LaHermes

Exactly Bolt

You could be right SS. Board and lodgings provided by OP aren't enough, evidently. When the "Bank of Dad" dries up, and it could, then there are lots of elderly millionairesses out there who could take over from Dad.

Precisely Bolt. Indeed. We all know one of that sort! . Makes one wonder about the Dad as well.

Description of moochers. "Smiling at you at a coffee shop. Swirling ice in a drink someone bought them at a bar. Cracking a joke at the dog park. Moochers don’t have to stand at intersections asking for money or hold up a sign telling a hard-luck story. That’s because they’ve mastered the art of living off other people’s generosity. No one can size up a potential donor or lender like a moocher. Do you have a soft spot for people who’ve fallen on hard times? Believe that most people are inherently good? If so, the moocher can sense you’re still unjaded enough to be an easy mark. The good news is that a freeloader usually also knows from experience when one well is dry and it’s time to start pumping the next. When that happens, use that time to wise up and polish your own character-judging skills so the next time the moocher hits you up, you’ll know better."

They ALL (men) most certainly do NOT pretend to be other than they are. The problem here is Brie, that for some reason you drew another freeloader to you. All the men I know (husbands and otherwise) work extremely hard and do not live in la-la land en route to some distant Shangri-La. They are balanced people who work hard, enjoy travel as and when possible, and certainly have the dignity not to live off anyone. Ditch this person soonest and don't waste any more of your life. Awww, the poor unfortunate! He is just spoilt. Bless his little heart. And this is what you want Brie. (and btw the last one also lived off you, albeit he had other appalling traits as well). He is 32 Brie, and "spoilt" or not he can man up, get to work and stop day-dreaming and fantasising. The vast majority of men are hard-working individuals, and indeed there are many who work two jobs to keep going, and would never let it be said they are unable to keep themselves.

You take my breath away Brie. A "best relationship" for you is keeping a man (of 32 who lives off his Dad and I am not going to ask why Dad continues to keep his useless 32 year old son!). Then what for you would be a "worst relationship"?

This beggars belief. A man of 32 living off his Dad! There are so many huge red flags I don't know where to start, Brie. You can be certain he won't. Why are you even wasting your life with this idle, unreliable and generally irresponsible individual?! He doesn't even know what he wants. And he'll drift through life while Dad is there to shore him up. I cannot understand how you would even let this cross your mind. Marry a man of 32 who is not an adult! So, Brie, you absolutely jumped from the frying pan right into the fire. This current individual is almost a duplicate of 2018 individual. "and my boyfriend was paying next to nothing. We did that on purpose, he makes a lot less money and he was supposed to be paying down his credit card debt since he was saving so much in rent (which he did not do at all)." Why this compulsion to take on board this type of man, to "keep" and maintain a man?! You must look to yourself to discover why you do this, Brie. It's a blessing this current individual did not propose and has no intention of so doing. Otherwise you'd have taken him on and become the sole breadwinner for someone who is merely a freeloader! Please focus on adult men who are not living off Dad and who have dignity and pride in earning their own living and would never contemplate living off a woman!

And that is the absolute truth, Lost!

Well, then, OP. It would be advisable to let her go, do NOT mention a word about her features. Make any other excuse you wish. She is aware anyhow, as you say, that you are not committed.

I fully agree with Tiny and MissC. Why is she getting benefits anyhow? Due to her alcoholism?! Again, OP, it was a disastrous decision to marry anyone at a low point in your life.

Try to imagine your partner or spouse finding you repulsive! The fact of the matter is that the OP is repulsed by her "large" features that is to say, and as he has said, her large nose and jaw. He isn't repulsed by her feet, her hands, her ears etc. He is quite specific. This is not about attractiveness or lack thereof. And yet, OP, you have let this drag on for two years. Do not waste any more of her time. Yet, at the outset "something" attracted her to you, or you did not notice then (until six months in) the large nose and jaw. There is little more to be said.

Yeh. And two years is a long time. Do a large nose and large jaw carry some kind of connotation for you OP? Op also said: "In particular I am finding it difficult to find her attractive due to her large facial features, and at times can feel somewhat repulsed by the idea of being intimate"

I absolutely agree OP. No, you shouldn't. What makes you think that? He has as good a chance of finding someone as anyone else. As for the loneliness you mention, well you will have to deal with that the same way as others do. Healthily. I agree with Andrina. In my opinion it is quite pointless.

You are not yet twenty!!. Enjoy yourself. Get out there among people. And do try to stop obsessing about stuff that is of no importance. Get involved with life itself. Start looking outwards not inwards. Embrace life with both arms. If you can travel, then travel. You say you are going to join the army. Will this lead to a career for you? Never mind the "crush". Let him do what he wants. Enjoy being with yourself. Try not to fixate on any one person.

I agree with your entire post Andrina. And you tell us she is on benefits?! Driving a convertible. The Social Security Agency will be so impressed! She is beyond selfish. Even though "sober" that selfishness so innate in the alcoholic is always there. It is time you reached a decision OP. What are you going to do?

You can't force anyone to do anything OP. You are talking to a stone wall OP. Religion can't stop you from loving someone, but it sure can stop you from marrying that person! And well you know it. Particularly where religion and culture are so closely enmeshed, as is the case with this woman. And as Wiseman says, surely this is not a holy war! Have some respect for yourself and don't obliterate yourself to the point of changing your name and becoming a "sacrifice". Your life would become pure misery. You have wasted four years already. Don't waste any more time. You will meet someone who is culturally compatible.

The answers lie in your original post, OP. She is self-absorbed. You are not selfish. This is a nightmarish situation OP, and the sooner you extricate yourself the better. She will cope on her own, believe me. She will have to. No use crying over spilt milk, but the lowest point in your life is PRECISELY when you should not embark on any kind of relationship.

It is best to end it, and make sure you do it kindly. Don't drag this situation out any longer. I agree with CatF.

Just a thought OP. Does she maybe miss her single life when she would go out partying with her friends, at night?

"Last year I met this guy, he works at a business I occasionally visit. He and I had an amazing rapport," You said this in June, OP. And now (yesterday) you say: "I've been going to this place of business for a number of years and one of the employees has been sending me signals suggesting she's interested."

What does she expect? That you remain awake 24 hours a day! Lack of sleep is a huge factor in ill health. I take it that you are the sole breadwinner Here? Yes? Then she needs to be more adult. ***-for-tat is childish. Someone has to work to keep you and your family. I assume she was aware at the outset that you have to work shifts. As you mention 12-hour shifts I surmise that you may, perhaps, be working in a medical or care environment. If you cannot have a nine to five job, then perhaps you will have to consider some form of child care, even if for a few hours daily.

OP. This is the main problem. There are those (never quite understood why) who will "pretend" not to be tied to their religion in order to move a relationship forward. But that hurdle is always there.

Those facial features were there when you first met her, OP! Yet you continued on for two years.

I am with you 100% Capri. How can you even ASK that question OP! You have said you are repulsed by this woman. You've wasted her time over two years and you know full well you should have given up at the six-month mark when you became quite aware that you were not attracted to her. Indeed you saw what you call her large facial features the first time you met her. Repulsion and disgust at the idea of intimacy are most certainly very valid reasons why you should. Unless, of course, you are planning to put a bag over her head each time you make love. I utterly agree, Choco.

Don't even consider it, Deutsch. These are serious obstacles. And always, always there under the surface. I ask the same questions as Wiseman and my advice is the same.