Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[Loxxt]

Trust me,in 2 to 3 months you will. Sorry,couldnt help it,i had to make that comment. By the way your ex told you she left because she was out of love..or was it ? Love and attraction keeps couples together. She left quickly with another man,she didnt fall in love with the new dude. IT was ATTRACTION ! Yes,lust ! Dont want to burst your buble but if the novelty is better than you in that field she will never come back. He must be the bad boy in some ways. Since you are mr nice guy,that didnt stick to her. Sometimes with women you have to be wild if you know what i mean. I think i should shut my mouth while i still can.

 

I tend to agree with the bad boy thing. I tend to pick the bad ones. The ones who I'm attracted to and are fun (and selfish!!) but I ignore all the inconsistencies and things they're lacking because they keep my life exciting. You need a balance. Someone to pique your interests as well as be there for you.

[bitebenot]

I tend to agree with the bad boy thing. I tend to pick the bad ones. The ones who I'm attracted to and are fun (and selfish!!) but I ignore all the inconsistencies and things they're lacking because they keep my life exciting. You need a balance. Someone to pique your interests as well as be there for you.

 

Yes i comply.But when you meet someone new they have their mask on. After a while when that mask comes off you see the real creature you picked !

When you notice its to late because you are attached and in love. What to do then ? Not much till they do us a favor by dumping us and jumping into another bed. Dont worry,me to i tend to pick Pepe Le Pew !

[getbiii]

hey you guys, im back. lol.

i have been ignoring my ex for sometime, on monday she sent me a lot of texts and called me i didn't reply.

she then found me on my IM i thought she had erased me so i never bothered blocking her, she started telling me that she wants to be my happines again and what not, she said she wants to be with me again but doesn't know how because she doesn't want to hurt her "rebound"

now today she came over to my house, im taking zorbas advice now and decided to see what she wanted so i let her in and greeted her like a friend and treated her like one too,

with no deep feelings, and no negative feelings either, she tried to kiss me a couple of times and i would move out of the way politly, she kept on getting all sentimental about everything and would shed a tear once in a while, i would ask her why? and she would say things like "i just remembered about something when we were going out"

so anyways to make things short, she said she is going to dump her boyfriend i just stared at her and told her not to make any false promises, she said no.

then she kept saying she loves me and i would never say i love you back to her, until she asked me why? i told her it didn't matter it didn't change anything, she said it did because she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for someone who doesn't care about her,

i just told her she knows how i feel about her.

 

when she left, she left crying i asked her why again and she said she misses me,

 

 

i dont know what to believe, should i believe her?

would she be so cruel to tell me something like that just to see if she still has me?

 

she asked me if i wanted to go out with her tomorrow in the morning,

 

i remember zorbas post saying something like "listen to what they have to say, people say things for a reason"

[Loxxt]

Hey getbiii,

 

Sounds like the reality of what she's lost is starting to hit her. How do you feel about the whole thing? That's what really matters here. Do you think you're really over the breakup? I don't mean that as in you don't want her but that if you two were to get back together would you be able to see this as a fresh start?

 

There are a few things to worry about here:

- She's still with the rebound

- Only wants you if you'll take her back (how she said she wouldn't leave her bf for someone who doesn't care for her)

- She seems kind of panicked

 

If I were you and she said that she broke up with her bf I'd tell her that you still need space, and so does she... ALONE. Basically you two need to be single and work on yourselves and then SLOWLY start to see each other. It needs to be like new again. If she rebounds again and gets with someone else that just shows her commitment and willingness to work. This was my way of thinking when I contemplated my terms of getting back together with the ex. If my ex said anything about him only leaving his gf to be with me if I'd take him back I'd be like, thanks so what you're saying is you don't want to be hurt by me like you did to me? It shows they're scared.

 

I'd be very cautious with her. She needs to figure things out and be calm. Right now the only sure thing is she's ruled by her emotions. She needs to think clearly and realize you aren't a sure thing. If she decides to leave her bf and try to work on things with you, how you feel about her shouldn't be what makes her leave him. What should matter to her is how she feels about you!

[getbiii]

i feel fine, i want her back and i can control me emotions all thou i still love her. i've learned that if you love someone you forgive them because if you don't you won't be able to carry on. i think it has been much easier to get used to being alone than it is to get used to being with someone new like she is doing, i don't hurt anymore when i see things she or her rebound post on facebook. the only thing is im not that patient, and not because i want her back already but its kind of like watching a soap opera and it hits the part where its full of drama and they cut it so you have to wait till the next episode to know what happens.

