mrbaldy

I was not trying to say that she is always the one initiating it, I do about 35% of the time, but a lot of times when I am "in the mood", she may not be, now I kinda hate to put it this way but the sex portion of a relationship is almost always determined by the woman. If a guy wants to have sex, the girl is either with it or not. If a girl wants to have sex, the guy is always with it. Now, I don't in any way see the relationship even hinting at turning south. We have a very strong relationship and I do lots of little things and so does she. Post it note on the mirror in the morning saying I love you, random card for no reason, that kinda stuff comes from both of us frequently. And when she wants to have sex, it is very intense, it has just spanned out less frequently. I know that may be hormones, stress, really anything, I was just seeing if anyone had any ideas or suggestions or insight. Thanks

Hello all, I just wanted to run this by everyone and see what some of you thought. Me and my girlfriend have known each other about 4 years (been together about 6 months and living together) She has 3 kids who I love and adore. Her Ex-Husband I knew as well but he was more interested in partying and drugs than his wife or children. My GF is very beautiful and I would use the term HOT as she is hit on and approached at the bars very frequently. I do believe that she is truly in love with me and do not one bit question her faithfulness. Now that I layed out a little background. My GF seems to have a sudden lack of sex drive. This has been happening for about 2 months now. She used to be the primary instigator and she is still very touchy feely, but she seems to not want to have sex but more so have sex when it is "convienient". We pretty consistantly had sex about 2-4 times a week, now it is maybe once every 7-10 days. When we have sex she is very into it and has no problem orgasming. I work a pretty demanding schedule and she used to ask me for sex frequently, now I find myself asking her. Is something wrong? Anyone have any ideas or insight I would greatly appriciate it, Thanks

She has told him over and over again, that there is no chance. He just says he doesn't see how she could be so cold hearted. Then just continues to text her. He will not call, unless it has to do with the kids, it is just a way he can blurt out without a discussion.

Okay, my current girlfriend who has been separated from her husband legally for 16 months. We have known each other for about 3-4 years but just started dating about a month ago. She has 3 kids with her Ex which he has every other weekend with. Okay now that I gave you the 30,000 foot view, here is the scoop. They both grew apart about almost 3 1/2 years ago. She started sleeping on the couch and he got really bad tied up in drugs and was cheating on her with several women. She kicked him out and filed for legal seperation. He recently got dumped by his girlfriend and is now text messaging her telling her he loves her and that he wishes she would give him another chance and that he is going to change, but yet when she tells him no, he calls her several choice word and has been verbally abusive. She wants nothing to do with him other than her kids being able to see their father. She keeps asking me what to do about getting him to stop text messaging her phone. It has gotten to be where it is about 2-3 messages a day. She just ignores them and doesn't respond but it is starting to frustrate her. What should she do to get him to stop and understand that she does not want him to do it anymore. (keep in mind this is a hard headed guy) Any help/advice would be great.

Okay all, This may be a little speratic and jump around a little but bare with me. I will have to start from the beginning. Okay my fiance who I have been with for 4 years (Lived together 3 1/2) Left on Sunday the 6th. We had gotten back from a trip to get her state certification for cosmotology. She told me that evening that she wanted to be independent and on her own. That monday night she called to tell me she was going cross country with her mom and grandfather to clear her head for 3 weeks. Most of our friends are very intertwined. The breakup was left uncertain, but not on bad terms... she said she wanted for us to start over and go back to dating. Her best friend crystal has a child and is enagaged to one of my good friends, ect. Anyways I have since found out that she has been lieing to people telling them things I have not said. For instance one of her friends fran that I know very well and she kinda looks up to me like a big brother told me that my fiance told her that I did not want to hang out with fran and her b/f because I did not like him. Also I was the one who took care of all the finances and everything, so when she was leaving I went through everything for her as far as what her expenses were. Jokingly I had mentioned her birth control and siad something to the effect that she could cut that out of her budget seens how she wouldn't be needing it for a while. She laughed and said you never know you (meaning me) might get lucky, which we both just kinda laughed about. Well crystal had told me that when she was helping her pack and stuff that my fiance told her that I offered to pay for her birth control as long as she would continue to have sex with me.... which I never said. I haven't heard from her since I called her on sunday before last. I told her I was not going to call her but she could call me. crystal also told me that she said when they were packing that she had made the decision to leave 3 weeks earlier, which now makes me think she used me to pay for her test and trip and everything.... I don't know, can anyone maybe give me an outside perspective? Thanks

Okay this is going to be a little tough as I am somewhat in a similar event, alcohol, causing problems, we were together 4 years and engaged. The drinking started recently so I think that was a factor but she all of a sudden said she was moving out and wanted for us to start over. It has now been a week and a half and I told her the last time that I talked to her that I would not call her, I would give her some space and she could call me. It is tough... all I want to do is drink because my best friend is gone. But I think she definitely need space... let her reflect and think about things, the more you contact her you are going to push her away. Also she needs to really know that you are comited to whatever she needs (within reason). What she is probably looking for is change for herself and you with reguards to drinking and weed. She wants to make sure this is not just a short term thing. Give her some time, couple weeks, DO NOT DRINK, then maybe invite her to dinner and have 1 beer then drink water. If you are really commited to stoping you have to start and you have to show her these are your intentions but she has to think about it first. Hope this helps you.

