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Nap-Man

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  1. Nap-Man
    I have a good friend that used to do this all the time. My favorite time was when he hooked up with a friend of his roomates girlfriend. They were both compleatly poop-faced but managed to take their clothes off and she threw/left hers near his closet. Well he got up that night and peed all over the clothes on the floor of his closet, including hers, and then went back to bed. Needless to say that when she woke up that moring she was not happy. I think it was a great impression to make on a girl that you have only known for one night.
  2. Nap-Man
    i think in your case it might be best not to write the letter. if he left suddenly and did not contact you it might backfire. i know how guys are and if he left because he was feeling smothered or scared the letter will just confirm that he was right to do it. i don't think that many guys will look at the positive communication that would come from a letter from the girl they left, xsp with the way you describe him leaving. write it if you need to but really dont expect any results! this is eventually what drove me to writing a letter and cutting her off. i was doing the exact same things and it was holding me back from getting over her and approaching her rationally. i wrote the letter without caring if it got her back or not. i wrote it so that i could know that i did everything i could and it wasn't enough for her and she can't keep me around as a back up guy while she looks for someone better. if that is what you need to do so that you can go into no contact and not worry about slipping up and contacting him before you are ready then by all means do it. just dont expect it to get him back. i guess in my mind i figure that after many months pass the letter will not be an issue anymore. if it is then it is just one more reason that helps me get over my ex anyway. who wants someone that is angry at you for loving them??
  3. Nap-Man
    i think the difference between us is that i have no need for revenge on this ex. revenge for me has never been very satisfying, anyone in my life who i feel deserves revenge i just cut the hell out. thats just me though. i am curious to see where this takes you though. although i am not a revengeful person, i do like to hear stories of others using it. this is what i don't get though.......if i had just stopped answering the phone when my ex called of course she would have broken no contact within a few weeks. she called me everyday, it would have driven her crazy. i don't see that bringing her back to me for the longh run though. at least the way that i approached no contact this time she knows she can't be my friend or rekindle the relationship by using me as a back up plan. i mean i do have some self respect..... i don't want anymore head games and i thought that by just cutting her off without an explanation would lead to more games and even if reconciliation did occur it would not be for the right reasons..........
  4. Nap-Man
    hmmm....i can see what you are saying. in all actuality i probably came of as more sick of her games than needy. like i said i had to do it for me. unfortunately i know they way the world works and what you stated will most likely be the only reaction to my letter. since i did not expect a positive reaction i guess that is the price i pay. all i know is that if i had not said my last piece i would not have been able to stick to no contact like i have. did anyone else think that as they got older the games would stop?? man, they get old.
  5. Nap-Man
    I am just curious as to why RayKay suggested that you not tell someone you care about that you are hurting and that you need time away to heal? I wrote my ex a letter telling her that I loved her with all my heart but I was not ready to see her with another man so I need time and space to heal. This woman was my friend for many years before we dated and I could not have started NC without a proper explanation. Granted that I did it for me so that I could comfortably cut her out of my life for a while, so I didn't care what anyone said. However, I am still so confused as to why it is bad to tell them why you need no contact. I did what I had to do with no expectations of it getting her back. I would love to have her back but this was just what I needed to do (let me tell you being friends for a year after was not the right thing). Sorry to butt in this thread but I would like to hear some opinions, seemed kind of relavent........
  6. Nap-Man
    i may be way off here but from all the people i asked i came to the conclusion that sending a letter to a woman was different than sending one to a man. a few people told me that women appreciate the communication more and would look at the letter from a more positive perspective than a man would. so from my point of view we probably both did the right thing. i did what i had to do to feel good about going into nc and you did what is best for your situation. well, we will see what the future holds for all of us. i guess everything happens for a reason huh? i really hope that you find what makes you happy, whether it be your ex or a new man......... isn't this site frustrating? it always seems like there are a lot of genuinely good hearted people who were left behind by someone who didn't appreciate them. Nap
  7. Nap-Man
    yes! you and i feel the same way. only it took me a year to get to the anger period. just for the record since i originally made this post i wrote my ex a letter. told her i loved her, believed we could have had an amazing life together, i am not ready to see her with another man so i need some time and space to let her go. i know that most people don't like the letter idea but i feel so much better that i sent one and that is really all i care about right now. anyways, i feel so much better and my esteem is back to normal once i gained control of my life again. i might have ruined any chance at reconciliation since i sent a letter and cut her off, but its her loss. i did all i could. it still hurts, don't get me wrong, but at least it hurts a bit less then seeing the woman you love with someone else or feeling used. i found that people who dump me make me feel bad about myself when i hang around them. it is not intentional by the dumper it just seems to happen. any complement she gave me rang hollow since she obviously didn't think enough of me to warrant another chance. hmmm.....think i had to vent here........anyone else want to add to, make fun of or support my findings?
