HotCoko Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 These days I'm feeling more and more unattractive and I'm feeling more isolated and alone.I mean yeah I have an active life and I have friends but it's like now I want a special someone in my life. At the end of the day I come home to nothing and it makes me very depressed. The days I don't have anything to do are the worst because I tend to mope all day in a funk. Most of my friends are dating and it makes me feel bad. Hardly no guy gives me the time of day. Yesterday I was out with my friend and she's a very attractive female. She had guys trying to talk to her left and right while no one seemed to give me the time of day. Makes me feel bad, it's almost like I'm invincible to men I don't get it maybe I'm just ugly as dirt I don't know. I would love to have a man that can call me, someone I can out out in the movies with and cuddle with... I'm so lonely... Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I sounds as though you could use some new interests. Attracting someone into your life isn't all about being physically attractive (and I'm sure you're not as "ugly as dirt" ). A women can be extremely beautiful on the outside, but if she has nothing interesting to say, she won't attract a quality relationship. On the other hand, a women who may not be what some people would consider a great beauty can attract great men into her life because she has lots of interests, is intelligent and has a sense of humour. Before you're able to attract true love into your life, you need to learn to love yourself. Do things that are going to help you grow as a person; pick up a couple of new hobbies or interests, give to others through volunteering, become more physically active...the list of possibilities depends on what is interesting and engaging to YOU. Moping around all day is okay once in a while, but think of all the better things you could be doing with your time. As you get out into the world more and develop yourself as a person, you will meet other quality people who share your interests and your life will improve. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 *HUG!* Oh I feel the same way! Sometimes it just becomes so lonely and you start to really crave some touch and tenderness and wonder why everyone else is able to find it but not me. Like you said, especially when coming home to an empty apartment. Try getting a pet? I got myself a teddy bear hamster. Very easy to take care of and so cute. Plus it's nocturnal so it's nice to come home and he's awake and playing. It doesn't replace human touch and comfort, but it'll help carry you over until you can find more confidence and new interests. Link to comment
random_stranger Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hi HotCoko, I think we all have those days.. where we feel depressed, bloated, unattractive, ugly, etc. (Heck, I had one of those days just yesterday.) So know that you're not the only one. Also, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. What may be beautiful to some is hideous to others and vice versa. So no matter how you feel about yourself, I can almost guarantee that there's somebody out there who sees how beautiful you really are. As for those times when you're alone and you feel depressed, have you ever considered volunteering? It's a great way to give back to the community and it also increases your chances of meeting another kind-hearted soul. If volunteering isn't your thing, I think it's just best to keep yourself busy. If you're out everyday taking art classes, hanging out with friends, volunteering, snowboarding, kayaking, or whatever, you'll be so busy you wouldn't even have time to think about being lonely. I understand that feeling about wanting somebody to come home to and snuggle next to in bed, but the way I look at it is that this is my special time for myself. If and when I find that special someone, I'm going to spend most/rest of my life with him, so this is the only time in my life when I can be by myself and do whatever I want without having to answer to anybody. I think it's best to look at this time as a blessing rather than a curse. And I agree with greensleeves when she says that you have to first love yourself before you should/can attract somebody else. I hope you feel better. Take care! Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Being alone is a curse. Can't see why people see it as a blessing. BTW, one CAN attract people and have relationships even if one does not love oneself. Don't believe people who say you can't. If you can't attract people, there is something wrong wtih you. Best to fix it. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 one CAN attract people and have relationships even if one does not love oneself. Don't believe people who say you can't./QUOTE] What would you be drawing in if you don't love and respect yourself though? Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 who knows, but you won't be alone. I've seen people who are Debbie Downers have SOs. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 who knows, but you won't be alone. I've seen people who are Debbie Downers have SOs. Maybe the reason they're Debbie Downers is because they have an SO that isn't good for them. I really believe that a person has to be comfortable being alone and with who they are before they can draw a loving person into their life. Being alone and happy is far better than being with someone and unhappy. Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 How do you know? Have you ever been alone and felt like poo? Felt jealous of others who had a bf/gf? Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 I know because I've been there. I've been alone and felt lousy at times and in relationships and felt lousy at times. And no, I don't feel jealous of others who have girlfriends or boyfriends. If my friends are happy in their relationships then I'm happy for them...if they're unhappy in their relationships, I would only hope they have the strength to move and not stay in a bad relationship out of fear of being alone. It's not healthy. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Yes I've been alone and felt like poo. I've also been jealous of others in relationships. Less than a month after my breakup, I had to give a wedding toast for my best friend! BUT, despite all that, I'd rather work on being alone and finding my own peace. I won't say I'm requiring that I'll be happy by myself, but I need to at least be at peace with myself before I can allow myself to be in another relationship. Otherwise the one who will end up hurt again in the future will still be me. Link to comment
