chrisrad

Couple things I would like to say-- First, colored text sucks. Ok, next- Your boyfriend is a jackoff plain and simple. I kind of get the impression he may be sewing his oats elsewhere. Probably not what you want to hear, but if he has already slept with you once, and then all of a sudden stopped and now refuses then something is up. And the fact he MAKES you blow him is straaaaaaange. Look at him point blank and tell him, "If you don't sleep with me, another guy will come around who is interested." Believe me, there are plenty of guys out there who would be eager to satisfy you in all departments.

Or take a Zinc supplement as that is what oysters are high in and supposedly the "magic ingredient" in them.

6 years later and it still happens to me. Although she does it to me on purpose sometimes. The other night I was heading out the door and she started telling me all these dirty things she was going to do to me when I got home. Next thing you know, she grabs me down there and says, "Got a little problem?". So great, now I need to wait a minute or two before I head out the door...

One thing that would concern me though, is that a healthy sexual relationship and sexual compatibility overall do play a huge roll in a long-term relationship. I dated this one girl about 7 years ago who I found out had bipolar disorder and was on Paxil. We had a good social relationship but sexually it was ridiculous because she could NOT get off no matter what. The meds she was on seriously hindered her in that department. Needless to say that relationship only lasted a few months.

Wow, I can't believe you are 36 and a virgin. Not saying that's bad, but the curiosity alone would have driven me. Then again, I am a guy and my hormones rage 24/7 it seems. Anyway, I lost mine on my 17th birthday birthday with my highschool girlfriend. It was extraordinarily awkward. I think I lasted about 10 seconds and it was straight-up missionary.

Well, I have a deadline in my head. I am not going to push the issue with her anymore. She's knows how I feel about this. I have made it abundantly clear. I have never asked her to do anything like this before and its the one and only thing I have asked of her. If she can't accommodate me on this one thing by the time I have decided on, she will come home from work one day and my things will be gone. The only contact she will have from me will be regarding the kids. It's a last resort, and I don't want to do it, but I have a life to live too and I don't want to go through it being disrespected and second fiddle to another guy. I regret deeply anything I ever did to hurt her in the past. I know sometimes people like to play the whole eye for an eye thing. Difference here is I don't want the kids to suffer because of it. And it shouldn't be an excuse for her actions. If she wants to remain friends with him AT WORK and talk to him outside of work on the phone or computer on OCCASION that is fine with me. I can make that compromise. But hanging out with him alone at his apartment is still inappropriate to me. No matter how much they try to reassure me nothing is going on. Are there any females on here that can agree with me on this? I know men are usually more protective of their females than the other way around. I just want to hear it from a female's point of view.

That's the thing. I am NOT okay with it. It kills me. We have a damn family and it's just plain inappropriate. They laugh at me behind my back because I am so protective over her. Or "controlling" as they call it. They treat me like I am the third wheel. She tells me to leave him alone... and he tells me that what they say to one another is none of my business. I told him point blank in a message today that if he can't respect the boundaries of my relationship than I cannot respect his friendship with her. Even though I really won't respect it anyway because it still puts me in an unfair position. My biggest issue here is that I cannot just walk away from this relationship. I have too much invested with her and I love her to death. I would do anything for her and she knows that. I think she even uses it as leverage. But at the same time I cannot just sit here and let her walk all over me and disrespect me. She throws it up in my face all the time that I talked to my ex-gf after she and I started dating. And yeah, I even visited my ex-gf a couple times. But that was almost 6 years ago and I was just a kid myself at the time. I was 20 then and I am 26 now. Not to mention since then, anytime she has asked me to sever ties with a female I have done it. Even females that live 1000+ miles away who are in relationships themselves. And its funny because I tell her that I will start hanging out with girls and all of a sudden she doesn't care anymore. Hmm...

