Andrina

Has deep feelings for you? The only one she loves is herself and ego boosts from you. She could care less that you're being hurt by her behavior. It's like Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown and pulling it away before he can kick it. How many times will you fall for that? Her pretty looks are clouding your brain so that you're unable to see the ugliness inside.

So, for the majority of your relationship, his priority has been working on his property versus spending regular periods of quality time with you. There's no difference if a person's time is top heavy because of being a workaholic or engaging in a hobby like golfing or video games. And then he sulks when you spend time with a friend while taking a breather from helping him. Sounds like you don't know what a healthy relationship is, and are shoving your needs under a mat. For what? At the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? You should know that hoping everything will be golden once the house is built is unwise to assume.

She distrusts you, since she feels you're inappropriate in who you're FB friends with, and keeping tabs on whose posts you're liking. You feel like you can't trust that she's emotionally devoted to you because she seeks out eye candy, and perhaps with the tattoo, she's trying to seek out nostalgic happiness because she's feeling the present is blah. I don't think it's wise to marry until those major problems are sorted out. With the TikTok, and her comments about a hot friend, you're seeing how she rolls. It's a pattern. If you're expecting her to change at the age of 51, I don't think that'll happen.

When I first read this, I thought you were speaking of someone in their early 20s. She sounds really immature to me, and you both have regularly occurring distrust in one another, scouring each others social media. Sounds like the grounds too shaky to plan on marriage right now.

Can you explain why you believe he's a good partner to you? Does he care for you when you're sick? Does he come to your aid if your car breaks down, etc.? Does he make you feel special, like making your birthday special for you, picking up anything at the store you're running out of that he doesn't use? Does he make your life easier in any way? Does he send you sweet notes through text or call you when you're apart? Do you match in the bedroom department? From the outside looking in, he doesn't seem to care about your best interests as far as making sure you're financially comfortable should he die before you. You two don't seem to be acting as a team. When two people are a team, they have each other's backs. And I can't see why finishing a house has anything to do with getting married. I can understand that if a couple is very young and still in college or something. But you two are middle-aged, so finishing a house seems irrelevant in this case as far as getting married goes. Yes, you have to plan for your own financial wellness and plan for retirement, but it sure would be nice if a partner loves you as much as he loves himself and shows it.

Well, you're the one who signed up for this abnormal situation, and it remains abnormal. You've tried show and tell with zero improvement. You either wait 50 times longer than average for each baby step, hoping for the best and that she turns into an unselfish person, or quit now in frustration. Nobody else is living your life, so that's your decision to make.

Okay, sounds good. What's his relationship history? That's something that can be very telling about a person. You labelling yourself with abandonment issues can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know very few people without crosses to bear in life. What happened in your childhood is over now. You're an adult and need to learn resilience. While waiting for cognitive therapy appointments, if you're bound and determined to improve yourself, educate yourself with audio books, library books or store bought books to rid yourself of emotional baggage. Being pro-active will help you feel better that you're solving problems instead of wallowing in them.

Well, I don't know why you didn't think of the cons of LDRs when you began dating. That one of you would have to uproot. In dating, yes, you will be seeing what's what with your partner, and you can see the effort is one-sided. It's definitely something to pay attention to. I believe two people regularly making an equal effort is essential in a happy relationship. And it's wonderful when families are close, but sometimes it veers to being too close in that it negatively impacts a couple's romantic life. It sounds like she could be in that category. I broke a two year relationship off with my boyfriend when I was a teen since he was clearly a Mama's boy. No way would I stand that way of life for a lifetime. Choosing a lifetime partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Make sure you choose wisely.

You need to build a fulfilling life besides having a bf, by spending time with friends, hobbies, and enjoying your own company when not with him. And then have the mantra that if things don't work out between you two, you will have the normal upset but still have a strong support system and a happy life. You can also read books on skills to boost your self-worth. Of course, it's key to choose the right partner who shares your dating/life goals. Why is he attending parties without you, and have you met his female friends? It's important to know what your relationship boundaries are, and to not settle for someone who has opposite views on them. There is no right or wrong for opposite sex friends, but couples have to decide if their rules match in that area. Even with same sex friends, if a guy meets with a buddy two times a week to hit the bars, that'd be too much for some women, whereas once a month or 4 times a year would be fine. You have to know your comfort levels and find someone who doesn't make your heart pound in the bad way. The new year is a good time to set up your life the way you want it. Good luck.

Being able to let it go or not is key. Just as some couples can recover from a cheating incident, and others can't move beyond the hurt, even if they were certain the incident wouldn't reoccur. There are some young heterosexual women who have had those brief, exploratory make out sessions with other women which some men wouldn't bat an eye at. But yeah, doing it with a friend's mom is quite egregious and you say there is much more. I couldn't get over that either, and would wonder if after years of domesticity with you, that she might start asking what you think of threesomes or introduce a weird fetish if she has been that wild in the past. Yes, you can remain with her and possibly have the same feelings pop up that haunt you now, or free yourself and have faith that at your young age, you can meet someone you can love without negative feelings in that area.

