LootieTootie

Matthew, my dear, you need to let go. When she comes over to collect her things, be cordial and positive - ask her if she needs help to take things to her car. Show her that you can be neutral and supportive. Even if it takes every bone inside you to not show how upset you are, you will show her that you are making progress without even have to utter a word. Because let's just be real, she is probably done listening and just wants to be free. Actions speaks louder than words. Leave her alone and show that you are capable of being on your own and working on yourself.

I think you are taking big leap of faith here on someone who keeps disappointing you. I don't know her and I don't know you, but just going off your OP, there's a lot of these characters who just love feeling special. They may or may not have some psychological issues (don't we all?) but they sure love the flattery from others who keep giving it to them. It's also called ego-boost. I can tell you make her feel special but if someone truly considers you more than a friend, they would have never risked losing you. Now that she is back, you need to ask her if she wants more than a friendship with you. You don't want to keep wasting time on someone who friend zone you when you can be out there dating your future wife already.

What does your therapist say about your relationship? Here's my advices: First you jump in to a relationship after a breakup. I get it. Its a great distraction and people who usually do this are emotionally immature people. Which you were. But now, you saw how it hindered a proper recovery and impacted your mental and emotional health all at the same time. You needed time and space to process this, not jump in to the sheets with another person. I would chalk this to a life lesson. Distractions are just what they are - temporary, they never solve anything. Second, what you are feeling is normal. First year is always honeymoon. After that its normal couple stuff. If you guys are always comparing your current state to your first year, of course it appears like you guys are going downhill. My advice would be to stop comparing to first year, and either fix your schedule so you both have schedules that align with each other or see what the relationship for what it is, a relationship that most likely has run its course. Third, you're young so I am going to just say this to you, because I wished someone had said this to me when I was in my late 20s (a naive gal who didn't think she had a lot of options.) You have a lot of options. You don't need to settle. & even if that option is being single for some time, believe me, you are going to love being single more than knowing you're settling. I know it's easy said than done, but you don't know until you know. Fourth, if there is a recurring issue like someone's habit/tick, you can't make this person change. So if you say smoking is a big issue between you both, know that this is you telling you that this is your dealbreaker. I also can't stand the smell (and I was a big pothead back in college).

wow what a 'friend'... you need to stop hanging out with her and stop engaging with her. If she ask why, tell her she's a big fat creep.

I hope this damsel in distress isn't your way of making a man interested in you, because it is clearly not working to your advantage.

If someone is interested they will make time. anything other than that, accept it as not interested. It will make things soooo much easier.

You both just need to learn how to communicate better. Instead of saying "I don't feel like it's worth the money" (and snapping at her), how about saying: "I'm sorry. I don't have the funds to upgrade my seat." This is where she should (1) leave it or (2) offer to upgrade your seat and hers or (3) only upgrades her and sit apart from you. It might not bother you (now any way) but if she only upgrades her seat and not yours, this person isn't a keeper. Why? She is willing to ditch you for her own self-interests. If she truly wants to share the experience with you and be an awesome girlfriend, she would also upgrade her seat and yours so you both can sleep together on the flight and not next to some random person.

I know how you feel. Days before turning 30, I thought I was a great catch too but it appears the only person who wanted to date me was this on and off guy who wasnt even Boyfriend/husband material. I had this deep depression that paralyzed me for three days. The worst critics (they would love to call themselves life coaches) were my loved ones... why aren't you with someone? what's wrong with you? you should get back with so and so (even tho all these so and so were no secret, terrible people). Then when I turned 30, I did a 180. Went to weddings with no date- danced on my own, went to theme parks all over California on my own, went to movies on my own, went hiking on my own, went to shows and booked stays at casinos/hotels - and I remembered people thought I was crazy and I'll never land a man because I was too "flighty." I had loads of fun on my own and of course, it would have been so much more fun if I had someone to share the experience with. But when you don't have that someone, you gotta make the most of your experience. Because if you don't, you're failing to see your worth too. My advice to you is stopped feeling sorry for yourself, and stop listening to friends you know are giving you bad advice. If I had listened to people who I knew were wrong, I would be a different person today and I know 100% I would not be in this loving and healthy relationship I have now with my husband. When you are single, you need to date you. You treat yourself like you want to be treated and you take care of yourself like you want to be taken care of. You are going to have to find the right you before you find the right guy.

Yes maybe that's where all the confusion is, just a misunderstanding of how long this relationship actually was. However you never know someone until you truly have met them in person (this comes from someone who met her husband online). So I still believe his request is unreasonable asking someone to have a baby within a year, but too busy to hang out. Also, 1a1a, why did you go to his place unannounced to grab your cds? Are you both lax about making visits unannounced?

