Cimmie Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Its not about manipulation or transaction. Its about transformation. Can you clarify a little? I don't really understand what you mean by this Link to comment
jul-els Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 When I was dating, I would sometimes apply the three date rule, but it was not the norm. It would depend on the person I had gone out with. The three date rule was for someone who I was attracted enough to want to sleep with but wasn't interested in a serious relationship with. With some people I applied the one date rule, meaning I wasn't interested in seeing them again for whatever reason. Then there's the one's you meet you really feel a strong attraction to or strong connection with. For that person I would wait a few months to sleep with but after about 6 mos. I would probably cut my losses although it never got that far in my experience. When two people feel a strong attraction to one another, they just know. There's no denying chemistry. It's a jungle out there, you've got to go out there with some sort of defined goals or you're just going nowhere. I'm glad I'm out of that scene and have no desire to return to it. Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Can you clarify a little? I don't really understand what you mean by this Well i really hate the term "player" and view "players" as manipulators. They see sex as transactional. When you become intimate with someone it is a very intense relationship, and when you are able to take them to places they haven't been before and that includes physically,emotionally, mentally...you don't have to worry about hurt feelings afterwards. Link to comment
russ978 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 In one of the threads someone was complaining because someone he had just started dating wouldn't kiss him. There were replies (by men) that by the third date they expect the woman to be sleeping with them. (?!?!?!) Is that the general consensus? Isn't that a bit too soon? I think the 'third date rule' is pretty common but I think that placing time expectations on a relationship is a bunch of BS. I'd like to think that sleeping with someone be based a little more on the chemistry between two individuals and how well they feel they know each other. Second date, third date, seventh date, there shouldn't be expectations for when/where the first kiss/whichever happens...but there are. Link to comment
Cimmie Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Well i really hate the term "player" and view "players" as manipulators. They see sex as transactional. When you become intimate with someone it is a very intense relationship, and when you are able to take them to places they haven't been before and that includes physically,emotionally, mentally...you don't have to worry about hurt feelings afterwards. Ok gotcha! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 that was not the question here. this it totally wrong. the person said the girl is acting the same as on the first date. showing no emotion and not progress. i would call that a standstill. he was just pointing out that he went in for a kiss and pretty much got shut down. i'd be out. not expecting a kiss. but this peck thing is driving him nuts. it would drive me nuts. he is buying her dinners and dinners. he is feeding the homeless here. doesn't seem like dating to me. she is either into him or not into him. i don't see that girl being into him. i think this thread is off base and missing details. That's why I started a NEW thread ghost. I had a different question. Thanks bunches. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 I was talking about sex. Not kissing. NEXT !! Link to comment
Beec Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Oh man. I am so doomed. Why would you be doomed? Link to comment
servedcold Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Well, dating mid 30s to early 40s women, many divorced, the cat's kind of out of the bag as far as chastity and the mystery of sex goes. I find that women initiate much faster these days than in the 80s/90s. Perfectly fine for her to take her time getting to know me, no hurry, can wait 10 dates or even more, but if there is even an inkling of sexual manipulation, teasing or using sex as control, I'm out the door fast, even after only a single date. Mostly, the women I date are ready by the second date and I have usually been the one who waited a bit to delay the gratification. That part can be as much fun as the eventual release. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Why would you be doomed? Because I know next time I date I will need some time and from the sound of it, most guys arent willing to give that. Link to comment
Beec Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Because I know next time I date I will need some time and from the sound of it, most guys arent willing to give that. Many are. As I said, I have many times. But show some interest and desire. You can have competing emotions, but these should be there. Link to comment
Dako Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I've read and listened to many of the PUA gurus and they seem to agree on the 3 date rule. Any woman that doesn't put out by then is a waste of time. Imagine that! I imagine monkeys pressing levers in a lab study, screeching when the female declines after three biscuits are offered. Screech! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted August 14, 2007 Author Share Posted August 14, 2007 I think that IF a guy is really into someone, he would wait a bit...the attitude of entitlement that some guys are posting here really bothers me..."I took you out three times, spent my time on you...you owe me sex??" You can be physically attracted to someone but as you get to know them, you find out the physical part wasn't so important...because you can't stand their personality...but if you slept with them prematurely...bleah..what a mess!!! Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I need to wait because well, ive never had sex before at all. Just not ready yet!! Any guys with a three date attitude and I would certainly be running for the hills! Link to comment
Beec Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I need to wait because well, ive never had sex before at all. Just not ready yet!! Any guys with a three date attitude and I would certainly be running for the hills! OK, so that is simply not the guy for you. Just think that's his loss, because if he waited long enough, you would have rocked his world. The right man will wait. My point is just to let him know you want him, that you are tempted, and it can be inferred mildly. You can have moral roadblocks to actually doing it for some time, with the right man, and many men would want to know you want to wait, until marriage. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 OK, so that is simply not the guy for you. Just think that's his loss, because if he waited long enough, you would have rocked his world. The right man will wait. My point is just to let him know you want him, that you are tempted, and it can be inferred mildly. You can have moral roadblocks to actually doing it for some time, with the right man, and many men would want to know you want to wait, until marriage. What you're saying definitely makes sense. I actually have thought of waiting until marriage as I've not felt right about it so far, but the problem is on the one hand... I don't just want to have sex with any guy, but on the other hand it's not like I'm ultra-religious or anything. I'm just strange I reckon. Link to comment
Beec Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 What you're saying definitely makes sense. I actually have thought of waiting until marriage as I've not felt right about it so far, but the problem is on the one hand... I don't just want to have sex with any guy, but on the other hand it's not like I'm ultra-religious or anything. I'm just strange I reckon. Whether you want to wait because you think it is right for religious reasons or otherwise, that's your choice. My guess is that if a guy took his time with you, and let you know he was interested in sex, but could wait until you were ready, you would soon feel very tempted. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Whether you want to wait because you think it is right for religious reasons or otherwise, that's your choice. My guess is that if a guy took his time with you, and let you know he was interested in sex, but could wait until you were ready, you would soon feel very tempted. Yeah, I think you're right. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Don't live by any rule, but if I see a girl I like, I wanna sleep with her right away. How long I'm willing to wait is all determined by how she acts and what exactly is happening between us. You can be physically attracted to someone but as you get to know them, you find out the physical part wasn't so important...because you can't stand their personality...but if you slept with them prematurely...bleah..what a mess!!! Wouldn't exactly be a mess though, I'd just move on no regrets. I, like most guys, could care less if I make a mistake by sleeping with someone who I find out later I don't like. Whether people see me as promiscuous isn't important to me like it is to a girl. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 I was talking about sex. Not kissing. NEXT !! i understand you were talking about sex. but the original poster that you were referring to in this very thread was wondering about why when he went in for a kiss she turned away. and the fact that she is showing no affection after X amount of dates. he never said he expected a kiss. NEXT!! lol oh, and i'm not arguing. just bringing up the validity. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted August 15, 2007 Author Share Posted August 15, 2007 i understand you were talking about sex. but the original poster that you were referring to in this very thread was wondering about why when he went in for a kiss she turned away. and the fact that she is showing no affection after X amount of dates. he never said he expected a kiss. NEXT!! lol oh, and i'm not arguing. just bringing up the validity. I took this thread away from that thread to avoid changing the subject and bring up an altogether NEW subject. YOU are the one who brought the other thread to my thread. Please stay on the topic of THIS thread. Thanks. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 to answer this one, no it is not the general consensus. i don't expect sex or a kiss or whatever. i expect progression though. if some girl is still showing the same interest as when i met her after 3 dates or so, see ya later. Link to comment
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