aries

Hey Boston.......SOrry to hear.......I see you are 19......EVERYONE goes through a bg heartache momment around this age........YOU MUST MUST MUST have the mindset that you are now going to move on....hangout with friends.....and LIFE GOES ON. PLease keep this in mind. Kee p yourself as busy as possible so that you wont have time to actually sit there and think about it. IT WILL GET BETTER .......you will think back and think...."what the hell was i crying about"..... You'll be fine

Hello all....thanks for the replies.....I still engourage others to join in. I do have one question: As you say...love is great and all. But what do you do if you have the love and caring ......but there is no romantic/sexual connection or stimulation between the two partners. Would love and caring still outweight passion?

Yes she does know that I feel there is no passion in our relationship. Her reply is "I am who I am.". Until i mentioned it....she has never even asked what it is that i wanted and on what level in order to try to understand my argument. She thinks i focus to much on the sexual part. I really dont. I just want to know that something satisfying is there when those moments come. Im just really confused casue everything else is great. Im just not happy wiht this part of our relationship.

If all of you had to decide: Could you go on with a relationship with a great person who was caring and loving ...yet there was NO PASSION?

Update.....at this point....she has sadi that she DOESNT want to break up. Ive told her we should take a few days to think clearly. I love her...but cant decide if i should forgo the passion I desire in favor of all of the other positive qualities.

UPDATE: Well we have spoken and will continue speaking through out the weekend. We have been plainly explaining what it is that we both want from each other. I am at ease knowing that if we decide not to continue....that we love and repsect each other...will be friends....and ended our relationship with positive communication and hopes that she will be moving on to something that may be better for her own happiness.

KIPSTER........one other thing.......im not affraid of marriage at all. What i am affraid of is getting married and being miserable for the rest of my life or getting divorced.

Thanks for the insight KIP...........She is wonderful. Update....I think we broke up tonight. Seems as if the displeasure in my LOVE life has spilled into other areas of my relationship. I like wild Lov'in...but am not really a CRAZY guy. I dont really want to go out and deal wiht all the B.S. of dating and finding someone. Goin by what you said...she is a PRUDE. So i dont have the romantic connection with her that i would like to have. I dont know what to do at this point. SHE MAY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT> Thanks again for the response.

For those that are looking for more back ground info on my relationship..please read this post: link removed IMPORTANT update. We've broken up Even though i have been thinking about his for a long time.......im still destroyed by it. I miss her ....I've literally lost my best friend. deep down i do care about her soo much..she is pretty and very loving. I have never had so much love given to me........but i keep thinking there is someone better for her out there. Someone who can give her the world and the love she deserves. I just dont understand what my problem is. At first i thought it was the romantic connection that was lacking...and thereby spreading like a virus to the rest of our relationship. When i say that ....i mean that I think i may have started to resent her because of the lacking sexual connection. She's very tame and i'm wilder and a little kinky(nothing major). Anyway now i am thinking maybe it was more than all that the entire time. Someone once told me I cant love anyone until i truley love myself. Could this be true? I am very sad......Maybe we will speak soon. I am unsure if contact would be a good thing.....or am i looking for that out of habit. I dont know if i should just let her move on. I know she loves me with all her heart.......and this wont be easy for her. I am completely confused. THIS SUCKS.

So i posted a few weeks back about haveing a great girl but there just isnt any sexual chemistry there. I love her ...and i know she loves me to death. She would do anything for me. So i finally told her that I wasnt happy......and i felt something was lacking. I did my best top be honest without saying anyting that would hurt her. We decided to speak more when we saw each other in person...this weekend.....but she is now acting like everything is OK. My problem is that I am sort of scared. Scared of being alone....what if i dont find what i am looking for......what if she will be the best thing that I can ever come accross. She is the greatest girlfriend ever...but not a sexual person at all....i am. My friends tell me to cut it off cause i have been saying that i havent been completely fullfilled for a long time. And it is true. i just seem to not be able to bring myself to do it. I am over the whole bar/club scene..and dont want to have to concentrate on going to these places to meet anyone. I am just so confused. if i break up with her....i will literally be losing my best friend. it will be such a huge life adjustment for me as we usually hang out wiht her friends......I dont have many....and we spent alot of time together. I dont know what to do.....somebody help. I feel that if i break up with her......i will be the one being dumped. ( I welcome anyone's advice..male or female...mature thoughts only please. has anyone else been in this type of situation? )

OK GUYS.......let me tell you as a reformed shy guy...reformed NICE GUY. Im still very nice......but not sucker. All you need to do is work on your confidence. I read this website before i changed...lots of great articles on self confidence for guys ....also sign up for their DAILY email. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.....wiht that is have confidence and know who you are. anyway...just look around the site..........it may change the way you see the whole "game" link removed best of luck

