Kevin T

Well that's quite different. We could refer to that as "accommodation," I suppose.

I think settling for "who you can get" rather than who you want is a bad idea.

I worked with one. And at school, I see girls taller than me, too. Not my type, but they're out there!

Hate to break it to you, but most of the women that have chased after me have been larger than me, not smaller. I've had taller women than myself want to date me(and I'm almost 6'2") and, usually, heavier women than myself find me attractive. This has happened on numerous occasions, so it's not an isolated incident, either.

I imagine he'd have little trouble getting a chubby caucasian chick. There are plenty of them to go around! The only thing that could possibly be holding him back (which I highly doubt - since we are more enlightened than we used to be in this regard), would be his ethnic background. It is possible (though unfair) that some caucasian girls may not wish to date an asian guy. It's unfortunate, and thankfully they would be of the minority, so I don't think he's got much to be worried over. And his new avatar is even better! lol In short, I also disagree with charley (though I am a guy) and think you've got little to be concerned over, Mr. Puff. lol

Well, I probably LOOK thinner than you, but I'm not, so you can't necessarily judge a person's weight from their appearance. As for an eating disorder, I'm glad you beat that! It's hard to overcome, but you've managed, right? That's something to be proud of!

Phew... thank God. That's not me. lol But let's be real here: What are the chances you'll meet a guy who weighs LESS than you?! lol C'mon.

I'm dying to see his answer. lol

lol Oh come ON! Stop hiding your eyes and show us the DAMN picture! lmao I have the same fear of someone I know personally seeing me here, but oh well... you can't let fear dictate your every move! Be brave and just do it!

My mother goes to bars with her husband (my step-dad). My mother is a classy lady who is respectable and awesome. She taught me everything I know, pretty much. So you're right. There are some decent people who frequent those places. I'm not saying there isn't. But it's not my kind of place, nor the kind of place I'd expect to meet anyone I'd fancy. That's all.

All this because he said "chubby?" Sheesh. I don't fly off the freakin' handle when somebody calls me "skinny" (though I hate it!) Maybe I should...

Can't be someone for everyone; the gender population is 5/4 female, so it's impossible. (Perfect argument for the lesbian movement, but that's a discussion for ANOTHER topic - preferably not one of mine. lol) Attitude isn't as transparent as one's looks. Everyone sees what you look like, but your heart isn't something people necessarily can see (at least, right away). I'd just like a fighting chance at getting somewhere with the ones I want, but I don't think that's possible. Feeling insecure about my appearance, holds me back from taking risks and bothering with women (least, the ones I'd fancy). Unlike others, I may be sensitive inwardly (oh, I am!), but I learned a long time ago to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, and be aloof and stoic. I don't display that side of myself until I know a person can be trusted. So most would never guess I'm like that. Defensive mechanism, no doubt. You make a lot of nice guarantees. But the only thing I think of when you guarantee such things is: I guarantee (to you) that they will be someone whom I am not interested in. Has happened before, and doubtless, will happen again. Tried church... met no one after years. Besides, using church (in effect , God) to meet women is callous, contemptible and... just downright despicable. I can't think of something more awful. You go to church because you love God, not because you're trying to pick up chicks. Though you are right in that I need to get my butt back over to church. I miss going, to be frank. I would beg to differ on one point: Being christian certainly hinders one from finding a suitable mate. It may not totally destroy one's chances, but it does not help. It only makes one more picky. And combined with bad looks, shyness, and a poor personality, it leaves one with little hope. I can knock online dating. Tried it; went abysmally. So I'll bash something I have no use for and that I don't believe in, all I like, thanks. lol Ooh, your last point reeks of counselor-itis! She said, essentially, the same. "You're not good looking enough to get someone you like, so take who you can get." Ouch. Now THAT is a harsh (but well-needed) blow to my self-esteem. But you're doubtless right. I imagine the only reason why I stopped going to that lady was because she hit the nail right on the head, by telling me something I knew was true... but didn't want to admit! I wonder why I refuse to accept this...? I guess it's because I view it as "settling" and to play a broken record: I'd rather be alone, than settle for someone I don't like. So, I suppose this is a self-inflicted wound, huh? Nevertheless, thanks for the encouragment. You sound sincere and I appreciate it. Thanks.

I know HOW to act with women... I just haven't been bothering to try. Mostly due to the points I've been mentioning throughout this long, tedious topic. You're welcome to tell me whatever you wish. Go for it. Well, I was only talking about my looks, shyness and beliefs. I didn't even touch my personality. Heck, just look at the other posts: I'm sure most would agree my personality repels women more than anything! (Though I beg to differ.) I'm liking what I'm hearing about the "self-fulfilling prophecy." I know how that works better than most. But I'm still not convinced that is what is happening here. Years of being down on myself don't just vanish overnight. Overall though, I like the cut of your gyp. I understand that. I am in no wise disputing that. What I am saying is that women will discriminate (just as us men do) against the less attractive guy. It puts him at a clear disadvantage over the more genetically blessed. (Oh, it was always my plan to be rich and have lots of money. lol But... I don't want a woman to want me because I have money. I want her to accept me for who I am, not monetary wealth I own.) You say, "those who do nothing about it," but I ask: What is one supposed to do about their looks? You can only change so much, you know. Indeed, we oft times ARE our own worst enemy. Completely agreed, friend. Nice analogy... but completely oblivious. It doesn't apply to me. Sure, as of late, I'd been slacking (a little) in my appearance. But as a rule - before that - I was working out often, I went and got my face fixed up (acne), I take care of my hair and teeth, I dress well, I smell nice, I bathe frequently. Overall, it would take me nearly an hour to get ready in the morning. I put out A LOT of effort to look nice, yet it got me NOWHERE! That is what started this mess. It was like putting an expensive paint job over your '73 Pinto. So, even taking great care in one's appearance doesn't fix everything. The problems that exist are about the things I cannot change, not the ones I mentioned above, which I can change. You are erroneous. I'm off counselors for a bit. After that last one, I'm letting you internet people fix me up. lol (I know, it's far beyond anyone here's ability, but kudos to those who try!)