Another update-- So Friday night it was that guy's birthday. I was actually invited to go out with them to the bar. So we got a babysitter for the night and we went out. It was a group of us (not just the three of us). The night went pretty well. Him and I talked a little bit (albeit drunk ) and he didn't act like anything other than a friend towards her. Hell, he even bought me drinks on his birthday. But that's neither here nor there. In a way, it kind of showed me how their relationship is outside of work. And the fact he was trying to pick up women kind of clued me in on the fact he wasn't interested in my woman. One thing I did notice though, is that he is VERY clingy and emotional. We got home and there was 10 messages on my voicemail. All from him begging for someone to come over and help him since he was drunk and alone. I wish I had saved them and transferred them to the computer so I could post them on here, lol. They were actually kind of funny some of them. But, I get the impression this guy is very lonely. He even wrote that in one of the messages he sent her. He was saying how he comes home every night to an empty apartment with nobody to talk to. All his family lives in another state. And as for the emotional part, the littlest thing sets him off. For example, her sister came in to see her at work yesterday, and he went up to her and asked her if he could be introduced to her sister. She said to him, "You're not THAT great of a guy..." He got pissed at her and wouldn't talk to her the rest of the time she was there. Its like he is bipolar. Sometimes he is nice and pleasant and other times he is pissed at the world for no reason. Or for reasons that wouldn't bother most people. It kind of scares me because I think he is emotionally attached to her now. And if she ends up having to sever ties with him altogether because of his incessantness, then I am afraid for her safety. I try to explain to her, that once there are emotions involved, it is difficult to maintain a 'friend' relationship. She seems to think that women are in control of any relationship and that it will only go as far as she chooses it to go. Anyway, I am pretty much over the thought of her 'cheating' on me. I guess it still makes me jealous that she talks to him though. The idea of another guy taking time with her away from me sucks. And the fact that between her working a lot and me running around all day with the kids, it really only gives me about two hours with her a day (when we wake up and go to bed). But anyway, we are on the road to recovery. We had a good family day yesterday and I guess she wants to go out again next weekend with me (not with the other guy though). So I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Yeah tell me about it. I am not at all comfortable with the situation. She worked all day yesterday for 10 hours. Came home around 11pm and immediately got on the computer and started talking to him. It was all bs talk with nothing personal, but it aggravated me since she hadn't seen me all day. I told her I was going to bed in 10mins trying to give the hint "hey, come to bed with me". I layed down, and she didn't come. I gave her 10mins, I got up, and yanked the cable modem out of the wall and disconnected everything. She got PISSED and threatened to walk out of the apartment. Everytime I ask her what makes him more important than me, she has no answer or says that he isn't. She also keeps telling me to let things work themself out. All the while I feel like I am being hoodwinked. She knows I made this post here and she read the replies. She thinks nobody here knows what they are talking about. The only post she didn't tear apart was the one where the lady said I need to stop being controlling and to trust her. I keep trying to explain to her that it's not the fact that she has a guy friend but the circumstances surrounding it. If you want to be friends with some guy, that's fine. But go about it a different way.

We planned on getting married soon. Marriage is definitely not the issue here.

My girlfriend recently befriended a guy at work. A little backstory, we've been together 6 years, have two kids, live together, etc... Anyway, so she went to a company bbq a few weeks ago and this guy gave her a ride home. I thought nothing of it. Next day, I see them talking after work in the parking lot. He takes off when I get there to pick her up. I thought it was a little shady, but again, I just blew it off. Next day I come to get her for lunch, he's there again but this time not working. He is just there to see her or check his schedule or whatever it was. This time she introduces me to him. The next day, she is supposed to get out of work at 10, I was at a meeting til 10, she said she would just get a ride home and meet me at home at 10:10 or so. I say fine. She doesn't show up til 6AM! And this guy is bringing her home. So now I am FURIOUS. I was actually outside waiting because I was up anyway since our daughter has to be to school at 7am. I confront her and she says I am blowing it way out of proportion and that he is just a friend and nothing happened yada yada yada. So I confront the both of them. They both ademantly deny any physical contact or anything like that. So now I am just feeling like a psychotic, controlling, untrusting boyfriend. I reassure myself that nothing is going on seeing as as far as I know, she has never lied to me in the past or given me a reason not to trust her. She claims that he is just a good person to talk to and that he is fun to hang around. Well, that doesn't sit too well with me. Keep in mind now, that I am not even allowed to talk to old friends that happen to be girls over the internet. A girl I went to college with 4 years ago, who lives 1000+ miles away and we NEVER had an interest in one another, sent me an email just saying "hi" and I was told to tell her it would be best if we didn't communicate. So I had to end that little ordeal. So back to she and him-- I told her it makes me VERY uncomfortable that she goes to visit him in his apartment...ALONE at night. She said to me, "I am not going to stop talking to him. You have to trust me." Trust or no trust, I am uncomfortable with it. I asked her if I could at least hang out with him and her other friends from work and she does not want me to go. She says she doesn't want conflict between him and I. I assured her there wouldn't be any because hey- You two are just friends, right? Still no dice. They talk on Instant Messenger and he is always saying stuff to her like, "I hope I can see you" and crap like that. She says he only says it because I read her conversations. Ok yeah, I snoop. But I am just trying to protect myself from getting hurt. Now how in the hell do I approach this from here? I've told her it makes me uncomfortable and that doesn't matter. I won't play eye for an eye and go find some girl-friend to hang out with. That's just not my thing and in my eyes will only cause more problems. I just need some GOOD advice right now.

She told him that she is choosing to work it out with me. He told her, "Whatever makes you happy." They work together and still maintain communication. Should I worry that they still talk outside of work? Or should I just accept the fact they are friends and move on? I mean, she has always had guy friends and it never REALLY bothered me before. Of course I was jealous of them, but it was a 'healthy jealousy' if there is such a thing. It really does make me uncomfortable that they talk outside work, but she told me that I can't pick and choose her friends for her. It's weird, because I have ran into this guy on a few occasions now and have even talked on the phone. He is always cordial and assures me they are just friends. I think this may have to do with the fact that the first love I had, who I had been in a relationship with for about 2-3 years did somewhat the same thing, only difference was it was with my friend and she WAS cheating on me. She was a pathological liar as well. This one here has never lied to me as far as I know. Maybe I just have overall trust issues?

