Azure13

Yeah, don't do the being intimate without a relationship thing. It won't help to bring him back. All its going to do is hurt you like you won't believe. I don't know if I can offer advice about your ex, physical violence is a big.. warning sign for most people, I had an ex way back I was 16-19 that would in the end sometimes threaten me or push me and whatnot.. and I know that I'd never trust him again at this point. It made me feel awful because I felt like he didn't care about my well being. I'm sure you probably didn't mean to do what you did but if you were that angry with him its probably not a good sign.. I don't know what to say. What was making you so angry that you did that? I guess just give him time to cool off.. but really think about why do you want to be with him again if he was making you that angry that you'd do such a thing? Being in a relationship filled with that much anger is no fun, take it from me whos been there before (worst 3 years and 3 months of my life).

Thanks so much for your reply, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Thats not right about your ex g/f if you're truly commited to someone then you shouldn't start to have feelings for somebody else... I haven't been with my ex for very long.. but I guess I grew attached because we were very good friends for months before hand, and for me it is hard for me to make such a good friend that I have such a nice bond with and can laugh with.. so it was really hard. Its weird that at first I only cared for him as a friend, then as time went on, I started feeling more, and I got used to being treated like a princess and made to laugh everyday. I dunno I guess I thought that when we went out, things would stay that way except obviously we'd be physical and whatnot.. things were like that for like a month and a half into the relationship.. then he started not talking to me very much, suddenly it was like he was a different guy.. just avoiding me and I didn't understand why really.. I know he can't handle relationships he has only had one g/f before me (5 yrs ago and only 3 month long rship).. but still it does hurt you expect someone to treat you the same as when you were friends, I guess. I dunno we were togehter about 3 and a half months before he broke up with me... I don't know I honestly don't think hes completley lost feeling for me or else I don't see why he'd still give some glimmer of hope for us to get back together someday.. he isn't seeing anyone else or anything (as far as I know). But he says he doesn't have feelings for me right now and that right now he doesn't want this to work (always the "right now" I'm not sure if I should like that, or dislike that..) and just wants to be friends. We have been distant ever since the end of march.. we are in all the same classes together at school but suddenly he stopped hanging out with me after we broke up.. and stopped talking.. sometimes not even a hi or bye all day.. however he would sometimes look at me randomly or when I was talking to someone else even if he didn't talk to me all day. I know its that hes not mature enough for relationships and can't handle a relationship.. but it doesn't make it any easier on me. Anyway, yeah.. thats my story..

My boyfriend broke up with me around the end of March (I have posted about this before) basically because he said he didn't feel anything for me anymore.. that this wasn't meant to be, stuff like that. Basically I was getting mad at him cuz he just stopped talking to me like he did when we were friends around maybe a month and a half into the relationship. Anyway when we broke up, he wanted to be friends, and I am sure he meant it. We were friends for months before we went out, and we will have to see each other at school for two more years. But the reality of the situation is that he still avoids me.. he has said he needs "space" and "time" but to be honest I don't get how much space someone can really need considering I don't think I was smothering him to begin with. I don't know its just he.. hes not there, hes not a friend anymore it feels like, and its really hurting me. I never met anyone like him, and I really loved him, I loved him because he was like a good friend to me and he treated me better than I ever had been treated in a relationship before, and that felt good. He said that we could talk this over again once the summer is over, and school starts again (the relationship stuff). I asked him how do you know if something is meant to be or not (I don't believe in soulmates or fate) and he responded that if we get back together, then we'll know its meant to be. But I miss his friendship, I miss him period. He hasn't been on aim at all, I'm pretty sure hes made a new name just to avoid me; which I don't get why because I was never mean or anything to him so I don't see why hes avoiding me so much when he used to like me so much earlier on the relationship and when we were friends. It hurts I miss talking to him.. but I haven't spoken to him since the last day of the semester May 20th.. and I am sticking by it.. I saw him online maybe once since then and he immediately signed off as soon as I signed on. I have been doing no contact yet feeling bad b/c I really miss him in many ways.. and if he really wanted to be friends why is he so avoident of me.. he has said its hard for him to talk a girl hes done intimate things with bc I was the first one hes done things like that with but I think there's a limit to everything and if he really wanted to be my friend or get back with me eventually, he'd talk to me. I'm just feeling bad about this. We used to be such good friends. I miss him as a boyfriend, and a friend. But I won't contact him.. even though I wonder if thats the right thing to do. We've already drifted far enough apart in these past few months. Maybe by next semester, we'll be like strangers. Anyway he has said that if this works out again then its "meant to be" .. I don't know he has said that maybe we'll get back together or something.. its not definite.. he basically just got scared of the relationship I think because I was his first semi-serious girlfriend.. so now we have no friendship and no relationship, and it really hurts me. For once I tried doing thngs as best as I could and the relationship still fell apart; and the one thing I worried about when he asked me out originally was that it would ruin our friendship. So I'm just down about this.

