antkojm1

.... who are you? who do you think you are? i don't know you, i don't know you at all. i don't know what your voice sounds like, i don't know how you really act, i didn't even know how tall you are. a year though, a year separated by an entire planet, we haven't met. but soon you will return to your home here, and we will both make a trip to meet. i'm terrified, but i can't wait to find out if this could be real. some of the things you talk about make me melt, and you have no idea. i'm not really getting phone calls, i just have to sit there and hold myself from telling you anything. why? because..do you get how insane it is to even feel anything remotely like this about someone i've never even met, or even talked to on the phone? i'm not that naive anymore, and yet i can't shake this. but somehow, i sit here, and look at every single photo you've posted. over and over. all 561 of them..and i want you here with me. so many things about you are so very very attractive to me, things that I can't exactly identify either, but it doesn't matter if you gain weight back or you get acne again..none of that does. i want you in the city with me. i want to show you how someone can feel about you. it both kills me and gives me hope when you talk about how no one there wants to date you. you're so beautiful, and they're all idiots. please don't fall for anyone else until I've had my chance. i feel like you might be who i've been waiting for, i feel like you're someone that i can actually love. snoopy. =) -j....thinking of you

SSDY: same sh.t different year. *sigh*

if anyone still reads this thread... just an update... I'm involved again, with my next distra..... er.... boyfriend. no, wait, distracton. I always go back to thinking of him when it ends. only after I feel relieved. Weeeeeee this is fun. I refuse to let anyone in. Why?

seriously, just tell her. if nothing is going to happen you need to get it over with now. if something is going to happen, you need to plant the seed now. otherwise you're just wasting your time.

HATE that.

I'm going to use that sometime in the near future. Sorry. I'll pay royalties. =)

Yeah, this is ridiculous. Makes you immediately aware of how immature they are.

don't know if you'd call these bad habits or not, but things that got on my nerves always. some of these I've done myself, which I hate to admit 1. indecisiveness... don't say "I don't care" when asked what your opinion is on where to eat, what to do. when I hear that I feel like saying "well, I don't care if I just take you home right now and go out with friends instead, so thats what I'm going to do" 2. mumbling... 3. making direct comparisons to your ex's...in conversation... Tell me anything you want about your past relationships, but don't tell me I have better eyes or he has better skin. That's just stupid. 4. obsessively filling silence with questions of "are you ok?" and "what's wrong?"

It's been close to a year, march 10th. we were together for 4 1/2 years. Since I found out that the new guy doesn't want him talking to me, I haven't made any attempts. I figured that's the easiest thing to do, since continuing to do so would just make me seem and feel desperate. It went from a text message conversation about something or other every week to nothing, and I continued to try until I found out what the problem was, which was about 2 weeks. Its been about a month now since any contact at all. I feel like I'm in high school again. Why can't I grow up about this. I don't know what the next necessary steps are. I feel like I've done everything I needed to. I go out, and I have great times with my friends. I meet new people. I travel alot and make new friends in every city. I have a great life, one that people constantly tell me they wish they had. But I still hang on. How do I stop this? I don't try to go after him, i don't try to contact him anymore.

I'm all over the place on this one... So anyone who reads it, I apologize for the headache you're going to get. I've come pretty far in the past year. I'm happy with myself, I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with the things I have and the things I do. I've learned how to make myself happy, and not need a relationship to do it. I want to tell him though. I want him to see how different I am, because he's one of the few people that really understands me. But, the guy he's with now, has demanded he stop talking to me completely. I ran into them last night, out together. They just walked by, I didn't say anything. Except, I got a look from the new guy, a look of absolute hatred. I've learned how to deal with alot, but this is new. That, and the ex's family (I'm still close to some of them) say they've lost contact with him. They keep telling me how much they don't like the guy he's with now, and that he's probably why they've lost contact with my ex. My ex hated it whenever anyone would try to control him. Seems as though that's changed. For the first time in 6 years, I'm going to be alone on valentine's day. On purpose. Sure, I could get a date if I really wanted to. But I only want to be with someone that I feel strongly about, and right now that is still only one person. It's been close to a year now, and I still feel.

finewhine, What a way to put it into perspective. Wow. Thank you. I'll give a sh** in february. Thats the best I can do for now.

