Alessia

And just to add it will only be a suggestion to sell and enjoy our fifties together.

I said from the start to him that he could move in with me,no probs at all,so I'm essentially not after anything. The problem is the time and energy I spend on it whilst his three grown kids don't help at all. If they helped him a good bit and I helped a little I actually wouldn't have an issue and keep going on in the same way as I was. As it is, even if I wasn't helping him with the house, we don't get quality time together because of it. And he spent the best part of a year out from our project to help his daughter and son in law build their house,has his son in law helped him in return,not at all! I have now decided we need to have a discussion about how to move forward re the whole project (perhaps get it to builder finish which will still take another 8 months and sell it... ) He's completely exhausted and I really fear his health will suffer and believe it is already starting to, and furthermore its clear its causing and will cause us relationship problems.

I can certainly see all your points of view as I am a reasonable person. Yes he's generally a good partner and we have looked after each other in times of illness and we both had non serious operations. But,as Andrina said he should be showing or stating some protection for me helping him so much on the house. I guess it boils down to what I do, what I put up with..I just feel a bit used and my gut is telling me that. I'm going to do more of my own things that I want yo do in some of my spare time. We had f9ve days off last week, I helped him in the house a lot those days. My friend asked to meet me one of the days for lunch which I did,and he seemed to sulk. Yes,I should have confronted him amd asked why (I know why) but I felt guilty! He definitely seems to believe I should be here waiting on him hand and foot while he works in the house, and tgat irritates me given the circumstances. I just don't know what to say or how to handle it anymore 😔

Thank you all. I was naive for sure. He asked me to marry him four and a half years ago,and did state at the time he didn't want to marry until the house was well on or completed. Again I never thought it'd take 6 years or so to complete. I'd asked him about how things were sorted re the house about a year and a half ago and at that time he sayd he needed to make a will. Clearly he still hasn't amd I suppose rightly or wrongly I'm very sad that he knows that if something happened to him his grown kids would get everything and I would have no nod of acknowledgement for my work,design input and time sacrifice. The steps I can take is I've decided to wait til March (just because in my own head I needed a deadline)and see if he cones back to me saying there's something sorted. If he does,we'll and good. If he doesn't I'm afraid I will have to seriously think about my future. And in the meantime I'm going to go visit friends and catch up again. I'll tell him if he gets annoyed abut it,that he should geg one if his three kids to help on the hours or times I'm gone!

Also,as an added thing I would have no issue only inheriting a share of the house and his grown kids equal shares too. I certainly don't want it all, just a share as a recognition of my time amd work put into it.

No I don't pay any mortgage or renovation costs (there is no mortgage he pays for it as he goes along). Yes,I suppose I did enjoy it initially (and yes I suppose he thought, as did I, it'd be lovely to do together) and he bought it at auction when we were only 7 months dating. He did ask me about it before he bought it and I wasn't going to stop him and control that when we were together such a short length of time. But it has now been 4 years of time sacrifices,and most probably another two to finish it. I'm just recently feeling resentful of my sacrifice of time and rarely going out together, or going on daytrips etc. I know nobody can have it every way. I'm feeling very down about it all,and just think if I push this with him he's going to believe I'm only with him for security amd not love..and he would question why I'm just not happy just being with him.

I know its of NY own making,I do agree with you. I'm too soft and passive! I would like to get married, but if it doesn't happen for another year or so I'm not overly concerned. He holds all the cards. So the only way I can get rid of this resentment is not to spend all my spare time helping him with the house but do the things I'm choosing to forego,like catching up with friends and family,and do more of the hikes I used to go for. He does seem to expect me to be there to help him a lot og the time,and I know it will cone to a head if I'm not..Do when that happens, I feel bad saying "well I can't keep putting all my spare time and labour into this house" as I do live in it (but I do pay towards utilities).. A very difficult situation, but I don't think I'm a bad person for halting the renovations help and state that I'm not going to gey anything out of it? Would look like I'm only with him for security which I am not. I'd happily live in mine with him which proves this (but it is too far from his business and my work now).

No,in my country one has no legal entitlement unless married,in a civil partnership,on the title deed or in a will. So, if sonething happened in the morning I would not be entitled to any proceeds of the sake of the house. I can't rent out my own out of respect to my elderly mother plus we go visit and stay over every few weekends.

That's why I'm feeling a little resentful and upset recently..we have been engaged for four and a half years. I'm not going to do as much going forward, I'll help a little and continue to do all the cooking and housework. I also should point out that I only went back to full time work 6 months ago, I had stopped my job after covid due to being unhappy there and it was a chance to help with the house (he encouraged this) (I continued to look for a job and received unemployment benefit),so I didn't contribute to the bills then as I only had enough to keep myself and pay bills on my own place. Then,I didn't mind working so much as I wasn't in employment and wasn't paying bills,so it was only fair. But now working full time,paying half household bills (not renovation bills), I feel resentful that I am working all or most of my free time on it.

We got engaged to get married,and at the time he said we would marry once the house was done or near done (I naively didn't believe it would take so many years!). And if course this has been delayed by nearly a year as he built his daughters house since then.Yes,I have gifted my time and labour. I have not put any money into the renovation,only a lot of time and labour. (My house is not rented out as I can't, it's only mine for my daily and beside my elderly mother and we go up and stay over every few weekends to spend time with my mother).So I guess he has all covered really and 8 have mentioned getting married a few nobtgs ago and he reiterated he wants to get more of the house complete.

Hi all. Just want to hear others take on this. Being with my fiance 6 years,engaged for nearly 5. We have both been divorced, grown up adult kids,his nearby,both mine abroad. I moved in with him after we got engaged (to a rental). I have my own house an hour away. He bought a huge derelict house about 7 months after we started dating. We have been working on it for nearly 4 years now (well he took an 8 month break or more to build his daughters house). I help as much as I can, and have assisted and helped him a lot over the years. (I also do all the housework,shopping,cooking,cleaning,laundry which I don't really mind,not an issue). The only bills on the house (other than renovation costs)are groceries,electric and heating. I contribute equally to the first two. My question is..I am unsettled as I have done and continue to help him with the renovation as best and much as I can,and have done a lot ,and it will take another 2 years to complete. I'm starting to really resent a lot of my free time is taken up on it,while his grown kids never help with it. Also,I asked about a will recently,more to know if sonething happened who would organise the build/sale or whatever plus would I need to get out. He saud he will have to make a will which obviously he hadn't changed one from many years ago. Am I right in feeling a little hurt.