astraltraveler

thanks for the response scout. the past few days since i talked to him have been sorta rough. i miss him like crazy, but i refuse to be vulnerable. i figure if he ever figures out that he loves me like that, he'll come back, or call, or something. he probably thinks i'm angry about all this, and i'm not, i'm just hurt.

I got home a little while ago and in the mail today I received the letter that I sent to my ex about 2 weeks ago, I sent it a few days after I told him on the phone that I couldn't do the friends thing right now, that I needed to heal. Basically the letter said a bunch of redundant emotional stuff as I'm reading it right now. Anyway I called him at work and was very aloof and all I asked was if I had the address right. I said I did and then he went on to say that he'd call me when he got home to make sure. I was like "no it's fine, I'll figure it out"- but nicely. Then I called back because I was looking on Mapquest and it even said that the address was right. He asked me how I was doing and I said great, he said "me too" and I was like "good"...all the while being very aloof yet polite. I'm stressing out because I broke the NC because of something stupid as a letter. But now he knows that I tried to mail him a letter and he'll never know what it says because I just threw it away. It's a waste of my time and I'm not stepping backwards anymore. I'm kinda confused right now...Please someone help me out...give me your thoughts.

Music helps me soooo much...here are a few bands that help me get through every day.... Yes Chicago Rush Alison Krauss & Union Station Genesis (new and old) ...and lots more! Music is truly a gift from god...I enjoy it more than tv!

Also, when I told him that I needed no contact for a long time, he said that he didn't want that, he said he wanted to hear from me and that we was afraid I'd move or he'd move and we'd lose touch with each other and not be able to find one another. This didn't affect me this way, I felt like I really needed to do this for my wellbeing- and I'm the dumpee! I feel that this time will give me a chance to heal and become stronger and to fix the things that are wrong, and it gives him a chance to move on with other people. I hate thinking about that last part, but it's inevitable.

Also another thing I was wondering. Is it normal to not want to date even after being broken up for such a long time? I mean I notice hot guys in public, who doesn't...but I just don't want to date and be in a relationship for a good while. Is this normal?

You remind me bit of Kevin Spacey...you have softer features, but you could be his son. Don't let things bring you down. I know exactly how you feel. I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years and now we arent together like that anymore and it kills me. I couldn't ever imagine him in another's arms, but now I don't have control over it anymore. You just have to, in some way, take the pain and longing and turn it into strength and self love and realization. Good luck Travis

you're adorable and I'm sure your looks have nothing to do with it.

I had posted in the Getting Back Together message board a few weeks ago that my ex dumped me about 5 months ago was asking all kinds of question regarding his personality right now, how I should act in our "friendship". I was comfortable chatting with him on the phone for a few weeks as "friends" but last Fri night I came to a realization that we need more no contact time. We I picked him up a few weeks ago to go hang out etc as "friends" and go to see a good friend for her b-day, we ended up spending the night at her place, because I didn't want to risk a DUI, so we ended up in her spare bedroom. I was intent on sleeping on the floor, but my ex wanted me to sleep and be close to him. Then the next morning we got ready and I was gonna take him back home. He kept asking me if I would spend the day with him and hang out more since we both had the day off. I didn't say yes or no the whole way to his house. He kept saying "I wish you would reconsider". And I kept saying I didn't feel that good and that I wanted to go home. Well by the time we got to his place I changed my mind and we hung out that day. He asked me later on that day if I would take him to a sex shop...I did and he bought a porno video with, get this...older guys (he's 20 and i'm 22)...didn't bother me since we're "friends" now, but I still thought it was weird. Fast forward to last Fri night...I came to the realization that we need a good bit of time more with no contact (I'm thinking 6 more months) although I may call him in 3 to check up briefly. He said he wants to date more and have a life, and get this, he said it doesn't matter if they're gorgeous or not. I didn't know what that was suppose to mean unless he wants a sugar daddy. Anyhow, after I told him this on the phone (he seemed quite shocked) and wrote him a letter Sat night and pretty much cleared everything up. I told him that I'll always love him and I will always remember the times we spent together fondly and I wish him safety and good health and all that. I didn't say to write me back or anything like that, so I guess I left that open...like he can write me back if he wants to. It seemed that I was getting along better in our no contact period. As soon as I started talking to him again after a month or so I felt like I started "waiting by the phone" again. Every telephone ring I checked the caller ID to see if it was him. 98% of the time it wasn't. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I don't want to always wonder exactly what he's doing or anything like that if he's not my bf. That's why I feel like I at least need until after christmas before I call him again...if I do...I feel like he should be the next one to call. We need to heal our wounds. Am I wrong as the dumpee, for feeling this way. It kills me inside but I have to keep at this

i wish the pain would subside, but it just drones within me.

ohhh this is so hard on my heart. i just called him after not talking for a few days and it hurts so bad to not hear him say i love you before we hang up sometimes he says it but most of the time he doesn't. i say it more than he does but then i feel like a fool for saying it...almost like i'm forcing it on him. i feel like dying, this pain is just too unreal and we've been broken up for months and months. my chest hurts so bad he said he was really busy and backed up at work and that he would call me as soon as he woke up. recently i've been wondering if he calls me just to pacify me, or does he really want to hear from me.

