Judge me - please comment.

[Cheeky Charmer]

An Estonian girl started in my office a few months back and, of late, we've been getting on really well.

 

Never that simple though. She has a boyfriend who is also Estonian and she moved over here in the first place to be with him. I sort of know him but not well enough to call him a friend. Lately, she's been telling me and others that there are cracks in her relationship. He works late shifts, she works during the day and the only times they get to spend together are at weekends. However, even now, he's trying to do as much overtime as possible so their time together is very limited.

 

This has coincided with her and me really getting on well. We laugh and joke together and she tells me that she wishes that he complimented her like I do. I really make her laugh and if she was single there'd be a definite chance of things going further.

 

Still, even though she's not there's still a chance and several people have pointed this out.

 

I know you probably think I'm a pretty low form of life for even contemplating doing anything but the relationship is doomed and won't have long to run. I'd hate for nothing to happen only for them to split up in months and for her to start seeing someone else.

[amtjrtcet]

If you're so sure they're not gonna make it, then wait for them to break up-without you in the picture.

[ghost69]

do not push for them to break-up. wait it out on this one. i'd me very peefed is some dude was stepping on my toes in the background with my woman.

[ResonanceTheory]

I second amtjrtcet's post...also, how is she able to stay in your country? If she breaks up with her boyfriend, without his help, will she be able/willing to stay wherever you are?

 

Just something else to consider.

 

As for the main issue at hand, I would definitely think twice before getting involved. You don't know this woman well enough to intervene in her relationship, and if you help her cheat on her boyfriend, you are taking a big role in the possible destruction of her relationship. You say that they're on the rocks...but the woman just moved from ESTONIA to be with the guy. That's quite a lot of distance for someone that you don't want to be with. I think that they are just going through a rough patch. I wouldn't get involved. Look elsewhere. If she ends up free in the next few months, then ask her out. But don't hold your breath and definitely DON'T go there when she's dating someone else.

[PeanutButter]

i agree here with both posts!!^^ wait it out and dont push it!! if they decide to not be with each other, let that be , if they want to work on it, then let them. dont become the guy who trys to get at a girl whos in a relationship already!!

[Beec]

Why not just tell her, in a bit of a cocky tone, "look if you think I'm that good, you're going to have to get rid of him to find out," or something similar.

[dtm123]

That she is complaining about her boyfriend to you, is poor form, and not a sign of a 'good' woman. You might not remember my saying this the first time you're having sex with her, but there it is.

 

Sounds like she is opening the door for you a bit, but to what end? Does she want to treat like you like a pool boy while her man is away, or does she want you to replace him?

 

I would only go after this one if you really wanted to keep her. The couple has put in a lot of effort to be in this country together. Undoing that could get ugly.

[servedcold]

Yeah, there's some fishy smell here. People of any quality don't move to a different country to be with someone they aren't commited to, are they living together? More detail needed. At best, she's emotionally cheating with you and doing the guy dirty by grousing about her personal life at work. At worst, she used him as setup to get into the country all the while planning to leapfrog away. If she's a leapfrogger, you will likely be the first leap. Will you be the last? In any event, interfering in such a relationship is dirty pool and could have work repercussions in certain circumstances. Best wishes.

[miracle29]

That she is complaining about her boyfriend to you, is poor form, and not a sign of a 'good' woman. You might not remember my saying this the first time you're having sex with her, but there it is.

 

Sounds like she is opening the door for you a bit, but to what end? Does she want to treat like you like a pool boy while her man is away, or does she want you to replace him?

 

I would only go after this one if you really wanted to keep her. The couple has put in a lot of effort to be in this country together. Undoing that could get ugly.

 

 

WAIT! Just because she is venting does not mean she is a bad woman! She may just be lonely and looking for some type of void to be filled.

 

Now with that being said, what a persons does with you, they will 9 times out of 10 do TO you. If she's telling you their issues and you and her start having some, perhaps she'll be just as long winded about your laundry as she is with theirs. Does it mean she's a devil woman who is out to sip blood and pillage? NO! But its a red flag about her discretions.

 

I like what everyone else has said about "wait". Rushing to get her, will be rushing into drama. You want someone that has as little to no extra baggage. I don't care if she looks like Jessica Alba. She has to be able to hold your trust before all else. If she can't be faithful to him (someone she moved ALL THE WAY THERE for) then don't hold your breath as to her being faithful to you if things get a little bumpy down the road.

 

This is proven fact! Statistically Speaking.

[miracle29]

That she is complaining about her boyfriend to you, is poor form, and not a sign of a 'good' woman. You might not remember my saying this the first time you're having sex with her, but there it is.

 

Sounds like she is opening the door for you a bit, but to what end? Does she want to treat like you like a pool boy while her man is away, or does she want you to replace him?

 

I would only go after this one if you really wanted to keep her. The couple has put in a lot of effort to be in this country together. Undoing that could get ugly.

 

 

 

NOW THAT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH. Please take hEED!

[downward spiral]

Well, I know people from estonia and the women there are treated err umm, less than equals although times are changing they still live in that regard. So she is for one in the states now and feels a sense power. meaning that she now realizes that she can be treated with repsect and dignity.

As for you, if you are the cause of their break up or instigating it always be prepared for it to happen to you. Like the others, just let what happens happen and if it works great, if not, well then look elsewhere.

[Leonhart]

They're not married. Go for it!

