Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[getbiii]

is this a bad thing? i mean she did leave her rebound and she loves me...

im worried about her now, i jusst wanna know if shes ok you know? should i contact her? i was thinking of just sending her a e-mail saying i wanted to check how shes doing and that im here for her but that her mother asked me to stay away from her

[bitebenot]

wouldnt an approach just be showing little emotion to it and not doing anything?

Read posts 10 and 16 from Zorba. You did all you could for now. NC is your best bet. Stay away from her for now. No communications,no fb or msn,yahoo whatever. You still have a chance but not the way you are going ! Read about the NC rules and follow it seriously. Last call for you if you ask me ! If you keep on talking to her she will dump you for good ! No communications,you dont answer emails or the phone unless she dumps her novelty and she ask for reconciliation ! No there is no other alternatives ! Dont forget yourself in this, shes not suffering, you are ! Take care of yourself for now and try to forget her a litle for your own sanity.

[bitebenot]

is this a bad thing? i mean she did leave her rebound and she loves me...

im worried about her now, i jusst wanna know if shes ok you know? should i contact her? i was thinking of just sending her a e-mail saying i wanted to check how shes doing and that im here for her but that her mother asked me to stay away from her

 

Yes leaving an email with a short explication is a good idea. Her parents wont be able to stop her from seeing you !

[getbiii]

ok, thank you. i don't know what to think now, i feel like its over for real

[bitebenot]

ok, thank you. i don't know what to think now, i feel like its over for real

 

Naw ! Relax...she will communicate with you im sure of that. Just a few days will do. Like i said, her parents wont be able to stop her from seeing you !

[getbiii]

her mom sent me another text out of no where again saying "look things are worse now she looked for ir medically, shes ok but if you really love her dont see her anymore, and if she looks for you ignore her. her dad knows now and for her well being its better that way, thank you for understanding, she will be ok. don't worry about her anymore but she will be bad if you guys keep seeing each other

[getbiii]

i now know the cause of what happened today, so turns out her rebound saw her car at my house that is when he told me "good luck she is all yours" i guess he texted her too, then they went to talk probably after she left my house, thats why she said she gave him her cell phone back, i guess she already wanted to break up with him and thats why he came to my house to see if she was here because he probably already felt it coming, she told me she didnt want to hurt him, she probably felt bad that he found out, she probably wanted him to get bored of her and dump her, i was texting him very maturely he said that he didnt want anyone to get hurt and he wants her to be ok but we ahve to look for ourselves at the same time, that he doesnt want her to feel obligated to be with one of us for the wrong reasons and that we should meet and talk...

 

i don't know what to think now, could she have been lying to me?

or did she want to be with me again but just couldn't find the way to dumpe him??

 

now shes in the hospital, cross that out, i dont know where she is, i know nothing of her

and i can't even text her or call her to knnow if shes ok.

should i lose hope??

what does all this mean?

[bitebenot]

It means you took her back way to fast. You did it your way when you knew better ! Back to square one.

[getbiii]

yeah thats what i think too =\ what now?

i mean i don't feel like i lost her to her rebound, i don't think she lied when she said she noticed she didn't want to be with him and all that.

[Agrajag]

An interesting theory. However, I think that it would be difficult to prove or disprove. People are so individual, so unique that human behavior is (alas) very difficult to predict...

 

People are not as individual as you think. We're all 98% identical. Take any situation on this forum and it's a small conditional, circumstantial change of a handful of common occurrences. Everything is always the same.

 

I think this theory is probably very accurate, because we are very predictable creatures.

[comicgal]

HI guys,

 

I just ended a 14 year relationship. We have a child together. Basically, the last couple of months, he was stressed out because he hated his job and his hours. He was mad at his mom for things that happened in the past and he stopped talking to his friends and family. He didn't even call them when grandfather died or when his sister gave birth. I found out he was texting another girl from work when we got home from dinner on Valentine's Day. I told him to stop. He didn't want to apparently and I told him he can leave. I know he just started texting this girl the very night before so it's not a relationship he was building on. Anyway, the very next day and ever since then, they've been texting 24/7. He literally does not text anyone else or talk to anyone else. He only text when we talk about our child.

 

I begged and pleaded for about 2 weeks then stopped. Until recently, I would send random messages, with no response. He only texts to talk about our child.

