troublegirl

I am really sorry you are going through this. I know you are looking for answers and not some girl telling you about her problems but I am going through something very similar. I have posted a few posts recently about my fiance. He recently broke it off because during a fight I chose to leave and I had always promised him I wouldn't. He feels like he has to let me go now to avoid potential hurt in the future. His ex wife cheated during their courtship in college and eventually cheated in their marriage. He is scarred and afraid that he will kick himself all over again if he gets involved with me after I hurt him. I think you need to sit down with her and talk about it- try to leave the heavy emotions out of it and maybe try to reason with her. If she isn't receptive then move on. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally available. It is impossible to achieve any real intimacy if the other person isn't willing. Good luck

Hey I think you need to do some serious self analyzation. Try to sit down with a journal and think about things that make you nervous. Don't focus on your relationship with this guy. Have you been abandoned by someone you love? Have you been in an abusive relationship? You may simply be responding to some unresolved issues that can be worked through. Many times when we fail to heal our own problems we end up projecting them onto our loved ones. You need to work on this because no one likes to have their significant other be suspicious of them. You also may just have an anxiety disorder. This can be corrected with therapy and medicine and isn't anything to be ashamed or afraid of.

I don't ever feel like a guy I am seeing has to pay for anything. I also don't feel like we have to go to nice dinners. I am just as happy sitting at home eating pizza and drinking beer on the couch. I think that if it is the right person then money won't be an issue for either of you. She won't care how much you spend and you won't care to spend it. Hang in there

One thing you will learn as you continue to date is that each guy you are with will feel like "the one" when you are young. I am not trying to make you feel talked down to it is just the truth. You are learning about yourself and what your needs are and you are learning through trial and error how to relate to members of the opposite sex. One thing you may have learned in this situation is that in order for you to be happy in a relationship you need a boyfriend who wants to spend a lot of time with you. Some people aren't like this. If he isn't meeting your needs then you should be 100% honest with him and if it doesn't change leave. It is hard because young love cuts so deep. You don't think you will ever be on the other side of the hurt but at 28 years old I can assure you it will get better. Hang in there and always be true to yourself.

My fiance and I were supposed to get married November of this year. I just graduated from law school and moved back home to start a job. He lives two hours from me. I would see him on the weekends. We were both under a lot of stress with planning the wedding, careers, long distance relationship. We had previously discussed many important issues and promised to always work through differences. We were very good about avoiding conflict by talking out any problems. Two weeks ago I started blowing up at him for the littlest things. I am not sure why this happened and it hasn't ever happened to me before. We had a fight that continued for a few days. He was trying to tell me that he couldn't fight about it anymore and that he was beginning to feel like he couldn't talk to me. I was hurt because we had had such a great relationship up to that point. He had always been expressive about his feelings and I felt like a failure. I responded in the worst way imaginable. I was so angry I said things I didn't mean and left and told him I didn't want to get married if he really felt that way. I totally realized my mistake and drove back the 2 hours later that evening. I know that it was irrational and wrong. I don't normally handle stress that way. There is no excuse for my behavior and I wouldn't want him to have to live with that if I was going to be that way all the time. I apologized and told him that I obviously wasn't handling all the stress well so I started to see a therapist to ensure that I didn't ever do that again. I wanted to take responsibility for my flaws and actions. I really do love him and want to make a life with him. He said that he coudln't do it. He loved me more than any woman he had ever been with but he had lost trust in me. He said that he would always remember the hurtful things I said and how bad it hurt when I walked out. He said he would always be afraid that I would do it again in a fight. I totally understand his fears and I am not trying to reduce my responsibility. I miss him so much and I know that I messed up. He was married before and with his ex-wife a total of 12 years (dating plus marriage). She cheated on him and treated him poorly. He kept trying with her until it was impossible. I imagine that he is thinking that the first sign of "crazy" is a red flag and he needs to get out. I am human and I made a mistake. It wasn't a pretty one. His friends are surprised that he had given up because they know that we had a unique relationship. Some have told me to hang in there that he may come around. I know he is just hurting right now. He told me not to think about us or him just to focus on me. I know that is good advice. All of my things were still at his house, furniture, computer, christmas ornaments etc. We were also in the process of putting his house on the market so he could move here after the wedding. He moved my things into the downstairs front room so it would be easier for me to get to them. I couldn't come the weekend he wanted me to so he just moved them into storage and sent me the key. The real estate agent was coming the next day to take pictures so he had to clear it out. The last time I talked to him he told me that he was still planning on selling the house. My plan is to continue to go to therapy and work on me. I am not going to contact him by mail, e-mail, or phone. I am just going to give him some time and space. I am hoping he will come around. He stated that he thinks I may be under too much stress right now to be in a relationship. My dress came in this week and the other things for the wedding still have to be paid for. I know that he is the one for me and I would do anything within reason to make this work. However, I know that if he doesn't want to make it work then it won't matter. Thanks for any support