 

yeah thats what i was thinking, she texted tonight saying she wanted to see me., i was a little drunk so i replied back to her and told her i was at a party but we kept talking over texts. nothing bad or emotional, just having a normal conversation about a cat im going to get.

she then said she hopes we see each other tomorrow because her dad might go visit her, she made it very clear it was not an excuse and that she wants to see me and nothing is holding her back.

 

its sounds to me like she feels shes about to lose me.

 

what i wanted to ask was if it's a good idea to see her tomorrow? will ths help me get her back or will it hurt my chances? i kind of do believe her and i know that is she does break up with him its not going to be so soon, she'll probably feel bad about dumping him so she'll let him off slowly. (or at least thats what i would do if i had to dump someone)

[getbiii]

true she should come back because she loves me, but then again i have been ignoring her a lot so she might feel like i don't care about her anymore, thats probably what she wanted to know, that if she were to dump him she could come back to me, if i didn't i guess she would wait to see where her rebound takes her. at least thats what i think why she would ask that if she DOES want to dump him.

[TSandullo]

I think i should shut my mouth while i still can

 

Please don't ever keep quiet bitebenot.

If it wasn't for you raw brutal honesty, many of us here wouldn't get anywhere.

 

It is funny, had to come to this part of the forum to see a comment about my current no contact state

 

She left me in the attachment stage, and I believe she is still attached to me based on what she has told me recently...

 

I guess the other guy is a we bit of a badboy, that is something I have been working on now and it is showing.

 

What was once acted is now becoming part of my personality and I am glad about that.

 

As you said, she might never leave him. I have come to accept that as hard as it was beforehand.

 

I can't compete against the novelty and won't. Got myself to work on, for myself.

 

I must admit though, my recent changes have piqued her curiosity but I am turning away from all that 'attention' she is giving me and trying not to read into it..

 

Interesting enough, when we broke up first over a year and a half ago first time, I kill the attraction by being too wussy. I reignited the fire again....and killed it again.

 

How did I kill it? I became too nice, too helpful, too concerned and other * * * * like that.

I guess it is as loxxt says:

 

You need a balance. Someone to pique your interests as well as be there for you.

 

Yes. And now, she is interested in what I get upto, where I am and I say nothing. And the changes in my body to add. Plus, I don't act in a caring way anymore. Not because I am being vindictive, but rather because I can't waste my energy on someone who is not giving me what I want.

 

Summary of what I have said above: I need to man up and take bitebenot's advice.

 

And loxxt, I read about the hot tub incident....damn, that should go down in ENA history as one story us folks can not get over. On the plus side, at least he wasn't gay...

 

Thanks again everyone, especially you bite.

 

TS

[Loxxt]

And loxxt, I read about the hot tub incident....damn, that should go down in ENA history as one story us folks can not get over. On the plus side, at least he wasn't gay...

 

I dunno if you read far back but he admitted to me when we first started dating that he thought he thought he had feelings for another guy and briefly thought he could be gay lol.

 

Good job finding that balance, TS. It'll do you wonders. I don't think it's so much you need to find a bad boy persona but that you need to be a little more carefree and less available and quick to help. If you look at it that way I think you'll get better results.

[Loxxt]

Hey again getbiii,

 

You and I both know she's scared. Scared to lose you and scared to leave the rebound. She needs to decide which road to take and I don't think how much attention you give her should be what makes her decide to come back. It's really up to you if you want to see her tomorrow (or today?) but if you do, I'd stay as neutral as possible. In your previous post you said that she already knows how you feel so there's no need to think that if you don't perpetuate that feeling and constantly reassure that you care that she'll just think of you as a lost cause who doesn't care for her. IMO, that's a childish way of thinking on her part. She really needs to calm down. She's very frantic at the moment.

 

If she does ask anything just flat out say (again), that she knows how you feel about her but you're not going to wait around forever for her and not going to hold her hand as she comes to terms with what she wants. If it's you she wants she needs to be the one to make the choice... alone and on her own terms. Meanwhile you're moving on, so yes she should be scared to lose her but she already has, in all honestly and at this point it's all about her proving her love and working to get back with you. All you can do is move on and hope that when/if she comes crawling back that you still have those feelings and are willing to give it another go. She needs to face the possibility that she'll never be with you again and that it is a risk. She wants to know that if she leave the rebound that she can bounce right back to you and things will be the same as before. We both know that's impossible. That's why in my previous post I suggested that you two (mainly her) be single for awhile and think clearly and slowly start seeing each other. Kind of like the way you are now. Take it really slow. In all reality she is the one who should be worried what she says and does. It's all this situation depends on. You've said your piece, she knows your intentions and how you feel... now it's her move.

