dazedandconfusedbydestiny

first i didnt decide to have his child. I was on the pill and he used another form of protection. Yes i kept it secret from everyone, but i was doing it to protect my child along with others from getting hurt. I do not regret that i had his child, or that we had that one night stand. I do regret I never set the people involved straight about his parentage.

I have never stopped loving my first and only true love. We never really broke up but went our separate ways. I ended up marrying someone on a rebound that lasted almost 16 yrs. I stayed in contact with my one and only true love all the way up til a few years ago when he seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. No hes not dead, but something is going on his life that Makes absolutely no sense. To make matters worse, 13 yrs ago i had a one night stand with him after my husband hit me, and we created a child together. My husband doesn't know about that night or that the child he always thought was his isn't. I lately i have been getting the urgent feeling that i need to get ahold of my one and only true love to tell him the truth that i have kept from him for all these years about his son, and that i still love him. Can life be any more difficult. Destiny keeps throwing us together but we have never made the comitment to be together again after we separated. Here is what destiny has done 1 i met my friend 19 yrs ago when i went to a restraunt by his house, his family came in and sat down at the table next to me, my friend came in short time later and instead of pulling a chair up to their table he sat at mine and proceeded to place his order. We dated from that point on til he was in a accident and didnt think he had anything to offer me and nothing i could do would convince him otherwise. 2. I invited him to my wedding he refused to come said it would be to ackward. 3 we had a one night stand that created a child that would forever tie us together though i never told him. He lives over 200 miles away so it was easy but the hardeset thing i ever did and not tell him. 4. he invited me to his wedding, i told him i couldnt come because i had to work. I think he knew it was for the same reason he wouldnt come to mine. 5. i get these darn urgent feelings to find him i was about to give up on finding him when i find him in one last place i would ever expect. When a voice says try there. 6. Hes going to be available again july 1st in 10 weeks from today, 2 days before the 19th annivesary of my 18th birthday when i asked him to marry me under 4th of july fire works. I have written him letters which i should hear back from him soon i hope. People wonder why im truly dazed and confused by destiny. When destiny keeps pointing away from my marriage to a guy i care about but never really loved to a man whos held my heart, and soul in his hands from the first time he kissed me when i was 17. Am i a fool to want to be with my true and only love. Am i wrong to keep leading my husband of almost 16 yrs to believe what we have is true. I feel as though my whole life has been a lie that i created when i first dangled the posibility of me marrying someone else in front of my true loves face with the hope he would wake up from his idiotic idea that because he was disabled he wouldnt have anything to offer me. Instead it backfired and ended up with me being married for all these years trying to make something work when my heart has really never been it. I hope destiny fate or whatever you want to call it, quits bonking me on the head and leads me in the right direction before i totally give up and go insane.

very true, i do know though with his death. I have come to realize that life is too short to tell people you love them, tell them what they need to know. etc. That song live like you are dying is really the truth. Live each day as it may be your last, for everything you cherish could be of the past.

i know i have seriously thought of having one written up though i have told everyone my wishes especially after seeing teri in florida and what her family had to go through.

This song helps in almost any situation you are in. I find it very inspiring. It also helped me come to decisions i would have never thought to even try. He said I was in my early forties with a lot of life before me when a moment came that stopped me on a dime and I spent most of the next days looking at the x-rays Talking bout the options and talking bout sweet time I asked him when it sank in that this might really be the real end how?s it hit you when you get that kinda news man what?d you do and he said I went sky diving I went Rocky Mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying and he said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying. He said I was finally the husband that most the time I wasn?t and I became a friend a friend would like to have and all the sudden going fishin wasn?t such an imposition and I went three times that year I lost my dad well I finally read the good book and I took a good long hard look at what I?d do if I could do it all again and then I went sky diving I went Rocky Mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying and he said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying. Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about what?d you do with it what did you do with it what did I do with it what would I do with it? Sky diving I went Rocky Mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I watched an eagle as it was flying and he said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying. To live like you were dying To live like you were dying To live like you were dying To live like you were dying

your very welcome. Everyone always thinks they will live forever but we dont. Make sure to that when you make your living will your family is welll informed of your decision and agrees to it.

I know too many people think that it wont happen to them but it does. And the family are left to make a decision that could be never answered if it was right or wrong. Because we very well cant go back and change it to see if they would have made it.

that what if always plays a hand doesn't it. No matte what we chose in life we are always asking what if.

2 yrs ago I lost my father to a massive brain stem stroke. He would have never pulled out of. From what I read up on that type of stroke its 90 percent fatal and the 10 percent that do survive it are left like vegetables. Needless to say my father never let anyone know his wishes on this matter. He was 59 when he died after remaining in a coma for 5 days. Please all let your family know your wishes, your never to young or to old to die. I question to this day if he had received the extra help other then basic oxygen and iv if he would have lived. Doctors said he would have never come off a breathing tube. But they also said the year before when he had a mild stroke that he wouldnt recover but he did after laying in a coma for a week. My dad passed away day after easter april 12th 2004 after lingering in his coma this time for 5 days. Part of me says we made the right decision but the other part says what if

I wouldnt worry to much if thats all he is doing is looking. We werent given eyes so that we couldnt see. If thats all he is doing, then be greatful. I always said if they look let them, if they touch cut it off lol.