From day one and continuing for an entire year, being bothered has continued to haunt you. It'd be foolish to think that feeling will now go away. If it were me, I'd free myself so I could eventually meet someone whose past doesn't bring up icky feelings.

Masturbating once or twice a day seems excessive to me. Does he watch porn when he does this? That could be the reason you're experiencing a lack of sex right now. Read some articles on porn addiction to see if the insight sparks recognition. I agree with the other poster that it would've been better to move locally, but in your own space for a time before moving in together. You're the one that's made all, or most of the effort of going his way. Dating locally would've shown if he would've made an equal effort before you decided if taking it to the next step of moving in together would be wise. How are you struggling financially? Didn't he live where he does before you moved in? Seems like splitting bills would now be helping. Have you taken steps to make your own friends and get your own hobbies in the area yet? If not, I'd do that. Give him time to miss you, since you're always just there, at home. Create some space since right now, he's probably the sole source of your local, social life. And then have a personal timeline to see if he makes improvements in intimacy. It's better not to stick around for too long, hoping things return to times past that were really like spurts of honeymoon periods. The present is what you should use to make decisions. Good luck and keep us in the loop.

It doesn't matter his reason. If it were me, I'd say to my best friend: Please feel free to delete him off your social media now that you know we're broken up. If she's your best friend, she will do that in solidarity. If she doesn't, maybe you two aren't as close as you assumed. Be honest that it makes you uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around a best buddy.

As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is past recent behavior. He ended the sex buddy situation with you recently. If you got back together for sex, when the newness wears off, he will dump you once more. You say you "think" he developed feelings. That's your wishful thinking. I agree with Batya. A man who's had an epiphany and can't bear to miss out on a golden opportunity would've said, "This time apart has made me realize what I really want, and it's you as a serious partner." Instead, he has no takers for female hookups and misses sex, so he's hitting up the woman he knows was hurt when he ended things, not caring one bit that she will be hurt all over again when he tires of you nagging about wanting more from him and setting boundaries. I read your previous post which I had responded to. Are you in therapy? Do your parents now know you're divorced? If none of that is true, and even if you have taken those proactive steps, you're clearly not in a good headspace to wisely date. Block this man from contacting you. Vow never to have another "situationship." It hasn't worked in your favor before and it will never work. Continue or begin therapy so you can learn your value. Right now, your self-love is lacking and predators can sniff you out as the weak prey you are at the moment. Decent men are attracted to confident women who practice self-love. When you achieve that, you'll be ready to date.

I would have assumed he'd been gifted some chocolates, doesn't like eating them, and just thought he'd regift to the next apartment he happened to have to enter. You, then, buying him his own box seemed really strange to me, and the jumping through hoops message that followed might've given him the wrong idea. Now, you've opened a can of worms because he sounds creepy. I'd get out of that mess any way you can. Definitely do not meet with him socially.

When you marry someone, it should be because you're happy with your partner in all important ways in the present. It will be extremely unwise to marry while assuming and envisioning how all your major problems will dissolve after moving. Right now: He doesn't care that you're doing a regular chore for him when he does zero, regular chores for you. Isn't that telling of his character? You don't feel fulfilled with quality couple time. You're preparing for a move and he's solely going on with his normal, daily routine. You're the only one stoking this relationship train with coal. Why are you okay with that? And yes, so far you are okay with it because you remain. What would I do in your shoes? Sounds like you want to move further north whether you remain with him or breakup. So plan for just that. Tell him you're going full force into packing up and you no longer have time to do his laundry. Tell him you'd like to delay the marriage until after the move. And then do not ask him at all about estate sales, etc. Most people leave appliances when they sell, and so the house you move into will likely have appliances. Sell what you don't want. When you're done, sell your house and rent in the area you'd like to live and put your stuff in storage. If he doesn't move your way by the given, personal timeline you've set for yourself, buy a place for yourself close to your grandchildren. A good timeline would be the deadline when you're forced to buy to avoid paying taxes on the home's sale. When you're in the new town, only match his effort. If he visits once, you can visit him next. But he has to be the first to do so and to communicate first. You don't reach out until he does. Sounds harsh and extreme? Well, your nudging hasn't worked. It's a good way to gauge whether or not he wants to build a new life with you. You're good at observing but your inaction to those observations has you placing yourself as a doormat. The new year is a great time to change that.

OP, sometimes we think something horrible has happened to us, when in fact, it was for the best. Hard to realize that because the future is unknown. Just like when people don't get a particular job, and then they land a better job that pays more and they are happier at, which they wouldn't have gotten if they'd been hired at the earlier interview. There is a woman you haven't met yet who will be the one you can't imagine living without, and then you will give your old head a knuckle-thump and say, "Oh, that's why what happened happened. Good things come to those who wait."

