in these regards as far as showing your true colours to work buddies? I'm generally a pretty open person, so censoring myself doesn't come that naturally.

[JadedStar]

Lucy I would not discuss ANY aspects of your sexual life with coworkers. I'd keep all of that out of payroll.

 

It is not a good decision to discuss anything sexual, especially deviant sexual preferences, at the professional workplace.

 

A conservative approach on the job will make you look far more credible and professional. Even if you only were to discuss this with the younger set word gets out. Don't sacrifice your professional image.

[Lucy__lou]

yeah. you're probably right.

[JadedStar]

Lucy - trust me on this one. ;-)

[shes2smart]

When I first started exploring my kink (BDSM), I was sooo enthralled by the whole process that I shared pretty freely with several co-workers.

 

That was a mistake, for several reasons:

1. Some of them really weren't that interested

2. Mixing "work" and "personal" leaves the door open for things to get messy

3. Word gets around, sometimes to people you'd rather didn't know THAT much about you

4. It can come back and bite you in the ass in ways you didn't expect.

 

At one point, I was up for a promotion of sorts...someone who'd heard rumors about my non-work activities promptly went to the person who was considering me for the promotion and blabbed what he "knew." One of my work friends happened to be at the copier near this guy's office and overheard the entire conversation. Lucky for me the guy who was considering me for the promotion listened to the hater's diatribe, and said, "Well, I really don't give a @*#& what she does when she's not at work. She shows up on time, she does a good job and she isn't a high-maintenance employee."

 

I'm lucky that my boss was open-minded...but that doesn't always happen.

 

Anymore, for me, it comes back to this: I like to keep my work and personal life pretty separate. It's just easier that way. I DO NOT want to hear about my co-workers sex lives, sexual preferences, personal problems/hang-ups, fetishes, etc. I will return the favor by not boring/tittilating/taunting/grossing them out with mine.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am with JadedStar on this. I actually don't know anybody at work who discusses their sexual relationships. They might talk about their boyfriend or someone they dated, but they certainly don't get into the nitty gritty of their sexual life. At work you have to be careful because while everyone may be buddy buddies after hours...you know what they say..."business is business" so during work hours you don't want someone to accidentally on purpose let things slip so that a boss who is very conservative has second thoughts about giving you a certain project to work on. Just because others yammer on about their sex life doesn't mean you have to...and don't let them pressure you into divulging things...once you say it, you can't take it back.

[Aleadragonhawk]

I'm going to have to throw in with none as well. Even if it's in a more friendly environment outside of the actual workplace, you never know what might come up - or who might have a problem with it.

[rosephase]

I'm poly and kinky. Pretty open about it. I don't hide it. But I don't talk to people at work about it. That is easy for me because there really isn't anyone I work with that I care to get closer to. Being Kinky is easy to leave out, but when you have two different boyfriends picking you up it can take some explaining... I don't talk about it but if someone asked I would explain. I don't like hiding who I am, but I also don't see why anyone at work needs to know who or how I am f*cking people.

[CarnelianButterfly]

They don't need to know, it's not really fitting to discuss too much of personal things at work. Its great that you are open, but there are people that don't like openness and are very threatened by it. Its not easy to keep tabs on your tongue, it can feel like you are keeping secrets, but in reality its not, you're just drawing a line between work and personal life.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Business needs to be about business... period.

 

You may find individual people at work who you befriend outside work, but with the clear recognition that work itself should be about work and not your private life.

 

There are also lots of competitive agendas with people at work, and they may not have your best interests at heart because they want to compete for your job, or a promotion etc. so you want them to have very little informaton about your private life or any information that they might use against you.

 

There are still lots of predjudices about non-mainstream sexual preferences, and religious people who are not tolerant etc. so you don't want to give anybody any ammunition they could use against you.

 

Doesn't mean that is fair or right, but just the way the business world is. Many many CEOs have been felled from their positions for being caught in affairs or other 'scandalous' activities. If CEOs can't get away with non-standard sexual behavior being revealed, you certainly can't.

[Batya33]

I agree with JS - and would feel this way even if you were conventionally heterosexual, married, picket fence, etc. i remember after I had my "first" time, ugh, I was young (early 20s) naive and thought that a new coworker was a trusted friend - so I told her "the news" (I was in a long term relationship - she was a religious married woman, my age). Her facial expression changed - hardened- and I knew i should have kept my mouth shut. We stopped being close after that.

 

I've been on the receiving end of information like that - typically makes me very uncomfortable. On the other hand, I have enjoyed hearing "dating stories" that do not include anything about sex or physical intimacy with women in my age group - it's different if men are around, and very different if it's your boss or someone who works for you in most cases. Everyone has their boundaries but I think it's a pretty good guideline to avoid sex as a topic at work.

[EQD]

I dont even bring it up. Sometimes its better to hide your true colors than it is to show them, especially if you are in a work atmosphere.

[redrose85]

We have a pretty relaxed work atmosphere and tend to talk about lots of different things. One day we somehow got into having a conversation about how long we wait to sleep with a new partner. No customers were around, and it was pretty funny. They were shocked by what I said