Again with the "Jealousy"

[amtjrtcet]

I tend to agree with Jadedstar because of the circumstances. I would never want to resort to what amtrcjet did to distract my SO both because of the effect on my self esteem/self image and the effect on him (after the momentary thrill).

 

It was under the table, no one saw me. And he knew she was hitting on him. We laughed about it later.

[Beec]

About six months ago my boyfriend and I were sitting at a bar. The female bartender-with big boobs was checking him out, touching herself when she talked to him, etc. So, I slid my hand over his thigh and gently touched his "member" and softly whispered in his ear that I'd be right back. He almost lost it, and his attention was completely focused on me.

 

Sounds to me like a good move.

[amtjrtcet]

Sounds to me like a good move.

 

Thanks Beec. It thought so too.

 

He dismissed her instantly and watched me walk all the way to the bathroom, and he was waiting for me by the bathroom when I walked out. I don't feel like I "restorted" to anything, and I'd do it again.

[Batya33]

Thanks Beec. It thought so too.

 

He dismissed her instantly and watched me walk all the way to the bathroom, and he was waiting for me by the bathroom when I walked out. I don't feel like I "restorted" to anything, and I'd do it again.

 

I apologize for putting in my two cents. Whatever works for you of course.

[makemestronger]

The way i see it it was just a clever ploy by a saleswoman to sell more of what she had on her stall.

Would have been pointless flirting with you - your a woman after all.

As someone that has spent a few years working on market stalls i know it works.

If you start to flirt with someone that is buying your wares they generally tend to buy more off you.

More profit - more sales.

I really think that is really all it was.

Gave your hubby an ego boost and her a few extra pound notes in her till.

[fnlyfrei]

The way i see it it was just a clever ploy by a saleswoman to sell more of what she had on her stall.

Would have been pointless flirting with you - your a woman after all.

As someone that has spent a few years working on market stalls i know it works.

If you start to flirt with someone that is buying your wares they generally tend to buy more off you.

More profit - more sales.

I really think that is really all it was.

Gave your hubby an ego boost and her a few extra pound notes in her till.

 

Um, NYET...she was just a kid working for whomever sold the pasta, she wasn't at the register or in charge of customers, she was IN the booth though. She did not talk to him or even bag the merchandise. But you are right, sex sells...but I don't think that was their angle. Even in a restaurant though, if I were the waitress....I would NEVER flirt with a man who was sitting next to his wife...because I am pretty sure the tip wouldn't be so great if her husband was drooling all over himself. Could ruin her appetite.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hey hun! Oh, you sound just like me, but sounds like you have more self control then I do...I think the spitting was a good idea

 

But I agree, she may not have realized she was even doing it. Some women are just that way.

 

About six months ago my boyfriend and I were sitting at a bar. The female bartender-with big boobs was checking him out, touching herself when she talked to him, etc. So, I slid my hand over his thigh and gently touched his "member" and softly whispered in his ear that I'd be right back. He almost lost it, and his attention was completely focused on me.

 

I don't think that kind of reaction is for everyone. Not everyone feels that is appropriate in public nor that it should be necessary in order to remind the man that he is taken. if I have to resort to that in order to keep someone's attention on me, I would not be impressed with the man. That just plays into the whole jealousy and insecurity. There are plenty of women who will try to entice a man....the partner can't be there all the time to squeeze his "member" anytime another woman makes a play for him. The man has to be mature and honourable enough to not need the partner's constant reminder to not be tempted.

[annie24]

I remember one time, I was on a boat cruise and I went over to the line for the bathroom. There was a man in front of me in line, and while we were waiting, I just made small talk like, "nice weather today, huh?" Nothing flirty or anything, just waiting for the bathroom. Immediately, his gf flew over and grabbed his arm, and gave me an evil stare. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in my life. First, I wasn't flirting and neither was he, and second, the way she flew over made her seem so insecure and jealous, that she won't even let her man stand in line for the toilet alone. sheeeesh!

 

don't be that woman!

[annie24]

another thing that I've noticed, while I have friends who complain that their men are always checking out other women, it's never been a problem I've had, even when I've told them to go ahead and check out other women. I wonder if it is a sort of "reverse psychology" thing.

 

For example, I'm a dancer, and I have many friends who are dancers, and a boyfriend and I once went to a show that was held in a restaurant. It was my idea to go because a lot of the women in that show were my friends (we're bellydancers). I told my boyfriend to bring some cash for tips. When we got there, he seemed so shy and was barely looking at them, even though i was essentially giving him permission to ogle the bellydancers, he didn't. He gave me all the cash and told me to give them the tips.

 

If I didn't "allow" him to look and admire other women, I wonder how he would have reacted.

[Batya33]

I don't think that kind of reaction is for everyone. Not everyone feels that is appropriate in public nor that it should be necessary in order to remind the man that he is taken. if I have to resort to that in order to keep someone's attention on me, I would not be impressed with the man. That just plays into the whole jealousy and insecurity. There are plenty of women who will try to entice a man....the partner can't be there all the time to squeeze his "member" anytime another woman makes a play for him. The man has to be mature and honourable enough to not need the partner's constant reminder to not be tempted.

