antkojm1

Hmmmm. This sounds familiar. Kind of went through this in high school myself... guy that was always kind of an * * * * * * * to me, until about 9th grade. Won't go into it but it was almost exactly same. I found him on myspace, a few months ago... gay. But that doesn't mean the guy you're talking about is, people are really weird.

First off, I'm gay, and this is about a relationship with another guy. If this bothers you, go away. So, I'm in a relationship again, for the past 2 months and... 12 days. If you want history, see previous threads I started. I'm a pretty affectionate and physical person, I express how I feel physically, often. I don't expect anyone to return this to the same degree, I think I'm pretty unique in that regard, but I expect something. From almost the start, I've been feeling a little, used for lack of a better word. I'm always really affectionate towards him, but I usually ask if he's ok with it, because I've driven people away before. He always says yes. He always wants me to hold him when we sleep together, and I always wind up doing whatever I know he really likes during sex. Last night (new years), just as an attempt, I tried to get him to hold me instead. He did for a few minutes, and then promptly turned over and pulled my arm around him. I don't mind it not being 50/50, I enjoy giving him the attention. But, I don't enjoy 100/0. So, today, I brought it up. I felt stupid, like I was complaining. I said "I'm really physical, and I express how I feel physically, and I need at least some of that back" He freaked out. He said he's been told before that he doesn't seem to be emotionally or physically available, and when people tell him that he stops talking to them to avoid the issue. Later, he tells me (via text) "I don't know how to understand you. I don't think I'm being dishonest with my feelings, I just don't know what or how I feel. goodnight." *sigh* I don't want this relationship to end. I don't know what else to say or do, other than just specifically start naming examples, but I know that would make him feel bad and thats not what I want to do. I can't help feeling that he's not really that interested in me, like I'm just a convenience (even though its not convenient that we live over an hour apart) How should I approach this? I do really like him, and I think with more time I could really love him. But I need some, at least some physically attention, he doesn't even like to kiss me. If this is what all the really beautiful people are like (he is) then I don't think I really want to be with someone this attractive.

after 4.5 years, 10 months ago we ended, and I still really don't understand why. Frou Frou - "Hear Me out": I join the queue on your answer phone And all I am is holding breath Just pick up I know you're there Can't you hear? I'm not myself Well, go ahead and lie to me You could say anything Small talk will be just fine Your voice is everything We owe it to love And it all depends on you So listen up The sun hasn't set (I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling) Just hear me out I'm not over you yet (It's love on the line, can you handle it?) So how do I do normal? A smile I fake the "per-ma-nent-way" cue-cards and fix-it kits Can't you tell? I'm not myself I'm a slow motion accident Lost in coffee rings and fingerprints I don't wanna feel anything but I do And it all comes back to you So listen up "This" sun hasn't set (I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling) Just hear me out I'm not over you yet (It's love on the line, can you handle it?) Hear me out Listen up This time you gotta listen to me - yeah Look at me straight Just hear me out Don't make me wait I'm not myself I can't take this Love's on the line Is that your final answer? I join the queue on your answer phone And all I am is holding breath Just pick up, I know you're there... So listen up "This" sun hasn't set (I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling) Just hear me out I'm not over you yet (It's love on the line, can you handle it?)

Thanks for the reply... I think you're right... In my defense, when the cheating happens, its only after he gives me alot of drinks (he's a bartender) and then comes on to me. I don't actively go after him, even though I did months ago. I'm not going out much anymore, either, at least not alone. I need to figure out how to just focus on my new relationship... I need to ask him about the issues I've mentioned. Considering what I do feel already, I think I could wind up feeling the same way for him I did for my ex, given some time and attention. Everything about him is so much better, and he's much better for me than my ex. Life is crazy. Love is crazy.

