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yunyun_sin

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Everything posted by yunyun_sin

  1. yunyun_sin
    I really wonder if I'm every going to get over this - one moment I think I'm alright, and the next moment I'm in the dumps again. Tonight I met up with a whole bunch of people both my ex and myself used to hang out with. Quite a few of them who obviously hadn't heard the 'news' asked me where my ex was, and it hurt. It also hurt to see other couples still together - it seemed like nothing had changed, except for the fact that my ex wasn't there by my side, and it made me miserable, and at the same time bitter, and I hate myself for it...](*,)
  2. yunyun_sin
    Thanks blue boy - I guess I do need to focus on myself and heal on my own at the moment. I now know that he is completely avoiding me - no replies to any of my merry Xmas, happy new year, happy birthday messages... my stuff being at his place can't be doing any good other than annoying him (not that he's said so) so I'm thinking of going to get my stuff back, and giving him his stuff that I have - I just feel as though this is one of the things I need to do sooner or later to speed up the process. The question is, since I have the key, do I just go unannonced, collect all my stuff and leave the keys behind whilst he's at work or something, or do I arrange a meeting with him? I know it's cowardly of me, but I just fear that if I do see him the little healing that has been done up until now would all burst open again...
  3. yunyun_sin
    Thanks for the advice guys. Yes, I do know I need to get over him but the question is how - is it only something that time can solve? The more I try and force myself to move on, the stronger the drawback seems and yes, of course it's unfair to the other interested party - I always make a point of telling them that I'm just not ready for a relationship as I'm not over my most recent one. It will be my ex's birthday in 15 minutes or so, and just this morning I learnt that he had his birthday bash last night. He of course invited all our common friends, but not me. It wasn't unexpected, but it still hurts I was chatting to a good friend about this earlier on, and he told me that I should just be glad that he spared me from the dilema of wondering whether to go or not, and eventually having to say no - in other words he reckons that I should not see him if I'm not over. That made me think of what I want out of the current situation - friendship? get back together? A complete NC? I initially thought that there would be nothing better if we could get back together but now I'm not so sure - if we ever did get back together, I'd probably have to live in constant anxiety of when he is going to leave me again. That leaves the option of friends, or just NC. Would love to be friends again, but I wonder if it's again something that would only come with time...
  4. yunyun_sin
    Haven't been here for a while since I've been trying to keep myself busy but I'm at my ultimate low again so here I am, once again... It's been just over 2 months since my ex dumped me. The first 4-6 weeks was living hell, then I got a new job, started hanging out with new ppl etc. and sometimes felt as though I might be okay although he was constantly on my mind, and the thoughts of how it ever ended up like this never left my mind either. Being the festive season I was in a general low again - thinking about the plans we had for X'mas/NYE and also the fact that it's the first time in a decade I'm spending this time of the year alone. Doesn't help when I'm hitting the big 3-0 in 2 weeks time Anyway, I found that I simply cannot move on from him, emotionally. My new job involves meeting a lot fo people, and not to be errogant or pretentious or anything but I am a relatively attractive girl so get hit on a hell of a lot as well - to be honest, almost to the point where I'm sick of it. However...I just don't feel as though I can go into a relationship, not even just a casual one. Maybe a kiss, okay, but anything beyond that is just impossible - first of all I compare everyone with him, and how I felt towards him when we first met, and no one compares to him. Even if there's someone that I'm maybe semi-interested in, it's probably a combination of fear of being hurt again, and the fact that I'm still so much in love with my ex I just feel as though I cannot be with someone else. Has anyone experienced this feeling? What can I do to get over this? I feel as though even if I have a chance of being with someone else I will miss out on it but just shutting myself out of it, but I just can't help it at the mo... What I can think of is that we still have each others stuff and he hasn't asked for his keys back but I feel as though it's about time we sorted these out in order to move on properly. We never got to have the closure talk and I've got a few things I want to say and ask, and I feel as though I need to put these accross to him somehow, whether it be face to face or by email. I know it's something that you probably shouldn't do to get the guy back, but in my case I just feel as clarification/comprehension is something I need to achieve for myself, even just ot move on... What to do... *sigh*
  5. yunyun_sin
    I have been quite close to his boss since he broke up with me in front of him. I haven't gone into details of what he said or how he is, but I have been pretty open about my feelings. Today, he actually called my ex into the office and told him how much I was hurting, and that he wanted to help in anyway he can, but he needed to know how my ex feels about it. He asked if there is any chance of us getting back together, and apparently his answer was 'I don't think so.' I was kinda pissed off with the boss for his level of interference - I know he did it thinking it was for the best, but after last Sunday, I realised I had to have the 'talk' sometime very soon, so had actually even asked my ex out for lunch this week, and he had agreed. I wish I could've heard this from himself, rather than thru the boss... I'm gutted that there doesn't seem to be much chance of reconciliation, but at the same time I almost felt released hearing that he's not really considering getting back.