If I'm reading this correctly, you drink to loosen yourself up socially since when you're not drunk, you feel socially inept. When you drink to fix some problem, or because you perceive it will, that's a great reason to stop because alcohol exacerbates problems instead of fixing them. I know because alcoholism runs rampant on one side of my family and ruined many years of several relatives lives. Fortunately, all but one is now sober and every single one of them is 100 percent happier being sober. Alcohol makes you act inappropriately, as in how it changed your behavior for the worst. Another sign you should swear off the stuff. Your other mistake is having no filter for what you tell your boyfriend. It's not lying to keep what he shouldn't know--things that can be fixed and aren't necessarily unethical--that he now has ingrained on his brain. With proper behavior and changing your thought processes about his friend, this all might've blown over when you realized your thinking was temporarily skewed and you were being silly. Now, you've created drama over nonsense and he will likely not be comfortable inviting his friend around you. He might even decide you're too flaky to be his gf. Your fixation on his friend, whom you've known for minutes, is not within the realm of normal thoughts. It's a good time to seek therapy, and if you're truly sorry for your inappropriateness, you'll avoid alcohol. That's what someone who cares about themselves and others would do in this sort of situation. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

You would not be doing the children a favor by entering into this unconventional lifestyle. Yes, learning a new dynamic, missing the kids when your ex takes them for visits, isn't easy. But new routines take time to adjust. Think of it as time to yourself, which everyone needs to decompress. You say you will have biting anger toward the ex while you're cohabiting. I don't see how that is beneficial to the children. They will feel the toxicity. When a parent is happy, that is beneficial to the children, as they will see what the parent is doing to achieve that, and perhaps model themselves after a parent living a mentally healthy lifestyle. If you can't see yourself combining households in the future with your new lady, you are wasting her time unless she's in total agreement you two won't live together until all of the children have flown the nest. If you haven't shared those thoughts in fear of losing her, you're being selfish. She needs to know this. It's okay to be alone for a while and solely concentrate on the children, helping them evolve into this new family dynamic. I know my husband stayed single 2 and a half years after his previous marriage failed. His daughter was about 11 or 12 at the time and he just concentrated on parenting until he felt fully ready to enter the dating world again. I feel like he did himself a favor with that plan since he's been a great partner to me. You don't owe your ex any favors. She dug her own hole. Of course, you can act decently around her for the sake of the kids, but that just goes for co-parenting under separate roofs. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Quite normal to outgrow a relationship, even within the same culture. Don't ever stick around hoping for major improvements. What you see is what you get. There are guys you can meet who you could fall in love with who are fine just the way they are, and whom you're regularly happy with. Give yourself a good year solo to learn who you are without being in a couple. And do not stay friends with this guy. It's not in your best interest or his when you both begin dating others. Get a clean break to be respectful to a future partner, plus it's better for your own closure. Hard to open the door to new possibilities when you have a foot stuck in the back door. A shiny new year awaits. Take advantage of that.

Wow, I can see why he's so great to be around. A truly enjoyable experience. NOT!! Take a look in the mirror and see how much all of this has aged you. In another year, if it even lasts that long, you will look like the crypt keeper. After the newness wears off, he will tire of the crypt keeper asking to monitor his phone and yanking on his dog collar when he's done wrong. But when he ends things, he'll actually be doing you a favor because you're like a barnacle on a rock while hurricane waves crash against you and you won't let go as you should.

I'm trying to make sense of your timeline, since you're going all the way back to March and now it's December. Don't beat yourself up about that response. It was fine. If a woman, after only 90 days of dating, was actually triggered to break up with you after that response, her expectations were too high. And if you mean after a full year together, she broke up by text, that shows her character which is pretty crappy. Sounds like teen nonsense. What is the lesson learned? Without equal effort, you're wasting your time on someone who isn't prioritizing you. That's the time to call it quits since as you see, one-sided effort and chasing and wooing gets you nowhere. Chasing someone means they are running away from you like you're toxic fumes. Hold out for the person who shows you how much she cares.

Yuck. If he's your idea of a prized lifetime partner, I'm questioning what the hell you think of yourself to think that's all you deserve.

A good time to do some volunteer work with the elderly to honor your mother's life. When you're projecting positivity into the world, great rewards will come of that. A good woman will be drawn to a man with a caring heart doing volunteer work more than a man who surrounds himself with depravity.

How will jonesing after a taken woman make you feel good? Do you not feel guilty? Perhaps not, since you're giving the excuse for bad behavior because of living in a small town. No good excuse exists for behaving with poor ethics. What would I do in your shoes and situation if the dating pool is minnow size, if in fact it is? You can join the Peace Corps. Helping people and the environment will have you seeing your own problems as minimal and you will get to explore another country. My friend did a stint in Jamaica and temporarily dated another woman in the Peace Corps there. Some people teach English in Japan. I wish I'd known about that when I was young and single. Begin treating people how you'd like to be treated and you can't go wrong. If you wouldn't want a friend being inappropriate with your gf, don't engage in that behavior yourself. The path your on now is a road to hell, though you mistakenly see it otherwise. Time to grow up and make mature decisions.