  8. Nap-Man
    yes, you are 100% correct. i wasn't entirely serious with my comment.
  9. Nap-Man
    venus, i was thinking the same thing............working on an email now to say i am sorry. i have never broken anyones trust like this before. everyone i have ever known has referred to me as one of the most trustworthy people they know. i can't believe how bad i feel for all of this. love sure does make you do stupid things.
  10. Nap-Man
    wow this sure did receive some replies. oh trust me i know it was wrong it was just so hard not to. the problem was that she checked her email on my computer and explorer has the auto fill option, so all i had to do was start typing in her name and it would let me in. i knew how pathetic and selfish it was but i just had to know what was going on. i would have stopped but unfortunately i found emails from my roomate to my ex. he was asking her to have sex with him and to go out with him but not to tell me. i know it was not any of my business but i wanted to keep tabs on him after that. i would prefer to know when i am being messed with and unfortunately that won out over respecting my ex. i would never alter her emails or delete anything from her mail. i did have enough self-respect to not do that.....but not enough control to not check it to see what my roomate was up to. i really never did it to manipulte her life. i wanted some answers and to keep tabs on people who were working behind my back. that is no excuse for what i did but it was a reason i had so little self control. everyone here is right, it was a low, disrespectful thing to do and if she knows she has every right to be pissed. i am glad she changed her password so there will not be any temptation ever again. its a tough lesson to learn here. i feel incredibly bad for breaking her trust and using her private emails like that but on the other hand i am glad to know the information i found out. oh well, i guess i just have to live and learn.......
  11. Nap-Man
    Ok, I know how bad this is to do but I did it anyway. I just wanted to keep tabs on her. I think she figured it out since she changed her password. I never did anything like this before in my life but with this girl I just wanted to know what she was doing. I am glad I know the things I know but I always felt gulity about breaking her trust. Has anyone else ever done this? Has anyone ever found out their ex is checking up on them in this way? What was the reaction? I was too weak to control my urges to check her email am I the only one who struggled with this?
  12. Nap-Man
    I think I will check out some of your posts. I always appreciate someone who is in a similar situation. I think you may be right about guys. I know that for me it is a lot harder to fall in love but when I do it is usually permanent and whole heartedly. This makes it that much harder to deal with break-ups. I know many women who are the same way but I think guys are very underrated when it comes to love and break-ups.
  13. Nap-Man
    Oh yeah, I know what you mean. Break glass in case of emergency, been there done that. That is why I refused to sleep with her unless we were back together. It seems strange how women have an "off" switch for feelings. Granted since she dumped me the feelings were probably gone way before she actually quit. I personally found that I could not just go from talking everyday, having sex and planning a future with someone to just talking everyday and not having any feelings. I just don't see how that is possible. Maybe that is the dumpee in me talking but it still amazes me.
  14. Nap-Man
    Oh I agree that getting some space from this woman was the best thing I have ever done. It really helps to get the self esteem back. I was just thinking retrospectively, wondering if I would have had a chance at reconciliation if I had not been such close friends with her after the break-up. I am thinking it does not matter what I did, the end result would have been the same. I would like to derive some sort of lesson from all of this though. After one month of pleading, begging, etc. I was calm and cool around her so it wasn't like I pushed her away. I also addressed all of my issues that I knew contributed to the break up. I am leaving this thinking that I did the right thing by staying her friend for this last year, working on my issues and being there for her in some tough times. I am not jaded by the expereience and god forbid it happens again I would probably do the same thing (depending on the break-up situation). I just wondered if anyone thinks that I might have hurt my chances by being so close to her or if the result was inevitable no matter what. I don't want to make the same mistake in the future!
  15. Nap-Man
    I made it one year in a friendship with my ex before I had to do NC to get over her. We were friends for almost 7 years before dating for 2.5. So I know how it feels to want to keep your best friend. I could handle all the ups and downs up until she started telling me to find other women and she started dating other guys. That was too much for me to see/hear and I had to cut it off for my sake. I guess my answer is that it is possible but make sure you are completely over them before you invest in a friendship. If you are not over them it can be almost as bad as the break-up if they hurt you again. -Nap
  16. Nap-Man
    Just a question.......Does anyone here think that being friends with an ex might hurt your chances of getting back together? This is assuming that the friendship is normal and the dumpee handles themselves well, without all of the begging and emotional outbursts. Is it really possible for the dumper to put someone in the just friends category after a long term relationship, i.e. >1 year? This is all irrelevant to me now since I wound up not being able to handle the friendship after a year and went into NC to heal myself. Just wondering now that all of that is over........maybe I screwed up my chances by being too close of friends for a whole year? Does it really matter what you do or do they come back because they want to? So as long as you don't do anything that will really drive them away, if they still care they will come back no matter what "method" you use? I know NC is only used to heal, which is what I am doing, but I just wanted opinions.