If you want my history, its all in my previous threads... Part of me still wants my ex back. So, here's my question. His birthday is coming up in february. Should I text him a happy birthday then? He txt'd me a happy birthday when it was mine in december. I txt'd him happy new year and he never responded. Should I follow the "make him live his life without you" and not wish him a happy birthday? or should I just follow what my emotions say and wish him one... We've had some contact between new years and now, but only for him to get the rest of his stuff out of the house...

Wow, 10 months came and went and I didn't even realize it on the day. I even saw him in the morning, he came to pick up more of his stuff... emotions are strange.

I'm mostly interested in what people have to say about, and how they would interpret: 7. 2 months ago, I ran into the ex, and we had a conversation. an alcohol influenced conversation. In it, I told him that I was in love with someone else, but I still missed him. He immediately reacted with "you love him?!" to which I responded "I'm in love with him, but I don't love him yet" (at the time I was feeling the newness of my new relationship, I really thought I was falling for him)... rest of the conversation: me: so you're with mike? ex: yeah me: I thought you didn't want any relationship? (what he said when he left me) ex: its been slowly happening over a while, he's a really nice guy me: I was a really nice guy. ex: I had to be with someone or I'd go f***ing crazy

I guess its hard for there to be any response, with the post being a damn novel.

So, today I sold the house. The house I bought 2 1/2 years ago, because my ex promised he would work non-stop on it to make it into what we wanted. All he did was paint a few walls. I did everything else (fixed the electrical, ran network and coax everywhere, fixed the pond pump, installed appliances, renovated a bathroom) while working 16 hours a day to support myself, the house, and him. And he left me. He left me with a million partially started projects. All of which were beyond the point of no return. He left a disaster. His "art room" was filled with junk, and covered in chinchilla feces (he was trying to raise chinchillas, promised he would keep it clean). There are so many things I want to say in this post, but I don't know how to really write it all in an easy paragraph. So, I'll make a list: 1. I texted him, I said "house is sold, can you come by and get the rest of your furniture". he replied with a simple "yes". He never replies to anyone's text with one word. he's been so cold to me lately (we run into each other once in a while, and we often have to discuss money issues -- we had alot of joint accounts), and it hurts. It hurts almost as much as him leaving did. When he left, he always told me that he could never hate me, and always thought I was a good person. Now it feels as if thats no longer true. 2. I still hold out hope. I think I always will. If he came to me, and said he had made a mistake, and wanted me back, I would go back to him in a second. 3. I did NC for so long. It was typical of what you read on here, they begin to call, text, email, anything to find out whats going on. I only responded once in a while, with as little information as possible. It accomplished the goal, it helped me heal quickly. The scar isn't bad, barely visible. I know I'll be able to love someone like that again. I just wish I did right now -- other than him. 4. I'm with someone now, who is so much better. He's financially together, mature, independent, not addicted to anything except cigarettes, very intelligent, and very attractive. Yet, I can't feel it. I can't stop thinking about the ex, while I'm with him. I almost hope he'll break up with me so that I won't have to feel the guilt of breaking up with someone so great. 5. I tend to wonder if my ex is being so cold to me because he's seen me out together with my new guy, in fact while he's out with his new guy. I wonder if my ex compares me with his current. I do, I compare myself to him all the time, and I feel good about myself when I do. I know what my ex had, I know what he doesn't have now. I wonder if my ex compares himself to my current. I do, logically I'm with such a much better person, but my heart still won't give up sometimes. 6. I'm still close to my ex's aunt and uncle. They called me the other night. They told me they missed me over the holidays (we would usually go down there). My ex and mike (his new guy) went down there this time. They said, in confidence, that mike is pretty boring, didn't take any interest in them at all, didn't talk to them much, just sat around the whole time and talked about how bad people looked in the magazines he was reading. I promised them I wouldn't say anything, but it was somewhat of a relief to hear it. 7. 2 months ago, I ran into the ex, and we had a conversation. an alcohol influenced conversation. In it, I told him that I was in love with someone else, but I still missed him. He immediately reacted with "you love him?!" to which I responded "I'm in love with him, but I don't love him yet" (at the time I was feeling the newness of my new relationship, I really thought I was falling for him)... rest of the conversation: me: so you're with mike? ex: yeah me: I thought you didn't want any relationship? (what he said when he left me) ex: its been slowly happening over a while, he's a really nice guy me: I was a really nice guy. ex: I had to be with someone or I'd go f***ing crazy I'm so confused and conflicted right now. I'm going to be seeing him again tomorrow morning. And he's going to be just as cold to me again. And I'm not going to say a word about it or anything because I know not to. But it drives me up the wall. Is it possible to feel sympathy for someone's stupidity? As in, feeling stupid yourself because of it? Oh well. I'm moving now. I'm going to stay in town for a few months at least, but I feel drawn to move to the west coast.

