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antkojm1

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Everything posted by antkojm1

  1. antkojm1
    Gay pride parades, even though the intent is good, are ridiculous. What makes people think walking around in the middle of the day half naked screaming anything they want gives us a good image?! Normally, doing that would get you arrested. Ugh. I hate gay culture.
  2. antkojm1
    Today was wonderful. I did really, really well at work, so much so that the VP of our department came over to my desk to thank me for taking care of a few problems so quickly. Tonight was a great time. I had a dinner party at my house, had 12 good friends over. I'm really becoming myself again. Tonight, and today, I actually feel like I don't need a relationship. I want to be with someone, but I've proven to myself that I don't need it to be me. Pictures coming soon... Thank you, everyone.
  3. antkojm1
    Well, tonight I had a great time. The only complication is that he's not sure if he's gay or not. He said he wants to "find out", but he hasn't told me anything more yet. He's nice, intelligent, has good conversation skills, and is incredibly cute. I feel equal to him on so many levels, which is something I never really felt with Paul, at least not to this degree. I just don't know what to think. I feel bad/guilty being interested in someone else so soon, but then again I've always been able to get over/through things pretty quickly. I can really see something serious happening in the future, if thats what he wants. Life is crazy. I live for emotion. Maybe that's bad, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. Work is wonderful, I'm doing really well and its only been 4 days. I'm already pretty familiar with the network and have 7 projects assigned to me. It's so nice to be doing what I really want to be doing again.
  4. antkojm1
    well lets see, a few weeks ago I was complaining that so many gay guys just want sex, and here I am saying how I'm sexually interested in someone and don't expect a relationship.
  5. antkojm1
    Wow, how hypocritical of me to fall into my own stereotype.
  6. antkojm1
    She is, as you suspect, using you. Stop allowing it. She may not be doing it intentionally or even realize it, but she won't change her behaviour unless you do.
  7. antkojm1
    Very well put icemotoboy. Well, its official. Its been 2 months since he left, and I'm feeling better every day. I wound up seeing him friday. He called me while he was at the house, and asked me for some help. He looked alright. He was wearing the most ridiculous clothes I have ever seen him wear, and that's saying alot. We were civil to each other, actually quite nice, but I didn't feel much pain. Kept the conversation short, hugged goodbye, and he was off. I started a new job on Monday. I love it. Its the most money I've ever made, its a great environement, and so far I'm getting along really well with everyone else there. I'm really happy with the direction my life has been taking lately. In some strange way, Paul breaking up with me, was really the best thing that could have happened for ME right now, even if I don't think it was the best thing Paul could have done for himself. All of my good friends called and asked me how my first day was. Paul called me at around 5pm but I ignored it. He called me again later at night, only to tell me he gave himself whiplash again and wouldn't be able to pick up more of his stuff on tuesday. He didn't ask me at all about how my first day was. Now, that hurt. So, now I'm considering telling him not to call me anymore. If he needs to communicate with me, text or email me, but no phone conversations. What does everyone think? It really hurt that he called and talked about how bad he was doing, and didn't ask me at all about how things were with me. Also, the last time he injured his neck, about 6 months ago, I completely took care of him, did everything for him. I wonder if he's thinking about that. This injury is worse. I'm going out with a guy that I have some serious sexual interest in on thursday. I don't know if it will turn in to something real, but somehow I'm not allowing myself to have any expectations. More to come... Thank you everyone.
  8. antkojm1
    Two things you can try: 1. When I was horribly depressed before, it took friends literally yelling at me and getting mad at me because of it to motivate me to try to feel better/figure out how. She might respond differently, but its worth a shot. 2. Buy a copy of "Feeling Good - The new mood therapy" by David Burns, and give it to her.
  9. antkojm1
    Jorus, The point isn't just to tell people who you are, its to make people aware of the daily struggles that gay people face in attempt to reduce those struggles. Comparing being gay to loving peanut butter & jelly is offensive. You can't be fired from a job because you love pb&j. You can't be discriminated against because you love pb&j. You won't be a victim of a hate crime because you love pb&j. You can still get married even if you love pb&j. People don't HATE YOU because you love pb&j. It most certainly has a place in politics, as it is a minority population that is being wrongfully discriminated against.
  10. antkojm1
    I have to agree with Sylph. By "pissing off some homophobe" we are only fueling the problem more. By all means, have a good time, but we instead need to show people that we aren't the monsters we are made out to be. All the gay families that went to the easter egg roll in DC should be thanked, we should follow their example.
  11. antkojm1
    So, he called. I didn't answer. I called him back shortly after. He wanted to know about bill payments, like when things are due, etc. We had a nice conversation, about work, life, etc... I told him I was out of food for his chinchilla that is still at the house, and he said he would come and get it. I said I didn't want to be here when he came to get it, even though I wanted more than anything for him to see me and how much better I look. I almost caved in and said to come by when I was here. The problem was I couldn't just leave the door unlocked and go somewhere, I live in the city. Then Paul said "no, I shouldn't come by when you're there." Why did that devistate me? He doesn't want to see me either?!? It really hurts. So, instead, I'm going to leave the back patio door unlocked. There is a tall gate before it that he knows the combination to. I want to see him so badly. Maybe I'll leave the weights out, he hasn't seen what I've been lifting lately... Why does it have to hurt so much, why do I have to miss him so much
  12. antkojm1
    maybe... things were awkward when we stopped talking, and it most likely hasn't changed. We'll see.