  6. yunyun_sin
    It actually hurted more to see him today than not seeing him... I went rollerblading today knowing that he'd be there. It was indeed awkward, hardly had any conversation bout 'us'. It was so nice seeing him, and just chatting to him as 'mates', but at the same time it just hurts SO much. I thought I was a bit healed but back into the gutter again...
  7. yunyun_sin
    What a horrible night...probably the first night since the break-up 2 weeks ago trying to sleep sober and ended up failng miserably - I must've woken up at least a dozen times. I feel as though I'm falling apart - I've got nothing left in me anymore and I feel so lonely, so empty. Perhaps it's because we haven't done the 'talk', I'm almost clutching on to the last piece of hope, regardless to whether there really is any or not. We were together for 4 months but the relationship developed very quickly and by month two we were pretty much living together. I've been going out a lot, meeting new people etc. etc. sure, it's fun, but it's all so empty... Perhaps need to come to acceptance etc. before trying to move on cuz at the moment whatever I do just seems to be in vain. HELP!
  8. yunyun_sin
    We were very open and close and I think that's why this is hurting me even more - the fact that he choose to end it so onesidedly without any room of discussion. I'm not too much of a believer in NC either, but he told me that he is confused about himself and his feelings so I felt as though giving him some space of his own would be good, but at the same time I feel as though I shouldn't give him too much either. Another reason is that I haven't really been able to think and process what he has said straight but approaching 2 weeks since the initial 'talk', I think I'm finally ready for the 'talk' and should be able to accept the outcome whichever way it goes. Should I still wait for him to initiate it? He doesn't like making decisions and I have a feeling that he won't take the initiative... As for the alcohol... today's the first day that I've been sober at this time of the day (10:30pm here).
  9. yunyun_sin
    I'm just struggling SO much. I think the fact that school is out and I've got absolutely nothing to do doesn't help either. We haven't been in touch for 12 days now. We're supposed to have thought about it and then meet up and talk about it, but how long do you think I should give him? He's actually just come online for the first time since the breakup. I really feel like saying hi and as pathetic as it sounds, feel like letting him know how much I am hurting right now, but am scared that he'd ask for the keys back or something... In a way, I wish he had already - that make it a lot easier to move on.
  10. yunyun_sin
    Hiya - I feel your pain! I was dumped 2 weeks ago in a very similar manner - thought everything was going great, then all of a sudden, boom. You get all these reasonings that you had no idea of, and the thing that hurts the most is that he didn't even bother sharing or discussing thing before making up his mind. Yes, being honest is important, but there are two people the relationship... In my case, we agreed to leave it for a while, have a think about it and then have a talk about it. We both still have loads of stuff at each others places not being able to work up the courage to tell each other to clear it out, so in that sense you're already one step ahead on the road to healing! Pretty much being in the same shoes I can't offer much advice but hope things do work out in your interest!
  11. yunyun_sin
    I admire your strength standtall - something that I'm lacking of. I was in a similar situation to you - everything was great, he went away for a month and a few days after he came back, without any notice or talk, got dumped. ( link removed ) We agreed to leave it for a while, have a think and then talk again in a while, but still haven't worked up the courage to do so. We still both have things in each others houses but neither of us have had the courage to say, oi, come pick them up. I wish I had the courage to do what you did, but I just don't. Indeed yours is a success story...