tatanya4me Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Lilypadgirl, how do you know that you will be hurt again in a future relationship, if you are not at peace with yourself. You're not a fortune teller. Can't tell how your future will be. I'd rather have someone to come home to, rather than a cold, empty house. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Lilypadgirl, how do you know that you will be hurt again in a future relationship, if you are not at peace with yourself. You're not a fortune teller. Can't tell how your future will be. I'd rather have someone to come home to, rather than a cold, empty house. Get a dog...then you will always have a warm body to come home to! Honestly, dogs can be better companions than the wrong partner. Sure it hurts to go to weddings and to watch happpy in love couples...but being alone is not worse than being in a bad relationship. Plenty of people with rotten partners are envious of people who are in loving relationships. Plenty of people in rotten relationships feel very trapped. I would rather be single and alone than feel trapped in a miserable relationship. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Yes, I would too, but I wouldn't define myself by who I come home to. I would love to meet the right guy and be the right girl for him. But I wouldn't want to just come home to anyone just to have someone to come home to. And I can't find the right guy if I'm not at peace with myself and figure out what makes me peaceful and/or happy on my own. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Agreed crazyaboutdogs! So for now, my hamster's going to have to do and it does help for the really lonely nights. But I'd rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely. And yes, I've been in relationships and still felt lonely. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Agreed crazyaboutdogs! So for now, my hamster's going to have to do and it does help for the really lonely nights. But I'd rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely. And yes, I've been in relationships and still felt lonely. A bit off topic, but one time when I slept over at my aunt's house, I was sleeping downstairs in the den and that was where the hamster was in his cage...well, it seems that hamsters can be nocturnal....all night this hamster was spinning on his wheel and eating food!! Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Haha, yeah I'm pretty much a night owl myself since I'm in grad school and have flexible hours, so my hamster and I keep each other company. But I have to keep his exercise wheel well oiled or else the squeaking will drive me nuts! Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 How do you know? Have you ever been alone and felt like poo? Felt jealous of others who had a bf/gf? So, having "someone" is better than having no one, even if that "someone" isn't good for you? I couldn't disagree more. Being alone and feeling like "poo" as you say is nowhere near as bad as being in a crappy relationship and feeling like "poo." Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Lilypadgirl, how do you know that you will be hurt again in a future relationship, if you are not at peace with yourself. You're not a fortune teller. Can't tell how your future will be. I'd rather have someone to come home to, rather than a cold, empty house. I think most of us would rather have someone to come home to, but only if that "someone" is a good person and a good partner. I would rather be single forever than be in a relationship with the wrong person. That said, I hope to not be single forever. I know I can attract someone, but I'm not looking to just take the first thing that comes along just so that I can be part of a couple. I am actually very optimistic that I'll be able to find a good person, but it's not as easy as just going into a store and picking something out. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Pets do help. It is someone to come home to. And sometimes it is easier to love a cat, dog, hamster, guinea pig, ferret, what have you than people. They only want to be loved and to show love. I know what you mean about feeling badly about it sometimes. It's nice to come home to something. So try to have something that you can look forward to at home. It doesn't have to be a pet (but pets rule! ) - it can be a project or anything. tc Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 lol. I love my computer too. Is it sad that I look forward to getting on? Well, it is relaxing! Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Desire causes suffering. But just think there are guys that wouldn't mind that stuff either. Like those lumberjacks up in the Yukon. We are all picky and humans are rediculous. Plus modern society doesn't help. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 do you sit there with your attractive friend like 'oh great another guy coming to talk to her.' ?? i'm thinking maybe you have that attitude written on your face. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Maybe the reason they're Debbie Downers is because they have an SO that isn't good for them. I really believe that a person has to be comfortable being alone and with who they are before they can draw a loving person into their life. Being alone and happy is far better than being with someone and unhappy. If that would be prerequisite - at least 80% of the world population would be single. Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Being in an unhealthy realtionship is very depressing, distrubing, disruptive, and very painful. You tend to love you SO more than you love yourself, you lose self-respect, self-esteem and your integrity takes a major blow. No one can love you like you and it takes a strong person to walk away from something without the fear of being lonely. Actually a superwoman. True everyone needs someone and it feels good to be in love nad to be loved-but to be in love with the idea of being in love is just plain ignorant. You say you feel like you are missing something-yes-your common sense and GOD! Link to comment
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