  13. antkojm1
    Tonight I realized something... Just because I cannot make new memories of my relationship with Paul, that doesn't mean I have to give up all the ones I already have. We made each other happy for the most part, and nothing can ever take that away from either of us. Its very strange, I'm a very very sentimental person. When I think of the past, I always, always become sad because the past is gone. I don't yet know how to be happy when I think of the past, and I think this is a fundamental problem for me.
  14. antkojm1
    If its been a year, I would say she is stuck. She REALLY needs to see a LGBT therapist. You can find names of ones in your area through webmd. If you want any help with finding one, send me a private message. Depression feeds off of itself. If she doesn't get help she will not escape from it any time soon.
  15. antkojm1
    My best friend in middle/highschool, I found out he was gay when we were 17. I told him I knew and that I was too. I also told him that I had some serious feelings for him. He was in a relationship at the time, and wasn't interested in me. We lost contact and I haven't seen or heard from him in 6 years. Be careful, don't destroy precious friendships.
  16. antkojm1
    I have maybe 4 women friends that are straight, and I love them, but they don't understand me. The rest of my women friends are lesbians, and by far most of my friends are guys, 50/50 straight/gay, and I'm out to all of them. When my straight guy friends start talking about what hot girl they would do, I usually interject my "Colin Farrell" comment... mmmm..... I find it difficult to relate to straight women, because the only thing I have in common with them is an attraction to men.
  17. antkojm1
    How long have you two been playing games? Just wondering, because something has to change or you'll be stuck in a very painful situation. If you are in love with her, and you tell her that, and she doesn't want to be with you, that will only continue to hurt you. I've been there before. I was in love with a guy that was in a bad relationship. He had sex with me when his boyfriend wouldn't. I told him how I felt, and he only ever said "I don't know". He knew, he just didn't want to tell me no because he wanted to keep me around for sex. When his boyfriend eventually broke up with him, not 3 days later he moved accross the country. Him moving was the best thing that could have happened.
  18. antkojm1
    You both need time. He needs time to heal, and so do you. You do not want to be in a relationship as someone's "alternate" or second choice. Give him some time, without communication with him, so that you can heal and allow him time to heal. Then, if he is actually interested in you, he might contact you, but don't contact him. Regarding your dating situation... Welcome to gay culture. I hate it too. Try some online dating sites, you might find a good catch.
  19. antkojm1
    Another day of living, another day of missing him. I can barely stand no contact, I want to call him right now and tell him how much I am still in love with him, and how I would do anything to have him back in my life. But, I won't. Have to stay strong.
  20. antkojm1
    So, I was talking to an ex/friend of mine earlier tonight, and he said something to me that I found very.... interesting: you know what makes you differnt from other gay guys i have met is that you are looking for someone to grow old with I never really thought of it that way. I am looking for someone to grow old with, and share my entire life with them. Part of me feels really good about hearing that, because it makes me feel like I'm a person worth loving. But, the rest of me feels scared, that I won't find anyone else that wants the same thing.
  21. antkojm1
    I've been in his position in regard to the differences in personalities. Just because he's really busy and doesn't show his emotion to you much, doesn't mean he doesn't care or love you. You need to decide whether or not you want to be with him. Do you see a future together? Do you see a possibility, with counseling, of getting the problems in the relationship worked out? Do you still get along and have fun with him when things are good? If you choose to stay together, you both need to be prepared for putting some work into it. If either of you don't feel you are prepared for it, then you should not continue.
  22. antkojm1
    He did tell me, the night he said he didn't want to get back together, "I wouldn't be as mature as I am now if it weren't for you, but I have to do the rest on my own" It's now been 9 days since I had a conversation with him. I wish he would call me, but I won't call him. I talked to his uncle last night. I know I shouldn't be talking to them but I'm still close to them. He told me again that I just give it time, date other people if I have to. Also, the day before he came back from vacation and told me he didn't want to get back together, he told his aunt and uncle that "he's just not ready to move back in yet" *scream* Anyway, back to working out. On a positive note, I'm feeling really good about myself.
  23. antkojm1
    I don't know. We got along great, we always had fun when things were good, we're extremely attracted to each other, I really think we fit well.
  24. antkojm1
    In my mind, there is a constant battle between emotional and rational thought. The ups are rational, the downs are emotional. This is driving me up the * * * *ing wall, I feel so stupid and that's not like me. My rational arguments, for my own future reference: Paul: * is immature * did not give me the affection I wanted * is not as sexual as I am * had very little in common with me * is now an alcoholic * was financially dependant * runs from his problems * rarely expresses his true feelings * has poor communication skills and my irrational emotional thoughts: * I will never find anyone I am as attracted to again - already been extremely attracted to several guys I've met recently * I will never find anyone as interesting and exciting again - I'm confusing interesting and exciting with immaturity * Paul is the best I can get - not true, I've had some pretty hot guys after me, they just weren't my type * I will never have as much fun with anyone else as I do with Paul - already have been having as much, if not more
  25. antkojm1
    So now I'm back to bargaining with myself, wishing he would just open back up to me, or remember all the great times we had together, and want to come back. I can't stand the thought of him not wanting to get back together for years...
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