I totally agree that it doesnt sound right. I hope bob explains when he gets in touch with me. But im not going to hold my breath. I have never expected him to answer to me for anything and im not going to start now.

I will not turn my back on a friend who has always been there when i needed help. It would be different if he had murdered someone, molested a child, sold drugs to chilren, child pornography etc. but sorry minor felonies in my book especially carrying a gun when he was liscensed to do so. Isn't something i would turn my back on. Do you know driving with a suspended liscense plate even not knowing, is a felony and a 10,000 fine along with a 1 year pirson sentence if found guilty. Do you know driving with a suspended drivers liscense is a felony even if you werent notified. and can get up to a 1 year sentence. There are alot of felonies that are bogus, and there are those that are legit. Sad in my book that a person can unknowingly drive with their drivers liscense suspended and get thrown in prison for a year, where someone can go 60 miles a hour in a school zone and get a fine and a slap on the wrist.

i do not have the complete story on how he was convicted of a felony of having a gun in his possession when he was a deputy sheriff for many years. If he had a previous felony he would have never been alowed to be in the law enforcement let alone have been liscensed to carry a gun. Yes i saw him at his work, yes i met his co workers, yes i met the judge whom he was deputy in his court room. So no it wasnt just something he told me. I have looked and looked there is no previoius felony, and i do know his phone number and his parents phone number goes to a house that is still registered as their residents but no one lives there. That along with all of his work records, his liscense to carry a gun, everything else has been erased like it never existed. Can you tell me how this can happen to someone who was a deputy sheriff. Only thing i can think of is witness protection program. But if that was the case would his information be on a website that anyone can find.

lmao thanks needed that laugh.

I dont know if its that or what. But its almost as if i dont say it now it will be to late. I hate when i get these feelings because they usually are correct. I have been waiting so impatiently for my friends reply to finding out hes the father. If hes the person i have known for 26 yrs he will be mad but he will understand and hopefully we can think of a way that will benefit everyone. But really i cant think of anything that will ease what is coming.

Just that its come down to that im tired of the lie. I dont know how many times in the recent years i have bit my tongue when i want to blurt out he isnt your damn father when my son goes but dad is this or dad is that. Plus having it stir me in the face every time i look at my son. Plus that I have wanted to tell my sons real father from the beginning. Plus for some unknown reason destiny thinks its time. about a month ago out of the blue i had a dream that i was holding a baby and looked up at my friend and said this is your son. After that i had the strongest urge to find him and let him know before its to late. I keep feeling that something is going to happen big time and unless the truth comes out. It will be to late if i dont say it now.

I'm trying to find hubbys birth certificate which shows his blood type. but it seems to have disappeared. Asked hubby in general what his was and he doesnt know. but i do remember seeing it one time and was like omg when i saw christophers blood type because it neither matched hubbys or mine.

yes but my 13 yr old is ab positive and i know shes my husbands.

im a positive

can a 0 positive father have a b postiive child

true someone gave me a site i can go to and order a dna kit for 100 dollars and can do it without letting my husband know or my son by using disposable toothbrushes.

no but the fact hes his fathers duplicate other the brown hair rather then black curly hair, and my eye color except for my friends hazle eyes its hard to not see.

honestly i do not care what happens to my marriage when this comes out. I feel as though i have lived a lie for all these years. If my husband cant take the news then so be it. Its time for me to move on in that case. I do care about what will happen with my son and my other children though. My sons life is more important. I know breaking the news to him and my husband is going to be devestating to him. But there isn't much i can do about that other then to remain silent and see where it goes from here now that his father knows about him being his son. Or tell my husband and have him beat the crap out of me, and have my son find out the truth and be no where period. I told his real father because i hated lying to him about this for all these years, we always talked about everything but the one thing i should have told him i couldn't.

I do plan to tell my husband but what makes it complicated is he has been physically violent in the past. I am absolutely terrified of what he would do when he finds out.

believe me i know. It has been a hard decision to even tell my friend that we created a child 13 yrs ago. Dont get me wrong. I told him i was pregnant when i found out. But he assumed it was my husbands since he withdrew and i was on the pill. I never corrected him. It has gotten harder and harder as time has gone by because my son looks so much like his father its scarry. If he had black curly hair he would be his fathers double. I have no clue how my husband never figured it out either. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the child doesn't look like him. So you know my friend lives over 200 miles away so its not like he has seen our child much. We talked alot on the phone but other then that. It's been 10 yrs since we saw each other in person. People ask me how im so certain that hes not my husbands without a paternity test. All i can say is, to put their pictures next to each other. You would think my son was his father as a child.