AMON

Kitten Sounds like she now needs her space. Just let it be and contact her in a month or so... she is definitely not engaging and you are probably going to do more damage than good to both you and her. Let it be and if it is meant to it will.... but do make friendly contact in 4 weeks or so... Best of luck.

Can I ask - do those who have low self-esteem always have co-dependant / obsessive realtionships? Furthermore, is co-dependancy/obsessiveness ALWAYS the result of low self-esteem or are there other reasons as well?

Sure you might have hurt her- take her out a couple of times, nothing too heavy...just establish a communication again and see how it feels. Given what you've just been through it may worthwhile to check your own feelings for this person before possbily hurting her again. From there time will tell if you can evolve something or not. Good Luck!

I've always wondered why people are CP - is it some childhood fear or experience that has resulted in a fear that getting close will just 'end in tears'. From long chats with Anita - she comes from a broken home and I wondered whether that had something to do with it? The other question I have pondered is the one that AzurePhoenix posted- do these people never change, is that it, they are destined to always be on the lookout for something better. I thought my patience and illustration of comittment from my side would help with that? Thanks again for the input...

You have to decide what you want - if you feel so stronlgy for this person then you have to put yourself out there. I can guarnatee that you will not be feeling so good if she (as your friend) starts dating someone. This is the risk of relationships and if you are true to yourself as to how you feel about her then you should act on it. It does not have to be blatant to start with but you can definitely start sending the signals as to how you feel...time will tell if there is anything there. Fortune favors the bold...

If you truly feel the way you do about her - then try and take the friendship to the next level. It sounds like you already hang out a lot with her - and it is sometimes quite difficult to take the next step when in that situation (been there). Carrying books, going for lunch, inviting for picnic definitely sends the right signals...eventually you will have to tell her how you feel or your situation could go on for a very long time. Remember she might be thinking the exact same as you but if the communication never happens then there is no chance. Good luck.

Sounds like you messed up a little. I think it's a good idea to use the bday to get together - and just be honest and open once again as to how you are feeling about her. It takes a long time to build up that trust deposit account and one little assumption to destroy it... You need to regain her confidence in you and disclose more of you to her as oppose to the emotional distant one she first got to know. This is not going to be an easy ride though and it sounds like a long road with no guarantees. Good luck!

I agree with all - however, one often finds that a person's opinion about themself can change as they grow older and depending on what experiences they have had during that time. One can be self-confident at 20 but lose confidence at 35 due to bad relationships or failing at work etc. It's all about the timing as well as the people that enter your life at that particular point. You will no doubt always get what you need in the end. The golden rule: You cannot love unless you love yourself!

I agree with all of the above. As I said this is still early days and there are going to be many more awkward situations to deal with...this first one will just be practice. Don't be distanced or pretentious but yourself... it will get easier. Best of Luck!

Hey...I know where you're at. I have just had a similar experience with a girl who is more than happy to remain friends yet it's so painful for me to even imagine being friends with someone you have such strong emotions for. What kind of friends does one expect to be.. come round for drinks while his/her other half is there? This is all still a very fresh situation for you and the worst part is there is no doubt pain still to come One word of caution- do not make assumptions about people seeing you and interpreting your mood and conveying to ex. etc. etc. etc. and then thinking that your are receiving and email because you smiled at volleyball. The boy is confused and is clearly not ready for any serious long-term commitment. I have also been in his position and yup, I also wanted to keep in contact just to keep things warm. My advice: as hard as it is (and I'm with you on this...tears and all) - DO NOT CONTACT. You have put yourself out there and said what you wanted to say... if you want to reiterate it in a brief email then do so but stay away - you're only going to get hurt more! Hang in there girl...it apparently gets better...

This sounds like a tough situation - been there done it and it 'aint easy. 8 Years is a long time to say goodbye to. I have had a similar experience and it is very difficult to close the door completely on all the history with the other person. It sounds like you both need space. Some guys would not show true emotion when told it is over - your ex sounds llike this. Everything is taken for granted (talking from experience) until it is all over and your realize what you had. I'm a firm believer in talking about these things - are you confident of the problem with your ex? as well as your decision? If so - talk to him about it and tell him your truth. Time will tell in the end... I feel for both of you...

Thank you for that simple, yet very effective piece of advice. I agree with your mutuality statement but often find that I meet people (like Anita) who seem very scared of commitment or or being loved - I know I can't solve their problems but often feel like I am always putting myself out by trying to be patient with the Anita's of the world. Is this wrong? I do believe she has strong feelings for me but is struggling... in her own words with a 'blockage against commitment to one guy'. I feel she is fearful of going down this path as it could hurt - maybe it's her that lacks self-love? Opinions?

Hey I know exactly how you feel - I met a girl where it seemed that fate just kept throwing us together to see what would happen. Some people embrace that and some get real scared by it. I personally don't believe in coincidences and think that something else (unexplainable) is going on. I think you should phone him and say how you feel - life is too short for assumptions and waiting for another turn of fate. Can identify with you... the girl I kept bumping into moved to another country and I'm still thinking what was that about?? Best of luck!

I met Anita 2 years ago while she was travelling from her home country. We became very good friends while she was away from home during that time, hanging out in most of our free time and going out for dinner etc. Only once were we physical (at beginning of relationship) after which she said that she didn't feel 'that way' - friendship was more important. We remained very close for the duration of her stay at the end of which she said that she didn't want to speak or see me for 6 months as she felt we had become too dependant on each other. I found this very difficult to accept from someone that was very close and clearly had an impact on my life - but I respected and endured the 6 month silence which I found very difficult. I realised that for the first time I actually really felt for this girl and missed her terribly... was not interested in any other person during that time. It was her 30th birthday just recently and I decided to follow my heart and visit her as the 6month silence was up. On arrival the rapport was warm but a little awkward- we got over that and continued our closeness. There was another guy in her life now - who she said was not serious and was not really her... just a companion. I decided to tell Anita how I felt - and disclosed my love for her to which she said was more a result of my lack of self-love rather than true love for her?? (whatever that means) On leaving her country - after spending substantial time together sharing long long intimate chats she gave me a present with a card thanking me for imposing myself back in her life and that it was nice to see that I didn't give up...all signed with love and kisses and the 'hope to speak to you soon' . I have not been able to get this person out of my head/heart and wonder whether it is a case of not being able to have what I want versus something deeper or is it obsessive love? I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything and have often thought of packing up and emigrating to try and give it a chance. I feel that if I was there day to day I could work on something - she strikes me as confused and scared as she has had some rocky relationships before. What to do???Interpretation???