Umm yes shes playing you, look at the type of person she is; shes cheating on your friend. If you care about your friend at all, you'd stop.. the girl isn't going to be good to you anyway from what it sounds like how she acts. Then you'll be left with nothing; not your friend or the girl.

I completely feel your pain! I am sortof going through the same thing. I don't know what the heck they are thinking when they say they want to be friends but act like you carry some kind of bubonic plague when you're around them.. thats not how friends treat each other! I don't know, being friends is more painful if your the dumpee and for some reason who the heck knows, the dumper seems to think they can get off treating you bad even if you are "friends." I don't get it. Anyway as for advice i just think keep up with the no contact and be strong.. trust me take it from me whose tried, being friends with a freshly made ex hurts more than anything.. don't give them the satisfaction.. it'll only hurt you more, do no contact.. from what you've written it sounds like she'll come back eventually.. but after how she's treated you/shown you of who she is as a person I hafta wonder if thats really a good thing or not Good luck with everything.

Thats not entirely true, murrayfaces, sometimes the only way you can get someone back is by doing no contact. As in the case with my ex.. we were together for years.. then we broke up, he was so used to me trying to get back with him to make things work and being so desperate for the relationship I suppose, but this time I didn't try to get back with him.. I didn't talk to him for about a month and a half.. then guess who came crawling back after a month and a half of no contact.. my ex.. ironically by then I realized I didn't want him anymore... When someone wants space, pouring your heart out and telling them how you feel even though it seems logical and the best thing to do, won't work. Its strange I know and it doesn't seem to make sense.. but sometimes the only way to get someone back is to just let that person go. That is if you've already told that person how you've felt.. and still got no where then just stop, give them space, if they love you they will miss you and come back. Maybe they need time to think without being bombarded by you trying to get back with them/talk to them. Thats your only chance if you've already shown/told them how you've felt.. saying it over and over won't get them to change their mind and will only make them lose respect for you.. I've made that mistake in the past. Good luck.

I just had to say that the same exact thing has happened to me with my ex boyfriend.. only worse b/c we're in all the same classes together b/c we're in a small major at our college o.O. I feel your pain, its tough.. and confusing for me I can't even figure out how to act around him, b/c I still want to be more than a friend to him. I don't know what to say. But I think I agree you should just do no contact with her use this time to heal, thats the same thing that I'm doing. Whatever happ[ens after that, at least you'll have this time to heal to prepare with whatever happens when you'll see her again.

Thanks so much for your advice, muneca. Your right- it is a classic case here.. one I thought I'd learned my lesson from with my previous boyfriend but apparently not. Thanks so much.. your right about everything you said.. I'll just have a good summer, and see where he is in 3 months..