 

Just two days ago, I sent a text about giving up the house we bought and he went all ballastic about how I was selfish and how he never wanted to buy our house and that I kept him from going back to school ,etc. I never did. I always gave him the school schedules for the colleges in our town. I told him he could change shifts or go part time. He never did. I basically wrote back that I never did anything maliciously or vengeful, just for our family. My good intentions were always there. I mean, how could wanting your own home and wanting to be home earlier to see your child be a bad thing? I also called and left him a message crying that I just wanted him to be happy and I wanted to move on with my life and let go.

 

Anyway, I'm now entering limited contact (because of child) because apparently, he was all wishy washy about committing to this new girl and now from what I have heard, yesterday after our exchange, they are official.

 

Is this thing he has a rebound? I know that they have been arguing and he didn't want to commit until that text I sent. It's only been a month.

 

I am going very limited contact now. The text we were sending were pretty lengthy about my daughter and it seemed to be getting friendly (he started saying good night and thank you, etc) prior to our exchange the night before.

[bitebenot]

With another girl quickly after a 14 years ..it is a rebound ! The best for now is only answering his emails concerning the child only. Make sure he doesnt use the child to reach you anytime he wants to ! If its not important ignore them. No frienship with him. Sale the house if you think its a must regardless of what he says. He says you are selfish ? lol !!!! By the way he was in touch with that women before you found out. He was looking for a good reason to leave and you gave it to him. Thats ok,you had no other alternative really. Let him have his adventure and wait to see what happens. Dont try to reach him unless you really need to for the child. Also, he cant show up at your doorstep when he decides to no matter what. Make him know about your rules now. Tell him to make a change of address for his mail. Visits for the child and the hours. Never talk about anything else and make it short. The less he knows about you the better. You are free to go out when you want to, that will disturb him trust me. Be with friends and family, start to create a new environment and let go of him for the moment. Think of yourself and the litle girl, its your new priority. Just dont stand still and wait for him, he gave you a ticket to move on, so do it ! Dont forget, any communication that doesnt refer to the child or the house perhaps has to be ignored totally.

Never let him manipulate you..you might not believe this but he will hang on to you as long as he needs to.

[getbiii]

bitebenot, im so lost now,

tell me how lost am i?

is my fight over?

do you think she will look for me again?

 

i recieved a collect call this morning, i dont know from where or who,

but they asked for my credit card number to bill the call on, and i was half asleep.

is it possible it was her?

[bitebenot]

bitebenot, im so lost now,

tell me how lost am i?

is my fight over?

do you think she will look for me again?

 

i recieved a collect call this morning, i dont know from where or who,

but they asked for my credit card number to bill the call on, and i was half asleep.

is it possible it was her?

 

Good question...who knows ! She chased you a lot a few days ago..stay in NC and she will reappear ! Just be patient for now, shes not gone yet im sure. But dont be easy to reach ! This time she will have to work very hard at it.

[getbiii]

yeah well i guess its back to zero, but at least this time im not competing with the rebound

[bitebenot]

yeah well i guess its back to zero, but at least this time im not competing with the rebound

 

You know how hard it is to deal with this dilemma. At one point or another you will have to move on. This is a nasty situation that cant be endured for to long. Your nervous system will take a beating if you keep it up. Let go of her for now and move on. At least do it for yourself.

[getbiii]

she called me today, her parents locked her in an asylum, they really don't know whats best for her. she says she only gets a 15 minute recess and her parents visit her so i can't see her, i asked her how long she was going to be there, she said she didn't know... she told me she doesnt want to go back home. im willing to take her away, not only because i love her but because i wanna help her. the phone call ended before we could say goodbye, i promised her she would be better and i told her she could call me when ever and that if she ever needed anything i am here for her, i also told her just because she is there it doesn't mean she is crazy. i hope to hear from her soon...

turns out she was the one who called me in the morning.

 

this tells me she does love me and isn't mad at me or anything, she chose to call me becaue she wanted =)

 

i just hope this ends soon

[getbiii]

p.s. i guess she is there by force, and not voluntarly.

her parents honestly don't know whats best for her

she should not be there,

she does need some help but not this way,

i honestly want to take her away now

she has always wanted to leave and go far away from her family.

they have caused her more problems than i,

she grew up with a life you only see in movies,

her mom was a junky, her dad beated her

sexualy abused her, etc.

