House

Update time I guess. Last night we were both at a party, we spent alot of time together talking, crying and working stuff out. We realised we've both been thinking the same things, but we both want to make this friendship work pretty badly... At least we've started talking again and we got out what we both really needed to get out. And we both realise that there was a line that was crossed, and that line can't be crossed again. We can't be anything more than best of friends, we just have to appreciate each other for what we can offer each other as friends. It just feels good to have both of us having let everything we needed to say out and to feel connected to each other again, it's something we both missed sorely. Things will be alrite, I told her that too, it'll just take a bit of time for things to get back to normal. At least we've taken the first step.

And what am I supposed to do if that happens?

It's not that I'm afraid of taking responsibility, I just want to lie low for a while I guess. For once I don't wanna be chasing after something, just for a while, let things calm down and just let the breeze blow. If and when it comes to a time when I need to take control, then I will, but I guess I just want to relax for a bit. Thanks, that's helpful. The whole reason I was so broken when everything happened was because I cared too much for her, and not enough about my own interests... I really wanted to see her happy before I did myself, but now I guess I've paid the price for that. Not that I still won't care for people and put them before myself... but for her, I guess I've found out it's wasted effort. For once I'm more important.

Thanks, I definitely see what you mean. All I can do for now is just ride whatever waves come in my direction and see where things take me.

No, I guess I can't... it won't be the same as it was if there is always this doubt looming over me That's a good point... I suppose the best thing I can do for now is just tell her that I'm not ready yet, that I still need more time. You're right, I can't live her life for her or fix her problems, only she can do that... and until she does, I don't need to be an extra problem because of the way I feel, so I might as well remove myself from the equation while I still can... it'll hurt her mostly to hear it, but if it's gotta be done then I spose it's gotta be done... I can't 'pretend' to be her friend and go on like everything is alright when it's not, so for now I suppose I need to bow out and let things settle down.

Thanks alot for that... good to see someone else's point of view. At the time we hooked up she was a bit emotionally unstable and we were both a bit drunk, but she knew that I had feelings for her and she'd told me previously that she had some for me too. It's hard to show it from my point of view I guess because you don't know her... Basically, she looked to me for comfort from her other breakup and used my feelings to her advantage when she needed them the most. She did it once before, telling me she had feelings for me when she was with her previous ex, but from the way that things just magically happened I thought that this time it was for real... apparently not. Now she tells me that she's changed and that she hated the way she was treating people and that she's sorry for that... I really hate to make her feel bad, but I can't help but feel aprehensive that if I do become friends with her again, it opens it up to a third chance at breaking my heart... I've been trying to decide whether the good and fun times that we had together outweighed the pain that I went through because of her actions. I do accept the current situation with her boyfriend, but also her previous ex and I don't want to see the same thing happen to this guy as what happened to the both of us. Via her actions she managed to ruin the relationships with both of us, and I am scared that if she starts doing that with her new guy, i'll be looked at as a second resort to try and fix things again... That's one thing I don't want to happen again. If there's one thing I know about this girl, it's that she tends to make the same mistakes more than once and never quite learns from it... I think this time she's realised that she really hurt someone who truly cared for her, and now she wants to fix thing. I just don't know if I can do my part in it... maybe it's just time I need...

Hey everyone, I'm in a bit of a rut right now... To put the story into context: I was really good friends with this girl for a while, a couple of years. We started to become a little more than friends, and while at a New Years party we spent the night together and messed around a bit while slightly drunk. We both kidna regretted it afterwards, and from there everything went downhill. I felt like she used me because she knew how I felt about her and she had just come out of a relationship that ended sourly, she needed to feel loved and I was there at the time and offering it. Anyhow, point is she told me that although I was a great guy, she didn't see anything happening between us, and I found out later that she was getting close to one of my friends (her current b/f). I was happy for them, I don't hold anything against my mate, but I guess I still have some remorse for having such a good friendship with the girl ruined over something stupid like what happened... Something so strong was just smashed. She knows that she wronged me and she understands if I don't ever want to talk to her again... I do, but at the same time I can't. What we had was really special, we would talk to each other every day for hours, we knew each other inside out. But then that night had to come along and ruin everything... then the following weeks of her confusing messages and, for example, the 3AM call saying that she just 'needed to talk' to me. Then we had a bit of a falling out and we didn't talk for a few weeks, until... The other night at a party I got a message from her out of the blue saying that she misses me and she's sorry and she wants to know if I still want to be friends. I don't know what to do... she seems to be genuine with what she's been saying, 'I miss everything to do with you' and 'I'm sorry that things ended up how they were', and 'I don't know whether it's going to work, but I really want it to'. Everytime I see her at school I can't face her though... Everytime she is around or in the other guy's arms I just go away to somewhere else or plainly ignore her. It's like I know it's her job to mend what she broke, but I'm purposefully making it difficult for her to do that... Is it just that I'm not ready to be friends with her again? What she did and said to me left scars on me that probably still haven't left... is there any way I can make them go? Before she talked to me the other night I was feeling good, I'd gotten over it. But then as soon as she broke the silence it was like old memories suddenly became fresh again... I honestly don't know if trying to be friends with her is worth the pain that she might cause again... Thanks for reading... Any comments or ideas are greaty appreciated.

