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sibling295

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  1. sibling295
    okay but this is the thing - see - I am ready to be set up for the hurt.( If its even gonna hurt. My plan was to stay positive about MY goals) I am taking this time (these 6 months till June) to see if he is the one for me. Maybe i am just so blind sided , he actually isnt the one i want to spend the rest of MY life with. My whole goal with giving the relationship till June was to FOCUS on me. That means decide if i even want HIM. Decide if he was worthy of MY love. and MY life. I have allot to offer a man. Seriously , i do. I am a whole complete awesome attractive package. I want to take these 6 months to see if he is worthy of me and my family. Thats what i meant when i say wait till june. I am not waiting for him to decide. I AM THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE MY OWN FUTURE. as far as setting myself up for pain , will of course i am human , i am gonna be upset. But i am willing to take the risk and i am aware of the danger. Kind of like entering the army right now , I know i will end up going to Iraq , but its important to me to fight for what i believe in. I know there is the possibility of death. ( i am actually against war, i am a californian liberal , but thought it was a good metaphor) Also - my last b/f and i dated for 5 years. Withen two years he married the first girl he dated after me. They are soooo happy now , i swear. Sometimes at dinner i stare at them ( we are friends now) and i am like , God he moved on so quick , like no big deal. He went out and got what he wanted.He made himself happy. This has always stuck with me. Even after my b/f broke up with me a couple months ago - i quickly started dating. I mean , its not the end of the world that we didnt make it. I stayed strong and focused. Now why wait 6 months to find out?well , see i do LOVE him , ALLOT.He was a friggin dream come true for me.I am very much in love with him. But after this length of time ( almost two years) and both our ages , i feel i need to take a step back and see if its true love or , i dont know just desperation to get married. Does any of this make sense? So my point is to decide if he is right for me. My problem is do i tell him. And how would i phrase it - so the point doesnt get misunderstood .
  2. sibling295
    great , now i am depressed again.....
  3. sibling295
    I can no longer be depressed about this marriage thing. I have to stop it RIGHT NOW. So back to focusing on me and my life. If he wants to compliment it great. If not i WILL find a man who does. Life is too short. I have decided , once again , to go back to my resolution of stopping all obsessive behavior of marriage. And give him till June to propose. I had come to a good point right before News Years Eve that i could live happily with this decision. So , my question is - do i tell him this? Do I say if by June we are not engaged , its over- or do i say nothing. What would you guys do?
  4. sibling295
    LoL !!! Yes , i know. Hurts , but i know. thank god for hiscoldfeet , a women just left her boyfriend for the same reason.
  5. sibling295
    Thanks Vanilla , another funny thing - i said why wait till after valentines day? he said because i want us to have fun, you love holidays. He said lets go to vegas. I said "Okay , but dont get mad when i get drunk and demand we go to a wedding chapel!" at least we found humor in that. bastard..... sib
  6. sibling295
    Well after i told him NOt to comeover - the doorbell rings about an hour later. I was babysitting my niece. So i didnt want a confrontation in front of her. He says "Iwanna call a truce" ( our new way of stopping the arguments, since getting back together) I said " I will call it to ,but it doesnt change a thing.I want to get married." He says Lets talk about it tomorrow- My niece LOVES him ,so he picks her up and says lets go out for ice cream. We all went ,had a nice time. Anyway this morning before he left for work , i said we need to talk. He says " I know , can't we deal with this after Valentines Day. " of course, you know i used to think just he puts it off , but i am allowing it to be put off and i am allowing my happiness to be put off you know? I checked out link removed OH MY i love that website!!! I dont know what to do - i am confused and frustrated. And completely obsessed that my life wont be complete until i am married. I know this is unhealthy. I know , i know. I am just obsessed with a dress , a ring , a house. its wrong.but i am. childesh too i suppose.but i want a family .i want it. sib
  7. sibling295
    Thanks Hope - i really appreciate those words.
  8. sibling295
    So he just called from work - Please sib lets not fight about marriage. I love you , lets just be happy we have each other.Please Please. I said "I need to be who i am though , and i deserve happiness. That means i want to have a family." I quickly got off the phone . ughghghghghghhhhhhhhhh..........