[Miss Firecracker]

I agree that a good woman doesn't vent about her SO to another man. She'll do the same thing to you with the next man. She's a snake in the grass. Don't trust her.

[ProtestTheHero]

They're not married. Go for it!

 

Lol, it's hard for me to understand you sometimes. In one forum you are talking about how on fire your church is for God, and here you're encouraging this dude to move in on a taken girl. I'll just assume that was a joke, lol.

 

I would be very hesitant to go out with a girl like that with a relationship in mind. Like someone said before, if she is discussing problems that should stay between her bf and herself with you, it's likely the same will happen in the future. Basically, how long will it take before you're the bf and she's getting close with someone else? I think actions like that speak a lot for one's character.

 

Personally, I wouldn't do it. One, it's kind of messed up. Two, if someone moved from a different country just to be with her, we can safely assume he'd be ready to kick some ass if you pursued her. I know I would.

[Leonhart]

Lol, it's hard for me to understand you sometimes. In one forum you are talking about how on fire your church is for God, and here you're encouraging this dude to move in on a taken girl. I'll just assume that was a joke, lol.

 

According to a numerology website, I'm VERY hard for other people to understand.

 

I guess I can see that...

[ghost69]

if they break up....she says to him "we need to break up." he says "why?" she tells him "i met another guy." haha. guess what. hope she doesn't tell him where. chances are he will show up to confront you.

[ResonanceTheory]

According to a numerology website, I'm VERY hard for other people to understand.

 

I guess I can see that...

 

LOL!!!

 

I'm guessing (hoping?) that you're not serious.

 

Even if she's not married, there is no excuse to be "the other man". Just imagine how you would feel if you were in his shoes. If she really feels that strongly for you, she will dump him to be with you. But for now, just move on.

[Leonhart]

Well, the fact of the matter is that they're not married and as a result, there's nothing binding them together.

 

I won't judge him if he makes a move. Who am I to judge? But I didn't say I approved of it either. But I want to make it clear that dating is not the same thing as being married to someone.

[ghost69]

Well, the fact of the matter is that they're not married and as a result, there's nothing binding them together.

 

I won't judge him if he makes a move. Who am I to judge? But I didn't say I approved of it either. But I want to make it clear that dating is not the same thing as being married to someone.

 

so you would like your gf to get hit on by another guy? i highly doubt this.

[Leonhart]

so you would like your gf to get hit on by another guy? i highly doubt this.

 

I don't have a girlfriend. lol

 

And being hit on is one thing, choosing to see him while she's with me is another.

 

And actually... now that I think back, that happened to me before! But it was mostly my fault anyway.

 

Anyway, we're off-topic, so I'll shut up now. Bye. lol

[PeanutButter]

if they break up....she says to him "we need to break up." he says "why?" she tells him "i met another guy." haha. guess what. hope she doesn't tell him where. chances are he will show up to confront you.

 

LOL!!! oh yeh.. hey anyone ever thought shes just with him so she could get to this country and have a better life though?? And now shes soo unsure of this guy that shes seeking to be with another but doesnt know quite what to do?

[CharLit]

People, Estonia is in the European Union. She is free to work in the UK or anywhere else in the EU, she does not need her boyfriend or the OP to stay in the country.

 

Well, the fact of the matter is that they're not married and as a result, there's nothing binding them together.

 

I won't judge him if he makes a move. Who am I to judge? But I didn't say I approved of it either. But I want to make it clear that dating is not the same thing as being married to someone.

 

Go take a look in the infidelity forum and see how much betrayed partners suffer, regardless of the legal status of the relationship. If you are in a relationship you have made a commitment to one another, and that DOES bind you together.

 

OP, I wouldn't be so sure their relationship is doomed. People complain about their relationships. It does not necessarily mean they are on the verge of break-up, it just means they're not entirely happy and they're talking to the wrong person about it. Do not use "they're headed for break-up anyway" as an excuse for something you KNOW is wrong - you would not be posting about it here if you didn't. If it IS doomed, wait for it to dissolve without your intervention. Reasons:

 

- It takes two people to cheat. Her partner will be horribly hurt by infidelity on her part. Do you really want to help cause that?

 

- Do you want to be with a person who doesn't even have enough respect for someone they once loved to end the relationship before moving on to someone new?

 

- Do you want to be with someone as their bit on the side while they hum and ha about whether or not to end their relationship?

 

- What happens when the romantic phase with you is over and she realises you aren't 100% perfect either and starts complaining to some other guy about your flaws?

[Leonhart]

I guess. But people get over it. I did.

 

It's wrong only if you believe it is.

 

Feelings are fickle and people often get tired of their current partner, or repulsed the instant they discover that they are not their ideal mate in every facet, so they move on. Whether they are currently playing the role "boyfriend & girlfriend" or not... does it really matter? You're bound together so long as you choose to be. So if one party one day capriciously decides to no longer be party to that ship, then they are free to do as they wish.

 

You gave good, sound advice, but at the same time, I don't see what all the hooplah is about.

[CharLit]

You're bound together so long as you choose to be. So if one party one day capriciously decides to no longer be party to that ship, then they are free to do as they wish.

 

Exactly. If they leave the ship FIRST, and only then book the next cruise.

[Leonhart]

Well, technically, they've already left if they're chasing other tail anyway, haven't they? Since being 'in' a relationship is only a state of mind, if you're not bound emotionally by the other person, then what ARE you bound to? An idea? A principle? Intangibles are so hard to pin down accurately.