girl_star

hello: you are trying to do what's right for you but due to the unfortunate circumstances, you are finding it difficualt to move on. not only did your ex leave you for your so-called friend, he just happens to live in your complex! that really sucks! it is so hard to try to get the ex out of your mind when even when you dont ever see them again but unfortunately that is not the case for you. you see her all the time and you know she is with the other guy which makes you think of her evern when you dont want to. the best thing for you to do is ignore her if you see her or them. if they say hi, say hi back. act like it doesnt bother you at all. even though the pain may be killing you inside, do not show it to her. at the moment she is feeding off of your misery. even though she may think you are hurt, you do not need to tell her or show it to her. there is nothing you can do about her always being at his place. you cant control that. you can control how you will act around her and around them. trust me, act like it doesnt bother you one bit and keep her guessing. dont call her or contact her in any way to let her know that you dont want to see her. do not reach out to her for any reason what so ever. its hard but it is the only way you can get through this. remember that as time goes by, it will sting less and less when you see her or them together. hang in there. this wont last forever, thank god!

thanks for posting this article. these stages are the grief stages that usually happens when someone dies. when we lose the person we loved, that person also dies for us because they are no longer in our lives. i enjoyed reading it. thanks again.

thanks to benirwin & giglamesh for your responses and support. i know everyone says time heals all wounds and im sure eventually time will lessen the pain for me too. i dont think however that i will ever forget all of our memories and that really sucks... at least for now it does. thanks again and by the way, how are you guys doing?

hey everyone; i stubbled on this site yesterday when i was doing a search for some articles on the web. i never thought id join but i read some of the posts and its comforting to see that so many others are going through the same thing i am. My b/f and i recently split up. we were together for a very long time- 9 years. we had so many dreams together and always spoke about getting married and having kids soon (we're both 25 yrs). just a few months ago when i went home for the holidays (i go to school an hour away- not really long-distance!) he broke up with me. he said that he didnt love me anymore and things have changed for him. we had some problems a month before the break up but i never ever thought it would lead to us breaking up. he told me he loved me and we spent so much together just days before we broke up. it was a huge shock and i still cannot believe he left. i feel so betrayed and hurt. i feel like all my future plans are gone and that ill never feel that way about anyone else again. i felt so comfortable with him and he is the only one that i have been able to feel like that around. I know everyone says i will get over it and someone else will come along but i really dont think it will happen. has anyone else been in such a long term & totally loving realtionship and has begun to heal yet? i dont know anyone who has.

hey jessica, like many others who use this site, i really do understand what you're going through. i think its wise of you to break all ties with your ex. you cannot heal if he is in your life. its hard enough that you see him at work but DO NOT call him or attempt to see him. i know sometimes you're surious to see what he ay be up to, but dont give in. your weakness will only make him stronger and he will think that he could get back with you and you'd be willing. i took my ex back and we had a wonderful time together for many years, but it ended the same wayit did the first time: he left me heartbroken and most likely for someone else. try to fill your life with friends and family. you will feel sad and lonely at times but it wont last forver. hang in there.

although you may feel alone because your g/f of 8 years has left, you are not alone! i too was dating my b/f for that long and although it may seem like she was your entire life, she wasnt! you still maintained a career, have friends and have your family. perhaps your relationships with friends and family seem like nothing compared to the bond you shared woth your ex (sorry if that term hurts!), you do have other people in your life that care about you even though it may not feel like that now. being committed to someone for such a long time means that you have shared so much together. i am sure that you have done everything together like spent weekends away, shopped, went to the theatre, watched movies, walked in the park, visited musuems, hung out with friends, spent time with each other's families, spent time in bed dreaming about your future together, etc. after 8 years there are so many memories and that is what makes it hard to let go. trust me i know! although it seems like perhaps you should be over her by now, that is almost impossible. since you still think about her it shows that you really loved her and you cant just push that aside. my friends have told me that it may take months or even a year or two (god, i hope not!) to get over my ex. in the meantime just remember that this awful pain is normal and although it hurts like hell, you must allow yourself to go through this in order to heal. if you try to get over her too quickly by denying your emotions, you may not ever really heal from it and it may come back to haunt you later on. allow yourself to go through the pain even though you'd like nothing else for this to be over. what has helped me is reading a lot of self-help books. i never thought i would do that. it always seemed so cheesy to me, but there are some really good books that deal with breakup and relationships. right now you need to take care of yourself. make sure to practice self-care like relaxing in the bathtub, listening to music with the lights dimmed, practicing yoga or even sitting quietly and meditate for a while. remember that you are a wonderful person and that although you ex has left you, it may have nothing to do with you. your ex may be going through a lot of her own stuff that she may not even be aware of at the moment. someone else will love you. you are right when you say that you must love yourself first! im not sure if this helps but i just wanted you to know that there is someone else out there who was madly in love with her soulmate and just got left too! its been 3 months for me and i still think of him every single day. it is so hard but i know that i will emerge a stronger person. take the time to heal and you too will emerge a stronger person. take care.