fnlyfrei Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 In one of the threads someone was complaining because someone he had just started dating wouldn't kiss him. There were replies (by men) that by the third date they expect the woman to be sleeping with them. (?!?!?!) Is that the general consensus? Isn't that a bit too soon? Is this train of thought for men who just want a non-relationship...and to move onto the next person, or is this for men who are looking for a long-term relationship? Don't men think women who sleep with them too soon are NOT a challenge? I would like to know the timeline of a man's expectations. I have really only heard the female's here. Link to comment
Jake11 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 In one of the threads someone was complaining because someone he had just started dating wouldn't kiss him. There were replies (by men) that by the third date they expect the woman to be sleeping with them. (?!?!?!) Is that the general consensus? Isn't that a bit too soon? Is this train of thought for men who just want a non-relationship...and to move onto the next person, or is this for men who are looking for a long-term relationship? Don't men think women who sleep with them too soon are NOT a challenge? I would like to know the timeline of a man's expectations. I have really only heard the female's here. I think you're going to get a lot of conflicting answers on this one. Two people are ready to sleep together, I would imagine, when they both agree it's time. If one is a little ahead of the other in terms of physicalities, then perhaps that person should wait. If they choose not to, they leave. Simple...right? Link to comment
Clarity Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Definitely not my expectation. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I wouldn't think about sleeping with a girl until I knew her quite well and had strong feelings for her. It would probably take at the minimum several weeks to build that up... Link to comment
Leonhart Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Considering all the topics we see here of people having sex the first night they meet someone, I'd say three dates is an admirable goal, compared to having sex with someone you just met. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 Sure, there can be conflicting ideas about anything. I have just heard many women say they wait a while to sleep with someone. Three dates could be two weeks....or less. And men expect this? I just never really heard from the "other side" before. I think it's a good topic to explore on this forum. I am curious. Link to comment
greenmonster Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I don't put a timeline on kissing or sex or anything for that matter... there have been girls that I have met and slept with that night and ended up dating for over a year...and then others that I didn't kiss until the 6th date or so that once we became exclusive it didn't last more than a month. on the average...I've found that date #2 is usually the first kiss date...sex however ranges from frist date till a month into a relationship for me...so I have no clue where to place that... However...theres a difference...if I'm just looking to have fun and party with a girl who is obviously in to me and wanting nothing but the same then sex can happen quite quickly...but if I'm looking to form a relationship with a girl and actually go on real dates then I put sex in the back of my mind and don't push the issue until the time is right... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I've heard about that silly three date rule. I've gone out a few times with some men who had similar expectations. I told them very nicely to move on and find someone who thought the same and was happy to be able to spend time interacting with men who were on the same wavelength with me. The men who were sincerely interested in me were interested in waiting at least a few months, sometimes longer, with a view towards the long term. I was also told on numerous occasions that the impression I give is of someone who waits before that occurs (not in a negative - "uptight" way - in a very positive and complimentary way). Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I don't think any men suggested that sex was expected on the third date, or that it would be a deal breaker not to get it (one poster DID suggest that sex on the third date is not unusual). The post was about not kissing as a sign of lack of physical interest ... either in him or in general. It's a shame this is turning into a "men are pigs because all they want is sex" issue. The men have been fairly unanimous in saying that no romantic kiss by the third date sets off a huge red flag ... not because they are impatient about sex, but because they don't want to invest too much emotionally in a girl who doesn't share their interest. Three dates without any display of romantic attraction is unusual. If the women readers want to take anything out of the other thread ... if you choose to reserve any displays of physical affection until a later point (which is fine), make sure you let the guy know you are interested. Zack Link to comment
Leonhart Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Sure, there can be conflicting ideas about anything. I have just heard many women say they wait a while to sleep with someone. Three dates could be two weeks....or less. And men expect this? I just never really heard from the "other side" before. I think it's a good topic to explore on this forum. I am curious. I'd think of three dates as at least week or four weeks. That's not so unreasonable, especially in this day and age. Link to comment
Beec Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I've been longer, often and sometimes a lot longer, and shorter than three dates (all in my past, as I am committed), but I think a woman knows if she is willing to with any specific guy before the end of a third date. If I did not get signals that she thought it was in our future by the end of the third date, there might not be a fourth. That means on some level she should want me physically withing three dates. If she gives no signs of wanting me, I think I am saying next. She might not have been comfortable with the idea of us having sex yet, but I wanted to see some desire within that time, when I was dating. Link to comment
Clarity Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit this, but, what the heck, this is an anonymous forum: My only LTR was 7 years long, we both wanted to wait for marriage. And we did. We broke up months before we were to get married. You can fill in the rest of the blanks. I don't know what I think about the "waiting for marriage" concept now. I mean, we were as close as two people will ever get, but we never once consummated that. I'm almost saddened to think that my first time (yes, laugh at me if you must) will mean so much less than it could have if I hadn't chosen to "wait". Link to comment