Lesson learned. If they aren't asking you on a second date, just tell them you are not wanting a pen pal or text buddy. You want something substantive. I used to do online dating and 80% of the people were with someone or freshly single. It was hard to navigate the dating pool without getting stopped by one of these bozos needing some dopamine fix. I would also add that you keep dating and being open to dating other people. Don't narrow it down to one person so fast just on one date.

It's hard to follow but what I gathered from reading your posts and replies is why are you beating yourself up over someone so unreasonable??? He was never completely honest with you. I'm also thinking he is still not honest with you. Hell, I don't think he's honest with himself. I met my husband online and we were long distance for half a yr. The whole time he was living in a car and working so he can move to my city and close the gap. When he got here, we spent every day together, and IF he had ever said to me (while finally in my town) "I'm too busy to hang out with you but I want you to hurry up and have my baby. Also you smell." - oh hell no. What I am saying is, this guy says one thing and does another. He likes you enough to maintain some feeling of connection/companionship but I really don't think he is in to you. I think he is making excuses of wanting a baby right now to lose you. If a person truly is in to you or loves you, they would know this is unreasonable request for someone you just met to have your baby and then get upset that they don't understand you. Uh I'm sorry, but you're too busy to hang out but you want a baby with me in order to keep you around? Don't let this guy play you.

From my own personal experience, when you do a favor for a friend that entailed a monetary value in it, just be prepare that you might not get your dues back or even the same type of treatment. Why? Because people are just different when it comes to friendship and some people are very selective in how they act or are perceived by some friends and not to other friends. If you want this friendship, I wouldn't push for the $70. I would just let it go and chalk it up to a lesson. Also if this friendship is maintain, please don't help him out with anything. If he ask why, you can be honest but be kind with your answer why you can't help him out.

bread. crumbs.

I know you don't understand this, but you can never make ultimatums with people who love their pets to get rid of their pets. It's practically telling them to get rid of their kid. You just need to move on, which is hard but you'll survive.

Glad you're seeing this gal for who she really is... a hot calculated mess. Sorry... I've read your posts before and I would just smh. You are so special and yet you settle with what "is the closest thing to a friend and lover" to you even though this is the same person who isn't really a friend nor a lover but a user and an abuser. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Molly, I hope you left this deadbeat. You're so much better and when you love, I can tell you love with all your heart. But you gotta learn to love yourself first in order to know you aren't going to waste time on guys who don't value you and love you enough to want to progress. Don't settle for this bum who can't even give you a straight answer where his money go. You got your whole life ahead of you to be stuck with this sad man and his sad life.

Did the right thing. My husband and I love animals but adopting a pet is like adopting a kid. You can't bring a kid in to the scene without each other's ok. I don't think this woman is who you might think she is. Like others have said, she seems self-centered (not a team player), disrespectful (doesn't value you), and impulsive (who just buys a dog without thinking about their living arrangement/plans at the moment?) Don't overlook these red flags.

Sending you positive vibes, limi. You've stayed strong thru it all and this is good news you definitely needed to keep fighting for justice. I found what happened to you just infuriating and I'm happy to hear the detective didn't quit on you.

After writing this essay, let it be clear why you should go.

If you don't have access to her friends or family, I would just go check. Your intentions are sincere. Sounds like she is going thru a lot but 5 days with no peep, maybe she does need someone to check on her if she's at least ok and her kids are ok.

Terrible Two.... There is such a thing... I learned that firsthand 4 years ago. I was very close to my nephew when he was 1. Then it's like a light switch when he turned two. What a MONSTER! Yelled at me! Screamed at me, would covered his ears when he didn't want me to tell him a story. That used to always work when he was 1 to get him to calm down. He even hit me several times. Then he got over the terrible 2 phase and now he's an angel and such a goody two shoes. Be patient and just wait til she's over the terrible 2 stage.

You should understand where you stand. If you say no to this coworker, then don't expect any well wishes. The end.

No you weren't wrong. This guy seems lazy period. Is he a team player? No. Looks like he does the bare minimum to keep you around, and then fight to do the minimum. Ask yourself, are you worth the bare minimum?

If you have friends/acquaintances or even old colleagues that you know are really good at looking at CV or Resumes, I would message them for a favor. Another pair of eyes, the better. Good to hear your actively searching. Your sanity and health are so more important than money or reputation. Be kind to yourself, Rue.

Obviously he doesn't want you enough to change. If he had realized he needed to grow up, he would have jumped on the opportunity long time ago. Time to accept him for who he is instead of making excuses for him.