  12. yunyun_sin
    The ex comment - going into the same situation he did with his ex. I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to figure out what made him think so. I know he was kinda pushed into getting married, and he mentioned 'I can't provide you with what you need.' I've told him I'm not looking to get married anytime soon, but in reply he said that I'd eventually want it. Could that be it? I was told yesterday that I sometimes give out signals that I'm available which I had no idea of, so that could relate to the trust issue; i.e. the possibility of me eventually cheating on him. Could that be it? At the moment I'm just absolutely drained both physically and mentally. I so wish things were like where there were one month ago...
  13. yunyun_sin
    I wish I had gone now. I now do feel as though I need to talk to him actually before starting NC - not so much to win him back but to clear things up so I can move on if I need to. However the comment my mate digged out from him has absolutely shook me and I can't help wondering what made him feel that way...
  14. yunyun_sin
    Yes, it is something that I started organising before I met him, and he eventual bought his own blades and became one of the core members. Unfortunately I wasn't able to gather the strength to go today, and my mate actually did question him, or encourage him, rather, to re-think things. As a result. apparently he is unsure of himself and his feelings, and feels as though he's going into the same situation as he went into with his ex. I'm absolutely stunned by this as I have no idea what made him think this. The only possibility I can think of is that perhaps I pushed him into something that he was uncomfortable with; i.e. being more expressive, more considerate. Was that a wrong thing to do? What can I do at this time at point?
  15. yunyun_sin
    Weekends are the hardest as we used to spend every single minute together. Today is Sunday, our rollerblading day. We used to rollerblade every Sunday with some other friends. I know through a friend that he'll be there today as usual, but I just can't face it. Is this stupid? Should I just go? One of them has told me he'll have a brief chat to try and see what's on his mind, which I appreciate, and I figured it would be easier done without being there. What I'm not sure is what do I do every Sunday from here? Do I keep on running away from it, or do I face it and continue going regardless to whether he's there or not and just deal with him as one of the friends? I just don't have the confidence of not being depressed once seeing him at the moment...
  16. yunyun_sin
    He's been divorced a year and a half, we were together for 4 months. I've written about him here: link removed I'm still very lost and torn. The thing I miss the most at the moment is his 'touch' Funny thing is, it obviously has to do with the fact that I'm spending a hell of a lot of time in bars and I'm getting hit on a LOT. Been told that I'm intelligent, gorgeous blah blah so should be able to get any man. It works as an ego boost for a second, and then it immediately converts to 'but that still wasn't good enough for him.' However... I just came to a realisation...I can relate to him now that I've been badly hurt. In the mind you know that this person is 'all you ever wanted' and you think you may be ready to move on so give it a go, but only to find out that you're not ready, or are uncapable of loving, so knowing that the other person deserves better than that, you break up. I think this is what he meant by his comments of 'it's not you, it's me', 'I don't want to hurt you even more' etc. What makes it worse is that it didn't slow down or show any signs of falling apart. It just happened all of a sudden. In a way, he's made me him - I don't think I'm every going to be able to trust someone of their feelings - one minute they say that you were the best thing that's happened to them, that you're all that they've ever wanted blah blah, and the next minute you're dumped. Like him, even if I meet 'my' guy one day, I fear that I'll break up with him because of the insecurities on my side and not having the confidence to love... Does this all make sense?
  17. yunyun_sin
    Continuing from this thread - link removed It's been a week since he dumped me in a frigging bar. I was out with him and his bosses. He calls me aside and then eventually outside - tells me that he can't continue on anymore, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it's about him not me, he thought he was ready for it (being 1.5years after the divorce) but realised that he still needs to find himself and needs to be on his own to do that, and if we stay together he would end up hurting me more, and he doesn't want me to hate him. Said a few more things and left. His boss (and the rest of the bar) saw me absolutely devestated. That was last Friday. Since then, I've talked to him on the phone once, and have also seen him once. There's been no contact since Sunday. When we last spoke, I mentioned that it is so unfair to not even discuss things and just end it one sidedly. He was the one who used to say that there's two people in a relationship. I told him a few things that was on my mind, and he agreed to think about it and then talk about it in a while. Since then I've pretty much been drinking 12 hours a day, completely confused and lost. Unfortunately school's out at the moment so I've got nothing to do, and wherever I go, it reminds me of him. Most of our friends are mutual so that makes it awkward as well. I guess it might have something to do with the fact that this is the first time I've been dumped, but I'm in so much pain the moment. I've never ever been this hurt before and am seriously struggling to deal with it. I still have a lot of my stuff at his, he hasnt told me to come get them or to give him back his keys. I'm so very hurt, but the thing is, I still want to be with him given the chance, but am not sure if I should initiate this 'talk' that we're supposed to have or just leave it. Initially I wanted to try and talk to him to see if we could work it out, but I think it's also that I need to understand more so that I can stop dwelling on it...