Here we go! I might sound like a drama queen. I'm not, I promise. background... in march, my relationship of 4.5 years ended. I still want him back to this day. I've had 3 rebound relationships since then, was really slutty for a while too. I've gone through the most significant changes in my entire life during this time as well, physically (lost 60 lbs, had cosmetic stuff done) and mentally (my personality is significantly different, I don't identify with the same friends anymore, I'm much more social and confident, and I'm much more responsible) So, here we are, the present. I've been dating a guy for a little over 2 months now. He's everything I ever thought I wanted. He's older than me (a first for me) by 4 years, is a financial advisor working for his own company (partnership with other people), is incredibly attractive, and we get along very very well. Sometimes I just go up to his house (an hour away) to sleep there and work the next day from his house, while he works there too (we are both lucky enough to be able to work from home when we want). It just feels right, no expectations, no awkwardness, just existence, which is another thing that is rare for me. But then, when I'm away from him, I stray. For multiple reasons I think. I still live in the house I bought for my ex. The one he left me in, with all his half-finished projects, the cats we adopted, and the memories of everything important to me. Not for much longer though, house is now for sale. But, I still think about him. I still want him back. I did NC for 4 months straight, real NC, nothing at all. He tried many many times to call, text, email, I never responded to anything. I began running into him in public a while ago, and since then we've had off and on contact. When we do, it feels to me just like it always did with him. Like I was talking to the most important person in the world. I don't know what he feels. I started developing real feelings for the new guy. I told my ex this one night, but I said "I'm falling in love with [new], but I don't understand it, I still miss you more than anything." He responded to me with, with a slightly angry, confused tone "you love him?", I responded "No, I'm falling for him, that's different. But I will love him soon." Also, that night, I found out he was "kind of" with someone else... I asked him about it, he responded with "I had to be with someone or it would drive me crazy, but he's a really nice guy." And that was it. Since then, our interactions when we run into each other are short and awkward. Who knows why. Well, the other reason I think I sometimes miss the ex/want him back... sex. Yep, think of me as shallow if you will, but its not what you think. My ex and I had an amazing sex life the entire time we were together. Even after he broke up with me, he was coming around for a while for it. and me, being stupid, went along with it thinking it would keep him around. Well that leads me to.... sex with the guy I'm with now. First, I'm a very emotional person, and a very sexual person. I have fun with him, because I have some strong feelings for him. He is also quite physically attractive. But, it never seems to go anywhere. I make an effort to figure out exactly what he likes, and almost no matter what it is, I do it, and he really enjoys it. He doesn't do the same for me though, and that is slowly eating away at me. He's only willing to use his hand for anything, he doesn't really even kiss anymore. Shallow? I don't think so. I express how I feel about someone physically. I'm always affectionate towards him, and everyone I've ever been with, but I want the same thing, I want who I'm with to express how they feel about me, physically. What eats at me is that, perhaps he is doing just that, and I'm being taken advantage of. We rarely talk about what we are, where things are going. I find this to be a good thing, because any relationship I've had in the past where it was always talked about, had so little substance there was nothing else to keep it together. It also makes things seem more sincere to me. A few of the things I've said to him, only once, and will never repeat: "i'm more interested in you than anyone i've ever known" "i'm falling for you, it scares me, but you know me, I love taking risks" and, things he's said to me, only after I asked something or stated the above: "i care about you very deeply" "i'm starting to love you, i hope i don't drive you away" So, I'm so thoroughly confused. Wait there's more! I've cheated on him. Yeah, I feel like a * * * * *. What's worse is, it's been with my best friend's ex, my ex's best friend (they are the same person), who I've always been physically attracted to but always knew we weren't really compatible. He feels the same way. It's only happened when I've had some drinks, and I start wanting to be shown some attention. I feel out of control, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing. I want to be with 2 different people for different reasons, and then I go have sex with someone else. Which, if that was discovered, would hurt my current boyfriend (and probably end it), my ex, and my best friend. I feel like a typical gay male and I hate it. I hate it so much it makes me want to be straight, married, with 3.5 kids and 2.2 dogs. I feel like I'm in that movie, Magnolia. What to do? What to think? Should I just leave all this behind and start a new life somewhere else? I went to Nashville over the summer and absolutely loved it... Meanwhile, one of my rebounds has come back saying he loves me. He broke up with me damnit! Who ever reads all of this and doesn't have a blood vessel burst somewhere in their head deserves an award.

making dramatic changes to yourself is what happens normally. the harder the breakup, the more extreme the changes are. I lost 50 lbs, had some cosmetic things done, had my teeth fixed, and of course all the usual things -- all new clothes, different hair, tanning. My personality, work ethic, and inhibitions also changed alot. It's amusing to run into people that I haven't seen for a year, they don't believe me when I tell them who I am... I'm with someone else now, who is so much better on every level, and is better for me. Yet, I still want my ex back, even though I know I can never go back to that again. *sigh*

My roommate is calling the new boy "Paul part 2". Paul is my ex.