To me it sounds like thats a sign he still cares in some way. I don't know.. its hard to say, it could make him feel that he wants to get back with you, or it could have hurt him. I don't know the guy.. but in my experience, when men get jealous (provided he doesn't have someone new..) .. they tend to want you more. I would take it as a sign.. I'm not sure of course but just play it cool and let him come back to you.. I would keep going on with the no contact. I could be wrong, but to me it seems like a sign that he still wants you... and also even me as a woman.. I'd be hurt if one of my friends hooked up or started going out with an ex of mine.. its just a trust thing. Play it cool

This wasn't even a matter of his work schedule.. he just didn't bother to call when he said he would sometimes, didn't want to spend any more time with me than he had to (in the end). He always HAD to go home from college every weekend and didn't even want to meet my family, or me his (b/c if this relationship didn't work out, he didn't want my family to hate him eyes: we only spent extra time together after class on tuesday.. I only asked that he call me fridays and sometimes even then he'd forget or something. But then again maybe this was bc we were in all of our classes together bc of our major.. and saw each other nearly everyday.........

Yeah.. I know.. I personally do not believe in his philosophy at all. It isn't realistic.. plus he said that we weren't compatible b/c he stopped talking to me as much into the relationship.. which isn't true at all.. we always talked for hours on end as friends and in the beginning of the relationship. Its irritating though.. I really liked so many things about him. I don't think I made matters any better b/c I kept getting annoyed and bringing up the fact that he wasn't talking to me that much anymore while we were still going out.. Sometimes I think I didn't give him a chance to talk to me like he used to, b/c I was too busy continuously bringing up that he didn't talk to me very much anymore.. Pushing someone who is scared of a relationship I guess well only make them back off even more. oh well I guess only time will tell if he'll want me back or just is going to forget about me.... at least I have 3 months to try and heal before I'll see him again.. who knows if we'll even talk all summer.. I don't plan on contacting him..

Yes raider5, the maybe was very easily said. Its one of the first things he said when we broke up. He did say about a week after we broke up that he still cared about me just that it was "weaker" now and that he was "confused." But that was a while ago. We go to school together.. so I see him everyday.. and since then he's grown a lot more distant.. and doesn't seem to want me around.. this was almost 2 months ago..

But why would he still say that this could possibly work out later on.. that was what he originally said when we broke up.. that we would be friends again, then if it works out (b/c his whole reason for breaking up was that suddenly since we started going out, he couldn't talk to me the same way he did as when we were friends and in the beginning of the relationship) we would go out again. His whole theory is the "meant to be" thing. We started having problems I guess a month into the relationship because he stopped talking to me as much.. and so I would get annoyed that he wouldn't pay attention, want to spend time, or talk even half as much as he did when we were friends/beginning of the relationship, etc etc... he doesn't believe in fixing relatiosnhips, he believes that if something goes wrong then its not meant to be. I guess that sucks for me, huh? We didn't have big problems (the only problem was the fact that he suddenly stopped talking and was getting distant..) and our relationship was incredibly nice before the not talking began. Hes not used to relationships.. he only had one g/f before me, and they only lasted 3 months (not to mentipon this was 5 years ago?)... and he only lasted a little over 3 months with me. He says he needs space right now... thats what this whole summer thing is for... I figure he lost feelings for me bc he stopped talking to me like I said (we liked each other so much before bc we always talked and laughed all day long..) maybe once he feels he has his space, he'll start talking again and realize he still does have feelings. I don't know. He said he stopped talking in the relationship b/c I scared him by saying something like I hoped we'd be together forever (which ironically I didn't even say, he must have misheard me..) so I think he got scared off for whatever reason. He also said he felt he needed space and that was why he wasnt talking as much. I don't know. I don't really believe he doesn't care at all anymore, I just don't know what to do other than.. give him his space.. 3 months should be plenty of space.... oh and he said the reason why he says he doesn't love me anymore is b/c he realized he "can't" love me in that way.. I guess bc he wasn't treating me right by not talking. Weird. Its like we had this amazing thing going.. then he just.. made a problem out of nowhere lol. We had no problems.. there was trust, love, respect, friendship, laughter.. it was the best..

