CaraMaria

I don't know if he is alright, it has been four days now. I was cut off from any word about him from my future daughter in law, to those of you who read my first post on here and know whats going on. Her and I always kept in contact about him. When she heard from him she always wrote me an email and told me he was alright. Now I have nothing or no way to know he is alright. I hate reading the news about this war over there, but today I am combing through every piece of news to try to get some ideal if my son is alright. I was cut off from knowing about his welfare in this war, because I wanted to be there at their wedding and all. I am asking everyone who reads this to kindly think of my son in your thoughts today, and if you do pray will you pray for him and his safety and the rest of our soldiers? Is this the worst cruelty to inflict upon a mother? Am a nervous wreck today, bad day for me here... thanks for listening.

I can't recall the last time I had a full nights sleep. It all started a almost a year ago when my oldest son left for Iraq. I was glued to the news on the internet, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, printing out maps of Baghdad and pinpointing trails with stick pins to try to keep up with his latest missions and locations. Sending out boxes of goodies and collecting boxes of supplies for our troops, wrapping them late at night sitting on the floor up here. I just don't know what to do with myself now that all the kids are grown and gone. I feel like nobody needs me. I keep wandering around this big old house way into the wee hours of the morning. I have never had a job away from this farm and raising a family. I am thinking about it though, providing I can get a full nights sleep. On the other hand, my husband is so used to having me home and all his meals cooked and there is so much to do around here, maybe I am wrong in considering this. I don't know. Yesterday I made 16 pints of my grape jam, and that was the highlight of my day. If I didn't have this pc I would be insane. I live so far away from town, 18 miles to the main road off this mountain, and there are no neighbors. I had some visitors yesterday though, 5 deer, 3 squirrels, 2 groundhogs and one barn owl who insists he likes to roost on the clothesline pole. I was almost tempted to ask him if he knew harry potter and if so please drop me off the nimbus broom so I can fly out of here for a day or two. lol There is something else also, I don't drive. Yes, I am one of those ladies stuck back in time , who has always and still does rely on my husband to take care of me in most things. Of course, I take care of him, but now the children are all gone, I am starting to notice I need something more in my life just for me. Is this being selfish? shouldn't women like myself be satisfied in taking care of her home and her husband? I have done it for years and years, I have never cheated on my husband or him on me, we are very happy, and have a wonderful marriage. I just don't want to blow it by asking to go to maybe one of the art classes I saw listed in town. I don't know what to do about this. I miss having children and teenagers in the house. I miss being a full time mommy, and sitting down and playing games with them and having everyone sit down at the table to eat together. Now, it only my husband and I who sit at the dining room table with the news on in the background. In a couple hours it will be time for him to get up and go milk the cows and do the morning chores while I cook his breakfast and pack his lunch for work. Then I see the school bus lights coming around the bend and start to cry, because it doesn't stop here anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for a southern lady who doesn't drive and has lived her life for her family, please drop me a line. Thanks so much, Cara

I was sitting here thinking how much I miss my mother in law. She passed away last year, and I am so glad in my heart I never treated her unkindly and always tried to include her in everything we did, regardless of who was there or who wasn't. She was a fine lady and a fine mother and how I miss her today. I wanted to tell her what happened and why my son isn't coming home now, and ask her what to do. My mother passed on two years ago and it is a lonely day here in this house right now. It is funny how we look for solace in times of trouble and times of heartache and we find comfort and strength when we seek it. And, so it is here I write this today. I keep remembering that old saying your not loosing a son your gaining a daughter. Today I lost my son. I see things clearer now. I guess I will accept the fact that she don't want to have anything to do with his side of the family. What am I going to do with all these wedding gifts from around this mountain? To many to mail and I doubt I will see them for years now, should I just give them back to the people that brung them by? Thanks for listening, Cara

awwww that is wonderful! There is nothing sweeter than a baby and I am sure you will make a wonderful mother. Just wait until the doctor puts in your arms, what a feeling! I am happy for you, let us know when you pick out a name. Cara

I did it. I told him how I felt and he called me this morning and was mad at me. Now he says his fiancee is mad and the both of them aren't coming here. I put the wedding dress I was making away this morning and will have to tell my husband at supper tonight that we won't get to see him on his leave. I don't know when I will see my son again, but I got my answer and thank you so much for the replies , this is a good site. Very nice people on here.

I am sorry your hurting so deeply, but from what I read in your post, it is easy to see how this person is controlling your emotionally. By taking your vulnerablities and when they surface he knows exactly what to say and what to do to comfort you, where it hits your heart, where you need it most. My guess is he is doing the same thing with his wife. He could be a very kind person but he is still manipulating you, in such a way he has control over you and you want it over with, you know in your heart you do, but his control and the way he does it is clever. All of us, do not like to hurt or go through hurt, but.. it is just a fact of life we sometimes have to do to make us a better person that we want to be, my advice is this: make a clean break, and be strong about it. You say he gives you money. Find a way to get extra money other than from him, thats one way he can't control you, another is find something else to do, volunteering your time to help others will make you stronger and less available to him. You can do it, get around others and stay busy. Hope this helps. Cara

Go tell your mother or someone you trust what you are doing. You should be out having a wonderful time at your age, there is so much to do. Are you playing sports? What are your hobbies? I know I am much older than you and not alot of kids your age like to listen to adults but I have a feeling you may, as you seem to want to someone to talk to. First thing first, stop trying to harm yourself! Why do you want to do that in the first place? Start listening to some happy music, instead of dark things, the kind of music we put in our heads can attribute to our emotions. Next step, is talking to a parent and telling them all your feelings. You could be depressed and need some proffesional help that is all. How do I know this? I raised two sons, one was suffering from depression, although he wasn't trying to harm himself, the signs were there, I got him help and it wasn't no time at all, he was feeling better. But you got to talk to someone asap. Okay? Cara

Hi, it just basically means someone can't go back and redo the past. CaraMaria

My son will be stateside from Iraq next month, he is getting married down the road but his fiancee says she doesn't want me or his dad or sister at the wedding, because it is unfair that her parents cannot come and watch it. She didn't tell me this, my son just told me this today and I have been working my fingers to the bone making her a wedding dress at the request of both of them. I haven't seen my him for a year now, and he will only have one day here and then they will go on their honeymoon near her family in pennsyvlaina and I won't see him again for another year. I haven't told either of them how I feel and how much this hurts me, as I don't know if he will make it out of that country alive, that is up to God, but I want to see my son get married, and I am so upset I can't stop crying. I have never meant this girl hes marrying, hes been talking to her on the web for a year and they meant for a couple of days last year, but she wouldnt tell me this herself, she had my son tell me this. My husband told me stop making the dress. I don't know if I should do that I don't want to seem to vengeful I just want to see him get married , if I say something I am afraid she will not let him come home, Please help someone!