  18. yunyun_sin
    I know that possibility 1 is out of the question, but it can be anyone of 1,2 or 3. Funny you mention the 'unfairness' thing because that was actually one of the things he mentioned when we had our 'big' talk a few weeks back - that at the moment he does not feel the same way I do for him so it is unfair of him to keep hold of me, and that I deserve better. I've put a lot of thought into it since then, and the fact is, when we were together I was actually content with the way he had been treating me. He may not have said much, but his actions has shown his feelings towards me, and I was happy with that. It is very dificult to find someone who feels exactly the same way about you, and that balance changes all the time. We knew from the beginning that his walls were high and it would take quite a while to break it down, and I guess it's still in process. Bottom line is, I don't have much emotional baggage as he does so it was easier for me to fall for it and put my all into it. I'm happy to be doing so, and if we somehow manage to get back on track, I wouldn't want to ask anything more of him at this time and point - I just want it to be the way things were... As people have said, I probably should talk about the issues - not so much about what happened but about what we both want and see if we can work it out together. I'll probably give him a couple days to get over the jetlag and settle back into life here first though...
  19. yunyun_sin
    so... he came back this morning. Me and a few other friends were at the airport at 5:30 in the morning to greet him. I was imagining all kind of senarios for when we met, but in reality, I couldn't even look at him in the eye or even give him a hug - I'm sure I was smiling but I just frooze. *doh* There was a part of me so wanting to jump onto him but at the same time a part of me was telling me to keep cool. I just did not know what to do! Anywayz, we came back to his flat, had a brief chat whilst he was unpacking and had a quick snooze before he headed off to work. Up until now, every morning without fail, once he gets all ready for work (I'm usually still in bed), he spends a minute or two caressing me before he shoots off. Today he just gave my hand a big squeeze. I said 'hug' as he was walking out the door and he gave me one. It might be completely psychological but it just wasn't the same. I know I can't expect things to be exactly the same as it was before as much as I so wish it was, but how do I take it from here? How often do I see him, when do I bring things up? I just don't know where he stands at the moment. I have a feeling that he's not going to bring things up and will just see how it goes. Would I need to be the one to bring it up? The confusion continues...
  20. yunyun_sin
    Thanks for the advice... thing is, how much time/space would be sufficient? I feel as though if I give him too much space he'll detach himself from the whole thing, but at the same time, I know the reason why it's turned out this way is because I pushed him too much, so I don't want to push anymore for the time being either... he is the kind of guy that needs a nudge from time to time, but it's just hard to figure out where the border line is...
  21. yunyun_sin
    I'm going crazy here and was hoping to get some advice. My boyfriend of a few months has gone away for a month - he'll be coming back next week. The past couple of months I have been with him has been the happiest in my life - obviously he did play a big role in it, but I was content with life as a whole.I was the one full of insecurities and he was the one saying that it'll all be okay and he'd be back in no time. Since he has been gone, I've said stupid things to him that I didn't even mean, and now he's doubting the relationship and his feelings towards me. The thing is, he got divorced relatively recently because his ex cheated on him, and he's got a very high barrier around his heart. He's told me that he's unsure of everything at the moment, not even sure if he wants to continue on with the relationship or is capable of loving me, and thinks that we both need to have a think. I know what I want - I want to be with him, and I want to be how we were just a couple of weeks ago. I mean, can you honestly decide on a relationship matter just by thinking about it rather than talking about it? He's also said 'it's about me, not you'. I was trying to give him some space and did not contact him for a couple of days but just had to last night and made the mistake of asking him if he's willing to give it a go. His answer was yet again, 'I don't know'. I so do not want to loose him, and I have been so miserable for the past few weeks not knowing what's going on in his head. Any advice? Thanks...
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