  9. sibling295
    fromItsok: Any man who says he will never marry anyone will eventually be married, just not to whoever they are with at that moment. I know that's a harsh reality, but a true one. Men who claim they are commitment phobic, who don't see themselves married, etc are full of it. THAT IS THE GOLDEN TRUTH.It has already happened to me once before when i was in my early twenties. Kellbell: I wish you can read what you wrote here a few times. Do you really want to marry a man whom makes you feel this way? A partner should make you feel like a million bucks, light you up, and bring the best out of you...not make the worst come out of you or take away the basic sense of whom you are. I really feel like i am never going to get this. Why does every other woman i know have this. Why is it never me?For gods sake , I am beautiful , funny ,independent and full of courage. Am I going to spend the rest of my life alone??? I know i will be devistated , i know i must leave him. I know he will fall inlove and marry before me. I know its not a competion , but it always seems to happen . I want to be a man's million bucks. Right about now i feel like my own's 500,000.00. off to check out "his cold feet" . Thank you to everyone. ps. maybe it is ice cream ? LOL!!! Good i am glad , i have will power over ice cream , none over cupcakes ,yummmmm......
  10. sibling295
    Hi Kellbell ( BTW- everytime i see that cupcake , i want one so bad!) I know - I usually tend to lose myself right before i go completely mad (or hit MY breaking point) . Then i make my decision. Sometimes i look back and regret what i did, other times i know i made the right decision. Thats why i am so confused here.I dont know if leaving him is the right decision. I mean i do love him. We are commited , i know he loves me. But i do want to be married. And i do miss my old self. But i feel i cant get there without making this decision. I wish i could laugh again , be sarcaastic, think positive , but i am finding it really tough. I wish i could just hear some stories about other people in my situation and their results. I have searched and searched , trust me. I am thinking asking for some space is a good idea. But what would that really mean? Well i can tell you , it means I will be back to going out , flirting with guys , looking for a man who wants what i want. So shouldnt i just break it off then? I mean its not fair to him. I am so confused. I wish i could just breathe. I wish i knew the answer. But my facts are: He doesnt want to get married. Period. I wish someone could just tell me what to do. Do you think i should see him tonight , or tell him not to come over - i am afraid i will just keep crying.Or should i put on a brave face. Now where's my cupcake recipes?? LOL!!
  11. sibling295
    I m sorry to keep posting this ,perhaps just need to vent. I made a resolution to not bring up marriage.Wellit cameup again this morning. thats two times in the new year.Why do i keep doing this to myself? He says everything is fine.He is happy.He loves me. But he never see's himself getting married , to anyone. He says we broke up , but we got back together because i love you. Why cant we keep things the way we are. We see each other 4 days out of 7. We are happy , we are commited , i dont want to get married. But more importantly , i dont want us to be together 7 years and then you look back with resentment because we never married. I am basically crying my eyes out thru this. He says "I would have respect for you , if you broke up with me to gofind your dream" I said how can you say that , that means we wont be together then? He says , well then do you want me to hate you? is that better? I told himi was very confused. I dont want to feel this way. I act bitter or rude to him ,because i amalready filled with resentment. He says if he was the marrying kind we would already be married. He says you are having a panic attack , just calm down honey. But this is important to me. I told himi want to see the relationship progress. He says , why we are fine? But i want more. You are not getting any younger, he tells me. Its perfectly naturall for you to want this. But its not me. I dont want it. What if i was pressuring you? How would you feel? I dont know what to do. I feel lost and heartbroken , i know the outcome is not good. I just dont know how to do it. I dont want to leave him, but i want to be married. It hurts so bad. He wants to come over tonight. I am thinking about saying not to. I dont want to be mean to him anymore. I told him this. Maybe i need space to figure it out. But whats there to figure out? Do i need to get back out there and find another man? But , its him i want. Its him i want to be with. But i want us to be a family. He doesnt . he is happy the way things are. ( I am repeating myself, i know) Take space ? I dont know what the right thing to do? Will i regret not ending it now? Is there another man , i will love like i do him, out there? Has anyone gone thru this? Left a man or woman they LOVED , to follow another path? Help me please! Sib
  12. sibling295
    thanks for the replys - Need to hear it all from strangers everynow and then ,yah know! Well back to me and my life , i go. Gunther - the panic attacks sound just about right on. I really dont ever see him proposing. Sad, it hurts me allot. I am gonna stick tomy resolution again . at least till June. thanks sib
  13. sibling295
    Gunther - thanks for the reply. Since you can think like him, why NOT get married? I mean whats the BIG SCARY deal????? What in the world is sooooo scary ??????? and why does he always think negative about it. It completely PANICKS him.Sweat breaks out, he cant breathe , i swear !!!!! I dont understand..
  14. sibling295
    Annie full story is : together a year and a half - he breaks up with me because he feels i am unhappy because i want to get married. Then he comes CRYING back to me. The marriage issue is pretty big still. So i decide to drop it as a new year resolution. But it just seems to keep coming up. Or i am allowing it to.Whatever... I have to get back on my feeling good bandwagon. MUST
  15. sibling295
    thanks Maggie, we have been together 2 years. I was doing good ,new year , new start . I need to go back to that.This is just making me miserable. Thanks. Sib
  16. sibling295
    Hey there Annie! I am middle 30's - he is 41. I am trying sooo hard to not let this rule my life. But i cant stop thinking about it.