Sorry I haven't replied yet secretlady, I got busy with work. There is nothing belittling or demeaning about being 18, just because of someones age does not mean that their pain is any less than anyone elses. The reason I asked is to get a little insight as to where the mind is, (not being mean) but younger people do not tend to rationalise issues very well and love to play head games as to where older adults tend to not do that as much. (Just a general guideline) Anyways, This is a tough one to advise you on as both of you are at a stage in life where there are many options and experiences yet to happen and people tend to want to try those at any expense. It is hard to say if he is attempting to be mean or if he is trying to make you jealous because he misses you. Only you know your past years best. If he is acting like he doesn't care including while you two were together then either he is being influenced by someone or that is the way he truly feels. If he truly feels that way then you are better off without him. There is someone in the world that will raise you upon a pedastal and treat you with as much respect and love as you are willing to treat them with. Give yourself some time, go out on dates, don't get too serious and maybe things will work out between the two of you , or maybe you will meet someone that is worth trying to get to know better. Hope this helps you, Just remember, you are never alone.

Okay let see, my personal opinion on this is that he is trying to make you jealous for some reason. Here are the possibilities.. 1) wants to get back with you 2) wants to get over you and needs you to help him do that 3) You read entirely too much into the IM thing and he was putting it up for himself and not really anyone else I think if he is still contacting you then the first is probably the case. Have you 2 sat down and had a real heart to heart conversation yet? Also one more question if you do not mind... what are your ages (makes a difference)

Yeah it helps, it is just destroying me, the swing side is that I think when she gets back she may move back to florida because she doesn't have the means to live here on her own. I just want to be able to talk about our issues. When I said I saw the things that I did, I didn't mean who I was I meant for instance I had been drinking more and for some reason when I drank I would get mad at myself or get angry with her and start to walk home. I know that I have some turmoil inside myself that I need to deal with, but I want her to know that I would like for her to help and that I do recognise that as a problem (which I didn't before she left).

Okay all, I am having some real trouble this week, My fiance and I had been together 4 years and engaged for 6 months, she is 21 I am 27. We have lived together for about 3 1/2 years. She all of a sudden told me she was leaving because she wanted to be independent and on her own, and for us to start over and go out on dates.... ect. None of our friends had any idea, nor her parents as her mom and dad called me to ask me what in the heck happened. She left on a monday and went cross country with her mom and grandfather to Grand canyon, yellowstone, ect. for 3 weeks. She called me that monday night to tell me she was doing that, then she called me that thursday, (I was drunk and couldn't talk very well). I called her on sunday (1 week) to talk a little to her, ask her what she wanted me to do with the rest of her stuff, bring it somewhere or what and she said no she would come pick it up. I told her that I would give her, her space and not call her that she could call me, It has now been a week and a half and I have not heard from her. I was fine but as the days go by and she has not called to even say hey, I am falling further and further. I sit here at work now shaking, I want so bad just to talk to her for a little bit, but I am trying to stick to my NC. I would really like to work things out, I do believe that she absolutly loves me, I just think she is "finding" herself and is depressed. She was never really good at comunicating, I always had to pull stuff out of her. You never realize the things you had until they are gone. Now I just can't do anything, I have lost almost 14lbs in 2 weeks, I am sleeping about 2-4hours a night, working 10-12 hour days just because I do not want to go home to an empty room. I guess the question is, do I call her? I am wondering if she is not waiting for me to call to see if I really do love her. We had, had some problems the last couple of months with arguing. Also part of our troubles were that she just didn't seem like she wanted to have sex, which is important to me in a relationship. I know now looking back on a lot of things that I gave her many reasons to want to go, and those are things I need to address myself, but I do not want to loose her, and I really need my best friend to talk to... Can anyone help?

Street, First of all I feel your pain. I am in a very similar situation. My fiance of 4 years (engaged 6 months) is 20 and I am 26. We had returned one sunday from a trip to get her license for cosmotology and all of a sudden she said she wanted to be independent and on her own and she was moving out the next day. Anyways thats a little background on my situation. It is very tough, and everything runs through your mind all at once. Do I try to keep things going, or do I move on..... constantly switching between the 2, as you have probably already gone through these stages before. I personally believe that you have to give every possible effort to keep things alive if you really do love the person, but at the same time you have to really look deeply at the whole time you have been together and analize if she really loves you, r is in love with you.. if you get what I mean. It is easy to love someone but to love someone unconditionally is the true question. Just really think things through, and I wish you the best of luck.