Well you see it really depends on the situation... I've been in as close to love with this girl as I spose I ever have been in my short 17 years. We were close friends for over a year and one night while we were both drunk we took it a little futher. Needless to say I had the night of my life. Here was this girl who I really had fallen for over time and we were having fun and cuddled each other to sleep. But then she decides that no, there's something she doesn't want... She told me previously that she liked me alot, but then she suddenly decides that I'm a great guy but she doesn't see us going anywhere. I guess I'm slowly getting over it... We stopped talking for a but and she noticed that I'd been ignoring her. When she asked if she'd done anything to make me not want to talk to her I was thinking 'well no bloody kidding, you only broke my heart...' but I said it was my fault and that I shouldn't have let things go that far. She said that she missed me and that what we had as friends means alot to her, but then she goes and hooks up with me and ruins the friendship. I mean I still want to be friends with her... but how can you still be friends with someone that you still have feelings for and are trying to get over? I don't think it will ever be quite what it was... it was special. Instead she decided to go after someone who treated her like a sl** and didn't give a crap about her, when I know that I would have treated her so much better... it's the classic going for what's bad for you thing. I only hope that one day she realises what she missed out on and learns from it. I'm ready to move on, but I don't quite know how to do that... I feel lonely now because I lost something special with someone I really fell for and it will never be the same again. Sorry I'm hijacking this thread... just realised!

That essay is like... totally right. I've been a 'nice guy' and a 'doormat' and I've been used. I was just talking to my mate about this last night, we're in similar situations. 'Why do nice guys always finish last?' we asked ourselves. That actually really kinda explains it all... It's hard when your self confidence has been a bit shot by someone though. You become good friends with a girl, then you become more than that for a while and then suddenly she doesn't want it, and she goes for some pot smoking 'jerk' who doesn't give a crap about her. That's what I don't understand... why young girls and women go for someone that is going to hurt them, and don't see the ones that really do care for them right in front of their eyes. I suppose someone who does that isn't worth the time and effort... To the OP: I know exactly how you feel! There's enough of us 'nice' guys out there that get screwed over and wonder why. Maybe it's just not what girls of our age are looking for right now, but one day we'll meet girls who WILL appreciate us for who we are and what we have to offer. Just takes time...

I know how you feel, don't worry... at least your girl didn't lead you on and actually do something with you whilst drunk before saying that it probably shouldn't have happened. Unrequited love is one of the worst things, and depending on how close you are to the other person makes it harder and harder to let go when you know you have to... Just remember that you're not alone and there are alot of others out there who have the same problem. One day we'll all come accross that one great person who will wipe the slate clean and give is a fresh outlook on life and love. But that day could be down the track a fair way, or it could be closer than you think, there's no telling. Hold your head high and know that you're worth more than someone who doesn't love you for who you are. One day someone will come along who does, and you will love them more than you can dare to think possible. Listen to the song 'Shine' by the Plain White T's, here's the lyrics: You know it tears me up inside to see the feelings that you hide Hide inside that empty bottle I wish you saw how great you were I wish you saw what life was worth You wouldn't have to hide your problems And I don't care what you might think I think you've had too much to drink Can't even talk when you're this way Run away, run away But that won't make it any better Run away, run away And make tomorrow harder to live than today There's so much out there you could miss there's so much life out there to live If you would just believe in yourself You know you're better than all of this you know you've got so much to give But you're so afraid to give of yourself There's a bright light shining inside you it shines out through your eyes Don't drown it away, don't be afraid, don't hide Let it shine You say you're looking for happiness but when it comes, you run away from it You tell yourself you don't deserve it There's not much more that I can do now the rest is up to you Until you love yourself, you'll never change You'll keep on running Until you deal with today

Well I realised I made the biggest mistake... I had a chat to her about it all... apparently I'm a great guy, but she thinks that nothing would ever happen between us and that the alcohol was probably the main factor in what happened. I don't think she knows what she wants... she has problems and I don't need those in a relationship... *sigh* I feel like * * * * now... Everytime something like this happens...