Concerns: 1. I don't know if its just his personality, or what, but he seems to not express much concern about how I'm doing. I got in a car accident yesterday. When I told him, he just stayed silent. Didn't ask if I was ok or anything. 2. We were taking random myspace surveys and sending them to each other. One of his answers: "6)Would you ever take someone back if the cheated on you? Only if I had no feelings for them and a good use for them in my life" Uhm. * * * does that mean. I feel like there is the potential to be used.

it just seems to be following alot of the same patterns. Although I have learned alot. I know, I can just feel it, that if we stay together, within a few weeks I'll be a pile of clay, which he can do whatever he wants to with.

I'm falling for him and I'm so terrified. Last time this turned out badly. What's to say this won't?

Thank you everyone for the comments and advice. Here's the latest... After I emailed him, said I was sorry for calling back so much so late, but that also I didn't like talking on the phone that much. He replied back with... "No need to be sorry I totally understand. Besides I don't really like talking on the phone much either. But it is nice to hear your voice." Yay. Happy. We've been exchanging more email and IMs. Last night we spent 3 hours on yahoo IM, talking about ridiculous things that I would have the hardest time trying to explain to anyone else. And then he sends me "I can't wait to see you again Joe. I'm flexible so you pick a date and I'll be there. Seattle will be a blast. Especially cause this time I'll be more prepared. *KISS*" Now all this is fine and good and makes me happy, but I get the impression he's being reserved. I don't know what it is. He did tell me that he prefers not to say anything if he doesn't know the right way to say something. Sometimes I just find lack of words really scary. BTW if you're wondering how the h*ll I met someone on the other side of the country -- link removed -- like eharmony, only they're ok with gay people.

I don't see anywhere where she said she was getting engaged... Regardless, moving in together by choice after only a month is not a good thing. Give it some time.

Wow its been a long time... I'm doing alot better than I was. I'm in relationship now... We'll see what happens, but I'm excited about it:

Yeah, but I've learned alot from it, and I look forward to using what I've learned. You're probably right. My trip out there was the first time we had actually met in person. When I like someone like this, I get alot of emotion from just looking at them and saying nothing. I don't know if the same thing happens with him or not. I'm sure time will tell whats really going on. Thanks for the advice =) This is us btw... link removed

First of all, I'm gay and the new relationship is with another guy. If you have a problem with this, go away. I'm a few months out of the longest relationship of my life, 4 1/2 years. I posted alot about it on here. I'll add a link to my posts later. Anyway, I've been dating alot. I've met someone I'm very interested in. He lives on the other side of the country. I've been talking to him online for a while, and decided to meet him while I was out there. We hit it off very very well, like we were instantly joking and laughing when we met. He was only supposed to spend a day with me, but wound up staying the night and spending the next day with me too. I am planning on moving to Seattle. He lives near portland. I'm not moving for him, it really is just a coincidence, believe it or not. The problem is, this one is special. I'm terrified I'm going to do something that will screw it up. I don't want to be obsessive, but I don't want to be too distant. I just don't know how to handle this. My last relationship things were kind of forced because of the situation, and we just worked things out. I think I pissed him off last night. I was at the airport trying to get home, he called and I called him back, but had to cut the conversation short. I called him back later, and had to cut it short again. Finally, once I got home and everything ready for work the next day, I was ready to concentrate on talking to him and nothing else. When I called, he was just getting into bed, and he didn't sound happy. I'm seeing him again soon, I'll be flying out to Seattle sometime in the first 2 weeks of august, and he'll be coming up there for a few days with me. That is, if I don't scare him away. One thing I'm slightly worried about, is that he was unable to look me in the eye much, unless he was talking. I know that when I'm unable to do that, it means I'm forcing something to be there that isn't. Opinions? How should I go about this?

Well, tonight was, scary. Paul called me at work, said he needed to come by to pick up some things. He told me it would only be an hour or so. So I told him to call my roommate, and he would let him in. I stayed at work while he went to the house, but the hour turned into 3 hours, and I had to go home to change and get to the gym before it closed. So I saw him. He looked ok. As I was running out the door, he stopped me and asked if I still wanted some of his art. I told him I didn't want to talk about it right now and that I was running late. So I left, and on my drive, I was overwhelmed by anger, hatred, mistrust, and grief. I called a friend of mine on the way and screamed my lungs out. It still wasn't gone. I went in to the gym, and took it all out on the weights. My body is still aching from it. I went at least 50lbs beyond what I did yesterday on everything. I don't know what came over me, but it scared me. I've never felt such hatred and anger in my entire life. It controlled and consumed me. I'm terrified I'm going to do something horrible if that happens again, especially now that I'm stronger than I've ever been. What the hell is wrong with me....