I'm 22 and he's 20...we broke up about 3 months ago and recently starting talking as friends on the phone, and we've even hung out as friends (this was a week ago). We met on link removed which is a popular gay chatroom. We met in July of 2002. We hung out and chatted for several months and I picked him up a few times a week to hang out etc. He didn't and still doesn't have his license partly because I think he was scared of driving, as a close aunt of his died in auto accident about 4 years ago. Recently he's been really adament about getting his license though. His family doesn't seem to be very supportive in helping him learn how to drive, but I'm sure where there's a will there's a way. Anyway, he's always worked 40-60 hours a week since I've known him, and he's very responsible about things like that. Our relationship started to go wrong about 4 months after we moved in together (which was Dec of 2002). There was physical abuse on my part, which I terribly regret and have learned a whole lot from. he cheated on me on Easter sunday of 03' and I walked in on it, I was on lunch break from work. Consequently I was fired from my job because I couldn't emotionally go back to work after that. I immediately forgave him and we went to my parents house for support. He knows my family and has been here with me several times to hang out and play pool, drink and have a good time etc etc. The summer of 03' was kinda off and on getting along, sometimes things were great, and sometimes it was pretty rough. I had a hard time finding work. I finally got hired at a shoe store and that lasted a few months, before I quit because my math skills were jokingly questioned by the girl whom I was replacing...(she was training me). I got very embarrassed in front of the people I was working with, and I walked out. I never found another job after that, and we stayed in the apt together for another 6 months. Finally he got fed up in early march of 04' and left, never to return. By that time a had just gotten hired at a pizza place nearby and I lived in the apt by myself and we chatted on the phone and hung out ever so often. He broke the lease in may and we both moved out. I moved back with my parents and he moved back in with his grandparents. We live about 30 min apart. I got a job a month after moving back in and have applied to a hair school near Atl, hopefully starting in Sept! YAY. Things seem to be working out alright. I miss him soooo much though, and I feel that I treated a person who did so right by me, so wrongly. I know no one walks on water but he's a really good guy for me (or was lol). After we broke up we didn't chat for about 3 weeks, and I called him and gave it another 3 weeks and then called him again. He was going on vacation the following week and it gave me a chance to talk to him before he left. Sometimes I felt like a was doing all the calling and that maybe I was putting too much much into it, after all we are *friends* now. After a few times of manipulating him to get him to come back to me, and after one in person attempt to get him back (which got regrettably sexual), we finally seem to be making progress with the strict friendship thing. He's been calling here the last several nights. This was after our first face to face meeting in a long time, which got sexual. I've been getting really close to my stepmom and she sort of coaches me through this. Sometimes when he calls she'll answer and say I'm not there or i'm out with friends...which she says makes it look like I have a life (even though I don't) and it makes it look like I'm not just waiting by the phone all the time. This is pretty much what is happening right now at the present. I still want him back more than anything in the world, and I miss him so much. I love this man incredibly and I don't want to make any more mistakes that might drive him further away. If anyone can give me any sort of advice or help, it would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I can even give updated (good or bad). I'm just not that sure how these message boards work. Whhew my fingers hurt now, lol. Thanks everyone!

talked again. he seems to be kinda down, which makes me wonder. the last few times we've chatted on the phone he's sorta been in the dumps. not all the way, but kinda. part of me wonders if it's me, but then i'm not around him so i can't think of anything i coulda done. it concerns me, but he insists that he's fine...any thoughts?