 

I totally agree and apparently this is what works for them as a couple.

[fnlyfrei]

I remember one time, I was on a boat cruise and I went over to the line for the bathroom. There was a man in front of me in line, and while we were waiting, I just made small talk like, "nice weather today, huh?" Nothing flirty or anything, just waiting for the bathroom. Immediately, his gf flew over and grabbed his arm, and gave me an evil stare. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in my life. First, I wasn't flirting and neither was he, and second, the way she flew over made her seem so insecure and jealous, that she won't even let her man stand in line for the toilet alone. sheeeesh!

 

don't be that woman!

 

Well, you did not know their past either. Perhaps it seemed innocent to you..but he was actually a pig to her in the past. And, no, when my guy was in that situation, I actually distanced myself from him, I would never grab his arm and glare at her...it would be HIM. I would leave (and he probably wouldn't notice at some points) Which I suppose isn't very mature either. This behavior of his...(and much of it is usually him) Usually ruins every weekend for me. If it were once a month...understandable. But every time we are together (unless all the women around are OUR age...he is fine) this happens. I guess someone can call me insecure and crazy and tell me it's all in my head..which it DOES seem like eh? Then if so, I would prefer he go out without me, and flirt all he wants....just so it's not in my face.

[fnlyfrei]

Actually, I think I am going to hit the gym seven days a week, do all that it takes to be "perfect"....put myself in a position where I am admired and looked at all the time by other men, and perhaps then I won't care who he looks at either. It's called confidence Annie...you seem to have it. At the moment I do not. I guess you fight fire with fire...no carbs for me !

[amtjrtcet]

I don't think that kind of reaction is for everyone. Not everyone feels that is appropriate in public nor that it should be necessary in order to remind the man that he is taken. if I have to resort to that in order to keep someone's attention on me, I would not be impressed with the man. That just plays into the whole jealousy and insecurity. There are plenty of women who will try to entice a man....the partner can't be there all the time to squeeze his "member" anytime another woman makes a play for him. The man has to be mature and honourable enough to not need the partner's constant reminder to not be tempted.

 

It was funny, it was discreet, I have absolutely no insecurities when it comes to other women and my man. It was funny that she was trying to be seductive and I was mocking her.

 

K, I'm gonna stop posting on this thread-*rolling eyes*

[vinnee]

How I handle females who start flirting with my boyfriend in front of me (or when they think I'm not looking) has work quite well for me. I flirt with them. I am blatant about it and bordering on lewdness. They don't know what to do and become quite awkward; generally they avoid us after that. And the bonus? It amuses him and the girl gets to exit stage left while we laugh our butts off.

[fnlyfrei]

How I handle females who start flirting with my boyfriend in front of me (or when they think I'm not looking) has work quite well for me. I flirt with them. I am blatant about it and bordering on lewdness. They don't know what to do and become quite awkward; generally they avoid us after that. And the bonus? It amuses him and the girl gets to exit stage left while we laugh our butts off.

 

 

I would probably get into trouble for coming onto underage girls. Funny theory though.

[JadedStar]

How I handle females who start flirting with my boyfriend in front of me (or when they think I'm not looking) has work quite well for me. I flirt with them. I am blatant about it and bordering on lewdness. They don't know what to do and become quite awkward; generally they avoid us after that. And the bonus? It amuses him and the girl gets to exit stage left while we laugh our butts off.

 

I have done this before, but not because they wree flirting with my husband. they were being flirty with me playing around and I would call their bluff to watch them get uncomfortable. LOL

 

to fnlyfrei, are you sure that you are not in a position of severe insecurity right now that is magnifying these issues in your mind? Many insecure women will see a young woman she views attractive and automatically put her guard up and assume that her husband will check her out. Sometimes we women check out women more than the men becaues of this affliction. Be careful that you are not projecting these things sometimes.

 

I used to do this when i was insecure. I would see a pretty woman in our eyeshot and get so uncomfortable and just assume that my husband (ex husband) would wnat to check her out. I imagined a lot of things. I am not saying in this case you are imagining things, but i think maybe it seemed more magnified to you. Based on some of your past posts i do think your husband is inappropriate at times causing you discomfort with the wandering eye, but be real cognizant of this and see if maybe some of the time it is more you seeing these women and getting uncomfortable before anything even happens.

 

I do think that a playful reminder to him about it might be the most productive thing to do to diffuse the situation. Anger won't help, confronting the girl won't help, and dragging him away won't help.

[makemestronger]

You know what i think it is with jealousy ?

No matter how people advise you, you always end up with a negative.

Someone comes up with a solution to a jealous notion and you defend it and keep it festering with some other reason.

Its almost like your looking after the jealous notion like a child.

It cant be quenched it just spirals out of control. Its almost like you dont want to let it go. Its like you want to punish yourself even more. Drive yourself into oblivion.

You cant let it go until its destoyed every ounce of trust that you ever had in a person.

You dont want it to but somehow you allow it - jealousy is an insecurity or a phobia - jealousy is like having satan sat on your shoulder.

