crashin

I really believed my ex just stopped feeling anything for me, and that was really a tough pill to swallow. I just wanted her to realize what she was losing. One thing I learned later on was that she was feeling the same things I was. She told me she was missing me and going through the same emotions . The difference was she jumped into a relationship and that helped supress the pain. I understand how hard it is to not call. I failed at NC the first few times I tried, but I finally realized calling or contacting was getting me no where. Just try and be stong. You are human so if do fail at NC a couple times, thats okay, just start over. What is funny(for lack of a better word) about NC is that when the ex finally calls, you have moved on. At least that is what happened to me. I was counting the days of NC, and I knew it worked when I lost track of how long it had been. At this point I almost feel bad for my ex because when she finally realized breaking up with me was a mistake, I had already moved on. I hope NC can work for you as well as it did for me.

needhelp, I was devistated when my ex broke up with me. I never thought I would get over her, and basically obsessed about it everyday for several months. When I found out she was with someone else it made things 10x worse. I would always wonder if she missed me, what she was doing, was she with him. Slowly the feeling of sadness faded, but it takes time! The things that helped me the most were NC and working out. It is really tough to go from talking to someone everyday and knowing that they care for you, to NC and not knowing how they feel. Unfortunetly this happens and you just have to plow through it. You will be happy again, it just takes time. I never thought I would be happy again, but I am happier now than I was when I was with my ex. They say love is blind, and that is very true. There are probably alot of things you dislike about your ex but you are blocking them out. Once you begin to move past this you will see he is not your knight in shining armor! Good luck and if you need to talk, shoot me a message.

It feels like years ago that my ex and I broke up. It was last December when I screwed up for the last time and she gave me my walking papers. I was devistated! Couldnt eat sleep, or do anything for that matter without thinking of her. We had been together for over 3 yrs and for the most part things were great. I tried and tried again to get her back, sending flowers writing letters and doing the begging thing. Obviously it didnt work, because it never does. In about late January she tells me she is seeing someone else, and for all of you who are going through that you know this feels like the end of the world. That was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I have always kept myself in good shape, but working out became the thing I used to make myself feel better. So I was getting into great shape for the summer. I also started NC after finding out about her new man. I had my good days but also had many bad ones. Gradually the good ones started becoming more frequent. The only really bad one that I can really remember was when I saw her out with her new man, which was about 4 months after the break up. Well, fast forward to the beginning of june. I was feeling alot better about myself and the way my life was going. Then I meet the most beautiful woman, who I now have been dating for the last 5 months. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I couldnt be happier. I was not looking for a new gf, and was really happy being single but I guess that is when it happens, when your not looking. Well, in July my ex calls me for the first time since about mid feb and asks me to meet her for a drink. I was a little hesitant at first but against my better judgement I agreed. It was the weirdest thing, I felt nothing. We talked and got alot of things out, but to tell you the truth I could have gone without it. I told her about my gf and she told me she was still seeing the same guy....again, nothing. We then parted ways and that is when the calls started coming. She began calling almost every other day "just to see how things were going." At first I didnt really care to much about it but when she tells me she thinks we should get back together, I had to put an end to it. I told her how happy I was and didnt think we should talk because we were never friends before the relationship and we shouldnt be after. Thankfully she stopped the calling after a tearful ending on her part. To all of you who are hurting, just take your time. Feel the pain, go through the mourning process, trust me you will get over it and find someone new and better. I used to read all of these posts day in and day out until about mid may. That is when I was starting to get back to my old self. Just wanted to help anyone who is going through what I did. Goodluck .

Ex of 3.5 yrs broke up w me back in Nov. and the last we spoke was march. She called me out of the blue last week and we talked for about 45 minutes just catching up. It was nice to talk to her but I have no romantic feelings left for her. Before getting off the phone she asks me if I would want to get a drink, go for coffee or maybe take a walk. I was kinda caught off guard and didnt really give her a definate answer. Told her I was really busy for the next couple wks but I would let her know when I could. I am currently in a great relationship and have been for over two months. The ex and I didnt discuss our current situations nor did our relationship ever come up. I have no problem telling her about my new GF and would have no problem if she had a new BF but it never came up. Here are my questions, 1) do I just blow her off? 2) if i do agree to see her do i make sure she knows I have a GF before hand or do i tell her in person, 3) will / should my GF have a problem with this? The only reason I am even writing this is because my ex is a really nice person and I dont want to look like an a$$hole by telling her I dont want to see her. Any comments or suggestions are appreciated

I just want to give you guys all a bit of hope. I am on my 85 day of nc, (had to figure it out, not keeping track anymore) and my life is great. Those first few weeks are tough, but it gets soooo much easier with time Like most of you I was a mess. Didnt think I would ever get over her nor find anyone else. Well, time changes everything. Tonight I will be going out again with a girl who I am completely into and cant get out of my mind! No more sadness here and it is all because I eliminated the ex from my life. I am happier now than I have been yrs. So keep your head up, and keep NC, it does work, it just takes time!

chai, I see where you are coming from but I dont want to lead her on. Before anything else happens I am just going to tell her my feelings on the situation, then it is her decision if she wants to hang around and have fun or end it there. I dont really see it as a serious talk. I personally think she realizes this couldnt go anywhere, specifically due to the religion thing, but is blinded by the "infatuation."