So what happened? I saw your post on another thread... Just curious...

Wow. Thats rough. Its entirely up to you, not going to say you should or you shouldn't. The only person you can control is yourself. Psychology tends to say that those who don't talk about their suicide plans are the ones that actually do it, and those who do talk about their plans, are screaming out from deep inside them for attention, someone to care, someone to give a . Well, if it helps, many people on here give a . So, let it out, what are you feeling?

I would. We'd have the craziest fights, and the best makeup sex ever. And we'd probably wind up in jail in europe, because when we travel we would tend to get into trouble, and neither of us would bother to realize exactly what we're doing. =) Honestly this is new for me. I feel like I'm at the point again where I don't really need a relationship to live and be happy -- I'm now pretty much who and what I want to be, and I think thats attractive. Good thing too, I sense my already dwindling relationship is about to end...

3 weeks? How long was the relationship? I'd would tell her something like "I'm sorry I bothered you so much, I was just in alot of pain. I'm going to respect you now and leave you alone. If you ever want to talk, let me know." And leave it at that. If she never talks to you again, so be it, experience the emotion but don't lash out at her anymore, leave it alone. If she does talk to you again, well, I'd say post on here and let us know whats happening... just my 2 cents. =)

Honestly? Let him go... It sounds like he was looking for a rebound. When people are at the end of a relationship, and it is painful for them, many people seek an immediate replacement, regardless of whether or not they're really interested or not. As much as I hate to admit it, I did this same thing. And I've had it done to me. Guess that's karma.

Reading post after post after post about people grieving over their ex, trying to get them back, saying they'll never love anyone like that again, will never be able to be that happy again.. This got me thinking. My relationship ending devistated me, completely. I'm starting over in every sense of the word. But I forgot, that before this one, there was another. I was completely in love before, for nearly a year, but it felt like forever, and it felt like I was going to die when it ended. But I got over it, and fell in love again. I didn't make the same mistakes twice, I made different ones, ones that took time to make. So, I'm asking for anyone out there that reads this, if you have a story about yourself or someone you know being happy again, being in love again, being in a wonderful relationship with someone other than the ex you cried for, please tell us a little about it. Everyone tells you "you'll get over it and you'll find someone you're happy with again", but few offer real stories of this happening. Thanks.

my timeframe experience: 4.5 year relationship, ended in march of this year. what would have been our 5 year was halloween. And I was (still am) in another relationship. It didn't even dawn on me the significance of the date until after, but we even ran into each other and talked for a few minutes about our costumes. I won't lie, its going to be rough, but it will get better. it still hurts me to think about everything once in a while, but you have to deal with it to get through it, don't run from the emotion, feel it and experience it, sob for hours, get it all out.

Well today is weird. He's with his sister, who's having a baby. He's been going outside the hospital and texting me updates, asking he how I'm doing, etc... But he's different, acting different. I feel like I pissed him off. I shouldn't feel like I pissed him off when I talk to him about something thats bothering me.

Thanks for the input everyone. Right, nobody is perfect, I have my own issues too. I'm too emotional sometimes, or more like, I express them too much. But I don't see the point of living if I don't express what I feel, no matter what it is. Really? What did they do to her before? When someone does something to me that I don't like or I think wasn't right, that usually makes me avoid doing that even more... You sound like a self-help psychology book. Seriously, I have a few, and that's what they say to do to get people to like you, respect you, want to be around you -- make it all about them and nothing at all about you... I don't know. I hope it will. I'm willing to give it time to see, that's really why I hadn't said anything at all until now. Thank you for saying its something so basic. I think it is a basic, fundamental requirement for a good relationship, at least some physical attention. As much as I like this guy, and really enjoy his company, if this doesn't change even some, or he doesn't show any interest in trying to be affectionate, I will end it myself. Yeah, I don't know what else to say to him to make him understand. I fear the ultimate incompatibility, because everything else so far makes it seem otherwise. *sigh*