I spoke to him tonight. i was really friendly and sweet, and so was he. one thing i've noticed is he's really quick to state the negative things that are going on in his day to day life without me. he's told me that he gets bored sometimes, things about his grandfather, the kittens his cat(was our cat but he took her when we moved out of our apt, and he loves her and says he wants to keep her, but the kittens are getting to him) just had, his job, his recent experamentation with speed (drug) and some other things. i always respond nonchalantly, but very friendly at the same time. i always try to keep the phone convos short and simple. like tonight i said i'll hear from you soon. he's says "i work 10am-8pm tomorrow but i'll call you tomorrow night.) what does all this mean?

anyone else have any comments?

to tell you the truth, just hearing him say "love ya" and the way he looks at me sometimes is enough to tide me over. part of me believes we'll be together again, put the other part of me doesn't want to put too much emphasis on it, in case it doesn't happen. all i know is we shared some awesome moments together, and the chemistry was real between us. and it still sorta feels that way, even though we're friends now. i've told him if he does start dating again that i don't care to hear details. dunno if i'm just in saying that, but it would save me from more pain.

i definitley don't think he's wrong in breaking up with me. alot of it had to do with wrong on my part. being just friends with him is becoming easier for me every day. i've learned not to be clingy and to be a confidant and not talk on the phone forever. he acts very sweet and sounds truly excited to hear from me on the phone. i do want to be with him again one day, but i know we need lots of time. the last time we hung out he asked me where i want to be in 10 years, and i stupidly responded, "with you" and it kinda threw him off. he told me not to think like that because he didn't know if it would work out that way. that really made me sad (i cried about it as soon as i dropped him off, and i couldn't sleep well that night). all i can do is be the best friend to him that i can possibly be and hope that he'll one day look at me fresh and new, the way he did when we first met. i love him so much

I forgot to mention. When we hung out a week ago like posted above, he told me more than a few times "I love you" in the sweet manner that used to be. It kinda reminded me of the past. He also gave those sweet puppy dog looks every once in a while. Just smiling when I did something cute or whatever. I maybe reading to much into it, but it kinda gave me hope in a way. BTW, he just called when I was typing that last message, and I think I'm gonna call him later on this evening.

I'm 22 and he's 20...we broke up about 3 months ago and recently starting talking as friends on the phone, and we've even hung out as friends (this was a week ago). We met on link removed which is a popular gay chatroom. We met in July of 2002. We hung out and chatted for several months and I picked him up a few times a week to hang out etc. He didn't and still doesn't have his license partly because I think he was scared of driving, as a close aunt of his died in auto accident about 4 years ago. Recently he's been really adament about getting his license though. His family doesn't seem to be very supportive in helping him learn how to drive, but I'm sure where there's a will there's a way. Anyway, he's always worked 40-60 hours a week since I've known him, and he's very responsible about things like that. Our relationship started to go wrong about 4 months after we moved in together (which was Dec of 2002). There was physical abuse on my part, which I terribly regret and have learned a whole lot from. he cheated on me on Easter sunday of 03' and I walked in on it, I was on lunch break from work. Consequently I was fired from my job because I couldn't emotionally go back to work after that. I immediately forgave him and we went to my parents house for support. He knows my family and has been here with me several times to hang out and play pool, drink and have a good time etc etc. The summer of 03' was kinda off and on getting along, sometimes things were great, and sometimes it was pretty rough. I had a hard time finding work. I finally got hired at a shoe store and that lasted a few months, before I quit because my math skills were jokingly questioned by the girl whom I was replacing...(she was training me). I got very embarrassed in front of the people I was working with, and I walked out. I never found another job after that, and we stayed in the apt together for another 6 months. Finally he got fed up in early march of 04' and left, never to return. By that time a had just gotten hired at a pizza place nearby and I lived in the apt by myself and we chatted on the phone and hung out ever so often. He broke the lease in may and we both moved out. I moved back with my parents and he moved back in with his grandparents. We live about 30 min apart. I got a job a month after moving back in and have applied to a hair school near Atl, hopefully starting in Sept! YAY. Things seem to be working out alright. I miss him soooo much though, and I feel that I treated a person who did so right by me, so wrongly. I know no one walks on water but he's a really good guy for me (or was lol). After we broke up we didn't chat for about 3 weeks, and I called him and gave it another 3 weeks and then called him again. He was going on vacation the following week and it gave me a chance to talk to him before he left. Sometimes I felt like a was doing all the calling and that maybe I was putting too much much into it, after all we are *friends* now. After a few times of manipulating him to get him to come back to me, and after one in person attempt to get him back (which got regrettably sexual), we finally seem to be making progress with the strict friendship thing. He's been calling here the last several nights. This was after our first face to face meeting in a long time, which got sexual. I've been getting really close to my stepmom and she sort of coaches me through this. Sometimes when he calls she'll answer and say I'm not there or i'm out with friends...which she says makes it look like I have a life (even though I don't) and it makes it look like I'm not just waiting by the phone all the time. This is pretty much what is happening right now at the present. I still want him back more than anything in the world, and I miss him so much. I love this man incredibly and I don't want to make any more mistakes that might drive him further away. If anyone can give me any sort of advice or help, it would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I can even give updated (good or bad). I'm just not that sure how these message boards work. Whhew my fingers hurt now, lol. Thanks everyone!