[bitebenot]

Right on the dot LOXXT !

[getbiii]

so she woke me up this morning with a text saying "i miss you ******, i wanna be with you =( "

i replied saying to be with me then, she ok but to give her some time, she has been texting me all day i try to ignore her every once in a while and when i do answer i answer shor answers with no emotions just yes or no things like that, but i invited her to this event that i knew she would love to go to, she keeps texting me saying she wants to go but she needs to dump her boyfriend first, i said idk, i told her we could go like friends and she said she would feel wrong. she keeps texting me saying she wants to go and feels like shes obligated to stay, i guess her boyfriend is really jelous of her or has her on a tight leash. lol.

[getbiii]

lol i even texted her saying "ok im gonna go already after i take i shower, i'll send you the directions to the place so you can go with you boyfriend" lol like i would really do that, she replied saying "i wanna go with you i dnt wanna be with him anymore i wanna be with you"

[bitebenot]

lol i even texted her saying "ok im gonna go already after i take i shower, i'll send you the directions to the place so you can go with you boyfriend" lol like i would really do that, she replied saying "i wanna go with you i dnt wanna be with him anymore i wanna be with you"

 

Gosh, its more interesting than " General Hospital " lol. Im following your drama very closely and daily ! Dont get me wrong but shes not on her way to you. She cant stay away from you,use that dominance since its in your favor.

 

One more thing,when or if she comes back it will be hard to keep her.Her new dude will try to get her back ! And she probably will. Aint life a b1tch ?

I feel like screaming " Ignore her " ! Im telling you, shes got a good fishing rod and a bait to go whit it.

[Loxxt]

Getbiii, it's like she's expecting you to hold her hand and walk her through this but as you and I both know, that's 100% her choice and battle. It's good that you're being straight to the point. You don't seem to be the type of person to just cave and take her back (from the way you write) which is good. You know what to do... keep doing what you're doing and let her come to you if that's what she finally decides to do.

[getbiii]

. She cant stay away from you,use that dominance since its in your favor.

 

 

yes i've learned this now, i have the upper hand now in some part. i am her quick fix and she will do what she needs to get it. this past week i have been using low contact in ways to make her think more about me, for example, she will text me and i will ignore her then she will text me something to get my atenttion like "fine we don't have anything to talk about, its over bye" and i'll give her atention but in another way, i will reply to that saying "im at work call you later" and she will wait for my phone call all day long, everytime her phone vibrates she will think its me and will never be me. it my be cruel but its like karma, its like when she broke up with me and i would text her and wait all day for a reply.

 

 

lol since that text earlier she has called me and sent me more texts asking me where i was and if i left already, i don't reply to anything that doesn't help me or need a response.

 

lol i know, it is interesting i don't want to sound cruel or bad, but the truth is this is all like a soap opera now, i don't hurt anymore. i still love her but i can see her with her boyfriend and say hi to them with no problem, now its more like it hurts to not know whats going to happen, like a soap opera where they cut to comercials and leave you hooked on the most dramatic part. it's as if i have gained the confidence of a king and now see her rebound as no threat to my empire, lol =P

 

i feel that she does want to come back to me, but she put her self in a hole with no way out. her rebound relationship happened so fast, her cell phone, her clothes, etc were all bought by her rebound. her rebound even moved in with her neigbhor just to be with her more time, all this and its only been a little over one month.

[getbiii]

Getbiii, it's like she's expecting you to hold her hand and walk her through this but as you and I both know, that's 100% her choice and battle. It's good that you're being straight to the point. You don't seem to be the type of person to just cave and take her back (from the way you write) which is good. You know what to do... keep doing what you're doing and let her come to you if that's what she finally decides to do.

 

yeah, i guess you are right. i mean, i will take her back right away but i guess as a friendship, then from there i will build back our relationship depending on where i see her standing.

not just because i wouldn't take her back but because i don't want it to fall apart like people have said, i don't want that rebound effect where everything happens so fast that its not built strong and solid to last.

[TSandullo]

Gosh, its more interesting than " General Hospital " lol. Im following your drama very closely and daily !

 

ditto.

 

i don't want that rebound effect where everything happens so fast that its not built strong and solid to last

 

Amen to that.

