sadCara
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He said it's a break.. is still coming to see me tomorrow!
sadCara replied to never-too-late's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Hi hun, I feel for you. The good news is that it has only been about 3 or 4 days. It's not even a week yet. I know it seems like a lot. He seems to flip flopping with the way he feels. Most likely he is rerally depressed, and that is causing him to be irrational at times. Right now, i feel like i made a mistake by wanting to talk to my ex yesterday... He said it seemed like i'm calling him even more than when we were together. (that hurt actually) Made me realize something about myself. I did call a bit much, that's my fault, don't know what came over me. The only plan i can suggest is for you to take it one step at a time. Set a target for yourself. If within a week he doesn't make contact with you and you are very worried (which i can tell you are), drop him a short e-mail just asking how he is. Nothing emotional but a friendly short e-mail. Atleast this will be something or him and for you. It will no doubt make both of you feel better. If he wants to call you, after the e-mail he will. Remember you are still the closest person to him. So if needs to talk to someone, be there for him, show him by your actions and not by telling him, let him know that everything will be alright. And please don't be scared of his reply, try not to get your emotions all ruffled up again. Just take yourself out of it and calm him down. I really hope both of you feel better. -
I'm sorry but i'm not sure what you mean.... I am not sacrificing any happiness on my part, it simply isn't existent in me. However if i can comfort someone i love and care for, then i will. Besides i know if i desperately need him, he would be there for me. I have that trust.
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Thanks Sweetdreamer for your input. #1. IMO he is a strong man, but i think he needs to sort himself out on top of all the other problems. #2. He does not believe in organized religion but is a monotheist. As for me religion doesn't play a big role in my life, i've lost it. However my parents are quite religious...So there is a downside. Bottomline this person is strong, he is the strongest peson i know. Anyone afer meeting each other and having such an emotional time together would have said why did we even breakup!, but he is strong about his convictions and didn't change his mind. He held on to the logic behind his decision, and we wished each other happiness in life. That friggin "lonely" song is playing AGAIN!!!!! Make it stop!
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Wow, talk about complicated. I honestly think that he is back into it. Or that is his old porn collection that he simply didn't delete. That happens with alot of guys. Men need to watch the porn, as ridiculous as it sounds.... Some women too, but i think mostly men. It's hard for a guy to delete the porn, they like to keep, " the good stuff". I know your having major insecurities about this porn issue. Your worried that he likes these women better, that he is comparing you to them.. ..please dont' worry i was in your shoes once. Try to believe him when he says that he loves you. It's not blah blah blah. You know him, you would know what is truth. It's possible that the brother got the password to his computer, and is using it. Or he is using it. You NEED to have another converstatin with him about this, and explain how you feel about him watching other women. For me it felt like i was being"cheated on" almost. But i got over it eventually. Men will be men. He still loves you no doubt, but try to make sure that the porn issue does not grow any bigger than it is now. Ask him questions about what he does with it, tell him that his joking hurts you, and ask if he means it. Trust me, you WILL feel better about this. Porn is such a taboo topic in society, so we aren't used to it.
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I can find out for sure if he's cheating....but should I??
sadCara replied to spanisheyes's topic in Infidelity
You might try asking him why there is a lack of intimacy, see if his excuses are plausible. Talk to him and let him know that your worried about the relationship. Going behind his back will only make things bad, also lead to more emotional stress. You should get answers from him if he loves you. -
The fact that you cheated on him for physical contact, shows that is what you expected in a relationship. Maybe you should take a look at your motives for having a bf. The guy is shy, i can understand that, it's probably his first relationship, so he is not sure what to do. Take it is easy on him and see how he feels about everything. You do have your whole life and more romances ahead of you. So try not to be so worried. If your still confused, try to take a step back and look at the situation from an aerial view, it always helps.
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Waxing Eyebrows and indoor tanning....
sadCara replied to babybabylove's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
I suggest you don't do it in the same day...if you do.Then your other option is doing threading for your eyebrows, it's actually better for the elasticity of your skin. The more waxing that you do on your skin, the more the skin will lose it's elasticity. It will look older and sag faster. So you can do the threading then the tanning. Good luck -
He said it's a break.. is still coming to see me tomorrow!
sadCara replied to never-too-late's topic in Breaking Up Advice
It seems like he's really missing you. Can't let go, like his emotions are all in turmoil. He doesn't want you going out with people because he is paranoid you will find someone else to replace him. Just be careful, and if you really really want to stay friends then tell him that. But please emphasize the word friends. Tell him that your ok, and ask him to move on. He is very used to you as you are to him. I'm going through the same thing, I talk to my ex like we are close friends too. He however wants me to move on, to do other things and basically get my life together. Try doing that with your ex. Hope everything works out. -
Ouch! I feel for you. I'm glad you did kick him out of the house though. You need to talk to him, with someone else around. Make him understand that he was the one who wanted the breakup in the first place. If you believe you are innocent of the accusations he's making against you, make sure he knows that. That it is his problem, he should not put the blame on someone else. It sounds like at the rate this is going, he will be fired. So you have to talk to him and make him understand that his problems are his responsibility.