Yeah I've been thinking of that... I was talking to her best friend about it. The girl was apparently gonna say something about it to her the night after but then said 'I'll tell you later' so I got to her first and told her what happened... So this friend is gonna talk to her for me cause I don't feel comfortable discussing it with her yet... too soon I spose for me, or else I think I'll make a fool of myself about it :S I must say this though, at the time it did kinda feel special. Here we are, 2 really good friends and just having a blast with each other. Then we kissed and cuddled and slept and it felt like it was more than just drunkenness, at least on my part. She's supposed to be having another party soon, maybe even as soon as tonight. If this other guy goes and they hook up again, I'm pretty sure that that will answer my question... How much could it mean to her if she goes and makes out with him again? Pretty sure I won't be going to that party in that case...

It was new years eve/morning, so the other day now.

Hey everybody... I'm slightly hungover and I feel like crap, and I need to get something off my chest before I can sleep. Here goes... Alright, so I have a good friend who is a girl (I'm a guy). We've been close before but never really done anything, but New Years eve, or rather the morning after, got me a little confused. We were both kinda tipsy, had a bit too much to drink and we were fooling around a bit. Anyhow, she was getting pretty close to me and wasn't quite going for the kiss. She asked if I wanted to and we kissed a bit. We were both tired though so it wasn't that super (my first real kiss too at 17. Yes I know, late for some lol, I've been saving myself for someone special). Then we slept and she had her arms around me and everything. We woke up in the morning and I felt like crap, so I got up and went inside for a drink of water. After that her attitude kinda changed a bit... she wasn't as huggy or anything. I don't know whether we only did what we did because she was drunk or what. I mean she was still plenty friendly and everything, but something didn't seem quite the same... just a gut feeling I got. Other thing is that she has a guy friend that she messes around with at parties, but they're not an item. You know, casual drinking party buddies kinda thing. I'm wondering if she's doing the same thing to me, just a casual quick drunken fling and then back to good friends the next day when we're sober again like nothing happened. She's planning in having a party at her house soon, and this other guy will likely be there. But will she get with him and then I'll be sitting there thinking 'what the hell did I get myself into?' Point is, I have had feelings for this girl for a while, they were once mutual a while ago and I have reason to believe they still are. We're great buddies, we have awesome chats and get along together great, but she confuses me. I don't know whether it's a good idea to to make something of it if it's just a one off drunken thing... Iuno, maybe I'm reading into it too deeply, maybe I'm causing a problem where there is none. It's just really buggin me for some reason, I don't know why. My bed sheets even still smell like her and it's making me feel bad :S Iuno... All I know is I can't sleep and I needed to put this all somewhere... Any comments are quite welcome, and you can tell me how buggered I am lol. Cheers everybody and happy new year! (Yes we're long past it here in Australia lol).

I don't think that she would be the type to go off and cry, the shy type of girl would be more the type that would cry I think, and by the sounds this girl doesn't seem all that shy. There is this one girl at my school who is a few years younger than me and obsessed with me. I just ignore her, because she is completely not my type. She's not a nice girl, but the 'I wish I was bad so I'm gonna swear alot and drink heaps and get wasted!' boisterous type, totally unattractive quality to me. IF she was ever to approach me I would just tell her that 'sorry, you're not my type'. Simple as that, if you're not interested and they don't get the hint and keep pursuing you HAVE to say something. Or else just ask this girl out that you like as others have suggested, knowing you're involved will more than likely put her off.

To all the ones that helped break me, I dedicate these to you three Without these experiences I would not be The person that you continue to see But I will repair and rise above Move on and know what is right and wrong Eventually I will find my true love And remember you first few that made me strong And remember as I climb that hill As what in life does not make you ill, Will only make you stronger So my future loves will last longer 1. J... The day you became more than a friend Was a day I wished would never end When the dream was broken we both ached much Friends yet again, but feelings I have hidden such Such for you to remain a friend Though what happened between us I cannot pretend You were closer to me than anyone before You were the first one I could truly adore... 2. A... Long I have admired you from far away Years gone by yet still come has not that day Hope is lost, you I cannot blame... Although flickering, there remains always a flame Do I believe that you are better alone? I do believe that my heart still does moan I hope you're happy, you'll be fine Even if you will never be mine... 3. K... You fooled me, made me feel That I stood a chance, though it was never real When you kiss him I look to the sky Wishing I knew the reason why... Why did you toy with me so? Why tie my heart up into a bow? Play with my feelings, abruptly finish Your man loves you, you made me diminish... The first one is the most meaningful to me, it was a special experience that was ruined by complicated circumstances... they say we can only learn from our experiences though, and I plan to take these with me. Sorry for the cornyness, first time trying to write anything poetic. Been studying the likes of Frost, got me in the mood

I agree perfectly with this. I think only one of the girls I have been interested in over the years had what you would call 'decent' breasts, although being young most girls are still developing. I am more attracted to a girl for who she is, not what she is. I look at other features, such as the face, eyes, hair etc... and how a girl presents herself. I like a girl who has common interests and things, and frankly large breasts are a turn-off for me. I don't know why some women feel they have to go and get implants to 'improve' themselves, as far as I see it you are given what you are given and you are perfect the way you are, the way you are meant to be

I'm pretty sure he was telling the truth, usually I know when he's lying through his teeth. I don't THINK he was lying, but that doesn't change the fact that it was there and now he knows that I know. If it ever happens again then I spose I'll know, but I'm gonna try and keep away from his computer I think. If him or his friends wanna look at that kinda stuff then it's not my responsibility to get in the way or anything. His business and his friends' businesses is theirs and no-one else's.