[getbiii]

woow she is really scared of losing me, its like if she was me when i was a fresh dumpee.

she called me like 3 times today in the morning, first to ask me if we could hang out and asked me how yesterdays event was, i kept it short and said super cool and that we should hang out. she called me again to tell me she was going to take a shower and clean up then she would come over. i said fine, then she called me to tell me she had to go some place and said a swear i'll be back like in two hours, i said sure fine whatever, she started to panic asking if i was mad and what not, the she told me she loves me and i didn't reply, then she even told me about a ring i gave her before we broke up that i gave her in a box with the day of the dead skulls and a couple that said "together for eternity" she said remember that ring? yeah i have it on right now, i wear it every day"

i just said thats cool, and she asked me again if she could see me when she came back, i told her i didn't know i might be busy then we ended the call.

 

p.s. i have a hangover and she called me in the morning and i took thoose calls half asleep, i would go back to sleep after each one

[Loxxt]

She's panicking, didn't I tell ya?! She's totally freaking out!

 

Haven't had any experience here but I think she's definitely starting to crack. Is she still with the rebound??

[getbiii]

yeah she is, but i think he is starting to notice "something" about her.

 

he has been sucking up to her, just yesterday i saw her facebook and he wrote "you are my everything, the owner of my heart"

 

lol she didn't reply anything back,

[Loxxt]

yeah she is, but i think he is starting to notice "something" about her.

 

he has been sucking up to her, just yesterday i saw her facebook and he wrote "you are my everything, the owner of my heart"

 

lol she didn't reply anything back,

 

Doncha just LOVE facebook?

 

Less than a week after my ex left me there were pics of him and his new gf in their new place kissing up on fb and ppl are commenting on them saying they look so cute together.... GAYYY.

 

It's all a matter of opinion though. I know some people who live on facebook writing back and forth. Some couples write things to each other like that and don't respond on it but do in person.

 

I know my ex's bro hates my ex's new gf (who happens to be his gf's cousin). I saw pics of them over a month ago (before I blocked them both!) of them in a group shot where everyone but my ex and his gf look awkward. Then I see more group shots where my ex's gf's trying to grab the ex's bro to come in closer and he's got this yah f*ck that look on his face cuz he's standing just out of reach of her. Any pics with my ex and his bro in the pic they look so disconnected, like my ex is sad and my ex's bro doesn't wanna be there.

 

Again ^ is my interpretation, but I know how my ex's bro feels. He told me he doesn't like her and thinks she's a b*tch lol. And whenever his the ex & gf come over to his bro's place his bro just leaves the house. I guess the ex's bro's gf entertains them?

 

Anywho... enough of that. You know what to do, so I'm not going to say it. Keep at it, keep doing what you're doing. I'm willing to bet you're starting to lose a little respect and attraction towards her. I know if my ex did that sort of stuff I'd be SO turned off and wondering why I wanted this to begin with. Satisfaction of being able to turn the ex down? Knowing "I was right all along"? I hope things work out for you, keep us posted.

[kvb10]

It's hard when things are really over - no chance for reconciliation. We split about 7 weeks ago... NC for about 6 weeks. She said she was in love with someone else. She also has had issues in the past with feeling too young to settle down (I was her first love and first relationship, first date, etc.)

 

Seems like it's really over. She is mature and is not the type to break NC or play mind games. I'm staying on NC because I know that no good will come out of it. Seems like that's that then. Nothing I can really do.

 

I'm just really starting to miss HER. Like, I'm not wallowing or having a pity party that things didn't work out... I'm just missing her as my companion and everything. It still hurts.

 

Some days I do feel like I'm making progress but then it all just hits me again and I just miss her and feel so frustrated.

 

I feel like these tips will never work for me. What do people do when their ex's are really gone and want to be with someone else?

[getbiii]

everything in life has a solution, exept death.... and even that is questionable

[getbiii]

so my ex texted me saying "why won't you talk to me?" i said sorry im kinda busy and i don't like to bother you when you're with you boyfriend, she said im not with him and he's not my boyfriend anymore...

 

should i believe her? how do i reply now?

[bitebenot]

It happens to most of us here. Move on and enjoy it. Life goes on even if it doesnt look like it. You will fall in love again and might be even better.

Just dont stand still and hope for her to change. Go out with friends and start to look at other women. Slowly your mind will shift direction and you will adapt. Lots of women waiting for you ! Shes wasnt the only one who could get your attention. In a few months you will laugh at this and you wont even care for her anymore.