[JadedStar]

I remember one time, I was on a boat cruise and I went over to the line for the bathroom. There was a man in front of me in line, and while we were waiting, I just made small talk like, "nice weather today, huh?" Nothing flirty or anything, just waiting for the bathroom. Immediately, his gf flew over and grabbed his arm, and gave me an evil stare. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing in my life. First, I wasn't flirting and neither was he, and second, the way she flew over made her seem so insecure and jealous, that she won't even let her man stand in line for the toilet alone. sheeeesh!

 

don't be that woman!

 

Yeah Annie. You are right. Some women do go overboard with this and what is really innocent might seem not so much to another person. Not suggesting that fnlyfrei would do this, but i have seen some women who have. It is uncomfortable for all involved.

[Beec]

I don't think that kind of reaction is for everyone. Not everyone feels that is appropriate in public nor that it should be necessary in order to remind the man that he is taken. if I have to resort to that in order to keep someone's attention on me, I would not be impressed with the man. That just plays into the whole jealousy and insecurity. There are plenty of women who will try to entice a man....the partner can't be there all the time to squeeze his "member" anytime another woman makes a play for him. The man has to be mature and honourable enough to not need the partner's constant reminder to not be tempted.

 

I doubt there was any implication in him needing a constant reminder to not be tempted. What was he being tempted to do? Someone was working hard to get his attention and she got a little competition from his gf. It's not a situation in which he was going to jilt his gf sitting at a bar and run off the one who was making eyes at him. Constant reminder, huh??

 

I don't think anything played into any jealousy. She did one thing, and walked away to have her guy follow her like a loyal puppy dog?

 

Of all those things mentioned in this thread, which was the most productive? The one which resulted in an angry woman, as her man continued to flirt with some other woman, the one which resulted in an embarrassed man as her gf came up to drag him away, or the one which resulted in the man gladly following his woman?

 

You may disgaree, but perhaps the results should speak for themselves!

 

I am not suggesting the grab of the member is the right move for every woman, but what's wrong with adapting this. Maybe you do that same thing, except you give him an affectionate peck on the cheek and tell him you will be right back, or whatever works for you.

 

It's not simply the grab that did, I am sure, it is the attitude with which it was done.

[PeanutButter]

you need to somehow just have his attention go to you, in a subtle way. if hes staring at other women, thats natural but to keep his attention focused on them and not you, cant be good.

[Adrian28]

Are you and your husband mismatched when it comes to look?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No thank you. I think it is pretty silly that if a woman starts flirting with the guy, the guy's partner feels the need to draw the attention away even if it is a peck on the cheek. It just plays into this whole notion of "ownership" of the man. "Oops, there is a woman flirting with my man, I better make sure my man knows I still exist to counteract the potential seductive charms of this other woman". It may APPEAR to be in play...but it really isn't, it is meant seriously by the woman no matter how much it is dressed up as "a joke". As far as the results...well, who cares...it is really having dignity and self-respect that counts. If doing nothing means that the guy continues to have his attention drawn to the flirting woman, well, at least you know what stuff the guy is made of. This possessiveness is for the birds. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and how they react to come ons from people other than their partner.

[JadedStar]

I do agree with you...for the most part. But i think a playful diversion has its merit. A playful diversion calling his attention to it, IMO, is different than a counter seduction...i agree a counter seduction is kind of like dealing with a child only with a child you get their mind off of bad behavior by introducing new activities, not seduction obviously LOL. But its the same ploy when you have to constantly "trump" another female by using your feminine wiles. That would get old fast. So yeah I agree with you that it is not really treating your guy like an adult.

 

I do think, however, the ONLY positive way to diffuse these situations is maybe a playful bop on the head and a "come back to earth Rover" or something similar.

 

iF you find yourself having to do this often then you probably have an immature guy because a good guy will get the hint to stop that when out with his girl. This debate went on long and furious before where many claim "guys look" and there is no harm in it, but I stand fast to the adage that a mature man will be able to NOT overtly give attention to other females when out with his lady. If a man cant give her his attention when out together, what on earth is going on when he is alone is what I would wonder. Some claimed a guy who doesn't look when with his girl is overt when not wtih her and i think that is crazy.

 

Maturity means not jerking your head around to look at skirts. I have male friends i have talked to this about on occason and they say that is a rude thing to do even when they are alone. They said if a woman can TELL they are checking them out then they feel like a pervert, regardless if with their g/f's.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Maturity means not jerking your head around to look at skirts. I have male friends i have talked to this about on occason and they say that is a rude thing to do even when they are alone. They said if a woman can TELL they are checking them out then they feel like a pervert, regardless if with their g/f's.

 

I had a female friend who was always checking out the guys. It was very annoying because she was so obvious about it...you couldn't carry on a proper conversation with her because she was more interested in ogling all the men who walked by.

[JadedStar]

I had a female friend who was always checking out the guys. It was very annoying because she was so obvious about it...you couldn't carry on a proper conversation with her because she was more interested in ogling all the men who walked by.

 

Yeah it isn't just a male thing, even tho they are primarily the culprits.

 

I agree, it is embarrassing to be out with someone who overtly does this. Whether it is an SO, a male friend, or a female friend.

 

Good grief, SUBTLETY PEOPLE.