  17. Nap-Man
    Roy, You might be right about NC. I guess I should explain a bit more. I meant the NC should be complete NC at least in the beginning. From my point of view it is a bad idea to tell her you are going into NC and then less than a month later send her a birthday card. I agree if you want to keep your options open that you should maintain some minimal contact but I don't think that a month is enough time to heal. If it were me I would wait a few months before sending cards for whatever reason. At least that way if she decides to respond you will be in a better mind set to deal with it. Birthdays are tough though, I know how hard it is to not acknowledge someone you care about on their birthday. I guess I was just hung up on the timing factor and not the actual contact with ex.
  18. Nap-Man
    I am tired so I will be short....I sent a letter to my ex telling her that I love her but I can't be friends till I have time and space to heal. I did this after a year of the same bull#$%^ you went through. I felt I owed her some sort of explanation. It made me feel better about no contact and the piece of mind that explaining to her why I need to do it has been great for my mentality during NC. I would not send the card. I almost did the same thing for my ex's graduation in a week. I think it undermines everything you are trying to do.......Either be in NC or not, there is no middle ground. Just my experience and opinion. Nap
  19. Nap-Man
    man, i need to not play around on this site at work. i just laughed outloud at the previous comment. that last line is freakin classic.
  20. Nap-Man
    well i just went through this exact scenario. only i let it drag out for about a year. all i can say is listen to chai. i should have taken that advice a long time ago. i guess women that dump guys can switch to just friendly conversation without missing a beat. i know i couldn't handle it and in the long run trying to deal with it was a whole lot worse than just cutting her off.
  21. Nap-Man
    Thanks a lot everyone! I really appreciate the help!
  22. Nap-Man
    I did address it in the letter but was considering taking it out. Good save there! I hope to be able to see my ex with a new man in time. That is a big motivation to do NC now. I planned on calling my ex's sister and telling her what I am doing. I will also tell her that I still plan to be a friend to her and her husband and a part of her child's life. I hope we can work everything out! I will just have to arrange times to hang out with them when my ex isn't around.
  23. Nap-Man
    Good advice DN. I wasn't rehashing old arguments, just bringing up new issues. You are right, what's the point?? Side question but related…… I am very close with my ex's sister and husband. Her sister is about to have a baby in July and has stated that she wants me to be a part of her son's life. This is all after my ex and I broke up. She has stated that she thinks I should be the Godfather and continuously refers to me as Uncle. I know it is not completely serious but I absolutely love kids and and I really don't have any extended family so this kid and her sister mean a lot to me. I am fully capable of maintaining a relationship with her sister and new son without my ex. Does anyone else think that this is going to cause lots of problems in the future? If people think it is a bad idea to maintain friendships with my ex's sister and husband what do I tell them? This is a tough one on me because her sister has been like a big sister to me and I was so excited to be a part of their son's life. They have been so good to me since the break-up and she and her husband even had their own little plots to get my ex and I back together. I know that is cheesy but it really meant a lot to me. I really hate to cut such amazing people out of my life. What should I do if I go into NC with her sister (the ex)??
  24. Nap-Man
    Hmmm, I think I will clean it up and try to at least cut it in half if not more. I have a habit from grad school of making a point and backing it up with many examples I know what detox is saying but since I don't expect anything to come of this other than closure for myself I need to send a letter. My only goal here is to regain my sanity and not hurt her anymore than I need to. Any advice on the tone of the letter? I think I need to revise it and take out all the times I say that she did this or that. I think I need to just tell her this is how I feel, this is why I need to do it. I personally could not leave a friendship/relationship like I have had with this woman without a heartfelt letter.
  25. Nap-Man
    I know what you are saying detox. I am not writing the letter for her to get back with me. I just want this to end well because I value the friendship I had with her before we dated. For me, I need her to know I love her because that is the only way I can comfortably go into NC. I don't want to play games to get her back (already did that), I just want to end it and move on. I know it goes agianst most posters rules here but for my piece of mind I want her to know I love her but need to do this for me so I can get over her. In my head I need to have the feeling that I did all I could, its time to move on because there is no future for her and I. That way I can heal and hopefully at some point in the far future have a friendship with her
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