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Thread: Long distance and intimacy

  1. #1
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    Long distance and intimacy

    Ever since the lockdowns dude to the pandemic, I havenít been able to meet my boyfriend. But we used to be quite excited and intimate
    He used to ask for n*des , we used to indulge in virtual s*x and it was all fine. Until he started demanding for it on every video call we ever made... He realised that this was making me uncomfortable so , we stopped video calling...
    itís been around 3 months to the lockdown now (background: he needs to be attempting an exam(backlog) but suddenly the government announced new parameters according to which he wasnít eligible, itís different that the news was temporary. But it started taking a HUGE toll on him and he is extremely stressed)
    I offered to send nudes and he rejected the offer.... this IS VERY NEW and Iím shattered because he has been watching porn quite regularly (3 times a day)
    I tried speaking to him about it and he went like ďI donít feel like...Ē ďthe feeling should arise naturallyĒ

    Two days after that he asked me to send nudes & I thought it was a good thing
    But he refused to ďdo the deedĒ and said ďoh Iím kinda done for the day!Ē (He has NEVER refused before)

    A couple of weeks earlier when I asked him if we could video call , he gave me a vague reason...

    So, I want to know if all these are signs to something toxic in the relationship or am I overreacting? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Monitoring his porn and masturbating activity doesn't sound like intimacy. Lay back and stop hyper-focusing on cybersex. Don't you have anything else in common to videochat about? You're not a porn star or sex worker, so try to build a relationship.
    Originally Posted by Vzhx
    Iím shattered because he has been watching porn quite regularly (3 times a day)

    Two days after that he asked me to send nudes & I thought it was a good thing
    But he refused to ďdo the deedĒ and said ďoh Iím kinda done for the day!Ē

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    And after sending the n*des, he masturbated over porn ,( 4 times that day) , the next day (5 times)

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    Thatís the point, Iíve always wanted to talk about other things.... and then he goes like ďIím hard now....Ē and demands , the last time I rejected the demand was the last time he wanted to video call me.... now we talk on normal call everyday....

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Monitoring his porn and masturbating activity doesn't sound like intimacy. Lay back and stop hyper-focusing on cybersex. Don't you have anything else in common to videochat about? You're not a porn star or sex worker, so try to build a relationship.
    Thatís the point, Iíve always wanted to talk about other things.... and then he goes like ďIím hard now....Ē and demands , the last time I rejected the demand was the last time he wanted to video call me.... now we talk on normal call everyday....
    also, thank you for replying 🙈
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  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how long you've been together?

    Sex is a lovely thing, don't get me wrong, but the way you're writing about it? It seems to be the only thing here, in terms of feeling connected, in terms of the substance of your relationship. Could it be that what you're really concerned about isn't all the sex stuff, but the lack of other stuff, a lack that has been exposed through distance?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This seems very transactional. I'm sorry about all this. That second-guessing of yourself, the coin in and snack out type of reactions seem to devalue you and your relationship with this person. Slow down on the photos and try and ask yourself whether this is as fulfilling as it gets.

    I am actually hurting with you when I read your words. I think you deserve a lot better than what this situation offers.

  9. #8
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    If your boyfriend stops video-calling when cam-sex isn't on offer every single time - you need a new boyfriend.

    Sorry, girl. This guy seems interested in you for one reason only, and even that's not holding his attention anymore. You need to ask yourself what you're still doing in this relationship.

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    He is a nice guy & considerate of me, trustworthy and says he loves me... he does try to calm me down and stuff
    But it just feels like the intimacy is kind of lost
    And this watching porn and rejecting video calls and stuff makes me feel like Iím not pleasing him enough.... that Iím not good enough

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Monitoring his porn and masturbating activity doesn't sound like intimacy. Lay back and stop hyper-focusing on cybersex. Don't you have anything else in common to videochat about? You're not a porn star or sex worker, so try to build a relationship.
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Can I ask how long you've been together?

    Sex is a lovely thing, don't get me wrong, but the way you're writing about it? It seems to be the only thing here, in terms of feeling connected, in terms of the substance of your relationship. Could it be that what you're really concerned about isn't all the sex stuff, but the lack of other stuff, a lack that has been exposed through distance?
    He is a nice guy & considerate of me, trustworthy and says he loves me... he does try to calm me down and stuff
    But it just feels like the intimacy is kind of lost
    And this watching porn and rejecting video calls and stuff makes me feel like Iím not pleasing him enough.... that Iím not good enough

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