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Your probably right, he had other reasons too. He is quite a mature person and knows what he wants, but i don't think that i can judge him for his decisions. I do think i can stay friends with him though, he is ok with it too, i want him in my life whether as bf or friend. A part of me does want to get back with him, but the majority part knows that it won't happen. So i feel comfortable being friends, his happiness matters the most. Sorry i don't know what IMO means. NC isn't much of an option for me. One day i he tells me i met someone special, then yes a small part would be hurt, but i also know that as long he is happy i will be happy. Nothing else to it. Still numb....
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IMO?? Not familiar with breakup talk
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I just had to reply to this.... This man is something that is rare, and i believe would be any girls dream. His love for me is real, just as mine for him. He is hurting a great deal. I know, if you love them, you will fight for them, that's the way i thought but with my...ex (still hard to say it) he has a lot going on. I understand his decision. He fights with himself constantly about us. I also know that he loves his country, is passionate about it's culture, politics and language. If we are truly meant to be together then we will be in the end. Like someone said, "if you let them go and they truly love you, they will come back." I know it's not healthy to hold up hopes....i try not to. I know how he is, especially with decisions. I know he won't come back..... so this healing process that i must go through,... i guess i need to. all i know is that it hurts....right now still numb though. Sorry for the long discourse.
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Thanks for all your replies.... Yes i have been told numerous times that Persians are different. Their culture is more stronger comparably. I have to admit i have no cultural attachment.... I have changed so much through him, good changes. I am happy he was/ is in my life. I need that kind of support considering everything. It's not just support either, but this is a man i had hopes of a forever happiness. He is not religious....initially i was, but after alot of reading and soul searching i am not anymore. My family however is religious. They want me to be with someone who is brown and catholic (i have no such standards however).... His family wants a beautiful Persian girl... He says that there are other things as well...eerything has just compouned to the point that his logical and emotional side is fighting. This breakup is as hard for him as it is for me, yet he is so worried about how i am taking it, forever the gentleman. I am meeting him tomorrow. I could never hate him, he has done so much for me. It's possible that his love for me has faded, if that's the case then so be it. I would rather see him happy in life. He wants the same for me. I think we should stay friends (i suggested it, and he agreed after some coaxing), we talk like we're close friends. ...it does hurt very much. I just feel numb right now. Which is probably a good thing considering all the demands being made on my brain with the ending of the uni year.
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well, it seems obious that your ex has moved on. If you think he is worthy of your best friend, they you should be happy. But by the sounds of it your angry with him. I don't think it's healthy to hold onto hatred, if your best friend is dating him, then she is going to come back to you with stories of their events together. You have to decide how to react, most likely she will feel uncomfortable relating to you at first about them. You have to create understanding and companionship with these people. I know it hurts, but try to move past the pain.
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I sympathise with what you'll are going though. Went throug it as well. I'm brown and my bf was Persian. We broke very recently after a 2 1/2 year relationship, because of family and cross cultural problems. I wish we could get ack together, but i know him once he has made a decision that is it! No matter how much it hurts both of us. If your relationship is healthy and strong,wih oth sides willing to fight against these opposing opinions, please do so for the rest of the world. Inter-racial relationships are beautiful and show just how the human race can really get along togeter. Both must be willing to fight for it though! my bf or ex now didn't .. His family believes in communism as well and is against inter-racial marriage. I had read a stats from my uni, that said about 70-something % of men break up because they think their family will not approve. Keep the hope up, I'm glad your being indepenent financially too, just don't let pride get in the way when your really down.
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To make you feel better there are women that think body hair is sexy. My ex.. Had body hair, he felt the same way you did. He did try the laser treatment, i saw the results and it was horrible. Because he had thick hair the laser treatment caused little burns on his body. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through that. I'm against it for this reason. I don't think hair is something to e ashamed off, the perfect image potrayed by media of a hairless muscular man is not the norm. Normal people have unique attributes. The woman for you will be someone who will love you, and love your body hair. Personally i find body hair sexy and i know a lot of other women do too. It shows your more manly. So be proud and show it off.
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I still find it incredibly difficult to believe that in such a multicultural world the barriers of different culturers have not broken down. I know if it was just the two of us, we would have had a great life together...... I'm meeting him tomorrow for the last time....i think in some time, we will have to see. I still keep saying 'we', so does he. He is so good, he said that he didn't want to break up with me over the phone, these kinds of things need to be done in person.....I don't know how to be tomorrow. I know i'm going to crumle....I have a feeling he will too. He has tried to remain strong, when we broke up on the phone he cried. It's the first time in our relationship he has ever cried. It's not the first time for me, but it is for him... That makes me even more upset about this whole thing.
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My boyfriend and I or ex now. Well we had been together for 2 and a half years. I love him a lot. The major problem was that i am brown and he is Persian. He is an amazing person, the most wonderful, loving man i have ever met. The rare kind. Now he broke up with me, because of our different cultures. Said we could never get married...My family and his would not approve. I wanted us to stay friends and thankfully he has agreed. I don't know what i would do if he weren't in my life. I need him. He doesn't think it's a good idea, but since he "cares for me" he will be there. I have some family prolems and he keeps insisting i move out, to be happier in my life. He is so concerned about me, about my happiness and about finding someone new. I just still feel shocked about everything. I find it horrribly unfair that we were happy together but other factors pushed us apart. I just feel stuck, i feel desperately the need to ask him back, but i know that would push him for us not to be friends then. He wants me to heal. Life feels so empty.