Thank you =)

I just don't get it. I'm a really great guy. I'm: successful independent intelligent funny social spontaneous attractive great in bedWhy is it SO DIFFICULT to find someone that actually appreciates any of that! I wish I was straight. I think things would be so much easier.

So, its been a few days... Paul called me earlier tonight. I didn't answer. I didn't call him back. He didn't leave me a message. 2 hours later I sent him a text message "sorry, was at gym, what's up?" didn't get any responce. Should I call him tomorrow? I don't think so, but what does everyone think? I keep going back and forth between feeling strong and weak. I feel strong because I am doing so well, I love my new job, I love everything I'm doing with my friends, I love how much better I'm looking and feeling. I feel weak because I keep remembering different times in our relationship, different wonderful times, and I feel as if I'll never love someone as much as I love him. I'm half tempted to tell him, the next time I talk to him, that I'm in such good shape, that I'm up to 45 lb free weights (I know that might not seem like much but its the most I've ever done). I want to tell him this because things like that have always attracted him, so I want to make him imagine me being in the best shape I've ever been in. I am so confident. And yet I am so empty.

Its just so confusing. I think I do want to see how things go, but what I'm afraid of is if I let it go too far and I don't realize its a rebound relationship, and I wind up hurting him all over again...

So, my boyfriend/partner of 4.5 years broke up with me 2 months and 12 days ago. If you want to read the story: Anyway, lately I've been talking to a guy I was with before Paul. We were only together for 3 months, and I broke up with him because I was bored/he was way too quiet/reserved/shy and not very interested in sex. He seems different now. We're supposed to hang out soon. I find myself thinking about him, but with some reservation. I honestly want to see him and see how different he is, and see if there is a spark again. I just don't know whether or not I'm doing this because I don't want to be alone, or whether I actually have any interest in him again. I don't want to hurt him or lead him on, but I don't want to give up on something that might be possible. Is it too soon for me to do this? How can I really tell whether I'm just trying to replace Paul? I don't want to use Will.

I long for the week, when everything changes My world on its side, all things askew For good or bad, the change is welcome New perspective on the same old problems Why am I here, what do I want My life, on my own, without you? But who are you, really And why do I care You are my world, for good or bad At the cost of my self Forced I am to rethink everything My decline reversed, all thanks to you Thank you, my love, for making me go For with, I would not be here I long for the week, when everything changes When the future I imagined, commited, loved At the cost of you Comes true

Yeah, I had thought of that. He has alot of night-time work coming up and I was considering asking if he could use any help. Then afterwards see if he wants to get a drink somewhere.... I don't know. He also wears a white stone necklace, never known a straight guy to do that...

If you're interested in my recent history: So, I've started a new job. It's my 2nd week. There is a guy at work, that I am attracted to, and I don't know if he is gay... There are so many things wrong with this. First of all, dating coworkers is stupid. Second, I've only been there a week and a few days. Anyway, its very strange that I'm attracted to him. He's kind of dorky, says "uhmm" alot, is too thin, and is loosing his hair. But somehow, for some reason, I find him so incredibly cute. Maybe its his mannerisms, maybe its that we are interested in the same things, but I really really want to get to know him better. Sometimes we sit in meetings, and I just look at him. He eventually looks at me, our eyes meet, and I look away. Then the opposite happens, each time ending with us staring at each other for a few seconds and then looking away. I just don't know. I feel as if he's as nervous around me as I am around him. We hardly ever directly talk to each other, even though our jobs require it. We usually just wind up talking over the internal instant messenger, even though he sits right next to me. Just looking for some opinions.

... So, last saturday, the morning after I posted the last message, Paul called. He called to tell me about a bird that was born without eyes, ask how my new job was, and ask me when I would be able to pay my half of the cell phone bill. In that order. The conversation was nice. We joked around, generally enjoyed the conversation. (yes, we like dark humor) I kind of wish he hadn't called. Every time he does I just feel like I've been set back by a few days. Then, yesterday he sent me a text message. "paid cell phone, cost 284" He borrowed money from his parents and paid the entire bill. I wonder why he texted me and didn't call instead... Is he trying not to feel whatever he feels when we talk? Or is he trying to spare me more pain? I saw my psychologist yesterday. I told her that I keep imagining Paul and I going off and dating other people, those relationships not working, and then us getting back together. I also keep imagining Paul's relationship not working, him wanting me back, but me then being in another relationship I am happy in. It kills me to think the opposite could happen.