No I didn't take your post that way.... just emotion coming out. I am pouring my time into work right now, at least until I can have an answer on what she is planning. I have been pulling 13-14 hour days trying to get our network to where it should be. I just find myself at a point of completely starting over, women, job, living situation, friends everything all at one time... it is causing a shellshock within myself to where I almost don't even know who I am anymore. Anyways thanks for your advice, I am still not going to call her, if she wants to call me fine... but it will be short and to the point. Thanks Michael, Ben

I get a ride home from friends and the bartenders... ( would never drive) we have all been friends for almost 6 years and have friends that live nearby. The bar I go to is like a cheers, it is a little hole in the wall bar where people of all status's in life hang out. It is a really cool place and I do go there to eat and not drink, it is just I find myself hammered before I know it. I am going to ask the tenders to watch me closely. Also on another note, our relationship wasn't really based upon security I was just stating that side of it. We traveled together and went to movies, diner, concerts, camping, and all kinds of things. We never really spent much time apart, I would try and encourage her to go out with friends alone occasionally but then again most her friends were mine so it was a little hard. It just doesn't make sense other than she was not communicating with me when I was with her. In a way I hope she goes back to Florida, obviously a little easier for me. Most of my friends are at the age where the bar is about all there is to do (not really but seems that way) so it makes it hard to not go there otherwise I am not able to be around people who are my friends. Arggg.... it just frustrating because it seems like a neverending loop. Anyways, back to work. Thanks

Michael, Thanks for the advice. She says she knows she has 2 choices, to try and make it on her own here in charlotte or to move back to florida where her parents live. The other issue is one of feeling used. I helped her get her GED and find a career path, and the weekend of the split took her accross the state to take her certification in cosmotology and paid for that and the hotel. Then it seemed like the minute that that was done she was gone. She does not make enough money right now to live on her own, only about 600-800 a month. So part of me also says if she comes back it is only for the money as I have a very good job, although through the last 2 years I wasn't really working other than odd jobs here and there so I can't really say that money was the issue. Also with her only friends being our friends it would also make it tough to handle because obviously we are going to run into each other. I have been going out to my favorite bar and having fun and in a way I do feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I do not have to "take care" of her anymore. I am definatly going to give it time and not jump back into things even if that is what she wants but also I feel like there are some major trust issues that I may not ever be able to let go of. I am having trouble though where I go out with the intention of a couple of beers and maybe some foosball and end up getting completely drunk to the point of blanking out. It is like I cannot control myself and that scares me. Our friends keep saying that she is "young" and that things will work out even though they know that I am prepared to move on if that is what need be done. The things that are so weird is just no rhyme or reason to it. We were working towards our common goals and had been looking at wedding plans and she even had her dress. The scarry thought is that I almost bought a house with her and decided to get a apartment instead due to interest rate and clearing up my credit, as well as establishing hers. It just makes no sense to me, everyone was always saying how we were a perfect couple and made for each other. Her mom and dad even called me to ask me what happened and I had no answer for them. Anyways thanks for your advice, sometimes you need a totally outside opinion on things. Hope all goes well for you and you hang in there as well.

Okay, where to start. Last sunday night my fiance is acting weird, so I ask her what is wrong... nothing she replies, I know something was wrong though as she did not want to lay particularily close to me in bed, so I pushed a little for the answer and she says "I don't want to have this conversation right now". so then of course I know it is something so I pull it out of her and she says that she is leaving me in the morning. This comes as a total shock to me, there were no warning signs none of our friends knew anything and I can honestly say they really knew nothing. I found out after talking to Fran one of our friends (more hers than mine) that she had been lying to her with things about me such as me not wanting to hang out with Fran and her BF, and just other little things. She is 20 and I am 26 and we have been together for almost 4 years and living together for a little over 3 years. We had been living with my parents as I had lost my job after Sept 11th and we had no other choice. I recently started a new job and we had found a apartment and were supposed to move in that Friday. She had been telling our friends about how much she was ready to move into the apartment and get back out on our own again, we even went the weekend before and bought some new stuff that she wanted for the apartment such as new sheets for our bed, and then all of a sudden she is telling me that she needs to be independent and on her own. I have already gone through the pain/anger/denial stages and now am just lost. My best friend in the world has left and I find that I don't know what to do. I can't seem to watch TV or anything. Her mom had come up from florida to drop off a car as hers was totalled, and then her mom and her grandfather were going cross country (GrandCanyon, Rushmore, ect). She has taken a leave from work and gone with them to clear her mind. I have not called her but once and only to see if she wanted me to bring the rest of her stuff somewhere as it was bothering me to continue to look at some of it with her not here. She has called me twice since then (almost a week and a half ago) but to just say where she was and that she was okay. I find myself just looking for more of a reason or a trigger that made this occur. I know I will be okay and eventually move on, but I just keep wondering. I have done pretty good at not having the rebound fling as I have already been asked out twice in the last week, but I am starting to just want companionship or someone to hang out with, as all of our friends are married or have kids. Any advice would be great, thanks in advance. Sorry for rambling and jumping around