WYWH: Let me tell you something about being shy......this is coming from someone who is...WAS.....shy tooo. If you dont talk to them...they wont know u exist. If anything ...start with stupid small talk........actually make an attemp to look at her when you get to class.....and the day she actually looks your way....say HI.....thats it......thats all it takes to start. Do that a few times and sooner or later say something else. Ask about the homework..........or even the homework in your other class. After a while keep this up and just start to get her to laugh.....just play it cool. Dont feel stupid. You MUST feel good about yourself and who you are before you can expect anyone else to. Trust me ...there is nothing to be embarressed about or even scared.......they feel the same way we do.....they just look prettier.......TRUST ME. All you have to do is start the small talk. It will take practice if you are shy......eventually you will become confident enough with your "game" that you wont be scared anymore. but the key is that you must PRACTICE> start saying hello to the Lady at the grocery store.....the librarian. Whomever you see walk by you. get used to strinking up small talkwith whomever u can find. This is how i overcame my shyness and it works. You feel weird at first........the people all of a sudden come to you to talk......its crazy how it works. No one ...no one is instant cool......or instant athlete....you must make the change. Believe in yourself and practice your social skills. IT WILL WORK> its all about confidence. I am a little older than you now.....when i was in high school i was shy.....After leaving hihg school and moving on...i found out all these girls wanted to get to know me or just hook up.......i was like...WHHHHAAATTTT. But like i said....i felt stupid......they felt stupid(but I didnt know it). All i had to do was get to know them or chit chat a little. Its easier than you think////I hope this will help you....ONLY YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF A TRUE CHANCE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT> Reformed shy guy.

you hit it right on the nose SASHA..

I am thinking that you need to remain strong and do what is right for you. Sounds like you know what that is with out saying it. I see you are 20 now....im 27, not far off...but believe me.....as you get older you will realize that you have to do what makes you happy cause no one will do it for you. You obvioulsy know that things are how they should be...and have taken the correct step in figuring out your feelings and deciding you need to stay away. As far as seeing him..........think of only yourself. Dont worry if he has the NEED to see you know .....he wasnt very worried about your feelings when he was being abusive towards you in whatever manner. where there is Love ....there is no room/tolerance/need for abuse in any form......yes I have my problems with my girlfriend.......but she and I have NEVER been abusive in any way. You must have repect for yourself and the other person...that works both ways...and only then can you be on the road to real understanding and true Love. Please dont take this as a sermon being given to a younger member. I am only 27 and not long ago was in the mindset where you may be now.......so I fell like may be able to relate a little better than some older members. A friend said something to me the other day that has left an impression....you must first know & love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Hope this helps.

Thanks ABACAB

Thanks ABACAB..............I think i know what I have to do.....but I think i keep putting it off casue I really dont want to hurt this girl and I dont kno how to go about while making it as "undramatic" as possible. I know when the time comes.....I will miss her emensly(sp) as she is my best friend and confidant....she just isnt my "lover" and that is where the problem exists. Any tips.......how did you speak to your wife.......or was it another unrealated issue that sparked the seperation?

Stride: I have asked her about her fanatsies and she tells me she doesnt know or doesnt really have any.......what the hell am i to say to that.......I've gone a discussed at lenght with her...still nothing. Sexually DEAD.

Rosa That is exaclty how i feel. Sounds like you and I need to hook up I feel the same way....i dont even want to bother with doing anything casue i know that it is going to be disapponinting. I have tried to make it all about her .........and even ask her to tell me waht she wants ....waht she likes......YOU KNOW WHAT SHE TELLS ME ....."I DONT KNOW" ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH. So trying to be patient....i have tried to explore things.....to no avail........useless. Im just extremely upset at the fact that I know I am gonna wind up hurting this person that cares for me very much and has done so much for me on my way to being the person I am today both personally and in my career. That is what keeps me from cutting it off. i dont want to hurt her. Anyway Rosa.....sounds like you and I share something in common....write me if you need support or a guy's perspective. /

Shes2smart.....once again........i feel you are definitely right.......about the whole man/woman and sex thing. Your man is a lucky guy.

Good for you.......... by the way....theres nothing sexier than a great pair of heels and a woman who knows how to walk in them.......just me

SHESTOSMART...........what you said is exactly how i feel. if the needs are being met.......no one thinks twice about it.....but if not...its the biggest ordeal.

This pretty much is hte only thing that really bothers me........but she says that sex isnt everything and no relationshiop should me soley based on that. I agree.......not soley.....but it is VERY important to have that connection, satisfaction, and enjoyment. NO? Like i've said before. She is not a sexual person at all. She has truley amazing legs.....yet never shows them off in a skirt....even though she knows i loooooooooooveeee skirts and a nice apir of heels.....heehee .

But it is now vertualy non-existent. If we could connect in that way every onece in a while....then ok.....but we dont. We get the basic job done and thats it. Doesnt that kind of suck? We dont ever fight or anything. We are very co-operative with each other.

Just so that everyone knows....we ahve spoken before .....I am very sexual....she is not. I feel that she is sexual in touch wiht herself as a woman at 28 yrs old. I have tried to explore this area and help her find "woman-hood" but just doesnt work. It always goes back to the same thing. I dont want to be alone......but yet i am always looking at other women. Basically she has lost my interest a a lover. I appreciate everyones opinion....I would also like to hear from any mature minded woman that may be reading this. Thanks

I have spoken to her in he past. We might spice things up for a very brief moment...but them it goes back to the same old thing. At this point i have realized that you cant really change someone. They are who they are. If they change for you....they eventually will be unhappy becasue they are doing waht is not natural for them. Does anyone think I am being completely imature for finding an issue in the lack of Sexual/ romantic connection?