I have posted about this before.. but to update: My ex broke up w/ me around 2 months ago.. since then, all methods of trying to get him back (begging, talking, even one time when we sortof fooled around/kissed after we broke up..) failed miserably.. although he still wants to be friends he says that he does not have feelings for me anymore. Anyway, he agreed to talk to me about all this relationship stuff again, and see how he feels/things are the coming semester after the summer vacation ends (my idea).. he says that right now he doesn' t want this relationship or have feelings for me.. that he doesn't know if we'll get back together or not. Its weird.. hes being very indifferent about this.. its not like he is 100 percent adament that we'll never get back but that he doesn't seem to really be giving it much of his concern right now either way. I don't know. I just don't know if he really feels that its worth speaking about this again once the semester begins or if hes just saying it to humor me. Plus this is going to be hard not talking to him throughout the summer like this.. I just wonder if all this space and time away is going to make him miss me, or only forget.. he seems to be going down the path of forgetting right now.. I am doing my best to have as good of a summer as I can, but I still miss the guy.. and I just wonder if this situation seems like it has any hope at all.. do they really come around with space, or only forget? He says he doesn't love me anymore, but that maybe someday if its meant to be this will work out again. I don't know... is this hopeless? I just don't know. We used to have such a great friendship, and when we first started going out, such a nice relationship... he said I was amazing this that and the other thing.. but if I am all those thing to him.. then why is it so easy for him to act like I'm not there and not even care... he didn't even want to spend time together the last day of school we had together before he left to go home.. and I think he was even going to leave without even saying goodbye. Our "friendship" since the breakup is more of a title than an actual friendship.. he just doesnt talk to me anymroe or seem to care. Hes running away from me......... is this hopeless? Will this summer distance mean anything or only help us continue down the road we're going, staying apart forever?

I would do no contact but the thing is he is in all of my classes with me in my major, I don't want to seem rude at the same time by not saying hi or bye to him but at the same time he doesn't seem to be going out of his way to acknowledge or care to talk to me..

Its just that I don't think me talking to him is doing any good, it seems like it is just pushing him further away. We will stay in contact inevitably, b/c we go to the same school and are in the next major for the next two years.. he could easily talk to me if he wanted to. But I am just wondering what to do really.. we have the summer coming up so I am hoping that with that time period away will give him some space and time to sort out his thoughts or feelings, I guess...... then again, I don't know anymore b/c I don't know if I've been pushing too hard to get back that I've ruined any chances for him to let it happen with his own time naturally.

Ok so I guess I want some advice... I started going out with an amazing guy, we were really good friends; talked joked around, etc. etc. But after the first month or so of the relationship, he just stopped talking to me as much, a whole lot, actually. Anyway when I approached him on this he'd just say he didn't know what to talk about w/ me, anymore, hes not used to having a girlfriend, etc. etc. He broke up with me close to two months ago. But I really cared for him and want him back.. he insists that we're not meant to be.. that he doesn't love me as more than a friend anymore b/c hes realized he "cant" love me as more than a friend.. that we're not "compatible" even though we certainly were compatible a few months ago.. we always talked so much before all of this. I have tried getting him back but it doesn't work. Everyone seems to think he is too immature to know how to deal with a relationship, and that is what went wrong. Is there anything I can do to get him back? If I completely stop talking to him will it make him wonder, and possibly want me back? I have been trying to get him back since we've broken up, but I think I've been pushing way too much b/c I just care about him so much and just want to be with him again.. he says maybe one day "if it works out" we'll get back together.. but refuses all my efforts to get back together with him. We are supposedl;y friends right now but he still doesn't talk to me. He says it is b/c he needs space before we can be friends again. But I still want him back as my boyfriend. Any tips on what I can do to win him back?