It's not a double-standard for me. I don't go to bars, thereforeeee, I don't want a female who does either. I am only expecting the same of her as that of myself. How does THAT constitute a "double-standard?"

I don't think a bar is the kind of environ where I'd like to meet a reputable girl.

Ha ha. Very funny. Somebody's been studying up on his material. lol (Or her material, though I'm guessing you're a guy to make such a statement...) I probably stand out a lot in how I look and dress, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's for the better. But I am who I am; take it or leave it. Friend, you think you come accross as harsh? lol Trust me, that ain't harsh! As for why I feel the way I do, it probably has a lot to do with my past. Always been thin, always got picked on for it. I presume that has stuck with me all this time. Acne, well, that is no longer a problem for me, but a few years back... it was a HUGE problem for me. So I took charge, went to a dermatologist and got it fixed. But after having it for so long, I'm sure the crippling negative effects on my self-image are still floating around in my psyche somewhere. I'm mostly depressed 'cuz I'm single, and I hate it. Then when I get passed over by women all the time, I naturally assume it's my looks which are the problem. I've already outlined WHY that is, so don't make me repeat myself further. Anyway, thanks for the compliment. But I hope you can understand a little better why I'm so down on myself. (Hell, just because a guy - or two - says I look nice, it doesn't change my whole outlook. lol) I'm very tempted to post something in the forum itself... but I'd just die if anyone I knew saw it!!! We can't have that! But who knows? I'm very impulsive; maybe I'll have a capricious change of heart? *shrugs* I met ONE. Oh, I'm sorry... two. I've met two. (I'm not counting guys, because I don't really check guys out. Sorry.) Well, at least someone agrees with me. (Yay? lol) I agree with you: Confidence IS important. I'm by no means denying that. But I'm saying that the way a guy looks will automatically disqualify him from dating some women. (Ah, you say: "But you don't want those women anyway.") Wrong, I say. lol I'll decide who and what I like, for myself, thanks. (I'm answering anyone in advance who'd like to use this statement.) It may not be productive or beneficial to "cry" over my looks or shyness, but at the same time, who said I was trying to accomplish anything? This was mostly a vent, and a statement about how it is much more difficult for the guys like us to meet someone great (emphasize "great" please), as opposed to the extrovert, with amazing social skills and drop-dead gorgeous looks. That is all. I can small talk my way out of speeding tickets, so chatting up teh ladies shouldn't be too hard, I suppose. And no, your kind may not bite... but you can still be harmful, just the same. Some can be just... downright nasty and mean.

Oh, all the time! All my good friends are married! I don't even have a girlfriend right now. So guess who gets shafted and never included in any "group" activites? lol

I think you're a sweetheart. You seem very meek, humble and respectable. Someone who wants the best out of life, and always expects things to get better... even when they seem hopeless. I certainly don't hate nor dislike you at all. Whenever you spoke to me, it was all with respect, kindness and politeness. You come accross as a very warm, sensitive and caring individual. There's nothing wrong with that.

Fine then...

Thanks (except for the fact that you are a guy). lol I'm just running out of steam to continue this debate, for now anyway. (I'm sure after I come home from school tomorrow, I'll be all fired up to "whine" some more.)

I don't disagree with you. You make some good points. However, I sent you a PM, so that should put you to silence, no? I'm very self-conscious, which is holding me back. Big time.

I mentioned in it another reply, actually. No, I would never consider moving there. If you saw my picture, you'd probably understand. Japanese women seem to go for my "type" (whatever the hell that means.) Their standards of physical attractiveness are vastly different (somewhat scary actually) compared to the Western world. That was all I meant. The other line is a quotation I liked; I'm clearly applying a little cognitive dissonance to my current situation, since I definitely do NOT agree with the statement. If you'd like, I'll send it to you in a PM. I'm not posting that crap where everyone can see it.

Well, Ellie, that's you. I'm a romantic. I've been alone long enough. And a job isn't the end of all ends. Jobs come and go. I'm not saying it isn't important; please don't think that. But let's take me as an example. You see, I always wanted to get my Ph.D inmy field of study to get my "Dream Job." But my grades simply are not good enough, so it seems that will no longer be an option for me. But life goes on, and I'll get over it. I'm not happy about it, but I can accept it. And of course, A is the correct answer, for me anyway.

Was that directed at me?

I say that things (like getting dates, for instance) come much easier to good looking guys than to ugly ones. Of course. Do you honestly wish to contend that and say that's never the case?