Leonhart Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 but I think a woman knows if she is willing to with any specific guy before the end of a third date. I thought women knew if they'd ever sleep with a guy (or not) the first moment they laid eyes on him...? I'm not saying that the guy can't screw things up and lose that chance, but that's what I was always given to understand. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 In one of the threads someone was complaining because someone he had just started dating wouldn't kiss him. There were replies (by men) that by the third date they expect the woman to be sleeping with them. (?!?!?!) Is that the general consensus? Isn't that a bit too soon? Is this train of thought for men who just want a non-relationship...and to move onto the next person, or is this for men who are looking for a long-term relationship? Don't men think women who sleep with them too soon are NOT a challenge? I would like to know the timeline of a man's expectations. I have really only heard the female's here. that was not the question here. this it totally wrong. the person said the girl is acting the same as on the first date. showing no emotion and not progress. i would call that a standstill. he was just pointing out that he went in for a kiss and pretty much got shut down. i'd be out. not expecting a kiss. but this peck thing is driving him nuts. it would drive me nuts. he is buying her dinners and dinners. he is feeding the homeless here. doesn't seem like dating to me. she is either into him or not into him. i don't see that girl being into him. i think this thread is off base and missing details. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Oh, no...this is going to be very heated thread... No, no such things that majority or all guys expect sex by the third date. They don't expect, they hope they'll have sex (sounds nicer, right?) I guess a lot of them will try, but if they don't get it, but they really like you and you show you like them too, they will respect your wish not to have sex right away. Yes, we know if we wanna sleep with the guy pretty soon. I think I know it by the end of our first date. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Oh, no...this is going to be very heated thread... No, no such things that majority or all guys expect sex by the third date. They don't expect, they hope they'll have sex (sounds nicer, right?) I guess a lot of them will try, but if they don't get it, but they really like you, they will respect your wish not to have sex right away. i don't think it's about expecting or getting sex. progression just needs to be shown by both involved in dating. it's the only way you know you are going somewhere. leading on is agreeing to go on dates and acting like you are still on the first date. nothing shown, nothing gained. NEXT! Link to comment
Cimmie Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I find it hard to keep my paws off someone if I'm into him. I wouldn't understand how a girl can be interested and not kiss by the third date. The sex thing is different and a matter of personal principle. Snogging shows attraction, sex signifies different things to different people. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I guess a lot of them will try, but if they don't get it, if they really like you and you show you like them too, they will respect your wish not to have sex right away. Oh I made an edit to my sentence because it was incomplete. You missed that Link to comment
greenmonster Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I find it hard to keep my paws off someone if I'm into him. I wouldn't understand how a girl can be interested and not kiss by the third date. The sex thing is different and a matter of personal principle. Snogging shows attraction, sex signifies different things to different people. 1) what the hell does "snogging" mean?!?!? 2) nice use of the term paws Link to comment
cblack21 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I found that on first dates I'd usually bring up the topic of kissing on a first date and even though I wasn't opposed to it, I'd say that I was. Usually I'd ask the girl how she felt about kissing on the first date, get her response and then tell her that I'm very careful about kissing on the first date and that there isn't a place for it unless there is a huge spark. I found on the dates where I had this conversation, if I didn't kiss the girl she seemed let down and sometimes they even tried to initiate the kiss. With me, if I wasn't interested in kissing the girl on the first date then generally I'm not going to ask for a second one. I've never met a girl who is legitimately opposed to the idea when put in the situation even the ones who claim to be opposed to it. I also have a firm belief in pushing sex off as long as possible when I care about a girl but for some reason, I was never opposed to one night stands as long as I knew I wasn't interested in a relationship... I'm glad I'm not on the dating scene anymore I was complicated... Link to comment
Cimmie Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 1) what the hell does "snogging" mean?!?!? 2) nice use of the term paws 'Snogging' is British for 'tonsil tennis' or 'French kissing' (now called 'Freedom kissing?!) Link to comment
Samedy Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 That is not my expectation. I think there are a lot of people who have these "signs" and "rules" about kissing and sex to determine physical interest. I have a friend who ended things with one bloke because he did not make a move on her on the first date. Individuals have many unrealistic expectations as to what kind of 'signs' indicate interest. Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I usually have sex with women by the first date. I really don't find the women i date on the internet, or at bars so I kind of already have somewhat of a relationship with them before the first date so i already established a rapport with them. If a woman is into you, you can get her to drop whatever artificial defense she has contrived very easily. I have found in todays world, women are dying to be seduced. Its not about manipulation or transaction. Its about transformation. Link to comment
Siriana Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 'tonsil tennis' hahahahahahhaahh what a crazy expression. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 'Snogging' is British for 'tonsil tennis' or 'French kissing' (now called 'Freedom kissing?!) I like that ... "freedom kissing" ... kinda makes it a patriotic duty!!!! ;-) Zack. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I usually have sex with women by the first date. I really don't find the women i date on the internet, or at bars so I kind of already have somewhat of a relationship with them before the first date so i already established a rapport with them. If a woman is into you, you can get her to drop whatever artificial defense she has contrived very easily. I have found in todays world, women are dying to be seduced. Its not about manipulation or transaction. Its about transformation. true. that is why the story the OP was talking about i find missing details. the OP left some things out. the guy in reference wasn't trying to have sex or get a kiss. he was asking why she didn't return his affection. the girl the guy is dating and has been on 3 dates with hasn't shown any signs. they have pecked each time. he tried a move and she turned away. sounds like a shutdown to me. especially if she didn't bring up....'oh sorry, i didn't know you were gonna...' and kiss him back. so cold. no progress = no future. i don't remember the last time i was dating someone and thought, 'you know what...i'm going to make a move....5 months from now' or ' 5 dates from now'. pffft, never. i was either into them, made a move, or just didn't see them again. i've never looked at a girl and noticed i would not kiss until the 4th date. she either looks kissable or not. cause the attraction is there, i would want to do it sooner than later. not cause i'm trying to get into her pants, but it's part of a relationship and i want to know if they can kiss. sloppy kissers = no go for me. such a turn off. i wouldn't want to know this information 8 weeks down the road. lol Link to comment
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