Ok, here is an update-- I confronted the guy she was hanging out with...and her. Apparently, this kid is infatuated with her. See, she originally started talking to him as a friend. She then decided to confide in him and tell him all her problems. He took her confidence in him as a sign of interest. Well, he finally professed his feelings to her the other night (Sunday). She got pretty angry and decided to leave. He did not want her to leave. Like a sign from God, I pulled up to his apartment on a whim as she was walking out. I stepped right up to them both. It pretty much unfolded from there. We got home that night and I told her enough was enough. Either he goes, or I go. I said basically said, "This is your last chance to resolve this or I am on an airplane tomorrow and the only contact we will ever have is regarding our daughter." Apparently she did some soul searching that night, because in the morning, she left me a message telling me she wants to work things out. Its been a couple days now and things seem better. She bought about 7 romantic/comedy DVDs for us to watch over the next week or so. I am making sure not to push this too fast though. I guess I did learn something from this-- If you don't pay enough attention to your significant other, eventually someone will come along who will. So from now on, she has my undivided attention when she gets home from work at night.

Thanks for the advice. I am really still confused though. My family is flying down from Boston for christmas this year, and my mother asked me yesterday whether she should order the tickets or not. So I asked my (ex?)girlfriend and she said, "No, tell them to still get the tickets." So what in the HELL is the deal? I am thinking about just leaving for Boston for a few days just to get away from the situation. I don't know if that would be a good idea or just add fuel to the fire. I mean, I REALLY would get back together with her if she would just allow it. We had plans to get engaged this spring and get married shortly. Its like, she thrives on chaos and when things start to get good for us, she finds a way to it up.

A little background-- I met her 6 years ago (almost to the day) at work. After dating for about 7 months we found out she was pregnant. She had already had a 6 month old daughter when I started dating her. Sure, it was an obstacle for me since I was only 20 at the time. But I love this girl to death so it didn't matter to me. Fast forward to last week. Now the girls are ages 4 and 6 respectively. I am now 25 (turning 26 next month) and she is 24. Like any relationship, we've had our ups and downs. But it all started last week. She went to a party for her work. She told me should be home by 11:30-midnight. Well, 3:45am and she finally strolls in the door (this guy from her work dropped her off). I am angry, but I let it slide. Then the following thursday night, I had a meeting and she was working til 10. I told her I would meet her at home a little after 10. Well, she doesn't show up. At 6:10am the next day, she pulls up and I am waiting for her outside. And guess what? The same guy dropped her off. At this point I am FURIOUS. I punch his car and spit on it. Keep in mind, I am NOT a violent person. It is at this point that she tells me that she feels she needs to "break up" with me. She claims its because I do not pay enough attention to her while she is home. Honestly, I should have and she told me numerous times which regretfully I ignored. Then Saturday night, she says she is going out with some people at work. Again, she says she won't be out late since she has to work a double shift the next day. Well, it gets to about 3am and I go looking for her. Her car was parked in her work parking lot still, so I went back home. Then came 5:30am and she still wasn't home. I go back to the parking lot, and the car was still there. I decide for the hell of it to go by where this kid lives (keep in mind he is only 22). And what do I find? She is outside crying in the parking lot and he is nowhere to be found. I jump out and immediately I am like, " * * * happened?" She refuses to talk and gets in the car. All she muttered the whole way home was, "I made the wrong choice, I DO want to be with you." We go home and finally lay down to go to bed (around 6am at this point). All of a sudden, there is a knock on the door. Its that damn kid! So I get up and put my pants on all the while she is like, "No, no...just don't answer it." But after seeing her crying and whatnot I wanted some damn answers. She comes to the doorway and I look at the both of them, and I say, "Well, someone better start talking." They just kind of look at each other as if they didn't want to say anything without time to corroborate their story. She tells me to wait upstairs while she goes down to apologize to him. So here I am thinking I am out of the woods and things would go back to normal. Next day, they aren't. She goes, "I have some bad news". So of course, I am worried to death. She says, "You have competition." Come to find out, she admits to me she likes him. Yet when I talked to him personally, he maintains they are just friends. This has been the issue now the rest of the week. All she keeps saying, is that she is confused and she doesn't know what to do. She says that she loves me still, and that she doesn't want me out of her life, yet she refuses to NOT see this other guy. She keeps telling me to wait and that things will probably just blow over. Thing is, I can't wait. I am literally sick to my stomach. I throw up everytime I eat, I can't sleep, my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest and I cry almost non-stop. I get the impression that I am being put on the back burner so that if things with this guy don't pan out, then I am her safety net. The biggest issue I have with this, is there are kids involved. They see her leave at night, and the 6 year-old knows what is going on. You would think she would put her family first but I guess not. And also, I am trying to figure out what interest a 22 year-old college student would have with a 24 year-old mother of two who is in a long-term relationship? It just doesn't add up for me. Oh, and another thing to note, is that I am from Massachusetts. I have absolutely ZERO family and almost no friends down here. So if I do have to leave, I would most likely have to move back to MA which would be devastating to me and the girls. I can't go on living like this anymore. Someone please help me and give me advice.