  17. sibling295
    Well , same old story - I had made a pact with myself to concentrate on me , my career ,my friends and NOt bring up marriage to my b/f.We just got back togethjer about 3months ago. Broke up cause of my pressure and unhappiness about not getting married. Anyway - i was feeling great , doing good, then last night he tells me his friend has asked his girlfriend to move in with him. I was abit taken aback because we had all had a convo one night about how we wouldnt move in with out being engaged. So my b/f says" Oh no, he is gonna ask her to marry him, can you believe that ??? I told him he was crazy" Well i lost it. Lost it. I said "how can you say that , blah blah , " he says "I just dont think they have anything in common , she is a user" i say " thats mean, blah blah" Basically we fought about his friends relationship. So then i said where do you see yourself 3 years from now. he wouldnt answer me. NO answer. We were very heated and upset , but he would give me no answer. I am back to being blue about this. I dont know why its ruling my life.He did say some awful things though - like: >Youre just pissed off that i wont say i want to spend the rest of my life with you. >I dont even know if you are the one, how doi not know any of my ex girlfriends were the one, i mean why didnt i marry any of them. I am glad i didnt , obviously we broke up , but if i had then see i would be divorced right now. >I am too old to have a child. If i was meant to have kids i would have done it in my 30's. blah blah ... At the end of the night - he took back saying i wasnt the one - actually he said " I never said that" BUT HE DID. Then he said if i would just learn to not pressure him we would have been already married a long time ago. Whatever - he is lying.. The only positive note was we ended the HUGE battle with a truce. We both said "TRUCE"which is good cause any other time i would never of let it go. Good night and i love you's. Tonight is his step sister's bday - i told him i was not gonna go . He seemed okay with this. I just cant stand doing the fake family thing. I want us to be a family. i dont know. Just feeling blue . Any words of advice? Sib
  18. sibling295
    Ocd- I am glad to hear you are hanging in there. I totally understand about taking a break from this site. Just know you have friends out there who really want all the best for you. Even if we are all just strangers really! Keep in touch ,my friend! Sib Btw- although i am not a practicing religious type person , i do believe in Angels and I know my 3 angels have always watched out for me.(my granda , grandpa and uncle) So never lose faith!!!!!
  19. sibling295
    thanks ocrob!! I need to hear more stories like that to keep me awake! Happy new year to you sib
  20. sibling295
    thanks guys, Charlie - I LOVE free advice!!! You all make sense. I am seriuosly going to make an effort on our relationship. I know its not right to push him. Or nag him. Since we have gotten back together i am doing lots of new things. I def give him space and stopped the dependancy on him. It has really made a difference. He is a new person too more loving and like i said its all been uphill but this marriage thing is still the big bang. I am def obsessed with it. Its all i think about. I cant tell you how many times i have googled " why he wont commit" LOL!!!! So in the end here , new year , i am making a vow to stop - i have to - its making me crazy. I even deleted all my wedding web sites. ( I am keeping my books- yah know for the future, of course) hahaha Thanks again everyone.
  21. sibling295
    Hey KB !!! Happy New Year! Thanks for the reply. Has anyone read Men are from Mars , women are from Venus? I dont know if its hokey or a valuable read.
  22. sibling295
    Thank you for everyones thoughts. I am going to pledge right now to make this a wake up call to make our relationship better. I have been writing things down in a journal.Something i started when we broke up. ( I highly reccommend writing!) Danny what made you change your mind and then get into marriage?
  23. sibling295
    the worst thing too is this doesnt even faze him. Like he just called now " Hi gorgeous, whats on the agenda tonight? " and i want to scream " Oh i dont know ,how about looking for a wedding chapel" He is just fine and i am MISERABLE. Why did his friend have to do that. Why did it have to happen in front of me. GEEZZZZZ....... I just want to take the steps in our relationship to move towards marriage. How do i learn that?
  24. sibling295
    A friend of mine told me to drop this . Wait until June. Another 6months. By that time it will be 2 and a half years. Plus about 8 months of back together. Does this sound like a good idea? Can i still secretly buy bridal magazines?
  25. sibling295
    i know its too soon . I am just sooo miserable since his friends proposel right in front of me , i was shocked. I am still in a state of shock. Its all i think about. I am obsessed. I cant stop saying its not fair. Why am i even saying this. How stupid am i??? Its not fair??? I sound like a child.
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