Raykay Thanks for the advice, you are probably right about the FWB situation. I would most likely be asking for trouble if I went that route. I will have that talk tonight, hopefully she understands. I have never been in this type of situation. i have been dating alot recenty and usually i just dont like the girl and kinda fade away. This time i enjoy spending time with her but to many potetial problems. Ugh!!! And by the way, how does someone not like dating? Variety is the spice of life!

kenneth, that is hilarious! I guess the only answer is to be honest with her. Just wanted some suggestions. Thanks for the responses. Problem is we have mutual friends so I will see her around from time to time....Oh well. Sex was good though, that will be a tough one to give up. Who knows, maybe she will just want to be friends with benefits!

I need some words of wisdom on a situation I have put myself in. i have been hanging out with this girl the past couple weeks. I have alot of fun with her but we are very different. I really dont see it going anywhere and I get the feeling she would not agree with that. She is slightly immature, high maintenance and very spoiled. The main problem though would be religion if anything were to go further. At first I thought it was just kinda a friend with benefits thing, but she now calls or texts me everyday. She is coming over tonight and I want to have a talk with her and make sure she understands my feelings. How can I do this without hurting her feelings?

You live near one of the biggest most diverse cities in the world NYC! and you speak 5 languages. Did you ever consider getting a job as a translator. They make good coin and can always be used.

Thanks guys. Luscious, your words really put me in a better place. Thank you. You really seem to have it together.

Micwu I have been dating and it has been fun but I just cant get her out of my head recently. I just dont know why. I was doing pretty well for a while but now I am back to pining. I wont call, I just needed to vent. Even though I have been dating I do think you are right about me being lonely. I think it really hits me when I hang out with my friends who are engaged, married or in a serious relationship.

Butterfly, As much as I would love to contact her I feel like I would really be setting myself up for alot of pain. The last time we spoke she was "seeing" someone, so I can only assume it has become a serious relationship. I just dont want to know. I just have to remain in NC and if I see her I see her. If I dont, well eventually I will get over this. I have been hanging with other women, but it just doesnt feel right. aarrr! This feeling sux! Luscious, You are so right! I keep telling myself if this didnt happen I would have kept on taking her for granted. I know she did what she had to do and I now believe everything happens for a reason. I guess I just have to chalk this up to a learning experience. Tough lesson to learn. I miss her so much. For the most part I have been doing pretty well and working on bettering myself. I do know there were alot of great times in our relationship, i just hope that I didnt hurt her too bad with all the stupid mistakes I made. Thanks, your words do make me feel a little better. Thanks for your replies.

Hey Naya, Your BF sounds exactly like I was with my ex. I took everything for granted, I broke up with her a couple times and when I was ready would go right back and she would let me. I dont know if it was because I felt I could do better or if I just wasnt ready to accept that the relationship was getting very serious. Sounds like he wants his freedom but also wants you as a back up needs that comfort zone. You give an inch he takes a mile. Im sure he truly does love you but until he realizes what he has he will just keep doing what he is doing just like I did. My advise, take a step back, I know this will be hard, but stay away for a while. Make him realize what he had. My ex really put me in my place and I have been amess for the past 5 months since the break. Good luck, hope everything works out for you.

I dont know why I am feeling like this but I need to vent. It has been almost 5 months since my ex and I broke up and over 2 months of NC. For the past few days I have really been in a funk. I have really been missing her and have really wanted to just hear her voice. It is getting to me big time. I wonder what she is doing, how she is, if she is in a serious relationship. Most of all I want to know if she even thinks about me. Sometimes I feel she may now look back at our relationship and wonder why she was even with me and is now glad we no longer talk. I live very close to her and everytime I am out I catch myself looking around for her. It really sux! I thought I was through the tough times but the last few days I have really digressed. We were together for over 3.5 yrs and I really pushed her away during that time to cause the break up. That was never my intention but she just couldnt deal with my indecisiveness regarding our relationship. I guess I never realized what I was doing by taking everything for granted. I just wish I had a chance to show her what she did and still does mean to me. Thanks for reading my rant, I just needed to get some stuff out. I really dont talk to any of my friends about this because they all think I should be over it by now. I could go on like this for pages but I think I will cut it right here. Any words of encouragement are appreciated.