 

 

i really think she might be better off with me,

i have always been here for her when she went thru thought times,

i love her and i am going to fight for her,

i am going to be strong because thats what i need to help her and myself.

[TSandullo]

i really think she might be better off with me,

 

bulls**t

 

i love her and i am going to fight for her,

i am going to be strong because thats what i need to help her and myself.

 

Thats better. dude, I read about the asylum business. Right now, your girl is going through an intense time. Tread very very carefully. This now IMHO seems no longer about getting back with her, but rather about her emotional and physical health.

 

The fact that this all seems like a soap opera is no longer funny.

 

I sincerely hope she is better and comes out of that hell hole. Also, I hope that things with her family get resolved.

 

Be careful my friend, you might 'save' her, but perhaps not your relationship.

 

But I do hope you save both.

 

Go warrior!

 

TS

[getbiii]

thats true, im going to try and forget about getting back with her although thats all i would like. she called me again today, in the morning.

we were talking about that place and how they treat her and what they have told her.

i hope she calls again,

i don't think i'll talk about the asylum anymore, or at least i think its best if we don't

 

im going to try and keep the talk about other things to try and cheer her up.

but then again how you said,

im afraid i don't loose her.

[Loxxt]

Getbiii, sorry to hear all this is happening to her.

 

I have to agree with TSandullo in the sense that this is about her emotional health. As you've stated before, you and her have a special bond because of your depression. I have no doubt in my mind that the realization of wanting to be with you over her rebound and the fear of losing you has triggered that depression. The reason we look for a partner and spend the rest of our lives with them should be because above all else, they are your best friend and have their best intentions for you and them. First off, you know she wants to be with you and you with her, but try not to think that way. Right now her first priority needs to be to get better both emotionally and mentally. By all means be there for her but try to be that best friend she needs. Right now she needs that part of you that is her friend, not her boyfriend. Right now the status of your relationship is in the air with all of this going on. You still need to protect yourself. What if once she gets better she comes out and just walks on by you to another guy? That would be heartbreaking. Be there for her but realize she's in no state to have a boyfriend and you need to realize that and be there for her as a friend. I truly believe that the connection you two have during this period and how you handle yourself will be the very thing that will determine whether you two will be together later on.

[getbiii]

all this is true,.

 

she called me again this morning....

we talked about that place and how they treat her,

she said she had to leave i heard someone talk to her...

i asked her what her therapist thought about all this,

she said they told her she is dependant on other people way to much,

that she wants to make everyone happy.

 

things confuse me even more everytime,

i mean, she saw me alone and she saw i was happy with out her.

she told me this herself that it hurt her to see me happy.

so i don't think she thought that i was sad without her, or that she needed to make me happy.

 

however it does explain why she was still with that guy,

because her parents liked him and she said he was obssesed with her,

that she didnt want to hurt him, but she wanted to be with me again and didn't have feelings for him,

 

this makes me wonder if she calls him too? =S

maybe its not idea to talk to her anymore if she does,

i wouldnt like her confusion to keep going.

 

 

 

 

if she does call again what should i say?

i wanna keep her cheerful or at least keep the conversation away from all this,

 

i know its best for her to stay there, what i mean is when the time comes and it will come, when she is ready to leave... she says she doesnt want to go home, i am willing to accept her.

 

i know i need to be strong for her,

and work on me now more than ever because two depressed people can't make a couple,

i wanna help her get better but at the same time i don't wanna push her away,

[comicgal]

The ex sent me a sarcastic text this morning thanking me for letting him know our child was at my parents house. I don't know what he was thinking since that is where she has been every day except for the days i'm late to work or my relatives have been at my house. Anyway, he never tells me if/when he drops her off at my parents house... I swear, he'll find any reason to get mad at me.

 

Anyway, I just responded that unless I say so, she will be at my parents house to be picked up for school and that child support is due today. Thank you.

 

Argh.

 

Damn, that friggin' hole in my chest and the urge to vomit is back. I thought I was done with this.

[getbiii]

Damn, that friggin' hole in my chest and the urge to vomit is back. I thought I was done with this.

 

yup i know that feeling, you feel good and they know you down and go back to that somehow...

 

i've found the best way to get thru everything is to be optimistic about everything, see the good in everyhing.

everysingle story has two sides and two points of view,

im sure you can find something good to everything

[comicgal]

I have no idea why i'm posting in this section. I don't want to get back with him. He has too much resentment and hate.