Thanks for all your replies guys and gals, I hear what you're saying. I confronted him about it when I was fixing his computer and said 'hey, I kinda found this on here the other day...' Turns out that apparently his bi-sexual friend must have been doing some downloading while he was over a few days ago, he assures me it's not his. He's still a little embarrassed about his friend though, apprently he must have been doing it right behind his back. That's a bit of a relief, but still, should his friend be doing that at our house on his computer?

Yeh that'd be him for ya lol. Luckily it's blunt and he's too scared to go any further than taking it out and waving it a bit. Anyhow thanks for the advice so far, I think my friend will be able to help some more. That's when she comes online...

Yeh... well he's only 14, he'd get into trouble for looking at it for sure. I was thinking whether it is just curiosity or to get him... well you know (disturbing thought)... but it seemed there were alot of incompleted downloads in there... I don't know what I was thinking of telling the parents about, I don't think I will tell them anything right now. I'll just keep a low profile for now I think.

I'm the older brother by 2 years 9 months. We're not very close though, there's alot of rivalry between us. If he found out I gone and found this stuff on his computer he'd prolly try and kill me with that stupid Samurai sword he keeps threatening me with. I figured that I prolly shouldn't try and take revenge on him that way, that would be stupid of me. I think I should prolly just keep it to myself for now... actually I do have a good friend who's brother is also gay, I might ask her if she can help too. Cheers Sumguy.

Hi everyone, While my brother left his computer going when he went away, I quickly snuck in and sat at the computer and was looking for some files I thought I left on there (I now have a laptop I moved everything too). While I was looking for some things, I stumbled accross his Limewire incomplete files... in the folder was a bunch of files that made reference to 'gay orgy', 'How the West Was Hung' etc... Frankly I was a little taken aback by this. I just want some advice on what to do. For all I know mum knows but didn't want me to know thinking that I would give him alot of slack over it. Should I just keep it to myself? Should I ask him about it? Should I tell my parents like the time he told them when he saw me looking at a nude photo (I'm straight BTW). I was just a little shcked by what I saw... I mean my and my brother always call each other names and often 'you're gay' or something will come into it, but by the looks of it it might be true! Any help would be appreciated

Well now that really depends. Some people don't feel like or know that they are using others, but because of their insecurities actually are. There was a girl who I'd gotten to become good friends with. She had a b/f, they were having troubles and so she turned to me for comfort. When she told me she liked me and things went haywire, I felt like I had been used. She had used me to feel right about what was going wrong in her relationship (I think, I have never truly found out). Other people will always ask you for things. If you give it to them once, they'll expect it from you many times in the future. I'm nice and usually will give someone something, but eventually there will be a line to be drawn between simple friendly help and being used. Usually you can feel that line, you know when too much is being asked of you. It really is hard to tell... you just feel it I guess. Sometimes it's your closest friends too, which is the worst part.

That's really something.. makes me think that there ARE good and understanding people in the world OK so we went on our first 'date' on Saturday, unfortunately it was a bit of a disaster We went to a movie (first mistake) and she didn't want to eat, probably of the fact that she felt guilty for not having any money (parents didn't know about it so she couldn't ask for any). That was prolly the first indication of things gone wrong. We didn't talk ALOT, and during the movie we laughed a bit. I asked her if she was OK and she said yes, didn't quite satisfy me though... I still thought something was wrong. It was all just very... awkward to say the least. She ended up having to leave for her friend's place (where she was SUPPOSED to be as far as her parents knew) where she would be picked up. No hug or anything, just awkward 'it was nice seeing you' and off we went our separate ways. I'm thinking that, for starters, a movie was NOT a good idea for going out, especially since we had really only seen each other face-to-face one time before that. Also the venue wasn't good... she was worried about running into people she knew or her parents around the area, so if there is a next time then maybe going somehwre out of the way or further away from home couldn't. I did say IF though, I have messaged her a few times since and gotten no reply. She doesn't have any credit and I know that, but usually she will get another phone to use. I am wondering if it's because if how things went or whether she feels bad... I don't know, all in all I'm a little confused about everything. I just didn't know what to do, it was my first time and I totallt screwed up After her saying how much she liked me, I think that my face-to-face impression may have kinda tarnished that or summit... Things seemed like they were going so well before this too... geez women are confusing creatures!